Page 17 | Where does everyone stand?

pumkinbump · 2021-10-27T22:48:42+00:00

Posting here for traffic. Married 7 years. 1 child age 6yrs. Her - forever unemployed by choice. Cheated throughout marriage. DNA test needed on baby as didn't know who the father was. Left 8 months ago with be with someone else which was likely going on before the split. On benefits. Child is autistic so gets a mobility car which she has. Him - full time worker. Paid for deposit on house. Paid every bill and mortgage payment for the duration of the relationship. Has their son 4/5 nights out of 7 as she doesn't want to. Pays her £100 a month despite this, plus extra for shoes, clothes etc. He is terrified that she's going to claim half of the house in divorce. Does anyone have any advice where he would stand on this? Thanks in advance.

bluebeck · 28/10/2021 18:18

OP you say your real issue is wanting to know about the house.

She will be entitled to a share of the equity in the house - the starting point is 50/50. Who worked, who shagged who, all of this is irrelevant.

Your friend should prepare himself to have to buy her out of the house or sell it.

whatisthisinhere · 28/10/2021 18:22

If I was the mother in the OP, I'd move back into this house, rather than ( stuff of fiction this is) going back and forth to use the hot tub. Why live in shoddy emergency accommodation? Unless of course she is fleeing the marital home, because of domestic abuse.
But what would I know eh?

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 28/10/2021 18:24

@whatisthisinhere

If I was the mother in the OP, I'd move back into this house, rather than ( stuff of fiction this is) going back and forth to use the hot tub. Why live in shoddy emergency accommodation? Unless of course she is fleeing the marital home, because of domestic abuse. But what would I know eh?

I mean if she is it would be an odd choice to go back and have a soak all the time

whatisthisinhere · 28/10/2021 18:28

I'd go so far as to say all the extra marital affairs she supposedly had, all crap he made up, or he suspected because he's a jealous controlling abuser.
Maybe she had a friend that helped her
Maybe she tried to have a life outside the house
No man pays maintenance for a child he suspects is. To his own without first requesting a dna test.
Ah yes, this is why this thread read as if the OP's boyfriend was the one that requested the dna test. Because it's the only way it makes sense. Highly unlikely that some other man bit on the side would request a dna test for the baby from a woman he was having a fling with.

whatisthisinhere · 28/10/2021 18:30

I missed a trick there. I could have used my ex's sauna and jacuzzi, If only I wasn't frightened for my life.
I wish I was as tough as this brazen mum.

God, if only I had the energy and time to shag around.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 28/10/2021 18:30

@whatisthisinhere

I'd go so far as to say all the extra marital affairs she supposedly had, all crap he made up, or he suspected because he's a jealous controlling abuser. Maybe she had a friend that helped her Maybe she tried to have a life outside the house No man pays maintenance for a child he suspects is. To his own without first requesting a dna test. Ah yes, this is why this thread read as if the OP's boyfriend was the one that requested the dna test. Because it's the only way it makes sense. Highly unlikely that some other man bit on the side would request a dna test for the baby from a woman he was having a fling with.

My only thing with this is why on earth would you leave your child voluntarily with someone like this? Unless of course that's not true...

whatisthisinhere · 28/10/2021 18:32

It's something he's told the OP, his girlfriend, as a probable reason he can't see her more often. And she can't come to her house because his ex lets herself in.
So many champion "single dads" like this on OLD sites

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 28/10/2021 18:35

@whatisthisinhere

It's something he's told the OP, his girlfriend, as a probable reason he can't see her more often. And she can't come to her house because his ex lets herself in. So many champion "single dads" like this on OLD sites

I mean I usually really hate it when people say "he's told you this and it's all bollocks bla bla" because in my case his ex really is a maniac and unfortunately for me i saw it all with my own eyes etc. But this just seems sooooo unlikely that maybe it's the case! But would you believe it?! Unless of course you did see it with your own eyes.

Of course if it all is true and she's a negligent hot tub pirate than why the fucking hell would you not run a mile?!

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 28/10/2021 18:42

In short, yes she will probably get half of the sale of the house, assuming she wants it and they are “joint tenants” when they bought the house. If the finances are disputed there’s only ever one winner - the solicitors who’ll get the majority of any settlement in fees. Would be much better if they can sort out a financial split on their own.

Waahingwashingwashing · 28/10/2021 18:47

There has to be more to this than you know. It doesn’t make sense otherwise.

Why are you so invested in a friend?

Waahingwashingwashing · 28/10/2021 18:47

Why can’t he seek his own advice from someone who he can tell the full story to and who can deal with it through legal means?

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 18:50

@whatisthisinhere

I'd go so far as to say all the extra marital affairs she supposedly had, all crap he made up, or he suspected because he's a jealous controlling abuser. Maybe she had a friend that helped her Maybe she tried to have a life outside the house No man pays maintenance for a child he suspects is. To his own without first requesting a dna test. Ah yes, this is why this thread read as if the OP's boyfriend was the one that requested the dna test. Because it's the only way it makes sense. Highly unlikely that some other man bit on the side would request a dna test for the baby from a woman he was having a fling with.

So all men are that bad that if they were having an affair with a married woman, and said woman got pregnant, it's beyond the realms of possibility that the affair partner could ever care enough to want to know if the child was his?

OP posts:

HappyDays101010 · 28/10/2021 18:50

He sounds like a saint

knittingaddict · 28/10/2021 18:53

@knittingaddict do you mean he should do this or her? Or both?

Her obviously, if she isn't on the deeds. Presumably he is on the deeds already, since he's living in the house.

whatisthisinhere · 28/10/2021 18:53

@pumkinbump

So all men are that bad that if they were having an affair with a married woman, and said woman got pregnant, it's beyond the realms of possibility that the affair partner could ever care enough to want to know if the child was his?
It sounds a lot more believable and realistic that an affair partner won't want to father a child

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 18:55

@whatisthisinhere

It's something he's told the OP, his girlfriend, as a probable reason he can't see her more often. And she can't come to her house because his ex lets herself in. So many champion "single dads" like this on OLD sites

Oh dear, is Eastenders not on tonight? Maybe you could write a script for a new soap considering you're hell bent on me being the girlfriend. Which I'm not and have said I'm not countless times. If that makes it more juicy for you, then crack on.

OP posts:

whatisthisinhere · 28/10/2021 18:57

@pumkinbump
If this is your boyfriend, and you are expecting his child, you need to get our and run. I know you won't though, because he has lovebombed you and made you feel that you "won" him, that you're so much better than her, that she was a horrid woman, an evil and terrible mother, that he was gullible and fell for her charms because all he wants is a woman as god as you that he can love.
You need to wake up and smell the shit

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 18:58

[quote whatisthisinhere]@pumkinbump

So all men are that bad that if they were having an affair with a married woman, and said woman got pregnant, it's beyond the realms of possibility that the affair partner could ever care enough to want to know if the child was his?
It sounds a lot more believable and realistic that an affair partner won't want to father a child[/quote]
So all the threads we see here about the affair partner being the woman and hanging on for years hoping that the man will leave his wife only works one way does it?

OP posts:

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 19:00

Oh Jesus Christ. He isn't my boyfriend and I am not pregnant. But you know what, I'd tell any woman the same as you. Rub for the hills in this situation.

OP posts:

whatisthisinhere · 28/10/2021 19:00

@pumkinbump
Can't you see the other side to this?
Really?
I'm sad for you.
Please come back and post and seek help when he does this to you

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 19:02

Run

OP posts:

knittingaddict · 28/10/2021 19:06

@pumkinbump

I do know for a fact that she has definitely got a council flat already. So how would this have come about?

My daughter was high on the housing list after a marital break up involving abuse. She was definitely eligible despite there being a marital home, however she was not on the deeds.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 28/10/2021 19:35

I feel sorry for the op
She will barrel back obviously denying
But I do. And I suspect I’m not alone.
The other woman, in her council flat, may not be particularly comfortable but I reckon she’s a heck of a lot happier.

Derbee · 28/10/2021 19:42

He isn't my boyfriend and I am not pregnant

You seem to know a lot about the situation, and have a vested interest in painting the ex wife in a negative light. Is it your brother, if it’s not your boyfriend? Either way, they made a life together, however they agreed it, and her affairs/employment are irrelevant to a fair settlement

DemBonesDemBones · 28/10/2021 20:30

What a depressing thread.