Absolutely livid with ML- what would you do ?

[fussytodd]

So I'm staying with in laws for a couple of weeks.

I did some washing and accidentally put a wool jumper in with the general load at 40. It shrunk. I left it on the side in the laundry room to dry and then assess the damage.

Today mother in law comes up to me, holding just the jumper and goes:

' what happened here ?you must have washed this wrong. You need to wash it on a wool setting '

I reply :

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

She says again : ' yeah but you can't wash it at 30, you can only wash it on a wool setting '. I again replied that I know that but I didn't see it and oh well.

To which she goes: ' well this is a hundred pound jumper '. It's her sons jumper, not hers...

So I just went, well what do you want me to do ?

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before. Even so, am I right that I don't deserve to be scolded by her over this ? It's my money and my stuff. So what if I occasionally make a mistake.

I'm so angry, I can't look at her.

You ought to try to respond to such things along the lines of
Yes, I made a mistake. I didn't notice it. It happens. I paid for it so I'll just replace it.
If she goes on and on then ask her are you looking for a specific reply? What would you like me to say?

I have actually done that with a VERY annoying person (not over a jumper but the item/situation isn't the point. You can still deal with it the same way)

Then whatever they answer you just reply oh. Or I see.

You can also go back to well, like I said, I bought it so my mistake has cost me £100 of my own money.

This must be the most frustrating thread I've read in a long while, are people deliberately skipping over the part where OP has stated that SHE bought the jumper for her OH, absolutely none of MIL's business, she didn't need to comment about it at all and OP doesn't need to apologise to her about it or even owe her an explanation.

@ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife

If it was, word for word, as you have posted then I think you were very rude indeed.

‘I’m so sorry, I’ve done something really stupid’ followed by an offer to buy a replacement would be the more appropriate response.

Why?

It's not MiL's jumper.

& how do you know OP hasn't already told the jumper owner (her own DH) what happened?
Maybe she also said sorry. Not sure she should have to though - it was an accident, she's feeling poorly, & frankly, grown adults who have other adults kindly do their laundry for them need to accept that sometimes said laundry might get fecked up.

And as a last resort, you could start referring to her as the Laundry Police in the third person. As you load the machine, "Oh, is the Laundry Police here to supervise?"

Or just let your DH do all the washing?

People really need to read all of the OPs posts for the back story to this. She is pregnant and very unwell with HG and unsurprisingly is finding it hard to shrug off something which she might otherwise have been able to cope with.

If you are so sick, why isn't your husband washing his own clothes?

Do you generally do everything for him...is it just expected?

Well you should have washed it on a wool setting. When she asked you what had happened you could have acted nicely instead of going on the defensive. She doesn't have to allow you to stay in her home and being ill in pregnancy is not an excuse for acting rudely which you did. I'd give the women a wide berth and no doubt she will do the same with you.

I don't understand why you're angry with her?

You were careless and unapologetic for your mistake. That must be extremely irritating for the people around you.
It’s not MIL’s jumper and OP has nothing to apologise for and why would a disinterested party be irritated and aaaaarrrrrrgh—

Actually this thread has taught me exactly why you’re wound up, OP. I’m ready to boil-wash half the posters.

Can I ask what sort of environment MIL grew up in?
My mum and stepdad were very comfortable in their old age through a combination of working hard, good life choices, good luck and some inheritance.
However they both grew up in very poor households and never lost that feeling of not being able to waste things or being upset when even small things got broken.
For example they came around for dinner one day and there was a couple of potatoes left over after the meal. I was going to scrape them into the bin but they were horrified and took them home for lunch the next day. This is people who had about £300k in savings and house paid off etc.
I think sometimes you just can’t escape your childhood.

If there is back story, do you HAVE to stay there?

Is it just rage like this you feel with her over minor things or is it others, and have you always been like this or is it due to you being Ill?

@Fairyliz

Can I ask what sort of environment MIL grew up in? My mum and stepdad were very comfortable in their old age through a combination of working hard, good life choices, good luck and some inheritance. However they both grew up in very poor households and never lost that feeling of not being able to waste things or being upset when even small things got broken. For example they came around for dinner one day and there was a couple of potatoes left over after the meal. I was going to scrape them into the bin but they were horrified and took them home for lunch the next day. This is people who had about £300k in savings and house paid off etc. I think sometimes you just can’t escape your childhood.

this is very true

To be honest, if someone was following me about repeating information I already knew and had told them I'd already knew, expecting some kind of reaction I think I might have said "oh, well", purely because I wouldn't know what else to say to that level of cloth-earedness other than "I heard you the first time, now off you fuck".

Although I do like a pp's suggestion of throwing myself on the floor going "the jumper! THE JUMPER!"

MIL can do one, nosey moo. OP, you've had an unnecessarily hard time here and I hope you feel better soon.

I’m ready to boil-wash half the posters 😂

Some people get really upset or angry about things breaking/being ruined, etc. in all situations (not just when they can't afford to replace them or they have sentimental value) and seem to take it as an affront if other people don't react like that about their own possessions. I can't imagine caring how someone else views the loss or destruction of their own property, regardless of how much they paid for it, but it seems pretty widespread for people to genuinely think they have the right for their annoyance to be heard by the "offender", and it seems like a lot of those people are on this thread. I totally get why you're annoyed, OP.

@ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife

If it was, word for word, as you have posted then I think you were very rude indeed.

‘I’m so sorry, I’ve done something really stupid’ followed by an offer to buy a replacement would be the more appropriate response.

Read the OP again. It wasn't even the MIL's jumper - it was nothing to do with her, and to tell the OP off like she was a little child shheesh. It was an accident - hands up anyone who hasn't put something by mistake in the wrong wash. OP - I'm with you. I'd be utterly pissed off, too. I would also be more likely to rant on here, than cause a row with the ILs.

@Viviennemary

You were careless and unapologetic for your mistake. That must be extremely irritating for the people around you. Unless it was your own garment you wrecked it needs to be replaced by you.

OP: I'm pissed off 'cos an accident occurred & I got scolded.

Viviennemary: WHAT YOU NEED IS A GOOD SCOLDING. NO - TWO SCOLDINGS! SO HERE IS THE SECOND ONE!.

Bonus MN bingo points when you post your inevitable third pious reprimand Viviennemary. Go on - you know you want to!

Well you should have washed it on a wool setting

Oh phew... thank GOD you were here

Op accidentally shrunk a jumper belonging to her husband that she paid for.
Wtf does it have to do with the mil? She didn't pay for it. It wasn't her jumper.

I wouldn’t take kindly to her scolding me. If your husband wants to moan at you about his jumper then fine (although he could do his own washing) but it’s none of her business, regardless of where you’re staying.

It wasn’t her jumper or one that she paid for and wasn’t anything to do with her.

I’d be really pissed off with her being so patronising as well.

Sod her.

Actually this thread has taught me exactly why you’re wound up, OP. I’m ready to boil-wash half the posters. God yes, this thread is bonkers!

No wonder there are so many "MIL" threads when clearly lots of people think that telling your DIL off like a naughty child because of an accident that has nothing at all to do with you is absolutely fine.

@ItsAllMumboJumbo

Your 'oh well' would piss me off. You were careless and then dismissive about the cost. £100 for a jumper is a lot,

And?

If it was MiL jumper I could understand. But it's a jumper belonging to her DH and nothing to do with her.

I'm sure most people have accidentally put something in the wash when gathering stuff up.

I'll never forget my ds pink school shirts!