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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it weird to keep her with me until 5?

391 replies

Whatwillyakkabetoday · 27/10/2021 09:17

Dd, is 3 and an August birthday. Is it unusual to keep her at home with me until she turns 5 and send her the September after she turns 5?
I’m a nursery teacher so do lots of activities at home etc.
She wouldn’t have any pre school etc until 5
Has anyone done this?

OP posts:
Rachymoz · 29/10/2021 08:37

Please ignore anyone who says august borns will be just fine at school! Some will, but do what’s best for your child. Please join the flexible admissions for summerborns Facebook group and do your research. The group is amazing and will certainly reassure you that you aren’t weird! My august born will start reception at age 5 and 2 days instead of 4 and 2 days thanks to help from the group xx

Tillysfad · 29/10/2021 08:42

Fleshmechanic

She's saying what might be best for a specific child in specific circumstances! It doesn't mean there's no value in preschool. Also, a preschool teacher home schooling is probably quite a different thing to you home schooling.

anniefrangipani · 29/10/2021 08:44

It depends. Do you hate your kid and are desperate to get her out of your house? Send her. Like her and want to hang out with her? Don't send her.

That's basically the dichotomy - people who are desperate for a bit of peace will justify it as best for their kids, people who actually like hanging out with their kids are in no rush.

You already know you're legally allowed to keep her home, and once that decision is made it's up to the admissions team to decide whether it's in her best interest to skip reception, which it's pretty easy for you to argue that it's not.

I think there's a Facebook group about csa admission for kids born in the summer that might be helpful, but my kids are homeschooled so I'm not an expert.

OhRosalind · 29/10/2021 08:58

If you are planning on staying in the country long-term and she’ll be attending monolingual state schools there then I think I’d focus on exposure to and practice with the local language rather than focusing on phonics in English. Although kids pick up the language quickly (and depending on the country might be entitled to extra support for this - in Italy/France they generally are, for example), given this previous negative experience it would probably help her confidence about returning to education if she is more comfortable with the language.

Whereismumhiding3 · 29/10/2021 09:04

It's very sad to read a prejudicial post like this
It depends. Do you hate your kid and are desperate to get her out of your house? Send her. Like her and want to hang out with her? Don't send her.

That's basically the dichotomy - people who are desperate for a bit of peace will justify it as best for their kids, people who actually like hanging out with their kids are in no rush.

This PP has her own reasons for homeschooling their own DC. But what she wrote is absolute bunkum about other parents motivations.

I love my August born DS, so I did what was best for him, which was send him to preschool and reception year school with his peers. As did nearly every parent of summer born children in my PN groups. He did extremely well at school and is now at a fantastic university.

OP- If you have good schools with well thought out introductory programmes, your DC will likely settle in well. BUT it's a personal choice, you'll know what's right for your DC as they are individuals. Please don't let other PPs sway you with their personal agendas.

Original poster
whatwillyakkabetoday · 29/10/2021 09:33

Thanks all,

My main plan this year it to possibly hire a babysitter/teacher to take her out and teach her the language whilst playing etc. This also gives me a teeny break, if it’s say a couple of mornings per week 🤷🏻‍♀️Not sure how much she’ll learn from that and if she’ll want to/enjoy it

OP posts:
jwpetal · 29/10/2021 10:13

I started mine at 5 into reception. She was August born in UK and wish I hadn't done nursery. They all socialise. The UK is one of the only countries starting so young. The norm is 6 to 7. Do what is right for her and don't worry what others think.

Immaback · 29/10/2021 10:28

“ They are young for their age in obvious ways eg. Still believe in Santa”

Please don’t tell me that 7 is old to believe in Santa!! I thought I had many more years ahead of my with my 2 year old and 5 year old Confused

ancientgran · 29/10/2021 10:54

@Immaback

“ They are young for their age in obvious ways eg. Still believe in Santa”

Please don’t tell me that 7 is old to believe in Santa!! I thought I had many more years ahead of my with my 2 year old and 5 year old Confused

Don't worry, the canny ones keep the magic going. I always find it funny when people think a child telling you they don't believe in Father Christmas is some sign of maturity or intelligence. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.
Madamum18 · 29/10/2021 11:25

I’m quite shocked by some of the responses though. I think I need to stick to my plan of having to send her next September.
Surely doing as I’m doing with her at 3 years old isn’t going to be detrimental, is it? Feeling quite shit now and worried.

Have confidence in your instincts. As a teacher you know all kids are different and you know your child best. Of course it is NOT detrimental!! Ridiculous for it even to be suggested. Keep doing what you are doing, ensure she has opportunities to socialise etc , build her confidence back and you will know when is right.

BUT ..I have to say the place she went sounds very unsuitable in curriculum and style for such young children so keep that in mind when looking for where she will go!

workwoes123 · 29/10/2021 16:36

@whatwillyakkabetoday

That’s a good plan, and it’s what a friend of mine did ; hired a local babysitter / student to come and play with her kids while my friend was home. She’d do games, teach them Nursery rhymes etc. It certainly helped them get ready for school.

nopuppiesallowed · 29/10/2021 18:39

In a way, this is a strange question because years ago parents automatically kept their children home with them until they started school....😬

Bambooshampoo · 30/10/2021 00:42

No. Not in the least.
Delayed school start is the legal right of any summer born (April-Aug) child.
You do not have to miss reception, you can start age 5 in reception and go through the entire school in the new cohort.
You know your child, no other opinion matters but yours.

singlemummanurse · 30/10/2021 01:00

My little girl never went to nursery, she did start school at 4 though. I don't think it put her back at all, she gets on really well, academically where she should be and is extremely sociable. I did take her to the library lots to socialise, playgroups, events etc plus she went to my niece when I worked nights so spent a couple of hours in the evenings and in the mornings with her cousins 2/3 times a week. I think it was right for us and would do the same if had to make the decision again. Nursery is needed for some kids but not right for others, you know your child best.

Maximum71 · 30/10/2021 13:35

Young kids learn a new language so very quickly. We only spoke English with my oldest daughter up to her going to school - because basically my Dutch was too bad for me to inflict on her. She went to nursery where they actually mostly spoke English to her. She started school at 4 and could grasp most of it. She didn't struggle. She has always felt more English than Dutch though - even with a Dutch daddy - and has now moved back to UK. You can't tell she is bilingual- she speaks both languages perfectly.

Hydrate · 31/10/2021 21:57

I sent mine at five years old, I hated doing it, and staying in the classroom with a couple other nervous mother's. After about 45 minutes, I was the only parent left, me DC hadn't looked at me once! I decided I would go home, when I told DC they barely took the time to say a cheerful "ok, bye mummy".

I sat outside for a while, then walked home, wiping tears away. I was pathetic! BlushBlushBlush
Dc loved school so much that he cried when he had to stay home for a couple of days with an ear infection.

When I saw how much they loved going, I wished I had enrolled them at age four.

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