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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have been eating lunch in my car?

203 replies

DogHair · 27/10/2021 22:38

Name change as potentially outing. I started a new job in July, it’s health profession but mostly office based. I find the place quite overwhelming and I don’t feel like i fit in. Antics include running around the office with no top on, screaming at top volume. Throwing things around, calling each other horrible nicknames, dragging each other around on the floor, locking each other in cupboards, dead arm fights etc. On one occasion it was someone’s birthday and they had done a buffet. A food fight broke out and although I didn’t get involved I did end up with my uniform covered in chocolate cake. I had specifically asked them not to throw anything at me as I had afternoon home visits. I was covered in it and had to drive home and get changed in order to go out to visits again.
Anyway a month or so of this and I just can’t cope with it. I’ve started driving to the quayside and eating lunch in my car. Today I was called into managers office asked why I disappear at lunch time and was I having problems with anyone. I said no and made out that the office lights give me migraine. I was asked to make more effort to intergrate into the team which means coming to office at lunch times. It’s making me so anxious I’m seriously considering going off on sick. Husband thinks I’m being precious but I can’t face it. I suffer with social anxiety anyway and this is making it so much worse.

OP posts:
HolidaysAreComingBack · 28/10/2021 09:26

Fuck that, that’s not normal.

Tell your boss or most senior person or HR or union/whistle blowing. You’re go to be leaving the job now anyway so doesn’t matter who you annoy. As for your husbands work place, if anyone wrapped me in plastic I would be down the police station afterwards. Some places get so so insular and don’t see how other departments work that they think they are right/everyone conforms

Onelifeonly · 28/10/2021 09:34

Sounds awful. Also totally unprofessional. If you're not paid for your lunch break, you can do what you like during it. Certainly shouldn't be expected to attend meetings. Do you belong to a union / professional body that you could consult for advice / ask to intervene? Though finding a new job, with a more pleasant working environment, might be the easier option.

Mothership4two · 28/10/2021 09:37

OP I'm still baffled why you didn't raise this with the manager? This is unacceptable behaviour, it's by the by that she is partially aware of it and seems accepting of it, in your place I would have told her I found it unprofessional. And why are you being pulled up for taking your lunch hour? Everywhere I have worked people often go out for their lunch hour.

Personally, I would secretly film some of these antics as evidence in case you need back up.

And leave...

DottyHarmer · 28/10/2021 09:38

Well, playing Devil’s advocate, the current employees seem to be enjoying their japes and wild office atmosphere, so if they are fulfilling their work, it seems a shame for the OP to complain about their antics.

That being said, the OP has every right to eat her lunch in peace somewhere.

DismantledKing · 28/10/2021 09:39

@DottyHarmer

Well, playing Devil’s advocate, the current employees seem to be enjoying their japes and wild office atmosphere, so if they are fulfilling their work, it seems a shame for the OP to complain about their antics.

That being said, the OP has every right to eat her lunch in peace somewhere.

So what if they enjoy it? That’s completely irrelevant. It’s unacceptable.
LakieLady · 28/10/2021 09:53

@midnightpopcorn

This is awful. Go to HR or union if you're in one. Bypass the stupid manager. Easy for people to tell you to leave but I think you need to whistleblow first and also try to get some kind of settlement in case you don't find something straight away
I agree.

Leaving won't do anything to stop this appalling behaviour.

2Two · 28/10/2021 10:01

You should film what is going on and send it to senior management, i.e. above your immediate manager's head. As people have said, get your union's support. Alternatively, contact your local paper and suggest they might like to ship a reporter in. This sort of abuse of public funding needs to be fully publicised.

2Two · 28/10/2021 10:03

@DottyHarmer

Well, playing Devil’s advocate, the current employees seem to be enjoying their japes and wild office atmosphere, so if they are fulfilling their work, it seems a shame for the OP to complain about their antics.

That being said, the OP has every right to eat her lunch in peace somewhere.

If they really are meeting their workloads whilst acting like this - which I doubt - it suggests that they are not being given enough to do. And of course there is the further problem that their behaviour is affecting other people's work - who can work effectively whilst their environment involves people screaming and dragging each other around the floor?
Whydidimarryhim · 28/10/2021 10:05

Hi op that’s disgusting isn’t it and stressful.
The culture is embedded I’m afraid.
Is the job very stressful for the people who work with the clients.
We’ve all seen the programme with the antics and abuse of adults working in homes with adults with learning disabilities.
Maybe others don’t like it but they join in sadly.
Is it a group home of some sort.
Get on the local trust website and hopefully you will see some jobs or can you work on the trust bank. More variety as you can move around.
I’d film them actually and send it to the CEO of the company once I’d left.
It is your lunch break so you can do what you want.
Are you on probation?

EggsellentSmithers · 28/10/2021 10:14

Sweetheart; you need a new job. And you need to report this all above your manager.

ifonly4 · 28/10/2021 10:19

It's your break and you're free to do what you want with it.

MondieBee · 28/10/2021 10:21

I eat lunch in my car and my office is perfectly fine. I just need a break from other people for a bit. This obsession of all having lunch together everyday does my head in, do people really not want to get some space from people they are already forced to be with all day?? Bar the odd friend I just think it's horrific how everyone runs round finding people to have lunch with.

But in your setting op even more so! But I don't think you need to make excuses. Just say you like to get out, have a bit of fresh air (make out you walk near the quayside too) and some time to chill out in your break. That's perfectly fine.

Becca19962014 · 28/10/2021 10:32

It’ll be down to management.

Over the years I worked in several nhs/health departments, including being stationed on a ward. One had behaviour which whilst not THIS bad was really bad, including the insistence you’re available all day every day including on ‘breaks’ which weren’t paid, being a member of the staff association and attendance at all activities was essential and other batshit like being single and no children meant I had no say in my holidays and couldn’t be off for Christmas or summer or Easter or half terms*. I reported repeatedly, whilst looking for elsewhere, and all I got back was I wasn’t ‘a team player’. I was doing my job which was possible within my hours. I’d no intention of wasting my little remaining functioning (I’m disabled) down the pub getting rowdy.

It was brought up at interviews (same trust) and, I was clear then of my position. I got the job and it was fine. And yes I did need to do extra work sometimes to get work done, and sometimes I needed to travel meaning my day could start 4am and finish at 1am, my manager without prompting gave me that time back (I always worked on the train). There was rarely pressure and if there was then my manager and I would make sure we made it as easy as we could on people. Certainly there was none to work at their desk or go to the pub every Saturday for example.

*With regard to leave I had a terminally ill family member, and wanted to spend time with them but it wasn’t allowed even after I mentioned it.

Coconuttts · 28/10/2021 10:39

Oh my God, I thought I'd worked in some terrible places but that is awful. Leave! ASAP!!!

amsadandconfused · 28/10/2021 10:42

I would have been honest and said you find the behaviour intolerable and you prefer to have your break where you can switch off ! I always find somewhere quiet to have my snack! I need that 20 mins to myself!

Etinoxaurus · 28/10/2021 10:54

Are you a member of a Union @DogHair?
Do what you want with your unpaid lunchtime and record everything. So follow up the chat about having lunch with the others with a cheery email- thanks for taking the time to talk through my induction, just to clarify I need a quiet lunchtime and as I mentioned the lights in the office are very bright. Can you confirm that essential meetings will be scheduled in the working day as I don’t want to miss out.

Teaandbiscuits000 · 28/10/2021 10:56

I worked at a job once where the head of the company had seen me to to my car at lunch and asked my manager to have a word about it with me. I felt like telling them to F off. As long as I’m doing anything illegal or bringing the company name into disrepute at lunch, what I do on my unpaid lunchbreak is my own business. I left that company a few months later, they obviously wanted me to be a social butterfly who chatted to everyone in the office at all times. That’s not me at all lol. Like a lot of you here, I need a break from people at lunchtime.

OP I’m really sorry this has happened to you. You need to either complain about the shenanigans at a high level, like to your managers manger, or leave. Life’s too short to put up with dealing with colleagues who like to flash their tits at the co workers.

BoredZelda · 28/10/2021 11:03

I’ve been working for nearly 35 years and never experienced this in a workplace. Not even back when I worked as a teenager/student with other teenagers/students. My husband was in engineering for a decade and didn’t experience this either. Coincidental that you’ve both ended up in these types of work environment.

I wouldn’t be staying.

Blossomtoes · 28/10/2021 11:07

Your lunch break is your time and you spend it as you choose. It’s a shame you chose to lie, though. You had the perfect opportunity to explain that the office culture is unacceptable.

ItsSnowJokes · 28/10/2021 11:17

I always go off and eat my lunch in my car. I am unpaid for lunch, so it is MY time and no one can tell you what to do on your own time. Ask to be paid for lunch if it is a requirement that you have to stay in the office as that is still work time in my eyes.

Siriisatwat · 28/10/2021 11:26

I was asked to make more effort to intergrate into the team which means coming to office at lunch times.

What fresh hell this? If any one I had ever worked for said that to me, I would have laughed in their face. Your lunch break is your break. Jesus christ.

I’ve always left where ever I’ve worked when its been lunch if I wanted to. I’m not going to be dictated on what to do in my free time.

Your colleagues sound horrific as well.

PrinnyPree · 28/10/2021 11:37

The fact that these bullies (because that's what they are if staff are leaving crying or needing to eat in their car) are working with vulnerable adults is making my hair stand up on the back of my neck. Please please report this behaviour to your union or the press! (and get video evidence if you can) x

HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 28/10/2021 12:03

@DogHair

It’s not a wind up - I’m honestly hoping that *@Livelovebehappy* daughter worked at the same place to prove I’m not making it up!

Yes the topless runner was a woman, the senior in charge that day.
Since I’ve been there I’ve seen 3 different women leave the office in tears because of this woman. I have expressed concerns about her “off the record” before to someone more senior and was told “she’s a pain in the area but she’s good at her job and is not easily replaced”.

She was apparently “moved on” from her last job for similar behaviour

Christ on a bike. I now also work in care and We'd be sacked on the spot if we did something like that where I work.
Dillydollydingdong · 28/10/2021 12:06

I've never heard anything like it. When does the work get done?

covilha · 28/10/2021 12:36

They obviously missed the nhs training on respect and inclusion then…
OP I would hate this but I understand that speaking out against the office culture will put you in a very difficult position. Does your organisation have a 24 hour telephone advice line you can phone full support? Also have you considered going to see one of the speak up people? In your position I would probably say something and see if it improves. It may, and you will know very quickly if you have made matters worse. If the latter I would definitely go on the sick and ask for a transfer.

Either way, I would be applying for new jobs now