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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely livid with ML- what would you do ?

394 replies

fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:32

So I'm staying with in laws for a couple of weeks.

I did some washing and accidentally put a wool jumper in with the general load at 40. It shrunk. I left it on the side in the laundry room to dry and then assess the damage.

Today mother in law comes up to me, holding just the jumper and goes:

' what happened here ?you must have washed this wrong. You need to wash it on a wool setting '

I reply :

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

She says again : ' yeah but you can't wash it at 30, you can only wash it on a wool setting '. I again replied that I know that but I didn't see it and oh well.

To which she goes: ' well this is a hundred pound jumper '. It's her sons jumper, not hers...

So I just went, well what do you want me to do ?

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before. Even so, am I right that I don't deserve to be scolded by her over this ? It's my money and my stuff. So what if I occasionally make a mistake.

I'm so angry, I can't look at her.

OP posts:
Blueeyedgirl21 · 28/10/2021 12:46

I think it’s the OP’s husband, MIL’s sons - jumper. Which OP Bought and paid for.

TheTeenageYears · 28/10/2021 12:46

"I'm already beating myself up over how silly and wasteful it is but it was an accident and I don't need anyone else's input to make me feel bad - I can do that all on my own"

mountbattenbergcake · 28/10/2021 12:47

Ok well in that case she is BU.

How often do you see her? I just smile and nod when my MIL is like this as she only stays once a year and it’s just not worth fighting about it.

donquixotedelamancha · 28/10/2021 12:47

My mum is increasingly like this as she gets older, it's irritating. If it's happened before to the extent that it's a running joke, presumably she thought you didn't understand.

However frustrating it is being so angry you can't look at her sounds very odd. Putting you for two weeks seems, to me, to vastly outweigh one slightly rude conversation.

mamaoffourdc · 28/10/2021 12:47

Calm down and go home

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 28/10/2021 12:48

This isn't the first time you've shrunk a jumper, she's heard about another time. Maybe she genuinely believed you don't know it's meant to go in a different wash.

Original poster
fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:48

@HailAdrian

Don't understand why you're telling MN this and not her.
Just wanted to get some perspective on it. I'm not in a good way and we don't have the best relationship. I'm pregnant and very unwell, even doing the washing was a big deal as I'm exhausted from HG.

But I am just going to brush it off, after seeing so many comments saying I am overreacting.

OP posts:
3scape · 28/10/2021 12:48

My ex mother in law would frequently behave as though scolding and criticising me was somehow ok. As though I was a child. It was completely unacceptable. She also gave unsolicited advice about making myself attractive for the sake of my relationship and ensuring her son was happy. I stopped visiting her. Her overbearing habit of talking down to me rather than accepting I was an adult.

The scenario you describe an adult wouldn't have anything to say other than perhaps sharing your "whoops" thought. But as noting can be done and you realised your mistake her banging on about it just shows her to be an over invested nasty cow.

giggly · 28/10/2021 12:50

Is this all you have to worry about

Blueeyedgirl21 · 28/10/2021 12:50

If you’re pregnant and struggling with HG she’s totally out of order

I’d say you’re too ill to be there and go home, with or without your DP

sillysmiles · 28/10/2021 12:50

@ItsAllMumboJumbo

Your 'oh well' would piss me off. You were careless and then dismissive about the cost. £100 for a jumper is a lot,
But it's not the MIL's jumper so "oh well!"
Sickoffamilydrama · 28/10/2021 12:51

I kind of know what you mean OP my DH has to ascertain who is criminally responsible if something gets broken. After many years I think I've managed to get him to stop. It's frustrating enough when you do something without someone then making it into a drama.

My DMiL does the same if she comes round and something has been broken which isn't often she asks and asks DH until she has all the details to ascertain who is criminally responsible as well.

I do rather angrily want to scream it's a mug the handle snapped or it got knocked it's a fucking accident not a murder! But that's probably not the most function response.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 28/10/2021 12:51

@giggly seeing as OP is pregnant and struggling massively probably not, but ever heard of the term ‘straw that broke the camels back’?

AssassinatedBeauty · 28/10/2021 12:51

Ok, well that's a huge backstory to leave out! In that case I can see why you are finding it hard to shrug things like that off. Are you staying with them because you are ill, for extra support? Or are you just visiting?

Lobelia123 · 28/10/2021 12:52

I understand why youre so upset. She sounds like petty, nitpicking ,interfering, overbearing and over-involved. What does she care about the garment if it wasnt even hers? And why make such a meal out of it when its none of her business and not even that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. My sympathies xxx

AmDillDandin · 28/10/2021 12:52

@giggly

Is this all you have to worry about
Well no, the OP has just said it isn't all she has to worry about.

OP I think you're over reacting a bit, but I wouldn't take kindly to being scolded like a child either.

Glitterblue · 28/10/2021 12:52

Being so angry you can't even look at her is a massive overreaction. I'd find it mildly irritating at worst.

Having said that, pregnancy hormones can make things seem a much bigger deal than they normally would. When I was pregnant, I used to get so angry with my in-laws turning up unannounced at our house at 9am on a Saturday morning when we were having a long lie and I was exhausted from working all week along with morning sickness etc. Now, I'd just be irritated by that.

Original poster
fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:52

I still think it's best if I don't pick a fight and just put it behind me. I don't have the energy. But I found it nasty.

OP posts:
wigglerose · 28/10/2021 12:53

Yeah my MIL can say one thing and trigger an argument. She knows all of her children's buttons.

@cranncat It's like taking a situation in your stride is a personal affront so they keep going on until you have what they deem the appropriate emotional reaction. I think it's a form of anxiety and being locked in a downward emotional.

Original poster
fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:53

It was also extra embarrassing as my sis in law was there. I hate it when she scolds me in front of her other kids.

OP posts:
samwitwicky · 28/10/2021 12:54

Why are you staying there?

marilynmason · 28/10/2021 12:54

It sounds mildly irritating to be repeatedly told what you clearly already knew, but is there a massive back story here that you don’t get on because I don’t think it’s anything to be so angry about

this, I thought by the thread she had seriously endangered your child's life or didn't ask you to a family event or something. Storm in a tea cup. x

Ciaram55 · 28/10/2021 12:55

Make allowances for her Op. Shes probably regretting what she said. We all say stuff in the heat of the moment. It's too trivial to get worked up about tbh.

KeyLimePies · 28/10/2021 12:55

@WhenISnappedAndFarted

This isn't the first time you've shrunk a jumper, she's heard about another time. Maybe she genuinely believed you don't know it's meant to go in a different wash.
I agree with this. Maybe she is annoyed with your apparent disregard for the value of things?

I shrank a lovely handknitted mohair jumper when I was 18 - I was so upset that I've never shrank a woollen item since (I'm 55). I loved that jumper and the thought that went into it by my then BF's mum who had knitted it for me. Lesson learnt.

wigglerose · 28/10/2021 12:55

@sickoffamilydrama But if they don't do that how do you know who to blame???????