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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely livid with ML- what would you do ?

394 replies

fussytodd · 28/10/2021 12:32

So I'm staying with in laws for a couple of weeks.

I did some washing and accidentally put a wool jumper in with the general load at 40. It shrunk. I left it on the side in the laundry room to dry and then assess the damage.

Today mother in law comes up to me, holding just the jumper and goes:

' what happened here ?you must have washed this wrong. You need to wash it on a wool setting '

I reply :

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

She says again : ' yeah but you can't wash it at 30, you can only wash it on a wool setting '. I again replied that I know that but I didn't see it and oh well.

To which she goes: ' well this is a hundred pound jumper '. It's her sons jumper, not hers...

So I just went, well what do you want me to do ?

Back story is that it has happened to me before that I've accidentally shrunk a jumper and it's come up as a joke in front of her before. Even so, am I right that I don't deserve to be scolded by her over this ? It's my money and my stuff. So what if I occasionally make a mistake.

I'm so angry, I can't look at her.

OP posts:
PizzaCrust · 28/10/2021 15:43

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. She clearly has form for being a nuisance and her scolding you over a jumper would be infuriating as, you have said, it’s your money and it was an accident. You don’t need to be set on the naughty step for it.

Repeating how it needs to be washed on a wool wash, after the damage was done, is a bit funny, though. I don’t think a magical wool wash could fix a shrunken jumper 😅.

OtterAndDog · 28/10/2021 15:47

I'd be fuming too

DyingForACuppa · 28/10/2021 15:56

I can see from the MILs pov and could honestly see myself saying the same thing to a guest in my home.

If you follow your guests around scolding them for mistakes they made with their own laundry I'm guessing they don't come back!

JaneJeffer · 28/10/2021 15:57

Put the jumper soaking in water and hair conditioner for a few hours then you can stretch it back into shape. Then wave it in front of your horrible MIL and tell her to stay out of your laundry business.

Motherland101 · 28/10/2021 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 28/10/2021 16:05

@Motherland101

' I know. I just didn't see it and put it in with other stuff at 30. That's a shame, oh well'

Bloody hell, OP! If you had ruined my £100 woollen jumper, I'd be livid with you! The fact you closed the matter with an "oh well" would absolutely have made me want to scold you like a child as you don't even see me remotely apologetic! Manners! Confused

Reading skills! Confused
sillysmiles · 28/10/2021 16:09

@JudgeRindersMinder

“Oh well”. I’d see red at this, no matter the colour of the jumper!
Why?

Surely it is a sign that the conversation is nothing to do with you and your opinion is not helping.

HesterShaw1 · 28/10/2021 16:12

This thread is nuts Confused

Platax · 28/10/2021 16:13

It's hilarious how many posters have come on this thread to tell OP off for being careless whilst themselves being incredibly careless about reading her posts properly. Particularly the ones who tell her she should grovel and apologise when they haven't bothered to come back themselves to apologise for their own carelessness.

JudgeRindersMinder · 28/10/2021 16:17

@sillysmiles because it’s patronising and rude! I know it isn’t MIL’s jumper but she’s shown not undue concern and OP has just totally belittled her concern

Alicetheowl · 28/10/2021 16:17

Can we have some info about the jumper? WTF? £100? What sort of jumper was this?

ShirleyPhallus · 28/10/2021 16:18

[quote JudgeRindersMinder]@sillysmiles because it’s patronising and rude! I know it isn’t MIL’s jumper but she’s shown not undue concern and OP has just totally belittled her concern[/quote]
But…. Undue concern for what?! It isn’t her jumper? None of her possessions are being damaged?

M0nica44 · 28/10/2021 16:24

@fussytodd
Sorry if someone has already mentioned this, but soak the jumper overnight in cold water, pop it on a wool wash in the morning, this can fix the problem. Success rate isn't 100% but it does often work.

vajingleberry · 28/10/2021 16:24

@bordersroaming

The op does not say it's her Dh jumper
She says (of MIL) "it's her son's jumper, not hers"

Not rocket science to work out that MILs son is also the OPs DH.

hotmeatymilk · 28/10/2021 16:26

Can we have some info about the jumper? WTF? £100? What sort of jumper was this?
£100 isn’t a gold Rolls-Royce price for a jumper, you can get ones in M&S for that. Yes, it’s a lot of money to some – to me, actually – but let’s not go pretending OP shat in a Chanel handbag.

Wimblingwombling · 28/10/2021 16:26

She sounds annoying.

HesterShaw1 · 28/10/2021 16:27

[quote JudgeRindersMinder]@sillysmiles because it’s patronising and rude! I know it isn’t MIL’s jumper but she’s shown not undue concern and OP has just totally belittled her concern[/quote]
Why is it ANY of the MIL's business?! GrinGrinGrin I meant honestly, what do you want the OP to do. Kowtow to the MIL crying "Please forgive me my laundry sin"?

It's nothing to do with the mother in law!

Behaviour like this is what drives me wild about my mother. Taking on my mistakes as though they affect her even when they don't in any way. Those big gusty sighs and eye rolls, as though I am making her life needlessly difficult due to my own ineptitude. I can picture the scene so clearly! and what it must be like in some of your houses too

Platax · 28/10/2021 16:28

[quote JudgeRindersMinder]@sillysmiles because it’s patronising and rude! I know it isn’t MIL’s jumper but she’s shown not undue concern and OP has just totally belittled her concern[/quote]
What on earth was either patronising and rude about OP's response? She acknowledged she'd made a mistake, explained what had happened, said it was a shame, and then said a throwaway "Oh well". That might have been rude if it was MIL's jumper or one she'd paid for, but it wasn't. It's just OP recognising that she's cocked up but she can't unmake the mistake. It really isn't appropriate for MIL to show her alleged concern by grabbing the jumper, marching off to find OP, and lecturing her in front of someone else about something OP doesn't require any help with - let alone to carry on after OP has acknowledged the error and has demonstrated that she fully understands the cause.

TatianaBis · 28/10/2021 16:31

She obviously thinks you're crap with laundry and to be fair it sounds like you are.

JaneJeffer · 28/10/2021 16:33

@TatianaBis

She obviously thinks you're crap with laundry and to be fair it sounds like you are.
Show me the person who has never fucked up the washing and I will show you a liar.
covetingthepreciousthings · 28/10/2021 16:33

@Alicetheowl

Can we have some info about the jumper? WTF? £100? What sort of jumper was this?
I'd assume possibly cashmere.
Magicpaintbrush · 28/10/2021 16:34

AIBU these days should really be entitled "Can't be bothered to read posts but want any chance to be nasty to innocent strangers? Come and show yourself up here". - Agree!! There are a lot of sanctimonious arseholes on here today.

LittleGwyneth · 28/10/2021 16:38

I'm 100% with you - if someone tried to tell me off for something which was clearly an accident I'd be incredibly irritated.

thaegumathteth · 28/10/2021 16:39

OP - have you name changed? This sounds a very familiar situation

redshoes22 · 28/10/2021 16:40

I’d hate that too. My MIL is exactly the same. Will painstakingly explain the most tedious tasks to me, I’m not sure if she’s passive aggressive, insulting me or slow tbh. She’s like nails down a chalk board though. After 15 years I decided enough and I don’t go to hers to stay and don’t let her stay at ours and I’m much happier for it. I agree with the person who said about boundaries. You don’t have to be somewhere that’s awful for you. I always though I had to let them stay/ stay at theirs for my husband but I was wrong.

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