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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been eating lunch in my car?

203 replies

DogHair · 27/10/2021 22:38

Name change as potentially outing. I started a new job in July, it’s health profession but mostly office based. I find the place quite overwhelming and I don’t feel like i fit in. Antics include running around the office with no top on, screaming at top volume. Throwing things around, calling each other horrible nicknames, dragging each other around on the floor, locking each other in cupboards, dead arm fights etc. On one occasion it was someone’s birthday and they had done a buffet. A food fight broke out and although I didn’t get involved I did end up with my uniform covered in chocolate cake. I had specifically asked them not to throw anything at me as I had afternoon home visits. I was covered in it and had to drive home and get changed in order to go out to visits again.
Anyway a month or so of this and I just can’t cope with it. I’ve started driving to the quayside and eating lunch in my car. Today I was called into managers office asked why I disappear at lunch time and was I having problems with anyone. I said no and made out that the office lights give me migraine. I was asked to make more effort to intergrate into the team which means coming to office at lunch times. It’s making me so anxious I’m seriously considering going off on sick. Husband thinks I’m being precious but I can’t face it. I suffer with social anxiety anyway and this is making it so much worse.

OP posts:
21budgies · 27/10/2021 23:22

Look for another job - this one isn't going to work out. Don't go off sick - this is a permanent situation. You either put up with it or you leave.

chaosrabbitland · 27/10/2021 23:23

childrens nurserys are better than this , id be getting away at lunch as well , but you really shouldnt have to eat in your car thats the thing , and its none of their business what you do in your breaks either , they cant force you to stay there in the office in your own time
unless you are truthfull with the manger and say how you feel its going to carry on .

Firesidefox · 27/10/2021 23:23

This thread has got to be a wind up surely? You and your husband can't both work in these insane environments?

I thought my place was a bit much because the young ones get a bit pissed on the occasional Friday lunch trip to the pub!

BrutusMcDogface · 27/10/2021 23:24

I work in a place with colleagues who behave like the professional adults they are, and I still have lunch in my car! It’s the only bit of peace I get out of my whole day!

Babyroobs · 27/10/2021 23:24

I know how you feel. I used to work nightshifts and when certain people were on the shift there would be pranks played, jumping out at each other, shrieking, acting like kids. Honestly it's so irritating and highly unprofessional.

antsinyourpanta · 27/10/2021 23:25

I thought we were (occassionally!) childish at my work place (with previous colleagues) but this sounds insane. YADNBU not to be present or join in with behaviour that makes you uncomfortable or anxious.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 27/10/2021 23:28

Is your office a fucking zoo? Confused Absolutely shocking.

I would just ignore the request to stay in the office at lunch. I go to my car at lunch, as does my husband. I am in no mood to sit inside that building for any more time than I have to.

Yogawankonobi · 27/10/2021 23:32

I eat in my car because it’s the only place that I can take my mask off!

Can you contact HR? Tell them it’s not being managed properly.

StarryNightSparkles · 27/10/2021 23:38

I've just read the original post and my first thoughts was the manager David Brent 😟 you're working conditions are abysmal OP. Please put this in writing to your manager, HR and the head of your department. I worked in the NHS for over 15 years and never experienced this bonkers attitudes/behaviours. If anything we were encouraged to leave during our lunch break to get fresh air or participate in a mindfulness session or yoga class that was put on for staff.

I now have my own company and my employees health and wellbeing comes before anything.

me4real · 27/10/2021 23:38

YANBU OP, they sound bonkers, start looking for something else. The thought that you're looking for somewhere else might make you feel a bit better.

I wouldn't feel able to make critical comments about a workplace culture to a manager either, especially if I was fairly new.

PigletJohn · 27/10/2021 23:38

@DogHair

Name change as potentially outing. I started a new job in July, it’s health profession but mostly office based. I find the place quite overwhelming and I don’t feel like i fit in. Antics include running around the office with no top on, screaming at top volume. Throwing things around, calling each other horrible nicknames, dragging each other around on the floor, locking each other in cupboards, dead arm fights etc. On one occasion it was someone’s birthday and they had done a buffet. A food fight broke out and although I didn’t get involved I did end up with my uniform covered in chocolate cake. I had specifically asked them not to throw anything at me as I had afternoon home visits. I was covered in it and had to drive home and get changed in order to go out to visits again. Anyway a month or so of this and I just can’t cope with it. I’ve started driving to the quayside and eating lunch in my car. Today I was called into managers office asked why I disappear at lunch time and was I having problems with anyone. I said no and made out that the office lights give me migraine. I was asked to make more effort to intergrate into the team which means coming to office at lunch times. It’s making me so anxious I’m seriously considering going off on sick. Husband thinks I’m being precious but I can’t face it. I suffer with social anxiety anyway and this is making it so much worse.
is this an office of teenage boys? or coke-head city traders? or Prime Minister Johnson and his Bullingdon buddies?

You should be frank and tell your manager that you do not "fit in" with this sort of behaviour.

Assuming the organisation tolerates this nonsense, I'd be looking for a new job among some grown-ups.

miamigirl3 · 27/10/2021 23:39

I work in an office - currently off sick but not to do with work.

Our place is a bit of a laugh, we do quite a serious job so when we are not on emails and phone calls, calling each other names, "banter", harmless practical jokes like sometimes I'll gone back from lunch to a childish Willy shaped bit of blue tack stuck to my desk or water bottle. That's harmless and it gets us through the day, we all have a bond and get on well.

However, what you are describing is disgusting. Is the manager not aware of this? Our manager would lose their shit if we were throwing food and running around without a top on??? Wtf????

You need to get out of here, I feel for you.

SummerWhy · 27/10/2021 23:41

I like my workplace and my colleagues but I almost always leave the office to eat my lunch. As lovely as my colleagues are I have a very social job and I like having a bit of quiet time over lunch. The change of scenery really helps to make it feel like a proper ‘break’ as well. No one has ever had a problem with this. Your office sounds like my idea of hell – I wouldn’t last 5 minutes!

Dita73 · 27/10/2021 23:41

YANBU It sounds like you’ve got a job at Grange Hill. Leave as soon as you can

Hankunamatata · 27/10/2021 23:42

Where the hell are you working. No way would that behaviour be allowed in my office based NHS role. We are bloodt professionals and expected to act like it. We would be all up on a disciplinary and sacked.

Skinnytailedsquirrel · 27/10/2021 23:43

I worked, many years ago, for the NHS (admin) and was ostracised because I didn't stop whatever I was doing precisely at 10am and walk en masse for coffee. Return 15 minutes later.

It was nuts.

This sounds like that but much, much worse. Is the office full of strange women?

starfishmummy · 27/10/2021 23:44

@DogHair

They’ve started holding meetings at lunch time and it’s the norm for everyone to sit eating their lunch during the meeting. It’s worse on a weekend. I work one in 3 weekends and it’s my turn this week, totally dreading it and honestly not sure if I can do it
What!! I assume your lunch break is unpaid, on thst basis I would refuse to attend a meeting. However I'm at the end of my career so not fussed about being seen as a team player.
Beautiful3 · 27/10/2021 23:58

I honestly couldn't cope with that at all. Start applying for jobs ASAP. Continue to eat your lunch in your car. You don't get paid for your lunch breaks, it is your time to do with as you wish.

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2021 23:58

Well he thinks this is all normal behaviour as they act similar in his job (but he works with blokes so running around topless isn’t exactly the same, if they even do that there). I know they force each other into cupboards and whack each other in the crotch with tape measures etc

So you're claiming the member of staff running round topless at your place was a woman?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 28/10/2021 00:03

Meh just tell them you're a smoker. No one questions me when I say I need to take "my fresh air".

Newbabynewhouse · 28/10/2021 00:04

Wtf is going on on mumsnet tonight... the posts I'm reading ... gawd.. I just can't quite believe...

How unprofessional!! YANBU .. a professional workplace shouldn't be acting like this...I'd feel uncomfortable too and if want to leave
..

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 28/10/2021 00:06

I wish I was taking the piss. He works in engineering

You say that as if that explains it. It doesn't. This is not normal, in engineering, in the NHS, in accounting or anywhere else.

me4real · 28/10/2021 00:11

You should be frank and tell your manager that you do not "fit in" with this sort of behaviour.

@PigletJohn This is the workplace the manager manages. I don't think someone criticizing their manager's workplace (and by implication how the manager does their job) will go down well ever, but especially after someone's only worked there a few months.

Fairly new employee- 'I don't fit in here'

Reply= 'ah ok so you're giving me your notice?'

It's really only the sort of comment that could be made on your way out of the building.

@DogHair Maybe you could say you like to get some fresh air at lunch time? They can't argue with that. But time to get something else lined up.

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2021 00:16

@me4real

You should be frank and tell your manager that you do not "fit in" with this sort of behaviour.

@PigletJohn This is the workplace the manager manages. I don't think someone criticizing their manager's workplace (and by implication how the manager does their job) will go down well ever, but especially after someone's only worked there a few months.

Fairly new employee- 'I don't fit in here'

Reply= 'ah ok so you're giving me your notice?'

It's really only the sort of comment that could be made on your way out of the building.

@DogHair Maybe you could say you like to get some fresh air at lunch time? They can't argue with that. But time to get something else lined up.

Yeah but if this is to be believed, there's a woman running round topless and the OP had food smeared on her uniform that she had to go home and change out of, before meeting a client.

So no, it's not really the sort of comment that could only be made on the way out of the building.

Not to mention the fish post and how much it must've cost the manager to get the place deep cleaned...

HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 28/10/2021 00:19

I used to work with a couple of childish prat's, who got away with bloody murder each time. One of the days they snuck into the female toilets and balanced a bucket of freezing cold water on top of it. I didn't realise walked in and got drenched. It was the height of summer and I had to work in a thick fleece. Another time I was called onto the till got there queue to the back of the shop and the person who called me fucked off. Didn't think anything to it and Served the first person thinking I'd be able to get the queue down relatively quick. Pressed the total till wouldn't open up. Called countless times on the tannoy for one of them to open the second till and help me out no one came down. Then I realised why my till wouldn't open. They'd cellotaped it completely shut and taken the scissors with them. In the end I had to whilst apologising to everyone stood there, peel layer upon layer of cellotape off. Finally got into the till only to find they'd also cellotaped every coin compartment up and then mixed every coin up. We lost customers that day and I wasn't the only one to put a complaint in. My problem was the manager was soft as shite and would rather not say anything in case it affected his bonus at the end of the year