Absolutely livid with ML- what would you do ?

[fussytodd]

So I'm staying with in laws for a couple of weeks.

I did some washing and accidentally put a wool jumper in with the general load at 40. It shrunk. I left it on the side in the laundry room to dry and then assess the damage.

Today mother in law comes up to me, holding just the jumper and goes:

' what happened here ?you must have washed this wrong. You need to wash it on a wool setting '

I reply :

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

She says again : ' yeah but you can't wash it at 30, you can only wash it on a wool setting '. I again replied that I know that but I didn't see it and oh well.

To which she goes: ' well this is a hundred pound jumper '. It's her sons jumper, not hers...

So I just went, well what do you want me to do ?

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before. Even so, am I right that I don't deserve to be scolded by her over this ? It's my money and my stuff. So what if I occasionally make a mistake.

I'm so angry, I can't look at her.

@JoyceTempleSavage

I’d love to know the ratio of MN posters with HG compared to the general pregnant population. Doesn’t it make you nauseous tapping away on a small screen over minor issues

Well I’d imagine that there’s more posters with HG on MN than in the general population. Because if you are having an absolutely shit pregnancy and / or you are hospitalised ( in the middle of a pandemic ) where else would you turn but MN?

When everyone else expects you to be happy and you feel like you are dying ,When others minimise how ill you feel and patronise you - who can you confide in?

When you feel so desperate that you regret ever getting pregnant and you are seriously considering a termination, who can you talk to except anonymous women online who have been through the same ?

So @JoyceTempleSavage, you need to work on your understanding of cause and effect, as well as your empathy. Your sneering comments about women who are unwell says a lot more about you than does about them.

Once shrinking a jumper is an accident but twice is careless, however I don’t think it’s any of your MIL business what you do, she shouldn’t be scolding you like a child, I think she’s probably thinking of the cost, I must admit 100 pound is a lot to spend on a jumper and accidentally ruining it has obviously not gone down well with her, you don’t sound too bothered as you say it’s your money, and let’s face it you can’t do much when it’s shrunk, Be interested to know what your husband said maybe he’s more forgiving than his mother

Theres a back history here, I feel.

Stop jumpering to conclusions.

@CambsAlways

I must admit 100 pound is a lot to spend on a jumper and accidentally ruining it has obviously not gone down well with her, you don’t sound too bothered as you say it’s your money, and let’s face it you can’t do much when it’s shrunk, Be interested to know what your husband said maybe he’s more forgiving than his mother

Why does it need to go down with her, well or otherwise? It's not her fricking jumper!

If her actual son had ruined the jumper you would post it's fine because it's his jumper.

But the fact that a woman has dared to not perform her role in life as washerwoman as perfectly as she should has outraged the lot of you.

I’d love to know the ratio of MN posters with HG compared to the general pregnant population. Doesn’t it make you nauseous tapping away on a small screen over minor issues

@JoyceTempleSavage strange that there seem to be so many HG sufferers on MN, compared to those you meet in real life. Almost as if being constantly hospitalised for IV intervention, vomiting blood daily, and being on a cocktail of medications is a lonely and isolating experience, and people come and get together on an online forum with other people who can understand what we’re going through, rather than risk twats like you belittling anyone’s experience

I'm so angry that she had the audacity to come upstairs and scold me like a child.

MiL is completely wrong and out of order. No adult should scold another adult. Especially with family, especially when MiL has you as family staying. She should be more careful.

The surprising thing to me is how seriously you are taking her scolding, why get a dry (as if you have done something wrong) rather than just laughing it off. Exactly because it is just your own money you have wasted, everyone makes mistakes.

How much longer do you need to live with your in-laws, this is an argument in favour of getting your own place. Good luck.

People say the (the HG thing) about everything. But actually there are thousands (probably tens of thousands) of women who have been pregnant on MN. Since HG is estimated at 0.3–2.0% of all prenancies that's 1:50 - 1:300 ish (Even more common if you realise most people have more than one child, miscarriage is also a thing). In such a large population that's easily going to be dozens if not hundreds of posters who have experience of it. A lot of people talking about something doesn't mean it is more common somewhere. It just means there are a lot of pregnant women on MN (surprisingly :o)

It is none of her business. I'd have told her mind her attitude speaking to you like a DC.

You can afford to throw away £100 on a jumper ? I’d ask you to stay in a hotel for the two weeks . You can obviously afford it.

It’s the waste your mil is angry about.

@Thepennysjustdropped

I agree with the pp. It looks as if you didn't take enough care, and then you shrugged. It's not a 99p mug, or even an accident. It's happened before and you've done it again. I'm not surprised she was annoyed. Sorry, OP, that she treated you like a child, but try to see it from her pov.

But it's nothing to do with the MiL. Absolutely none of her business. Not her clothes.

@ConsuelaHammock

You can afford to throw away £100 on a jumper ? I’d ask you to stay in a hotel for the two weeks . You can obviously afford it.

It’s the waste your mil is angry about.

Still none of her business.

@ConsuelaHammock

You can afford to throw away £100 on a jumper ? I’d ask you to stay in a hotel for the two weeks . You can obviously afford it.

It’s the waste your mil is angry about.

Absolutely.

If you can be relatively philosophical about losing a hundred quid jumper, you can obviously blow a couple of grand on staying in a hotel for a fortnight - and you should be directed to do so by someone whose hundred quid it wasn't.

The reasoning is flawless. Goes without saying.

@CambsAlways

Once shrinking a jumper is an accident but twice is careless, however I don’t think it’s any of your MIL business what you do, she shouldn’t be scolding you like a child, I think she’s probably thinking of the cost, I must admit 100 pound is a lot to spend on a jumper and accidentally ruining it has obviously not gone down well with her, you don’t sound too bothered as you say it’s your money, and let’s face it you can’t do much when it’s shrunk, Be interested to know what your husband said maybe he’s more forgiving than his mother

What's the difference between an accident and carelessness? Don't the vast majority of accidents involve lack of care?

@ConsuelaHammock

You can afford to throw away £100 on a jumper ? I’d ask you to stay in a hotel for the two weeks . You can obviously afford it.

It’s the waste your mil is angry about.

Where did OP say she could afford to throw it away? The point was that the damage had happened, she couldn't make it disappear, but there was nothing to be achieved by making a massive drama out of it. Everyone has accidents.

And even if MIL was angry, it was none of her business and she had no right whatsoever to take it on herself to tell OP off about it.

All the people complaining about OP’s attitude to ruining a jumper, what would you prefer?

MIL gave her a bollocking, OP cried, asked for a refresher course on washing, beat herself up endlessly about the incident? Never did laundry again without MIL checking the settings were correct on the machine?

Seriously, it’s NONE of the MIL’s business.

I don’t understand Those saying op deserved the telling off? It was a mistake and I’m sure OP wasn’t feeling great about it without the lecture from mil. Have you never made a mistake in your life? Blimey

@Derbee

All the people complaining about OP’s attitude to ruining a jumper, what would you prefer?

MIL gave her a bollocking, OP cried, asked for a refresher course on washing, beat herself up endlessly about the incident? Never did laundry again without MIL checking the settings were correct on the machine?

Seriously, it’s NONE of the MIL’s business.

Completely agree.

I certainly wouldn't accept someone telling me off for for accidentally doing this.

Shit happens.

Tell your husband do his own bloody laundry as you have no intention of listening to his mothers lectures.

Say the same to her too.

She's cheeky.

None of her business.

If you can be relatively philosophical about losing a hundred quid jumper, you can obviously blow a couple of grand on staying in a hotel for a fortnight

Or maybe you're an emotionally stable person who doesn't fall apart with self-loathing for a mistake that has happened and can't be undone without the benefit of time travel?

@MaxNormal

If you can be relatively philosophical about losing a hundred quid jumper, you can obviously blow a couple of grand on staying in a hotel for a fortnight

Or maybe you're an emotionally stable person who doesn't fall apart with self-loathing for a mistake that has happened and can't be undone without the benefit of time travel?

.....er...you do realise that, given the post I was replying to, my proposition was ironic.

I mean, I agree with you. But my point, citing the prior post, was that even within its own terms, it makes no sense.