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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have been eating lunch in my car?

203 replies

DogHair · 27/10/2021 22:38

Name change as potentially outing. I started a new job in July, it’s health profession but mostly office based. I find the place quite overwhelming and I don’t feel like i fit in. Antics include running around the office with no top on, screaming at top volume. Throwing things around, calling each other horrible nicknames, dragging each other around on the floor, locking each other in cupboards, dead arm fights etc. On one occasion it was someone’s birthday and they had done a buffet. A food fight broke out and although I didn’t get involved I did end up with my uniform covered in chocolate cake. I had specifically asked them not to throw anything at me as I had afternoon home visits. I was covered in it and had to drive home and get changed in order to go out to visits again.
Anyway a month or so of this and I just can’t cope with it. I’ve started driving to the quayside and eating lunch in my car. Today I was called into managers office asked why I disappear at lunch time and was I having problems with anyone. I said no and made out that the office lights give me migraine. I was asked to make more effort to intergrate into the team which means coming to office at lunch times. It’s making me so anxious I’m seriously considering going off on sick. Husband thinks I’m being precious but I can’t face it. I suffer with social anxiety anyway and this is making it so much worse.

OP posts:
Shmithecat2 · 27/10/2021 22:41

Throwing things around, calling each other horrible nicknames, dragging each other around on the floor, locking each other in cupboards, dead arm fights etc. On one occasion it was someone’s birthday and they had done a buffet. A food fight broke out..'

Where the fuck do you work, at a zoo in the chimpanzee enclosure? Confused

Why didn't you tell your manager exactly why you don't want to be in the office at lunchtime?

beastlyslumber · 27/10/2021 22:42

Omg that sounds insane. I would hate it and I'm surprised that there haven't been more complaints. I think you're going to have to tell your manager how you are feeling.

Is it a big company? Do you have a HR department? Pretty sure that there are laws about not having things thrown at you at work. Constructive dismissal might be something to start thinking about?

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 27/10/2021 22:42

Start applying for new jobs ASAP. That sounds hideous. I’d be doing exactly the same, and I’d stick with the migraine story. Though what you probably should do is tell HR you aren’t impressed by food fights etc.

Shmithecat2 · 27/10/2021 22:42

I've not voted as YANBU to not want to be in that kind of environment, but YABU for not making some kind of complaint about it and being so passive.

Aspergirl77 · 27/10/2021 22:44

If your break is unpaid that is your own time and you can do as you wish.

Brefugee · 27/10/2021 22:45

It's a pity you didn't feel able to tell the manager why. Do you think you could go back and speak to them about it?

Frankly? i would spend as little time as possible in that place, and I'd definitely eat lunch elsewhere.

FourNaanJeremy · 27/10/2021 22:46

Who on Earth runs around topless in an office and starts food fights at work? I’ve worked in some silly and unprofessional places but never anything as chaotic as that! Is no one in charge of the place and why are they allowing the staff to behave like 5 year olds?
Also, you can eat your lunch wherever you like surely. It’s your lunch break, your manager has no right to demand that you stay in the office and socialise if you don’t want to. Some people just like some quiet time on their breaks and that’s fine.

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2021 22:46

@FourNaanJeremy

Who on Earth runs around topless in an office and starts food fights at work? I’ve worked in some silly and unprofessional places but never anything as chaotic as that! Is no one in charge of the place and why are they allowing the staff to behave like 5 year olds? Also, you can eat your lunch wherever you like surely. It’s your lunch break, your manager has no right to demand that you stay in the office and socialise if you don’t want to. Some people just like some quiet time on their breaks and that’s fine.
Yes, who indeed.
whoknew23 · 27/10/2021 22:47

I'm antisocial, I ate in my car every lunch at work. even in the winter at 3am😂

Vbree · 27/10/2021 22:47

Wow that sounds awful. I would encourage you to speak to your manager if you can. So sorry you're having to experience that. If it was me I'd hand my notice in, if it was financially viable.

WTF475878237NC · 27/10/2021 22:47

Is your manager one of the people behaving like they're from the Wolf of Wall Street? Get a new job. This is insane.

TrickorTreacle · 27/10/2021 22:48

I'm afraid you have lost this battle because you didn't give your manager your real reason. It's going to be hard to change your story now. Update your CV and get applying for new jobs.

SickAndTiredAgain · 27/10/2021 22:48

Antics include running around the office with no top on, screaming at top volume. Throwing things around, calling each other horrible nicknames, dragging each other around on the floor, locking each other in cupboards, dead arm fights etc. On one occasion it was someone’s birthday and they had done a buffet. A food fight broke out and although I didn’t get involved I did end up with my uniform covered in chocolate cake.

I don’t even understand how this could happen in an office. Who are these people?? It sounds like a hideous place to work!

DogHair · 27/10/2021 22:49

The manager has been there during some of this stuff. The only thing she hasn’t witnessed is the topless running as it happened on a weekend (no management in).

OP posts:
PesosBandage · 27/10/2021 22:49

That's my idea of hell too, OP, definitely stick with the car lunches. Can you get a different job fairly easily? If so, I would. I'd not, I'd put the above in a formal way, and email it to HR or someone senior. Say it's hard to work effectively in such an unprofessional atmosphere. It honestly sounds horrific.

PesosBandage · 27/10/2021 22:49

*if not

Cherrysoup · 27/10/2021 22:50

Where the fuck do you work? Raised voices are frowned upon at my place! I cannot imagine the scenarios-how on earth do you get any work done? It sounds insane. I honestly would tell the manager the absolute truth re not appreciating the bonkers fucking behaviour at lunchtime.

Can you take your lunch at a different quieter time? Why should you not bugger off for lunch? I presume you’re not being paid for lunch so can do as you please?

I’d be looking for a new job, it sounds mental.

DogHair · 27/10/2021 22:52

They’ve started holding meetings at lunch time and it’s the norm for everyone to sit eating their lunch during the meeting. It’s worse on a weekend. I work one in 3 weekends and it’s my turn this week, totally dreading it and honestly not sure if I can do it

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 27/10/2021 22:52

NHS?

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 27/10/2021 22:52

Where the actual fuck do you work? Sounds like complete mayhem Confused

Dixiechickonhols · 27/10/2021 22:53

If it’s an unpaid break it’s good to have a break - you might walk to walk in fresh air, run errands etc. I’ve sat and eaten in car in previous job. It’s nice to have some peace and quiet.

OverByYer · 27/10/2021 22:53

Do you work in a circus or 1975?

plopplopplop · 27/10/2021 22:54

It sounds like you work in that Covid testing lab that reported all those positive tests as negative.

HeddaGarbled · 27/10/2021 22:54

Why on earth didn’t you tell the truth?

lottiegarbanzo · 27/10/2021 22:56

Why didn't you tell the truth? No-one can deal with a problem they don't know about.

Your manager may be aware of some of this stuff but not recognise the impact it has on you (or would on others). Hearing the incidents named out loud might jolt them out of their complacency.

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