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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's weird to share a bed with your 14 year old daughter?

253 replies

shedofdread · 27/10/2021 11:36

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

OP posts:
TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 18:45

[quote thefamous5]@TableFlowerss

Why is it normal for one to happen and not? Who makes up these rules about normality? Why is considered abnormal for a child to want to be close to their mom or vice versa? To me, that is more 'normal' than forcing someone to be separate and not get the comfort that they need or want for the sake of normality. [/quote]
And it’s Mum or Mam, not Mom. You’re not in the US.

Rachie1973 · 27/10/2021 18:49

My 23 year old DD shares my bed when she comes up and my DH is night fishing.

Snacks, drinks and girlie films. It’s our thing.

Redarrow2017 · 27/10/2021 18:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 18:51

@Oftenithinkaboutit

“Normal” and typical” *@TableFlowerss*

I hope you don’t use these terms with your own children if they perhaps want to do something a bit left field

It’s fine to do things other people wouldn’t. It’s none of my business what others do but when replying to a thread on here, I give my thoughts.
DumpedByText · 27/10/2021 18:53

I must be weird then, my 14 year old daughter often jumps in with me. I'm a lone parent to, it's nothing to do with anyone else!

YukoandHiro · 27/10/2021 18:54

Sexual? Your comment is weird! Bed sharing isn't. I've been on holidays with my mum as an adult and we've shared a double as twin rooms were more expensive. We'd be less likely to do it now but that's because she's older and needs her space to rest

thefamous5 · 27/10/2021 18:59

@TableFlowerss

How do you know I'm not from the US?

As it is, I'm from Birmingham and we say mom. Idiot.

Lennybenny · 27/10/2021 19:04

My 15yo ds comes in to me when he's had the type of dream where I'm dead....he also comes in and we have "snugs" where we watch a film before he goes into his own bed to go to sleep. If he's upset at night, he comes in for 15mins which reassures him I'm alive and the house hasn't been burgled or it's not on fire....and then I kick him out to his own bed. It takes minutes to support him if I didn't he'd have major anxiety and struggle for months and nobody would sleep very wll. I have 2 ds. Both ds has struggled for years with my ex. We've always had a close relationship and one way of calming and helping is for them to co sleep. One slept on the floor of my bedroom for several months and woke nightly with nightmares that I helped him through by being there, talking and holding his hand. I would never take that support away from them no matter how old they are.

Lennybenny · 27/10/2021 19:06

@DumpedByText

I must be weird then, my 14 year old daughter often jumps in with me. I'm a lone parent to, it's nothing to do with anyone else!
I am too. Doctor reassured ds that it was actually very common to co sleep or sleep in the same room and it was good for anxiety.
Oftenithinkaboutit · 27/10/2021 19:14

The side exchange going on here between two poster….

Now that really is weird to think they are adults, mothers. Weird. Grin

ittakes2 · 27/10/2021 19:20

My non bullied son at 14 still got into our bed in the morning. He's 15 now and has stopped by choice but we miss it.

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 19:38

[quote thefamous5]@TableFlowerss

How do you know I'm not from the US?

As it is, I'm from Birmingham and we say mom. Idiot.
[/quote]
I didn’t say you weren’t from the US, I said you’re not in the US. Mom is the American spelling.

God you really do sound like an arse.

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 19:40

@Oftenithinkaboutit

The side exchange going on here between two poster….

Now that really is weird to think they are adults, mothers. Weird. Grin

I can’t disagree with that! 🤣
hels71 · 27/10/2021 19:41

My DD is 14. She has her own room but regularly sleeps sandwiched between me an DH. She has quite bad anxiety and it's the way she sleeps best.

GremlinDolphin4 · 27/10/2021 20:17

My 17yr old dd often sleeps in my bed for a cuddle and a chat. My 20 yr old would dream of it! Both perfectly normal.

Darbs76 · 27/10/2021 20:19

My 13yr old DD has been sleeping in my bed since last summer when she got sick and needed a blood transfusion. I am a bit shocked your comment even mentions sexual. I can’t think anyone would ever think that when I mention my DD is sleeping in my bed. Some children need more reassurance than others. I just let mine sleep with me, I don’t draw attention to it. She’s not overly a mummies girl.

Skinnyankles · 27/10/2021 20:23

I coslept with all 3 of my children - probably until they were 3 to 4 years old.

I'd love to snuggle up to them now but they are teenagers. I just asked them if they would cosleep for one night and they gave me a big fat no. Sad

I definately would cosleep if my child had a hard day and wanted to.

SnowWhitesSM · 27/10/2021 21:36

It's really not good for anxiety.

Mind and NHS have a leaflet for anxiety in children. One of the things is teaching your children to self soothe and be able to sleep in their own bed.

Anyway I don't particularly care either way. My dc sometimes slept with me and sometimes didnt when they were small. I do think the situation OP is describing is odd. Everyone is piling on saying their dc slept with them and projecting their own experiences, but they don't relate to the situation OP is describing.

girlmom21 · 27/10/2021 21:51

@TableFlowerss I say and write mom and I'm not in the US either...

MooseBreath · 27/10/2021 21:54

I used to share a bed with my mom on occasion when my dad wasn't home, even as a teenager. I found it comforting.

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 21:59

[quote girlmom21]@TableFlowerss I say and write mom and I'm not in the US either... [/quote]
Oh, good for you. It’s not the correct spelling though is it so I mean… it’s like me saying ‘dod’ instead of dad. I mean it’s fair enough but….

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 27/10/2021 22:05

@TableFlowerss no. It's like writing dada/papa instead of dad. A regional but known and accepted form for dad. Or mam instead of mum . I mean mom was first recorded in the 1800s, that's a loooong time to still be considered a "spelling" mistake.

Silverswirl · 27/10/2021 22:06

Sexual??? What the hell? What a bizarre thing to say- do you have kids? I’m guessing not.
It’s unusual yes, but understandable esp with the bullying

authenticforgery · 27/10/2021 22:07

How unsettling that your mind went there! I wouldn't have even considered something sexual, even fleetingly.

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 22:13

[quote AccidentallyOnPurpose]@TableFlowerss no. It's like writing dada/papa instead of dad. A regional but known and accepted form for dad. Or mam instead of mum . I mean mom was first recorded in the 1800s, that's a loooong time to still be considered a "spelling" mistake.[/quote]
You would say that because I didn’t agree with you before, so of course you and others will jump on it - like the school play ground 🤣

Mom is totally American. People can use use it the same way I can use diaper etc but the spelling is American. Google it….

To add, the only reason this side tracked is because the other poster started being pathetic about my spelling so of course I pulled her up when she was wrong.

Again, because I disagree with a lot of people on this thread including you, I would expect people to start saying they use the word ‘Mom’ too… Confused makes no odds to me what you call your mothers, but you can’t argued that is not the American spelling.

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