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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have been eating lunch in my car?

203 replies

DogHair · 27/10/2021 22:38

Name change as potentially outing. I started a new job in July, it’s health profession but mostly office based. I find the place quite overwhelming and I don’t feel like i fit in. Antics include running around the office with no top on, screaming at top volume. Throwing things around, calling each other horrible nicknames, dragging each other around on the floor, locking each other in cupboards, dead arm fights etc. On one occasion it was someone’s birthday and they had done a buffet. A food fight broke out and although I didn’t get involved I did end up with my uniform covered in chocolate cake. I had specifically asked them not to throw anything at me as I had afternoon home visits. I was covered in it and had to drive home and get changed in order to go out to visits again.
Anyway a month or so of this and I just can’t cope with it. I’ve started driving to the quayside and eating lunch in my car. Today I was called into managers office asked why I disappear at lunch time and was I having problems with anyone. I said no and made out that the office lights give me migraine. I was asked to make more effort to intergrate into the team which means coming to office at lunch times. It’s making me so anxious I’m seriously considering going off on sick. Husband thinks I’m being precious but I can’t face it. I suffer with social anxiety anyway and this is making it so much worse.

OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 28/10/2021 06:31

This is the massive problem with some office cultures that still exist.

It shows we haven't moved on at all in some circles.

No one should be afraid to be in their work environment in case of being locked in cupboards, hit in the genitalia or having food thrown at them.

NO ONE

I'd almost bet my savings there are other people who are uncomfortable but are too afraid to speak up.

But this is the 21st century where you can express these things and the behaviour is seen as unacceptable and not a normal office culture.

Go off sick. Explain to GP why you feel anxious about work.

Email your boss

Dear Boss,

Further to your question with regards why I take my unpaid lunch break away from the office I will outline below.

Offmyfence · 28/10/2021 06:31

WTAF!!

This is a place of work?

ElftonWednesday · 28/10/2021 06:37

I'd film them and get them all fucking sacked. Stupid bullying twats.

Bogeyes · 28/10/2021 06:38

I would not work there...speechless

Marelle · 28/10/2021 06:38

Wtaf? Do you work in a kindergarten?! If this is NHS then you need to report anonymously because it’s shocking if people employed by the taxpayer are doing this. On a personal level, discuss your social anxiety with your doctor and get it on record, then tell your employer they have to accommodate the issue you’ve been formally diagnosed with, which means you can sit in your car. And get a new job ASAP.

ThinWomansBrain · 28/10/2021 06:43

I can't imagine why you "covered it up" and said it was the lighting - surely the "manager" can't be totally unaware of the shitshow that they are failing to manage?
In your position I would be job hunting like crazy.

onelittlefrog · 28/10/2021 06:44

Oh my god. Working somewhere like that would give me serious anxiety - I don't think I would be able to hack it either.

I'm also concerned for your service users if this is how the staff are acting. I hope they are not vulnerable people.

To be honest, you could try and fight it but it's going to be very hard to go against that culture especially if management is involved in the whole thing. I would look for another job asap and if you have an exit interview when you leave, that is a good time to talk about all of this.

Please don't feel bad about eating your lunch away from the office. That is unpaid time and they can't dictate what you do.

DogHair · 28/10/2021 06:52

@Livelovebehappy

My daughter worked somewhere similar, very briefly, in a care in the community team for the elderly. Lots of inappropriate behaviour during their training sessions, and time in the office. She was shocked that some of her colleagues were actually trusted to work alongside vulnerable people.
Was this in Yorkshire?? Same setting I work in!!
OP posts:
MilduraS · 28/10/2021 06:58

Ignoring the crazy antics because everyone has already confirmed it's nuts... Are you paid for your lunch hour? If not, I don't see why your manager feels they can dictate what you do with it. I usually go out for a walk at lunch as I like the break and it helps my energy levels in the afternoon. Some of my colleagues do the same. I don't see what's antisocial about using your break for a break.

amillionmenonmars · 28/10/2021 07:01

I believe you OP. There are some horrible people out there, and once one becomes the 'top dog' others easily follow the pack leader. Some people really don't grow up - it is bullying behaviour disguised as 'having a laugh'.

I suspect your boss knows full well why you eat in your car at lunchtimes. The fish incident shows that they did do something when the pranks got dangerously out of hand. Maybe she is looking to do something about the culture but isn't willing to make a stand herself. Just because she is the line manager doesn't mean she isn't scared to stand up to the ring leaders. I think maybe she needs a fall guy and is hoping it will be you. That is totally unfair - to make you the spoilsport who complained to put an end to their behaviour.

I'm afraid I would be using my car at lunchtime to make those very personal phone calls that you just could not make in the hearing of other people. And I would be looking for another job. Even of you did speak up and their behaviour improved they are going to be difficult to work alongside.

I would make it clear to management why you did quit once I was on my way out though.

EvilRingahBitch · 28/10/2021 07:03

They're not going to change. Carefully managed complaints might get specific actions which are blatantly unacceptable stopped, like your DH's office did with the clingfilm, but they'll still be raucous and given to "pranks" and "banter" right up to the limit of what's acceptable and you'll still hate it. And they'll probably know it's you who's dobbed them in.

You need to find another job.

OverByYer · 28/10/2021 07:04

If either you or DH are public sector then I sincerely hope you whistle blow. I am not paying my taxes to pay the wages of people who behave like this.
I am public sector and we are currently under a great deal of media scrutiny but I can say hand on heart I have never come across behaviours as you describe and I feel I did it would not be tolerated. Plus we are all too busy doing our job.

Persephonegoddess · 28/10/2021 07:10

If you are contracted to an unpaid lunch, they cannot schedule a meeting during it. Stand up for yourself, whistleblow it all and then go off sick while finding another role.

Threewheeler1 · 28/10/2021 07:10

My anxiety levels would be through the roof in that kind of environment. Sounds seriously awful OP. Also worked public sector for years and we were too busy to be behaving like excitable shouty twats.
I don't think you'd be able to get me out of the car and into the building if I was working there, never mind just at lunch.

IFinallyJoinedNowWhat · 28/10/2021 07:24

@Firesidefox

This thread has got to be a wind up surely? You and your husband can't both work in these insane environments?

I thought my place was a bit much because the young ones get a bit pissed on the occasional Friday lunch trip to the pub!

It's one of those threads that I really really hope IS a wind-up... if it's real I don't know how on earth the OP could stand to stay there. I certainly couldn't.
DogHair · 28/10/2021 07:29

It’s not a wind up - I’m honestly hoping that @Livelovebehappy daughter worked at the same place to prove I’m not making it up!

Yes the topless runner was a woman, the senior in charge that day.
Since I’ve been there I’ve seen 3 different women leave the office in tears because of this woman. I have expressed concerns about her “off the record” before to someone more senior and was told “she’s a pain in the area but she’s good at her job and is not easily replaced”.

She was apparently “moved on” from her last job for similar behaviour

OP posts:
DogHair · 28/10/2021 07:30

Pain in the *arse

OP posts:
RedMarauder · 28/10/2021 07:38

I was asked to make more effort to intergrate into the team which means coming to office at lunch times.

Next time stand up for yourself by telling your employer as your lunch break is unpaid time you do errands on your lunch break or go for a walk, and you weren't told when you applied for the job you were expected to spend your unpaid break time sitting around with your colleagues.

I've worked with plenty of people who go to the gym, go for a run, go somewhere quiet to study for a course they are doing, go somewhere quiet to read a book, go some where quiet to phone family, etc.

Good luck with your job hunt.

MrsMadderRose · 28/10/2021 07:47

Poor you op, I would hate this so much. If this was me I would be unable to work at all as I would be so stressed. So I’d be looking into health and safety issues as it’s not ok for your workplace to be impossible to work in. Some of these behaviours could really harmful to some people, eg food fight could affect someone with allergies, the noise could affect someone’s health, as well as just being generally obnoxious. If you can’t work in comfort and safety you could claim constructive dismissal.

I’m not normally a complaint or litigious type but you have a right to work in peace without the risk of being hit by a flying cake, subjected to screaming etc. I’d be filming it and taking it as high as possible.

User983590521 · 28/10/2021 08:12

If true, this is a completely deranged workplace.

Imnothereforthedrama · 28/10/2021 08:12

No op this isn’t normal and your husband is insane if he thinks this is . If you won’t be honest and tell your boss why you wouldn’t want to spend a single second longer in that place then leave . Honestly I would’ve walked out when a single one of those incidents.

Lasair · 28/10/2021 08:14

Get a new Job, this isn’t worth it. Start looking like yesterday!

Quickchangeartiste · 28/10/2021 08:20

On e you have a new job to go to, film or take photos of this crap and send it to the Daily Mail.
Get them all riled up about budgets being spent on these clowns.
I am pretty old, worked in a fairly tough industry but never did I see behaviour like that .
So sorry for you OP.

Roselilly36 · 28/10/2021 08:21

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midnightpopcorn · 28/10/2021 08:23

This is awful. Go to HR or union if you're in one. Bypass the stupid manager. Easy for people to tell you to leave but I think you need to whistleblow first and also try to get some kind of settlement in case you don't find something straight away