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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's weird to share a bed with your 14 year old daughter?

253 replies

shedofdread · 27/10/2021 11:36

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

OP posts:
TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 17:20

**It doesn't say she needs to sleep with her.

It may be a want. Doesn't make it any less valid.

And it's 'you're'**

^^From personal experience, my eldest child, who I have
Never co slept with and tried to encourage^^

If you’re going to pull people up on their grammar and the like, you better make sure yours is perfect or you’ll look a bit silly….

You don’t start a word with a capital half way through a sentence do you…

My point is valid because the research you refer to isn’t the age group you’re suggesting it is

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 17:21

@thefamous5

thefamous5 · 27/10/2021 17:22

@TableFlowerss

**It doesn't say she needs to sleep with her.

It may be a want. Doesn't make it any less valid.

And it's 'you're'**

^^From personal experience, my eldest child, who I have
Never co slept with and tried to encourage^^

If you’re going to pull people up on their grammar and the like, you better make sure yours is perfect or you’ll look a bit silly….

You don’t start a word with a capital half way through a sentence do you…

My point is valid because the research you refer to isn’t the age group you’re suggesting it is

A typo with a toddler climbing on me is a little different to a basic grammar mistake, hun.
TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 17:25

A typo with a toddler climbing on me is a little different to a basic grammar mistake, hun

Oh god it’s the passive aggressive ‘hun’ brigade 🤣

Doesn’t matter why you cocked up, don’t try and be smart when you make mistakes yourself.

JustDanceAddict · 27/10/2021 17:26

No. Def not strange.

BusySittingDown · 27/10/2021 17:29

My daughter is 14 and I can't remember the last time I shared a bed with her, she hasn't been one for ever getting in my bed to be honest. However, I'd have absolutely no issues in sharing with her if there was a need to, I.e she was feeling down or scared or there was only one bed available.

SpecialchildSupermum · 27/10/2021 17:29

All of my children have slept in my bed as teens. For late night chats. For comfort. Because they want to. It’s not a need of mine, it’s purely for them. I have a super king bed and two duvets. So even my sons have nodded off whilst watching a film with me. They just snuggle down in their own duvet. It’s rare but none of us think anything of it!

AlwaysLatte · 27/10/2021 17:29

YABVVU. Fancy thinking that when a mum gives her daughter a bit of comfort. I'd say mind your own business and try not to let your mind work in that way.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 27/10/2021 17:30

@TableFlowerss

Your belief this isn’t “normal” or typical”

Does it occur to you that on this thread, the overwhelming majority of posters are telling the op that there’s no issue with this at all?

Unsure1983 · 27/10/2021 17:30

I think you're being nasty, rather uneducated on how things go around the world, narrow-minded, and deliberately provocative.

Rosesareyellow · 27/10/2021 17:31

You sound mean. Obviously it’s not sexual Hmm as long as she has her own personal space when she wants it, what’s the issue?

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 27/10/2021 17:31

You're the strange one op , to even think that. What a horrible thread.

TuftyMarmoset · 27/10/2021 17:37

I think the more important question is why is the girl struggling so much that she needs to regularly sleep in with her mum at least 7 years after the bullying, and what is going on in her life that she needs so much comforting?

thefamous5 · 27/10/2021 17:38

@TableFlowerss

*A typo with a toddler climbing on me is a little different to a basic grammar mistake, hun*

Oh god it’s the passive aggressive ‘hun’ brigade 🤣

Doesn’t matter why you cocked up, don’t try and be smart when you make mistakes yourself.

😂😂😂

Nothing passive aggressive, hun.

Just plain aggressive.

Tenfifteen · 27/10/2021 17:44

YABU.

Bouledeneige · 27/10/2021 17:48

I used to share a bed with my young teens when they were ill and needed comfort. I got a shit nights sleep but they found it comforting. I don't now they're university students.

Im perplexed that anyone would think it was sexual.

winterchills · 27/10/2021 17:51

What!! What a weird thing to say. I always used to sleep in my mums bed with her and if my dad was away did this until I was about 18/19!!

BirdyBirdyTweetTweet · 27/10/2021 17:53

I co-slept/sleep. My eldest is 15 and she stayed till she was 11.

My youngest DD is 9 and still with me. I try to encourage her to sleep in her own bed but she's having none of it.

I don't overly mind. I'd like it to be her choice to go.

KilmordenCastle · 27/10/2021 17:58

Well this thread has taught me something because I think this is very weird. To me, a teenager sharing a bed with a parent for any reason other than absolute necessity is a very strange concept. And the thought of getting into bed with my mum as an adult makes me cringe. I fully expected this thread to be filled with "YANBU that's very odd" responses. You learn something new every day 🤷‍♀️

My DD (6) went through a phase of wanting to sleep in our bed for a while but we put a lot of effort into getting her out of the habit as we didn't want it to become a regular thing. DS (3) has never once slept in our bed, he's never wanted to. It hadn't occurred to me that either of them might want to sleep in bed with me once they are past the age of about 8.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 27/10/2021 18:03

@KilmordenCastle

Well this thread has taught me something because I think this is very weird. To me, a teenager sharing a bed with a parent for any reason other than absolute necessity is a very strange concept. And the thought of getting into bed with my mum as an adult makes me cringe. I fully expected this thread to be filled with "YANBU that's very odd" responses. You learn something new every day 🤷‍♀️

My DD (6) went through a phase of wanting to sleep in our bed for a while but we put a lot of effort into getting her out of the habit as we didn't want it to become a regular thing. DS (3) has never once slept in our bed, he's never wanted to. It hadn't occurred to me that either of them might want to sleep in bed with me once they are past the age of about 8.

DD is nearly 10 and since OH works away atm she's moved into my bed.
itsgettingwierd · 27/10/2021 18:05

Well if that freaked you out I'm sure you'd be even more freaked out to hear my ds used to come into my bed during the night at that age. He also stopped around that age.

He'd also suffered trauma and if he woke in the night would come for comfort. After that he started to grow and so we had an air bed permanently pumped up and he'd put that on the floor and still sleep in my room.

I find it odd that your instinct isn't to protect your young when they need it.

Saoirse82 · 27/10/2021 18:14

Your mind is truly warped OP. I think you're the weird one.

Stuckhere2021 · 27/10/2021 18:20

@shedofdread FFS this is one of the saddest things I’ve read on here in a long time. They are not “sharing a bed”- they are either sleeping in together because they want to or have no choice. Give your head a wobble.,

I note your OP states “I had a friend” … you don’t say why you are no longer friends…. I think she’s better off without you.

TiredMummyZZZ · 27/10/2021 18:30

I'm sure it was nothing sexual

What a disgusting comment, just because you don’t understand the situation doesn’t make it deviant.

They share a bed because it works for them. I imagine she’d be mortified if she knew you started a thread about her online, it’s absolutely none of your business.

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 18:43

**Nothing passive aggressive, hun.

Just plain aggressive**

Smart come back 😂😂

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