Son changing with Mum at gym swimming

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Firstly, I know IABU posting in this section when it's not technically but I could really use impartial opinions and I know this is one place I can get them!
So, the conundrum. DS is 8, coming up 9 years old. We go for a swimming lesson twice a week, the pool is attached to a local gym. The men's changing room is one side of the pool and the women's is the other, so they're not side by side. Hubby can't (or won't - different thread!) come with. I am very conscious that women are changing in there - there are cubicles and DS always gets changed in a cubicle, but not every woman does not should they have to. My question is how much longer before he really needs to be going into the men's? I'm becoming increasingly aware but what is the magical cut off?! On the one hand I don't want him making other women uncomfortable. On the other, as an 8 year old alone in the men's changing room he's vulnerable himself. Am I overthinking? When should he be making that move? He's not always the most sensible but is generally not completely daft!

Of course, these boys can come out and have their zips and buttons done up by Mum outside of changing?

No if boys have support needs, ask to use disability facilities. Even if there are officially none, they will find a solution. But support needs cant just be, mum thinks he doesn't dry himself properly.

I am shocked all these mums are quite accepting of young boys with support needs being potentially put in a dangerous situation by going alone into the male facilities.
A young boy going in with his mum isn’t really going to be intimidating.
I think this man hating needs to not affect little boys with disabilities who need help to do zips and buttons etc.
Stop generalising and imaging lots of boys going in to look at all your precious daughters and think maybe once in a blue moon you may encounter a boy with his mum discreetly going into a cubicle as you have scared them into feeling uncomfortable going swimming!
There is a big difference. Perspective…

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Or you buy adjusted clothing for swim days so my DD isn't affected.
It really isn't difficult.....our girls are not less important than your (my) boys and their ALN !!!!

@TeaAndToastNameChange I think a lot of people on here just hate men and are including children in this generalisation.
I feel for mums of boys! I used to work with the social care sector and I am aware of how hard it is to access so many services and how inconsiderate some people are.

It's really tricky. At my son's swimming lessons the mums go into the mens with their sons to help them change which I think is not on when there are some boys in there changing alone and don't want random women in there too.

I think all children's needs should be accommodated as far as possible. My DS hates getting changed in public and the boys changing has no cubicles so it's pretty awful for him (unlike the girls changing which we used to go in when he was younger). I don't see why it is deemed ok for girls privacy to be protected but not boys.

I really don't see why more places don't provide unisex family changing cubicles.

If a boy is disabled then they can use the disabled changing facilties.

Some boys will need help changing for their whole life so by your logic Instagram they should always be able to get changed in the women’s changing area? Their Mum knows they pose no threat so what’s the problem?

You keep throwing disabled around as some sort of justification to ignore the privacy and dignity of everyone in the situation including person with a disability.

My 8 year old DD recently told me she didn’t want to go swimming anymore because she doesn’t want to get changed in front of the boys (who’s mum’s ignore the 8 year max notice). Why the fuck should my daughter give up swimming because she cannot comfortably get changed in the communal FEMALE changing room because there are 5 or 6 eight, nine or ten year old boys running around naked? Take your older boys OUT of the female changing rooms and give my daughter the privacy she bloody deserves!

This is so sad. Of course your daughter deserves privacy in spaces designated for females. I’ve seen this behaviour amongst boys too and have been shocked at the entitlement of their mothers and their lack of respect for girls and women.

@ADreadedSunnyDay

It's really tricky. At my son's swimming lessons the mums go into the mens with their sons to help them change which I think is not on when there are some boys in there changing alone and don't want random women in there too.

I think all children's needs should be accommodated as far as possible. My DS hates getting changed in public and the boys changing has no cubicles so it's pretty awful for him (unlike the girls changing which we used to go in when he was younger). I don't see why it is deemed ok for girls privacy to be protected but not boys.

I really don't see why more places don't provide unisex family changing cubicles.

No its not okay. But is it worse than boys in female changing rooms?

@Dithercats

Or you buy adjusted clothing for swim days so my DD isn't affected. It really isn't difficult.....our girls are not less important than your (my) boys and their ALN !!!!

Exactly.

My DS (ASD) had very poor fine motor skills as a child. He wore elasticated joggers and tracksuit trousers so that he didn't need to struggle with zips and fastenings when using the toilet or getting changed. I also used to buy tops that were a bigger size than needed so that it was less of a struggle to pull them on over his head. His shoes had velcro fastenings rather than laces.

[quote Instagram]@TeaAndToastNameChange I think a lot of people on here just hate men and are including children in this generalisation.
I feel for mums of boys! I used to work with the social care sector and I am aware of how hard it is to access so many services and how inconsiderate some people are.[/quote]
Surely you hate men, you don’t want boys in the men changing room since you think men are bad and your boys are at risk of them.

@sirzy some children have delays and are not ‘disabled’ they just need a bit more supervision dressing so in a year or two maybe at ten they would be ready for the men’s alone.
I also think a neurotypical child at eight is a bit young to be in the men’s alone.
Ten is far more appropriate. I think the guidance needs updating!

Well if they just need a few more years to mature then the parents just need to find an alternative for a few years don’t they! One which doesn’t involve making young girls feel uncomfortable to go swimming

@Instagram an 8 year old boy without any development delay or disability should be able to dress themselves.

The issue for me is that most spaces do not acknowledge the fact that it is women who do most of the caring / activities / looking after children - if you have a daughter(s) you don't have to think about going into the same toilets, changing rooms etc but if you have a son these things start becoming problematic. I think all children have the right to privacy and respect regardless of sex.

Sirzy, I'm guessing you don't have a boy yourself?

@FarDownTheRiver I just think the age of eight is too young for a more vulnerable than average boy to go in there alone and get changed. The news articles that document the rape/sexual assaults of children by adults in men’s changing rooms or toilets is highly disturbing!
I think if a mum wants to keep her child safe then she has that right.

ADreadedSunnyDay - agree!

I think if a mum wants to keep her child safe then she has that right.

She has that right, yes. By choosing a swimming pool where the changing rooms are mixed.

who should we tell that girls puberty needs delaying i wonder??????
just until the boy folk catch up as they are 'a bit young' to be in the mens room alone.....

I'd much rather have a female feel 'uncomfortable' merely seeing a boy of 8/9/10 in a pool changing area than risk an 8/9/10 yo boy get actually physically molested if he's sent off to the men's changing rooms by himself.

@TeaAndToastNameChange

Sirzy, I'm guessing you don't have a boy yourself?

I agree with Sirzy and I have a teen boy

@008NoTimeToDiet

I'd much rather have a female feel 'uncomfortable' merely seeing a boy of 8/9/10 in a pool changing area than risk an 8/9/10 yo boy get actually physically molested if he's sent off to the men's changing rooms by himself.

Why are those the only two options? That’s such a false dichotomy.

There is a lot of hatred on here for mothers of boys, and the boys themselves.
They're small children, closely supervised by their mothers. They are not predators.

I am a feminist. I have both a DS and a DD. I am upset by this thread. Do any of you have small sons yourselves?

Those saying that a 8 year old should do and change unsupervised in the men's. Would you let your 8 year old daughter do that? Because my 8 year old DS is every bit as vulnerable in that situation as an 8 year old girl would be.
This isn't (only) a women's right issue, it's a child protection issue.

@PurpleDaisies not everyone can travel, limited public transport in rural areas, disabilities that prevent them from driving…