To have been eating lunch in my car?

[DogHair]

Name change as potentially outing. I started a new job in July, it’s health profession but mostly office based. I find the place quite overwhelming and I don’t feel like i fit in. Antics include running around the office with no top on, screaming at top volume. Throwing things around, calling each other horrible nicknames, dragging each other around on the floor, locking each other in cupboards, dead arm fights etc. On one occasion it was someone’s birthday and they had done a buffet. A food fight broke out and although I didn’t get involved I did end up with my uniform covered in chocolate cake. I had specifically asked them not to throw anything at me as I had afternoon home visits. I was covered in it and had to drive home and get changed in order to go out to visits again.
Anyway a month or so of this and I just can’t cope with it. I’ve started driving to the quayside and eating lunch in my car. Today I was called into managers office asked why I disappear at lunch time and was I having problems with anyone. I said no and made out that the office lights give me migraine. I was asked to make more effort to intergrate into the team which means coming to office at lunch times. It’s making me so anxious I’m seriously considering going off on sick. Husband thinks I’m being precious but I can’t face it. I suffer with social anxiety anyway and this is making it so much worse.

@DogHair

They’ve started holding meetings at lunch time and it’s the norm for everyone to sit eating their lunch during the meeting. It’s worse on a weekend. I work one in 3 weekends and it’s my turn this week, totally dreading it and honestly not sure if I can do it

This is really not on. You are entitled to an actual lunch break.

Do you work in domiciliary care OP? If so there should be plenty of alternatives out there for you to move on to!

DogHair Wed 27-Oct-21 23:06:30
"Essen"

"I can’t believe your husband thinks you are being precious. I would look for another job."

Well, he thinks this is all normal behaviour as they act similar in his job (but he works with blokes so running around topless isn’t exactly the same, if they even do that there). I know they force each other into cupboards and whack each other in the crotch with tape measures etc

Good lord, OP, I thought your workplace sounded awful, but your husband's workplace sounds even worse.

Perhaps you should both consider working elsewhere.

Good luck to both of you.

@WorraLiberty You could have a point...

I think that this culture sounds pretty tight knit and potentially toxic actually. It reminds me of my old NHS team, but more outlandish. There were a few strong characters who would play pranks, but all in jest. We never crossed the line and it seems your team have crossed it multiple times.
If you think this workplace culture could have ANY negative effect of health care then you have a duty of care to raise it with a manager or even a senior manager/hr

My daughter worked somewhere similar, very briefly, in a care in the community team for the elderly. Lots of inappropriate behaviour during their training sessions, and time in the office. She was shocked that some of her colleagues were actually trusted to work alongside vulnerable people.

Your lunch break is your time. Do what you like with it. If you feel you need to explain (before you find another job) tell them you need a break from being indoors each day.

Christ alive.

If that happened in my NHS trust we wouldn’t have jobs!!!

Your post alone makes me anxious!

It sounds like a nightmare workplace!! Why on earth didn't you tell your manager how you feel? As for lunch - if you are on an unpaid break you can have your lunch wherever you like, and I would be telling them that. If they want to hold meetings at lunchtime you don't need to attend unless you are being paid to. I would continue having lunch away and search for a new job ASAP.

If nhs then there are whistleblowing procedures, most nhs staff are also unionised are you in a union op?

This is utterly disgraceful behaviour in ANY workplace but I would say especially nhs. When are they doing their work if they're pissing about this much?

At the very least when you leave ensure someone ABOVE your manager knows why you left and what's going on here.

It's unconscionable

Look for another job in a more professional organisation.

I've worked in quite a few places. I've never known anyone to run around the office, never mind do it topless. I don't think I'd be offended but I wouldn't want to be spending my lunch in such mayhem. I couldn't be bothered with such childishness.

Is this your boss, @DogHair?

Seriously though, none of their business what you do with your lunch hour. If it’s the only way you can cope with working there- which sounds very understandable- keep doing it.

Also, update your CV and start looking for another job. This one sounds awful. I know it’s easy to say “just look for another job” but you really must. You aren’t the mad one here.

Your workplace sounds dreadful, but when asked about lunch I have to say I would have explained exactly why I wasn't there at lunchtime.

Lunchtimes are not only for eating, they are there to give you a break. I also eat my lunch in the car at my own workplace. No-one does any of the antics you describe at my workplace, but our lunch break is unpaid and so it's my time, I can do what I like with it.

One manager did complain and said we all "had to" be in the staff canteen provided. I said no we don't, there's nothing in the rules. I need a break from everyone and the staff canteen isn't a break. Our cars are parked in the grounds so I haven't left the premises....I think they could have a point if I left the grounds completely, as if the fire alarms went off they might not know where I was. But in the grounds I would hear the alarms and see everyone going to the fire point (near the cars in fact).

Your workplace certainly shouldn't be having meetings over lunch, but you need to be telling them that you need your own space at lunchtime and their meetings should be at other times, not a lunch break.

If you can't muster the courage to tell them this, get another job. And tell your husband to bloody grow up if he thinks that sort of behaviour is fine.....

if you cannot say it face to face, email it op.

This is ridiculous. The manager should not be allowing such antics in the office, to start with. But to then add to the problem by having lunchtime meetings!! unless that was a vague attempt to stop the shenanigans? but then no one gets an actual break!

Sounds dreadful - best bet is to seek another job

I couldn’t put up with that at all. I would be looking to move. Go on the sick if you have to til that point. On your exit interview (if your workplace has one) be completely honest and explain the above for the reasons for leaving.
How long have you been there? If the time frame isn’t too big, I wouldn’t even put that workplace/your current manager as a reference on your CV/applications for new jobs.
Good luck.

I also eat lunch in my car. I am a bit antisocial. I have no interest in making small talk with my coworkers over lunch and because of covid, it felt safer.

I would keep a record of everything that goes on that is inappropriate, especially the chat you had with the boss. I have a feeling the whole thing is going to go boom at some point, with things going too far and someone getting upset.

But, as it's at the point where you are dreading going to work, definitely brush up your CV and get out of there.

OP I you can't bring yourself to tell the manager in person, why don't you email them. This is a ridiculous way for adult to behave. I would find that very tedious and draining. So glad I work from home alone. It can be stressful, long hours for not a lot of money, but at least I don't need to put up with that shit.

Tell them you have anxiety and that a break in the day away from the office is a 'reasonable adjustment' to enable you to work.

And look for another job.

@DogHair
Sorry but I think your whole post is absolutely made up, you AND your husband can’t both work in places where this alleged, ridiculous behaviour takes place. I’ve worked in many places, my DH has worked in many places (including Engineering like your DH) and I’ve 2 adult sons who both work. None of us has EVER worked or heard of anywhere where this sort of thing goes on.

This surely cannot be true….. the harassment and bullying claims would be astronomical

That's not professional behaviour by your colleagues and is creating a hostile workplace - you can whistle blow- your organisation be it a care home or GP surgery or hospital will have a whistleblowing policy and contact. Look in staff room
For it. It's a cqc requirement they have this info up. Give that team your name as it protects you from any come back.

If you can't find it you can whistle blow to cqc. If they behave like that to other staff it is likely it slips out to patients/ residents

You can do what you want on your unpaid lunchbreak - so ignore your manager. Your answer is that you "prefer to have quiet time away on my unpaid lunchbreak".

When you whistle blow (use the phrase " I am a whistleblower") although you give your name they (& cqc) are not allowed to disclose your name or identity. And it protects you from comeback as HR will be all over this, that's has "constructive dismissal" all over it, if you leave & sue. It also doesn't look good on the service. It's outrageous behaviour, even just the throwing food!! Are they 6 year olds? No one should have to endure that.

Get a paper / email trail of your whistleblowing report

Cqc go to great lengths as should your service) to hide whistleblower name. And the managers investigating or being investigated know it is a disciplinary if they disclose your details or even openly discuss who the WB might be amongst themselves.