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Original poster

Absolutely livid with ML- what would you do ?

394 replies

fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:32

So I'm staying with in laws for a couple of weeks.

I did some washing and accidentally put a wool jumper in with the general load at 40. It shrunk. I left it on the side in the laundry room to dry and then assess the damage.

Today mother in law comes up to me, holding just the jumper and goes:

' what happened here ?you must have washed this wrong. You need to wash it on a wool setting '

I reply :

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

She says again : ' yeah but you can't wash it at 30, you can only wash it on a wool setting '. I again replied that I know that but I didn't see it and oh well.

To which she goes: ' well this is a hundred pound jumper '. It's her sons jumper, not hers...

So I just went, well what do you want me to do ?

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before. Even so, am I right that I don't deserve to be scolded by her over this ? It's my money and my stuff. So what if I occasionally make a mistake.

I'm so angry, I can't look at her.

OP posts:
giggly · 28/10/2021 12:55

@Blueeyedgirl21 aye well the drip feed came in 2 minutes before I posted.
Still a massive over reaction. Maybe op and dh should move out if mil is so awful

Suspiciousmind20 · 28/10/2021 12:56

I’m not sure why you are getting such a hard time OP. Sorry you are feeling rubbish.

I’d be fuming too. My MIL is very bossy but I’m a manipulative way - it’s infuriating being spoken to like a child when you are an adult perfectly capable of managing your own life.

Try and take some time away from her. What she did was very irritating and if she’s like my MIL she will have form and your reaction will be due to her many other digs.

I once washed my husbands phone coz it was in his pocket so don’t feel too bad! Smile

Viviennemary · 28/10/2021 12:56

You need to replace the jumper you ruined.

eddiemairswife · 28/10/2021 12:56

I'm surprised that no-one has yet come on to ask why your husband can't do his own washing.

hangrylady · 28/10/2021 12:56

Mildly annoying maybe but you're overreacting a bit. Tell her you shrunk it on purpose because you wanted it for yourself.

grapewine · 28/10/2021 12:58

You're staying in her house, I wouldn't be picking any fights.

This isn't the first time you've shrunk a jumper, she's heard about another time. Maybe she genuinely believed you don't know it's meant to go in a different wash.

And also agree with this.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 28/10/2021 12:58

@giggly move out ? They’re only staying a week or two. I’d be off. HG plus staying with in laws is a form of torture surely

AmyDudley · 28/10/2021 13:00

Maybe she thought you were under reacting - I would be really upset if I had ruined a £100 jumper - that is a very expensive item of clothing to many people and I would be quite shocked that someone's reaction was 'oh well'. But it would have been better if she had only mentioned it once (or not at all) and away from other people. Its not her business but I'd suggest incredulity on her part that someone would be so careless as the reason for her behaviour.

You shouldn't be seething though - in the big scheme of things it a minor event, - if you are furious now where have you got to go when something really bad happens ?

GenderAtheist · 28/10/2021 13:00

Your husband needs to do the washing. That will avoid any complaints.

And you need to rest up more if you are pregnant and unwell.

My advice on difficult MIL in general is to make sure that your husband deals with everything for her. Buys gifts, sends thanks for gifts, helps her out, does all the inviting and hosting.

Women like that will hate you and criticise you regardless of what you do. So you might as well take a big step back. And set some boundaries now before baby comes along

Eg MIL comes to visit to see baby only when you husband is in.
Take baby upstairs to your bedroom to nurse or change
Don’t have any discussion of your pregnancy or birth choices with your MIL. None at all - it’s your medical information and it’s confidential .

Don’t discuss any child rearing choices with your MIL. Direct any queries or comment to your husband.

If she phones you, greet her politely and pass the phone to your husband. Don’t give her your mobile number.

If she asks for baby photos, tell her you will ask your husband to send some.

If you put your husband into bat at every opportunity you will soon find that he solves the problems - either by tackling them or avoiding them.

Either way it’s a win for you.

JoyceTempleSavage · 28/10/2021 13:01

I’d love to know the ratio of MN posters with HG compared to the general pregnant population. Doesn’t it make you nauseous tapping away on a small screen over minor issues

Blueeyedgirl21 · 28/10/2021 13:02

The thing is once the jumper is ruined what’s the point in berating yourself, crying, going on about it etc? My DP has form for that. He will go on and on about breaking a glass or something ‘I’m a fucking idiot! What a fucking prick!’ Banging and clanging. At the end of the day it won’t change things. It’s much nicer to just quietly remind yourself of the lesson learned and not stress about things. At the end of the day it’s not life or death.

Cherrysoup · 28/10/2021 13:03

Do you have to stay with her? Is it a holiday or because you have to? If it’s a holiday, go home. If it isn’t, suck it up and don’t focus on it, it isn’t massive/worth a fight.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 28/10/2021 13:03

@Viviennemary

You need to replace the jumper you ruined.
OP bought the bloody thing. For her own husband.

You sound as bad as the MIL!

Hothammock · 28/10/2021 13:03

I'm not sure why you think it's unreasonable for someone to point out you need to take more care when sorting your laundry but you don't see it's unreasonable to say oh well about shrinking a £100 wool jumper... If you care so little for possessions why not donate their value to food banks instead of your careless laundry practices.
Your reaction is totally disproportionate.

DyingForACuppa · 28/10/2021 13:03

@ItsAllMumboJumbo

Your 'oh well' would piss me off. You were careless and then dismissive about the cost. £100 for a jumper is a lot,
Seriously? You get pissed off when other people accidently ruin there own stuff and are blase about it? Wtf had it got to do with you?

If op was out deliberately running jumpers I could just about see the angst from an environmental non-waste point of view, but it's an accident. It's done. What's the point in anyone having more than an 'oh well' reaction now?

SeasonalNamechange · 28/10/2021 13:03

your reaction is odd......not mils

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 28/10/2021 13:03

And yes, at that point, given all else, I'd go home too!

hotmeatymilk · 28/10/2021 13:04

Your 'oh well' would piss me off. You were careless and then dismissive about the cost. £100 for a jumper is a lot,
It’s not your or the MIL’s jumper or cost to be pissed off about. OP could set fire to the jumper or stuff £100 down the drain and it still wouldn’t be your or the MIL’s place to be pissed off. Her husband maybe gets a say as it’s his jumper, but any time DP or I have accidentally buggered a wool item in the wash we’ve shrugged it off: accidents happen. No one is out here shrinking jumpers on purpose.

OP, next time she repeatedly scolds you just don’t listen: go to the happy place in your head (hard as it is when you’re pregnant and poorly). Chant “la la la la la” in your head if you have to. You’re obviously at the end of your tether and your MIL likes to scold. So just tune it out, for sanity’s sake.

ShirleyPhallus · 28/10/2021 13:05

Maybe she is annoyed with your apparent disregard for the value of things?

Gosh, all these posts scolding the OP for not looking after her possessions properly. It was an accident Hmm

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 28/10/2021 13:05

@SeasonalNamechange

your reaction is odd......not mils
Why? She has shrunk her DHs jumper. She was pondering the possibilities.

MIL chose to berate her and treat her like a child, in front of a receptive audience.

One was an accident. Careless, Affecting nobody but OP and her DH.

MIL was bossy, interfering and made it a public event!

Chelyanne · 28/10/2021 13:05

MIL's can be dicks.
I would have told her she can do all his washing if I'm not doing it to her standard, save me a job.

KilmordenCastle · 28/10/2021 13:06

@ItsAllMumboJumbo

Your 'oh well' would piss me off. You were careless and then dismissive about the cost. £100 for a jumper is a lot,
Absolutely none of MIL's business though Confused

If someone was doing their own washing in my house and they shrunk a jumper I would say absolutely nothing. Unless they mentioned it to me in which case I would say "oh no, what a shame, is it salvageable do you think?". I wouldn't start telling a grown adult off for a mistake Shock whatever my opinion of how careless and flippant they are. It's not my £100 jumper, not my business, not my problem to get worked up over.

OP your MIL was being rude and sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong.

HeartsAndClubs · 28/10/2021 13:07

I can just imagine if a woman posted here that her DH/mil/other person had washed her £100 jumper and ruined it and then said “oh well.”

While maybe your mil shouldn’t have said anything, it’s a bit of a casual attitude to have towards ruining something which isn’t even yours, even if you did pay for it.

If my partner ruined something of mine like that I would be fuming. And if he brushed it off like that I would potentially be rethinking the relationship, on the assumption this probably wasn’t the first time.

Your “oh well,” attitude clearly shows you have little respect for your DH and his stuff, to the point that you ruined something of his and then just shrugged it off.

As his mother it might be that she sees this.

maddy68 · 28/10/2021 13:08

I don't think she was scolding you. You sound very over sensitive. You're mad at yourself and directing this at mil

HeartsAndClubs · 28/10/2021 13:09

Absolutely none of MIL's business though if in future your child’s partner were to ruin something expensive of theirs and then just shrug it off with a “oh well,” wouldn’t you as their mother, be concerned about what kind of relationship it was?