With how my SIL reacts to this situation?

[Ihateeveryone56]

My brother, SIL and niece are all visiting my house for a few days. They go home tomorrow and I can not wait just because of how they pander and react to this situation!

I have a dog who is a rescue. She is 2 and half but trained. It’s taken a lot of hard work on my part and my dogs part to be trained and get to the point we are at. We still go to weekly classes and have constant training sessions. My niece is 5 coming up to 6 and she reacts to my dog very badly. My dog is a medium sized breed that comes up to roughly knee height. Every single time my niece comes into a room my dog is in/comes down the stairs/just sits in a room and my dog walks in she screams at the top of her lungs. I mean a really high pitched cut through your soul kind of scream. This in turn scares the crap out of my dog which makes her run away and in turn makes my niece scream louder (which I didn’t know was possible)!

I tell my niece to stop screaming because it’s not nice and there’s no reason too. She then demands to be picked up by her mom (SIL) and she does it straight away. Instead of sitting there and saying you’re being silly, she’s fine, there’s nothing wrong she panders to her picks her up and thus re- starts the cycle of screaming/picking up and not accepting my dog. This is my dog, my dogs home and not theirs. I’ve put up a stair gate for the last 2 days so I can stop my dog coming into the lounge but I feel like I shouldn’t have to do that? My niece will then stand the other side of the gate calling her a bad girl and a naughty dog when all she’s doing is lying there. I do tell her off for saying this but doesn’t seem to change a thing.

For context they own a terrier type dog who is a lot smaller than mine however that dog has actually bitten my niece on her cheek in the past but they still have the dog. My dog has never once bitten and is certainly not aggressive.

AIBU to be annoyed at the pandering to the behaviour she is showing? I have explained to my SIL and my brother if she stops screaming everytime the dog comes in then we have no issues but they still don’t correct her.

@mathanxiety

Good thing the father has realised her behaviour and her fear requireto be addressed, something her mother is ignoring, which does the child no good. The mother is not ignoring the fear and the screaming. She is responding to her child's obvious distress by picking her up and soothing her. This is exactly what the child needs. Long term, what she needs is for her family to rehome the terrier who bit her. If apples don't fall far from the tree, I suspect her father won't do that. She'll just have to get used to playing second fiddle to an animal in her own home.

However, OPs responsibility is to her dog and the screaming is undoubtedly disturbing to it, so it can’t be tolerated.
The OP's responsibility is to the people in her home, including children. She should be trying harder to make sure they are all comfortable.

The mother is not ignoring the fear and the screaming. She is responding to her child's obvious distress by picking her up and soothing her. This is exactly what the child needs. Long term, what she needs is for her family to rehome the terrier who bit her. If apples don't fall far from the tree, I suspect her father won't do that. She'll just have to get used to playing second fiddle to an animal in her own home.

The mother is pandering to the spoiled brat's attention-seeking. She is irresponsible and creating a rod for her own back, which is why I suspect she is the one keeping the dog at home. The only one who is stepping up as a parent (or seems to be) is the father who is not being played by the brat and doesn't approve of her vindictive, cruel behaviour.

The OP's responsibility is to the people in her home, including children.
The OP's responsibility is not to allow a future animal torturer to abuse a rescue dog that is doing nothing more than sitting in it's own home. The parents' responsibility to prevent their child from turning a cruel spoiled brat (a bit late for that) who will go on to torture and abuse animals for attention. It's clear the mother is incapable of stepping up and being a responsible parent, lets hope the father can try and change the course his ill-disciplined bully of a daughter is on.

TheGirlCat - you are on a hiding to nothing here.
You are speaking complete and utter sense, obviously.
To use an appropriate analogy, some posters are like a dog with a bone. Or a child with a piercing scream.

I really don't think you are in your rights to call a child you do not know the names you have called her there @TheGirlCat.

You sound like you don't like your little niece at all. I think YABU. Why don't you have empathy for a small child that's scared of a dog? I'd have left the house due to your behaviour if I was them.

Why don't you have empathy for a small child that's scared of a dog?
The OP doesn't not have empathy. She would just like the child's behaviour to be addressed.

@IntermittentParps where's the empathy??

The OP's criticisms are of her SIL and brother, not niece.
The niece gave her a hug and kiss goodbye and asked when she would next see her, so it doesn't sound like their relationship is suffering or the OP is passing on her frustration about SIL and brother to her.

Poor kid, poor dog. What an awful situation to be put in because of the grown us. I wouldn't do it to either of them again. It's not fair.

@trulyconfuseddotcom

That's ridiculous. Your poor dog, this sounds quite stressful for everyone involved. I think that if they want to visit again, they need to find alternative accommodation, at least until the child is a couple of years older. I have two dogs and wouldn't want this situation in my home, it's not great for you, your dog or the child. You've tried to deal with it in a reasonable way but unfortunately you can't make the parents act sensibly if they don't want to.

Quite agree with this ^. They are in the dog's home. Ask them to go early and next time they ask to stay, make excuses. The child is a brat and pets are more important

@Petlover9 the child is 5 and has been bitten before. It is a completely rational fear of the dog. All of the adults in this situation have handled it badly.

[quote Sidehustle99]@Petlover9 the child is 5 and has been bitten before. It is a completely rational fear of the dog. All of the adults in this situation have handled it badly.[/quote]
I don't agree. They knew the OP Had a pet dog and also knew their child was frightened, so did they expect that the dog would be kept outside? They should have booked accommodation nearby and visited for a few hours while the family dog was taken for a walk.

@Petlover9

And the OP knew there was a kid coming with a rational rear of dogs. All of the adults failed the dog and child.

@10yearwarranty

I can't understand why they are visiting for a few days when their daughter is terrified of the resident dog. What a daft idea. Everyone would be better off if they stayed somewhere else and visited you.

Agree with this ^.

Agree @Sidehustle99.

This child's needs are being ignored.

People who are not scared of dogs never understand people who are scared of dogs. Telling off your niece is not the way to deal with this.

You & her parents need to work together to find a way that the dog can be around your niece. And that your niece can be calmer around your dog. Shouting at a 5 year old will not work.

In our house if you are a guest and you don't like or are rude to our many animals, you get shown the door. Screaming children would be removed also. Not fair on the poor dog!