Have toyed with posting this but here goes.
Recently, it has emerged that my DH has been accused of going through the underwear of a close female relative on two separate occasions when alone in their house. I knew absolutely nothing of this until family members accused DH directly of having a fetish. It has all come out since and I am devastated.
Context - the female family member is very particular about her belongings and refers to herself as OCD. The situation was presented to me as the female family member noticed on a recent visit after we had popped out for few hours leaving DH behind - that her underwear had moved. She found this odd but thought it could have been me or DC so tried to put out of mind.
On a further occasion a few weeks later the same thing happened - this time of an evening when DC in bed and everyone else out. She was obviously "looking" for this and feeling suspicious by this point.
In her mind there is/was no doubt that the belongings have moved as she is so particular. She doesn't leave her stuff around, ever, and the drawers are on the far side of the bedroom.
DH tells me that on first occasion, toddler age DC appeared with item earlier in day and he panicked, put it aside and then replaced it in the drawer when everyone was out so as not to look weird or draw attention to it.
On second occasion, he found a bra on the landing under our bedding (I know our bedding was on the landing) and panicked about this looking terrible especially after the first misunderstanding, so went to return it. Upon doing so he noticed just how organised the drawer was (hadn't done so on the first occasion due to speed) and panicked further so tried to "make" things look neat.
Family member referred to her drawer as a "total mess" after second occasion. Refutes the idea that DC could have obtained the item because the "nature" of the underwear was that it was at the back of the drawer not for day to day wear and child could not reach.
The landing where the bedding was is near to the laundry basket but I am told that the family member knows where her belongings are at all times (especially this one) and she is absolutely adamant it was removed from her drawer.
Family accused husband of the worst without explaining anything to me first. DH at first vehemently denied anything before later confessing that this was down to misunderstandings and gross oversteps of privacy, but not anything deviant as they suspect.
Family have now left me to it and say they will support my decision. I honestly don't know what to do or think. I am in total and utter shock. No previous indication of any inappropriate behaviour or fetish/sexual issues albeit my DH is someone that can have the odd social "clanger" so to speak.
We are happily married and I love my husband. I also love my family and don't think they have motive to lie and just want to protect me. They are willing to draw a line if I ask for that (easier said than done given how this was all explosively accused but that's a secondary issue until I can get this rationalised in my head!).
What would you believe / do?
And secondly, would you feel it reasonable to request a lie detector test in these circumstances? If a misunderstanding, very prepared to move on although very let down and devastated nonetheless. If the motive is something else (even just nosiness rather than anything more dreadful), what should I do? Appreciate in a marriage this should never be needed but I feel lost.
I want the truth even jf it's worst case scenario. My worst fear is that even if I choose to believe whatever I do, and move on (with help and counselling or whatever that may take) this may always niggle at me. It would also niggle at me if I left my husband, too. Totally lost.