With how my SIL reacts to this situation?

[Ihateeveryone56]

My brother, SIL and niece are all visiting my house for a few days. They go home tomorrow and I can not wait just because of how they pander and react to this situation!

I have a dog who is a rescue. She is 2 and half but trained. It’s taken a lot of hard work on my part and my dogs part to be trained and get to the point we are at. We still go to weekly classes and have constant training sessions. My niece is 5 coming up to 6 and she reacts to my dog very badly. My dog is a medium sized breed that comes up to roughly knee height. Every single time my niece comes into a room my dog is in/comes down the stairs/just sits in a room and my dog walks in she screams at the top of her lungs. I mean a really high pitched cut through your soul kind of scream. This in turn scares the crap out of my dog which makes her run away and in turn makes my niece scream louder (which I didn’t know was possible)!

I tell my niece to stop screaming because it’s not nice and there’s no reason too. She then demands to be picked up by her mom (SIL) and she does it straight away. Instead of sitting there and saying you’re being silly, she’s fine, there’s nothing wrong she panders to her picks her up and thus re- starts the cycle of screaming/picking up and not accepting my dog. This is my dog, my dogs home and not theirs. I’ve put up a stair gate for the last 2 days so I can stop my dog coming into the lounge but I feel like I shouldn’t have to do that? My niece will then stand the other side of the gate calling her a bad girl and a naughty dog when all she’s doing is lying there. I do tell her off for saying this but doesn’t seem to change a thing.

For context they own a terrier type dog who is a lot smaller than mine however that dog has actually bitten my niece on her cheek in the past but they still have the dog. My dog has never once bitten and is certainly not aggressive.

AIBU to be annoyed at the pandering to the behaviour she is showing? I have explained to my SIL and my brother if she stops screaming everytime the dog comes in then we have no issues but they still don’t correct her.

I think you should scream really loudly every time your niece walks into the room. Little brat!!

And who is looking after their dog while they’re enjoying your hospitality? Send them home and don’t invite them back. Your poor dog deserves better.

I have a cat who is very scared of people. She hisses at and bites everyone but me, and if someone comes in the house they need to leave her alone. If a child comes with a parent, I will have made clear to leave the cat alone. If said child screamed at my cat, child would get a telling off. And if screaming continued … Let’s just say my cat is my priority.

@ScaredOfDinosaurs

The poor girl is terrified of dogs because she has been previously bitten by a dog.

Your priority is the dog?

Her parents owned and KEPT the dog that bit her? Where are THEIR priorities?

Christ alive 🙄

@Ihateeveryone56

They have now left and instantly the house is calmer. My brother gave me a hug thanked me for letting them stay and apologised for not acting better or quicker to the situation. He said he will be having a conversation with SIL about the dog at home and about getting my niece some help for her fear as he is worried about the sudden change in behaviour.

SIL wouldn’t look at me and left my house without even saying goodbye or a thank you for hosting them so that was lovely…..

Niece gave me a hug and kiss goodbye and has asked when she will next see me so looks like visits to their house when I’m in the are for work sounds like the best decision for the time being.

Your brother sounds like a nice guy. He listened, took what you said on board, actioned it and is looking at sensible solutions to his child’s fear as he is, rightly, concerned about it.

Your SIL sounds like a rude twat.

@Fairfatandforty

I think you should scream really loudly every time your niece walks into the room. Little brat!!

I think this is a brilliant idea!

I would have sent them home by the third time she did that. 3 strikes and you're out.

Think they need to go home. Poor dog

Tell the parents to get a grip and teach their child how to act appropriately.

So your placid dog is bad but their dog which caused the issue is good enough to be kept? Wow.
I’d be packing their bags and leaving them at the door, telling your SIL to get rid of their dog or to stop pandering to the child.

“You do knwo that your dog cannot speak english don't you?“

Oh the irony. You do know that some dogs have an enormous vocabulary don’t you?

@DartmoorDoughnut

I felt myself get ragey reading that I couldn’t cope with it in person. The niece would be told to shut up up and save the screaming for an emergency and I’d point out to SIL that you can tell a lot about a person from how they treat animals and niece isn’t being very kind is she…

I love this.

I wouldn't be having them over again, family or not

Your niece has visited 5 or 6 times and never screamed before… sounds like she’s not at all scared of your dog! Sounds like she’s just being a brat. How awful for you and your poor dog!

Worth being aware than when you fill in austism questionaires one of the questions is about how a child reacts to a dog.
She is going home tomorrow - just don't invite them again.
The thing is - if she has an irrational fear of your dog someone telling her she is silly is not a good thing. She is a child but she has feelings and will grow up to be an adult one day. If someone was to tell you your feelings are silly I am sure you would not be OK about being belittled in that way.
But I get it has been very stressful and I agree its your dog's home - you should not invite them to stay again.

You seem quite sensible - worth considering the irony in that you want your sister to tell her she is being silly - and you are telling her off for calling a dog naughty.

Just tell them to go home and that it's causing both you and your dog stress you don't need. This is why I won't have my DNs to stay overnight - one is scared of my dog (don't know why, he has never done a thing, kid has just not spent time around dogs so is now scared of mine in particular). They can come for a few hours and we will use a stair gate to keep them separate, but no more than that.

Sorry OP, just caught up and seen that they've left. Tell them to contact a Kids Around Dogs approved instructor. KAD Instructors have been trained on a protocol to help children overcome their fear of dogs in a gentle way that takes in to account the needs of the dog, and the child.

I'd of left my DN behind the stair gate and let my dog in the lounge and then asked her who was a naughty girl and said when she can stop scaring the dog she can come in the room. It's the dogs home.

What breed is it? Bully breed?

Ask them to leave - they are lousy parents, why can't they correct and if necessary punish her bad behaviour? She's being a brat, you and your poor dog should not be having to put up with this

Haven’t RTFT, but have read your responses, OP. I’m glad they’ve gone. Don’t let them back (until you’re sure your niece won’t react like this again). You are right to prioritise your dog in this situation.

Tricky one…I was petrified of my grandparents fog at that age and my mum would comfort and reassure me. I think that’s normal on the part if your SIL and not pandering. But obviously you can’t remove your dog whilst the family are around. Hopefully she’ll grow out of whatever is causing such an extreme reaction.

Dog not fog!

@ittakes2

You seem quite sensible - worth considering the irony in that you want your sister to tell her she is being silly - and you are telling her off for calling a dog naughty.

@ittakes2 Where is the irony? What are you talking about?

The child is nervous of the dog and no one is listening to her. She’s had a horrid previous experience.
The parents ought to be taking their parental duties diligently and it seems this is not being addressed. Perhaps a parenting course is appropriate.
The poor dog will be confused.