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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely livid with ML- what would you do ?

394 replies

fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:32

So I'm staying with in laws for a couple of weeks.

I did some washing and accidentally put a wool jumper in with the general load at 40. It shrunk. I left it on the side in the laundry room to dry and then assess the damage.

Today mother in law comes up to me, holding just the jumper and goes:

' what happened here ?you must have washed this wrong. You need to wash it on a wool setting '

I reply :

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

She says again : ' yeah but you can't wash it at 30, you can only wash it on a wool setting '. I again replied that I know that but I didn't see it and oh well.

To which she goes: ' well this is a hundred pound jumper '. It's her sons jumper, not hers...

So I just went, well what do you want me to do ?

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before. Even so, am I right that I don't deserve to be scolded by her over this ? It's my money and my stuff. So what if I occasionally make a mistake.

I'm so angry, I can't look at her.

OP posts:
Waternoice · 28/10/2021 13:26

Well, I hope you can wear the shrunk item and it doesn't got to waste. Not many people can afford to lose £100 especially with a baby on the way.
You should have been more careful, your husband should do his own washing and your MIL should keep quiet in her own home.

2Two · 28/10/2021 13:27

@ItsAllMumboJumbo

Your 'oh well' would piss me off. You were careless and then dismissive about the cost. £100 for a jumper is a lot,
I don't know what else OP could sensibly say. Was she supposed to cover herself with sackcloth and ashes for her MIL's benefit?
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 28/10/2021 13:27

@BeyondMyWits

A £100 jumper is a big deal to some of us. To have done it twice... and respond with an "oh well" at that level of careless behaviour would make me cross if I was your mil too. What a waste.
But it wasn't her jumper. I will be as careless with my belongings as I wish, seeing as I work to be able to afford them. If I ruined my husbands jumper, I would say sorry. If my MIL scolded me for it, I wouldn't have been as kind as OP.
KilmordenCastle · 28/10/2021 13:28

@ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife

If it was, word for word, as you have posted then I think you were very rude indeed.

‘I’m so sorry, I’ve done something really stupid’ followed by an offer to buy a replacement would be the more appropriate response.

It's not MIL's jumper. OP should apologise and offer to replace to her husband but not to MIL. It has fuck all to do with MIL!
BungleandGeorge · 28/10/2021 13:29

Have people misread and think it’s the MIL jumper?
The only thing I find potentially annoying for the MIL is that you appear to have left the jumper lying around on her work surface for what sounds like at least one night. You should have put it away/ thrown it away or whatever. It’s not like it was miraculously going to get bigger as it sat there

lanthanum · 28/10/2021 13:30

Mistakes happen.

I managed to shrink the beautiful baby blanket my mil knitted for my daughter. Every time she visited for the next few months, we were worried she might ask where it was - fortunately she didn't!

@ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife I think it is fussytodd's husband's jumper, so it's between fussytodd and her husband whether it needs to be replaced, nothing to do with mil.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 28/10/2021 13:30

@BungleandGeorge

Have people misread and think it’s the MIL jumper? The only thing I find potentially annoying for the MIL is that you appear to have left the jumper lying around on her work surface for what sounds like at least one night. You should have put it away/ thrown it away or whatever. It’s not like it was miraculously going to get bigger as it sat there
No, but it's to dry flat. Where was she meant to put it? She was hoping it could be saved somehow.
hotmeatymilk · 28/10/2021 13:31

Have people misread and think it’s the MIL jumper?
I reckon 49% misreading, 49% MN in a workyticket mood, 2% just really love jumpers.

mountbattenbergcake · 28/10/2021 13:31

@Nocutenamesleft

You shrunk a £100 jumper. You didn’t at any point apologise or even tell anyone what you did

Then you’re so angry you can’t even look at the person who said. Hang on a min, This jumper has shrunk. What did you do?!

Ummmm

Why would OP apologise to MIL for shrinking a jumper she bought for her own husband?
Viviennemary · 28/10/2021 13:31

You were careless and unapologetic for your mistake. That must be extremely irritating for the people around you. Unless it was your own garment you wrecked it needs to be replaced by you.

ChargingBuck · 28/10/2021 13:32

If my partner ruined something of mine like that I would be fuming. And if he brushed it off like that I would potentially be rethinking the relationship, on the assumption this probably wasn’t the first time.

FFS @HeartsAndClubs this is high maintenance stakes!
You think an accident with a £100 jumper is worth breaking up a marriage for?

If your partner wrecked a jumper, but beat his breast & wept with shame, covered his head with ashes & took a holy vow of repentance would you find that more forgivable?

Even though it no more brings the jumper back than saying "oh well"?

neonjumper · 28/10/2021 13:32

@fussytodd

It was also extra embarrassing as my sis in law was there. I hate it when she scolds me in front of her other kids.
You need to respond to her as an adult. You are allowing yourself to feel like a child in her presence.

I would personally go back to her and in your adult mode say to her that you do not appreciate being spoken to as a child especially in front of others and do not want this to happen again.

Stop skulking around like a hard done by teenager, find your voice and use it. Be prepared to feel uncomfortable as you have taken on the role she has bestowed upon you and you are going against it.

Keep it short,polite and do not engage in any further discussion on this. She will attempt to put you back in that silly little girl mode she has created for you .

mountbattenbergcake · 28/10/2021 13:32

@hotmeatymilk

Have people misread and think it’s the MIL jumper? I reckon 49% misreading, 49% MN in a workyticket mood, 2% just really love jumpers.
Well, the OP wasn’t very clear. But better to clarify with OP, as I did.
BestZebbie · 28/10/2021 13:33

Surely the best reply us "omg you are right MIL, I can't be trusted to wash DH's clothes as I just ruin them, he'll need to do all his own washing from now on. I'll be sure to tell him it was your idea!"

2Two · 28/10/2021 13:34

@giggly

Is this all you have to worry about
Obviously not, if you actually take the trouble to read OP's posts.

AIBU these days should really be entitled "Can't be bothered to read posts but want any chance to be nasty to innocent strangers? Come and show yourself up here".

itsallgoingpearshaped · 28/10/2021 13:34

@ItsAllMumboJumbo

Your 'oh well' would piss me off. You were careless and then dismissive about the cost. £100 for a jumper is a lot,
But it's nothing to do with her! Nothing!

She was just being a bitch by the sounds of it... because she could. There was not reason to march up the stairs, jumper in hand, to repeatedly berate OP for washing a jumper incorrectly when it has nothing whatsoever to do with her.

bluebeck · 28/10/2021 13:34

I think you are over reacting, but I don't really understand why you are there if you feel shit and you know she pisses you off Confused

KilmordenCastle · 28/10/2021 13:34

@Viviennemary

You were careless and unapologetic for your mistake. That must be extremely irritating for the people around you. Unless it was your own garment you wrecked it needs to be replaced by you.
How do you know she was unapologetic? She had nothing whatsoever to apologise to her MIL for.
Lollipop444 · 28/10/2021 13:35

@TheTeenageYears

"I'm already beating myself up over how silly and wasteful it is but it was an accident and I don't need anyone else's input to make me feel bad - I can do that all on my own"
I would have replied this ^

Or “well perhaps your son would be better doing his own washing in future”

Shodan · 28/10/2021 13:35

‘I’m so sorry, I’ve done something really stupid’ followed by an offer to buy a replacement would be the more appropriate response

Indeed.

To the person whose jumper it is. Even if they should have washed their own jumper themselves.

Not his bloody Mum, who shouldn't've been telling her DIL off in the first place.

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before.

It can be embarrassing to have one's mistakes brought up as a joke, especially in front of potentially judgemental people. Perhaps that's why OP is irritated, in addition to being scolded like a naughty child.

problembottom · 28/10/2021 13:35

I think you're getting a hard time. It's a jumper! I remember when I shrunk one of DP's jumpers, it looked fit for a tiny doll when it came out of the machine, it was very funny. He was a bit gutted, I said sorry and we moved on with our lives about ten seconds later. I wouldn't have appreciated MIL sticking her beak in unless it was to sympathise.

TheAverageUser · 28/10/2021 13:35

Yes this would be drive me crazy. My MIL would do this too and it's just not her place, not her house and not her jumper.

TheBlackHeart · 28/10/2021 13:35

I'm so angry, I can't look at her

What an overreaction!

NewlyGranny · 28/10/2021 13:36

She brought it upstairs to confront you with it?!

Nah. I'm afraid I'd've said one of the following, in ascending order of rudeness:

I'm fully aware, thanks. It was a mistake which I noticed straight away.

Unless you have a time machine, there's nothing to be done about it.

Your degree is clearly from UBO! (University of the Bleedin' Obvious, if she's daft enough to ask!)

And if it's raised again later, you could say:

"You followed me to our bedroom and scolded me like a child about this already, MiL. Unless you have something new to add, I'll be forced to assume you just want to scold me some more but with an audience this time: hands up everyone who wants to be part of that audience?"

That should put s stop to it.

TheBlackHeart · 28/10/2021 13:36

@TheAverageUser

Yes this would be drive me crazy. My MIL would do this too and it's just not her place, not her house and not her jumper.
Well it is her house in this situation lol
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