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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely livid with ML- what would you do ?

394 replies

fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:32

So I'm staying with in laws for a couple of weeks.

I did some washing and accidentally put a wool jumper in with the general load at 40. It shrunk. I left it on the side in the laundry room to dry and then assess the damage.

Today mother in law comes up to me, holding just the jumper and goes:

' what happened here ?you must have washed this wrong. You need to wash it on a wool setting '

I reply :

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

She says again : ' yeah but you can't wash it at 30, you can only wash it on a wool setting '. I again replied that I know that but I didn't see it and oh well.

To which she goes: ' well this is a hundred pound jumper '. It's her sons jumper, not hers...

So I just went, well what do you want me to do ?

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before. Even so, am I right that I don't deserve to be scolded by her over this ? It's my money and my stuff. So what if I occasionally make a mistake.

I'm so angry, I can't look at her.

OP posts:
redshoes22 · 28/10/2021 17:29

I’d read: £100 jumper more important than you even though you are sick and pregnant with my grandchild. It’s just a jumper. It’s kicking you when you’re down. I hope someone is looking after you really well because being I’ll in pregnancy is vile.

Platax · 28/10/2021 17:30

I'm guessing that @LowlandLucky is yet another person who hasn't read OP's posts properly. God-awful attitude on her part, really.

billy1966 · 28/10/2021 17:31

OP,

Sorry you are feeling so unwell.

She obviously irritates you.

I agree, nothing to do with her if you shrink a sweater.

Best not to stay so long with someone who has form for getting on your nerves.

I hope you feel better soon.Flowers

Djifunrsn · 28/10/2021 17:32

I think the problem is the use of "oh well"

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 28/10/2021 17:35

@ItsAllMumboJumbo

Your 'oh well' would piss me off. You were careless and then dismissive about the cost. £100 for a jumper is a lot,
This. You seem to very dismissive of other people's stuff.
Pythone · 28/10/2021 17:37

But what's wrong with saying "oh well" and moving on? I find it really stressful to be around people who make a big deal of mistakes and accidents and things getting broken (either by themselves or other people).

Why is it better to make a big fuss and get upset and get to the bottom of every breakage, etc., than to take these small problems that life throws at us with good grace? (Again, unless replacing it is unaffordable, or it has sentimental value, or something.) Why actually blame someone for not being upset? I am seriously confused by how many people would be angry with OP in the same situation.

NeverChange · 28/10/2021 17:38

For most people staying with the in-laws is a special form of help and a challenge at the best of times even without being pregnant and exhausted.

I suspect if it was one comment in isolation, you probably wouldn't be so angry but it seems like it's the straw that broke the camel's back

You probably know already nothing good will ever come of mentioning it again or doing anything other than maintaining a dignified silence.

It's not as if you can value an opinion from someone like that so you are better of ignoring it.

Platax · 28/10/2021 17:38

It's not "other people's stuff", @NannyOggsWhiskyStash - it's OP's husband's, paid for by her.

thisplaceisapigsty · 28/10/2021 17:40

OP, you're not well, your dh is very lucky you are even bothering to wash stuff and you made a mistake which is not the end of the world. No one has died, a jumper has got shrunk. I'd be 'oh well' too.

Platax · 28/10/2021 17:40

@Djifunrsn

I think the problem is the use of "oh well"
What do you think OP should have said, @Djifunrsn? Should she have thrown herself on the floor begging forgiveness for accidentally spoiling something she bought herself? It seems to me a perfectly acceptable response to something that was never her MIL's business. OP could justifiably have told her MIL to mind her own.
ShirleyPhallus · 28/10/2021 17:41

There is another thread running atm which is a poster having made a mistake which has resulted in a financial loss and beating herself up about it. Post after post saying “don’t worry, it’s only money etc”

Except when it’s a jumper apparently. Then you should go to self flagellation central and never forgive yourself

PizzaCrust · 28/10/2021 17:43

Also, for those incandescent with rage over OP saying “oh well”.

What is she supposed to say? The jumper has been shrank. It’s done now. Is she supposed to cry and wail for a week about how awful it is? Lock herself away for a month in mourning?

It’s a jumper. Everyone here has ruined a piece of clothing once in their lifetime. You stained it with wine- ruined. You got it mixed in with the wrong wash- ruined. You forgot about it in the washing machine- ruined. You got it caught on something and it snagged- ruined.

Shit like this happens. I read OP saying “oh well” as “well it’s done now and I don’t see the point in beating myself up about it as I have other stuff to worry about/I feel ill as fuck so this is one of those things I’m going to swiftly try and forget”.

And yeah, in the grand scheme of things £100 for a jumper isn’t obscene. When I was a teenager I bought a jumper from Jack Wills back in the day and it was £80. Jack Wills is hardly Hermés.

It’s not that deep.

thisplaceisapigsty · 28/10/2021 17:44

@Pythone

But what's wrong with saying "oh well" and moving on? I find it really stressful to be around people who make a big deal of mistakes and accidents and things getting broken (either by themselves or other people).

Why is it better to make a big fuss and get upset and get to the bottom of every breakage, etc., than to take these small problems that life throws at us with good grace? (Again, unless replacing it is unaffordable, or it has sentimental value, or something.) Why actually blame someone for not being upset? I am seriously confused by how many people would be angry with OP in the same situation.

I totally agree with this. Things get ruined and broken in our house all the time as we are all a bit clumsy and accident prone and I've learned over time to just move on if it's genuinely an accident. It's all just stuff.
Goawaymorningsickeness · 28/10/2021 17:45

Your “oh well” and “what do you want me to do” sounds rude and dismissive.

hotmeatymilk · 28/10/2021 17:51

Your “oh well” and “what do you want me to do” sounds rude and dismissive.
Rude and dismissive of what, though? Repeated scoldings from someone whose business it wasn’t?

PizzaCrust · 28/10/2021 17:52

@Goawaymorningsickeness

Your “oh well” and “what do you want me to do” sounds rude and dismissive.
MIL scolding her for it sounds more rude and much more dismissive of OP and the other things going on right now; pregnancy, feeling ill.

It’s a jumper. I couldn’t get worked up about it.

My mum, who is one of those people who has the magic touch with laundry (everything perfectly ironed, super soft, smells incredible, manages to get out stains I never could, etc) has even ruined a few of my clothes when I was a teen. Stuck a grey hoodie in with a red wash by accident (yes, not just a generic colour wash, she did them by exact colours) and it turned a weird grey-pink hue. It was clearly an accident and she was doing me a favour by washing my clothes in the first place. Shit happens. If my grandmother/other relative had rocked up and scolded her for it, I would fully expect her to tell them to F off. Why? Because it’s none of their business.

This whole jumper situation is between OP and her husband. Not nosey MIL who wanted an excuse to proclaim how amazing she is at washing clothes. Christ.

sillysmiles · 28/10/2021 17:56

@Pythone

But what's wrong with saying "oh well" and moving on? I find it really stressful to be around people who make a big deal of mistakes and accidents and things getting broken (either by themselves or other people).

Why is it better to make a big fuss and get upset and get to the bottom of every breakage, etc., than to take these small problems that life throws at us with good grace? (Again, unless replacing it is unaffordable, or it has sentimental value, or something.) Why actually blame someone for not being upset? I am seriously confused by how many people would be angry with OP in the same situation.

I'm with you on this.

Something breaks. Can it be fixed, fine. Does it need to be replaced, fine.
Does there need to be a drama and an examination of who's at fault and blame laid. God no. Hate that shit.

MissNothing1991 · 28/10/2021 18:04

Maybe she, like I, would literally be howling over a £100 jumper being ruined. I'd never even spend that on a jumper, so yes, I'd also be rather upset if I saw one lying ruined and someone just going 'ah well'

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 28/10/2021 18:06

Blimey OP your MIL would have loved me! Me the girl who washd a 400 quid Hugo Boss navy v necked jumper at 40 degrees shrinking it to that of a 3 yr old childs size! Let her say what she likes you do not have to take any noticeof the old trout! Roll your eyes,calm down and ignore. Silence is sometimes the best thing to say to fools who are spoiling for a scene. At the end of the day its only a bloody jumper does it really matter? Ignore everyone makes mistakes,just like me and just like you!

KilmordenCastle · 28/10/2021 18:07

@Pythone

But what's wrong with saying "oh well" and moving on? I find it really stressful to be around people who make a big deal of mistakes and accidents and things getting broken (either by themselves or other people).

Why is it better to make a big fuss and get upset and get to the bottom of every breakage, etc., than to take these small problems that life throws at us with good grace? (Again, unless replacing it is unaffordable, or it has sentimental value, or something.) Why actually blame someone for not being upset? I am seriously confused by how many people would be angry with OP in the same situation.

Completely agree with this! My DM is one of these people that make a huge drama out of mistakes. She wants to know who did it, how it happened and will give you a nice long lecture about making sure it never happens again 🙄 it's exhausting and incredibly annoying. Shit happens, get over it 🤷‍♀️
cansu · 28/10/2021 18:17

Yes it is irritating. I'd be tempted to make a PA joke. Oh well, we are not all as perfect at household tasks are we? Tinkly laugh. Maybe we should get dh to take over all laundry related jobs.

CSIblonde · 28/10/2021 18:31

Well there's obv history with your MiL & she pounced on sone handy ammunution. If youre not worried re expensive laundry errors just do a bright & breezy laugh & 'its just a jumper' thing & walk off. Anything else will fuel the existing dynamic that's there/ongoing. I speak from experience of a v similar relative. Bright & breezy & laughing at the supposed 'sin' always put her on the back foot & shut her up.

Merrilee · 28/10/2021 18:47

You shouldn't have let the jumper dry out. Best thing to do is wet it and reshape after rolling water out.

Newmumatlast · 28/10/2021 18:57

@ItsAllMumboJumbo

Your 'oh well' would piss me off. You were careless and then dismissive about the cost. £100 for a jumper is a lot,
I think this is perhaps the issue. She has become narked at your attitude with the oh well as if money is nothing. Then she has overreacted as a result. And then you have become angry at her and that wouldve likely been obvious. And thus you both rile eachother.

I totally get why your view is your money, your things, your problem. But at least it explains why you might be butting heads over your difference of opinion re value. I personally would be upset if I shrunk my husband's jumper (and vice versa if he shrunk mine) if it cost £100 so would be taken aback if someone was so nonchalant about the same thing. I wouldnt react like MIL though

jamandmarmalade · 28/10/2021 18:58

@Merrilee

You shouldn't have let the jumper dry out. Best thing to do is wet it and reshape after rolling water out.
@fussytodd - see above poster's instructions for processing MIL..

'wet it and reshape after rolling water out'