Page 16 | Where does everyone stand?

pumkinbump · 2021-10-27T22:48:42+00:00

Posting here for traffic. Married 7 years. 1 child age 6yrs. Her - forever unemployed by choice. Cheated throughout marriage. DNA test needed on baby as didn't know who the father was. Left 8 months ago with be with someone else which was likely going on before the split. On benefits. Child is autistic so gets a mobility car which she has. Him - full time worker. Paid for deposit on house. Paid every bill and mortgage payment for the duration of the relationship. Has their son 4/5 nights out of 7 as she doesn't want to. Pays her £100 a month despite this, plus extra for shoes, clothes etc. He is terrified that she's going to claim half of the house in divorce. Does anyone have any advice where he would stand on this? Thanks in advance.

Clocktopus · 28/10/2021 16:42

I have 0 idea about council housing but can you get emergency council housing if you own? Just thinking if you were financially abused etc...?

Yes, you can get council housing if you own/part-own a property however you have to demonstrate why can't access the property and why you can't get your share of the value. I know someone who technically owns a property but lives in council housing, she left her relationship due to long term abuse and the financial abuse continues now as her ex drags proceedings on and on. She had to demonstrate that fighting for her share of the owned property would anger him and cause the abuse to escalate and that she had little to no chance of getting her hands on her share any time soon.

If this ex has gotten council housing so quickly then she has given plausible reasons for why she cannot continue to live in the family home, why she cannot obtain her share of the assets, and why she needs to be rehomed ASAP.

I'd say there's a massive chunk of the story that he isn't telling you as this is a red flag.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 28/10/2021 16:43

I'd say there's a massive chunk of the story that he isn't telling you as this is a red flag.

I think a big piece of the jigsaw has come together

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 28/10/2021 16:43

@Clocktopus

I have 0 idea about council housing but can you get emergency council housing if you own? Just thinking if you were financially abused etc...?

Yes, you can get council housing if you own/part-own a property however you have to demonstrate why can't access the property and why you can't get your share of the value. I know someone who technically owns a property but lives in council housing, she left her relationship due to long term abuse and the financial abuse continues now as her ex drags proceedings on and on. She had to demonstrate that fighting for her share of the owned property would anger him and cause the abuse to escalate and that she had little to no chance of getting her hands on her share any time soon.

If this ex has gotten council housing so quickly then she has given plausible reasons for why she cannot continue to live in the family home, why she cannot obtain her share of the assets, and why she needs to be rehomed ASAP.

I'd say there's a massive chunk of the story that he isn't telling you as this is a red flag.

Yeah it does sound that way doesn't it!

Oftenithinkaboutit · 28/10/2021 16:46

And fact op has gone quiet…

Clocktopus · 28/10/2021 16:46

The council wouldn't leave her high and dry but if she had access (or imminent access) to assets and no safety/abuse concerns then they'd direct her towards private rentals, some councils have lists of accredited private landlords, some will help with deposits, that sort of thing. Either way she would have been streamed into the "help with finding a private rental" worklist.

For her to step into a council flat so quickly means she was in a priority band and you only get priority for very specific reasons, all of which must be evidenced as part of your application. Even in my area of the country where housing isn't in that much if a short supply compared to other areas, she wouldn't have got one that quickly unless she was Band P (priority).

nevernomore · 28/10/2021 16:50

The court decision of who gets what is not a moral one. So who cheated and with whom is not relevant. As far as I am aware, domestic violence is also not a factor regarding the split of assets.

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 17:01

@Oftenithinkaboutit

So it’s either

She is in a council flat because

She owns a private property but this man lives in it and so she is effectively homeless

OR

The council have given her an emergency accommodation because she is fearful about returning to the family home.

Yes the father lives in the owned property. She left to be with another man.

OP posts:

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 17:02

@Oftenithinkaboutit

And fact op has gone quiet…

I went to the shop if that's okay. Just catching up now.

OP posts:

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 17:03

@FatCatThinCat

Ok

In that case he is categorically lying

You can not get council housing if you privately own

Fact

Unless she can show them that she is fleeing domestic abuse.

There would be absolutely no evidence to support domestic abuse. If this was the case, why wold she be happy for her child to be in his care for so much of the time?

OP posts:

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 17:06

@Oftenithinkaboutit

Right So she’s in council housing

So why say she has two homes. Who is living in the private property?

I meant the child already has two homes.

OP posts:

Oftenithinkaboutit · 28/10/2021 17:11

So she doesn’t have two properties!!

She’s living in a council flat. Unless her home was pretty dire, this man is living much more comfortably than her.

MajorCarolDanvers · 28/10/2021 17:11

If he has the child 4-5 nights a week the DLA should be paid to him.

She should be paying support to him.

She will be entitled to a share in the house.

He needs to see a solicitor pronto.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 28/10/2021 17:11

If she “gets” the house, then she will move back in and won’t be entitled to council housing anymore

So complete distortion to say she does or will have two properties

Oftenithinkaboutit · 28/10/2021 17:13

* He is terrified that she's going to claim half of the house in divorce.*

She would be a fool not to.
Perfectly entitled to a share of the marital home.

So yes, he should be “terrified”!

Oftenithinkaboutit · 28/10/2021 17:14

She so did not want to be with this man
That she moved out of the family home and in to a council flat.

That speaks volumes to me

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 17:14

@Clocktopus

I have 0 idea about council housing but can you get emergency council housing if you own? Just thinking if you were financially abused etc...?

Yes, you can get council housing if you own/part-own a property however you have to demonstrate why can't access the property and why you can't get your share of the value. I know someone who technically owns a property but lives in council housing, she left her relationship due to long term abuse and the financial abuse continues now as her ex drags proceedings on and on. She had to demonstrate that fighting for her share of the owned property would anger him and cause the abuse to escalate and that she had little to no chance of getting her hands on her share any time soon.

If this ex has gotten council housing so quickly then she has given plausible reasons for why she cannot continue to live in the family home, why she cannot obtain her share of the assets, and why she needs to be rehomed ASAP.

I'd say there's a massive chunk of the story that he isn't telling you as this is a red flag.

Right. So why then would she let herself into the home when he isn't and is there? Turn up in the morning because he isn't answering his phone because hes still asleep, let herself in and go into the bedroom to wake him up? Why does she spend time there using the facilities? IE Hot tub? Doesn't make sense does it. You'd think she would be terrified to go within a 10 mile radius listening to mumset.

OP posts:

Original poster

pumkinbump · 28/10/2021 17:16

@MajorCarolDanvers

If he has the child 4-5 nights a week the DLA should be paid to him.

She should be paying support to him.

She will be entitled to a share in the house.

He needs to see a solicitor pronto.

Yes, I agree.

OP posts:

Oftenithinkaboutit · 28/10/2021 17:18

So she loves the hot tub of her home etc

And yet still she decided to move in to a council flat. At very short notice and go on to a waiting list for a council house.

Op, why would she do that do you think? She didn’t even move in with the man in question

And all her visits and calls. Presumably this is all from him telling you?

Clocktopus · 28/10/2021 17:18

Right. So why then would she let herself into the home when he isn't and is there? Turn up in the morning because he isn't answering his phone because hes still asleep, let herself in and go into the bedroom to wake him up? Why does she spend time there using the facilities? IE Hot tub? Doesn't make sense does it. You'd think she would be terrified to go within a 10 mile radius listening to mumset.

I don't know, I don't know the ins and outs of their relationship aside from what you've posted and you yourself aren't exactly a reliable source as you only know what he's telling you and what you've heard as gossip from a mutual friend.

Maybe it's time you beaked out of it?

Oftenithinkaboutit · 28/10/2021 17:20

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Oftenithinkaboutit · 28/10/2021 17:21

This is a friend

santabetterwashhishands · 28/10/2021 17:25

Two sides to every story 🤷‍♀️

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 28/10/2021 18:05

@MajorCarolDanvers

If he has the child 4-5 nights a week the DLA should be paid to him.

She should be paying support to him.

She will be entitled to a share in the house.

He needs to see a solicitor pronto.

Why? Isn't where the child is when awake more relevant than where they are when asleep?

TheVolturi · 28/10/2021 18:09

I would be interested to hear the actual story from mum's side.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 28/10/2021 18:16

On the one hand, we know cheeky fuckers exist. On the other this just has gone from believable to bizarre.

So she doesn't want to see her kid, but then it's actually closer to 50/50, but she has a council flat, owns the home and comes back to use the hot tub?

It just seems.... Unlikely doesn't it

I'm all for believing horrible women exist, they do, just like horrible men, but I dunno the more we find out the more I think it is such a strange situation.

How much time does a woman have to use a hot tub when you've got an Sen child? I have a nt 5 yo and I wouldn't have the chance to literally leave the house drive across town and go strip down to get in my hot tub in my ex boyfriends house.