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Original poster

Is it weird to keep her with me until 5?

391 replies

Whatwillyakkabetoday · 27/10/2021 09:17

Dd, is 3 and an August birthday. Is it unusual to keep her at home with me until she turns 5 and send her the September after she turns 5?
I’m a nursery teacher so do lots of activities at home etc.
She wouldn’t have any pre school etc until 5
Has anyone done this?

OP posts:
621CustardCream438 · 27/10/2021 09:37

I can understand deferral of reception for a summer born, though I certainly don’t think it’s always needed. But in those circumstances I’d personally want to at least send them to nursery or preschool. I think she’d be missing out on a big chunk of formative socialising, activities you can’t replicate at home/without a peer group and learning to be apart from you.

But a lot depends on why you want to do it - because you think she has particular needs, you really want to homeschool, you’re having trouble letting go, you can’t get into a particular school…? If you have considered it and are clear it’s in her best interests then she won’t be the only child ever in those circumstances.

Turtles4543 · 27/10/2021 09:37

I have an August DS and so had the thought of starting him in school later. But he was doing fine, started him at just turned 4 and he’s now in secondary doing very well.

There is a girl in my DD’s year 4 class who started later and it really does show. I hadn’t thought that far ahead when I was thinking of my son.

zafferana · 27/10/2021 09:38

I wouldn't do it OP. Even though I was at home my DC went to nursery, because I felt it was important for socialisation, getting used to being one of a group, learning to sit on the carpet in a circle with all the others, learning to take turns, etc. If they'd got to 5-year-old with no experience of any of that I think it would've put them at a huge disadvantage. An occasional play date with you being there is not the same thing, at all.

Rosesareyellow · 27/10/2021 09:40

Is it unusual to keep her at home with me until she turns 5 and send her the September after she turns 5?

Well obviously it’s unusual… you know most parents don’t do this. Is it ok? I guess so. You just want to homeschool until 5, why not?

Stompythedinosaur · 27/10/2021 09:40

I'd be worried about how she would find a transition to school at 5, missing all the relationship building and getting used to the setting.

I don't think a weekly playdate will be enough socialisation.

Bimblybomeyelash · 27/10/2021 09:42

I think that a weekly play date isn’t enough socialising for a 3 or 4 year old. My youngest was very mummy focused and was a summer baby, and benefited so much from going to preschool a couple of
Times a week at age 3. When he started school he was only just 4, and noticeably younger than some classmates. But he loved school right from the start. I think I probably could have happily delayed reception and kept him at home for an extra year, but not without attending pre school for that time.

girlmom21 · 27/10/2021 09:42

I don't think it's weird but I think it's unfair on her. You mention that she's got an august birthday. That's all the more reason to get her socialising with other peers so she doesn't fall behind IMO.

whatswithtodaytoday · 27/10/2021 09:42

My mum did this (in the 80s) as she didn't believe in children going to school so young, so kept me at home until the term after I turned 5. Apparently I was a very easy child and she enjoyed it, which is baffling to me as my 3 year old is exhausting!

While I was fine, it's not like I suffered and we didn't do playgroups or anything, I do think it's better for children to go to school with their cohort and experience things together, ideally. I remember being really confused by all the new things I had to do, and I think I'd have been better if I at least started in September with everyone else. I also think pre-school is really valuable for children and they get a lot from it - she doesn't need to be there 9-5 every day, but a few hours a week helps them socialise and get used to being in a big group rather than someone's sole focus.

Also bear in mind that she will get sick a LOT when she first starts childcare - so it might be better to get that out of the way when she's younger.

zafferana · 27/10/2021 09:44

There's also the issue of her immune system. If you don't let her mix with a classroom full of other DC until she's 5, she's going to spend most of her first year of school off sick, and that will be amplified by the last 18 months of limited social contact. Much better for her to be exposed to childhood viruses now, rather than missing vital schooling when she's already missed a full year of it.

Ginger1982 · 27/10/2021 09:44

Why would you want to do this?

NotAnotherPushyMum · 27/10/2021 09:44

I have an august ds and if deferring had been allowed back then I would have started him a year later. It’s only now he’s doing a levels that it feels like he ‘fits’ within his year group. I don’t think it helped that around two thirds of his class at primary school had autumn birthdays, so he seemed very young.

Seeline · 27/10/2021 09:45

So she would be starting school at least a year late, having never been to any setting where she would be mixing with more than a couple of children? I think you are doing her a massive disservice there! Children are social creatures, they like mixing with others but they have to learn the rules of mixing and your DD will not be getting that opportunity until way too late. She will find school very hard (especially if trying to fit in with her actual year group, rather than starting with children technically a year younger), if she has never had to fit into that sort of setting, and difficult to make friends if she doesn't know the 'rules'.

TheFairyCaravan · 27/10/2021 09:45

DS2 went into an actual reception class in the September before his 4th (late December) birthday. The school was going to lose a teacher if they didn’t take the older nursery children. He absolutely flourished. My mum told me I was cruel Hmm but loved it. Most of what they did was learning through play, anyway, but he came on in leaps and bounds.

Let her go OP. They learn so much more from being around other children.

Spudina · 27/10/2021 09:46

Both my DDs we’re in nursery from babies. They made lovely friendships, got used to the routines and learnt how to take instruction from other adults and how to be away from me. The nursery were amazing at tracking and encouraging their developmental goals and DD1 was reading before she went to school. There wasn’t a single disadvantage. I think kids who go to nursery adjust much better to school life. Going from always being with you to full time school is a massive leap.

sassbott · 27/10/2021 09:48

What? Why? You’re a nursery school teacher and you first hand see the benefit children in these environments get. Why would you deprive your child of these?

Is this for you? Or for the child? (It smacks me of the former).

And by the way, in my child’s reception year it was very clear the 2 children who had not been socialised via pre school. Every morning the meltdowns at the school gates were something to behold - these children were sobbing/ screaming and pushing their parents back from the school begging not to be sent. They regressed into soiling/ wetting themselves in school. And were quite unsettling influences within the classroom. I thought it was really cruel actually and not remotely fair on the other children.

PanicBuyingSprouts · 27/10/2021 09:48

No it wouldn't be weird but it would be unusual. I did think of deferring with my DC2 who is also August born but didn't in the end and I'm glad I didn't now.

I'm not sure about where you live but schools are now hugely oversubscribed here.

One of the reasons I didn't defer for a year is because I wouldn't have known which school they would be in and logistically, with having an older sibling in Primary, well, two different schools wouldn't have worked.

hiredandsqueak · 27/10/2021 09:48

Well I kept my dd with me until the latest school entry point. She did to two mornings a week in school nursery for the two terms before she started school though. I was doing an early intervention programme at home as she was dx'd with autism at two. It was definitely right for dd even though the school would have preferred her in school but it was my choice and the health professionals and early years SSEN attached to LA supported that choice. Dd had no problems starting school and was reading writing spelling and doing maths tasks ahead of her peers in school anyway.

Hamsteronrollerblades · 27/10/2021 09:48

I went at 5, lots did back then. I was an only child from a small family and don’t think play dates were a thing. I don’t understand why we think there is a need to get 3year olds into school for any reason other than some might like it and there has been enormous social change. The differences of individuals and of parental circumstances are huge but most children will thrive either way as long as care is good. I picked for mine to do a few mornings of Playschool and stayed away from full time until nearly 5 but that suited them and me.

JellyTotCat · 27/10/2021 09:49

Late dh grew up in another country. He started school at 6 having never been to nursery as his parents couldn't afford it. Just played with neighbour kids. He was very intelligent and had excellent social skills. His mum said he was fine starting school. Didn't cry as some others did.

Saoirse82 · 27/10/2021 09:51

I think its fine, shes not missing the first year of school, she's missing nursery. Im in NI so things might be slightly different but lots of children who have their birthdays in the summer months start school in Sept age 5 here so I don't see the issue.
My friends daughter started P1 (first year of proper school) in Sept, her mum didn't send her to nursery as she had vulnerable family members, she's settled in absolutely fine. Some people on here just have an issue with everything, you'll know what's right for your child and as long as she's regularly socialising with her peers then she'll be absolutely fine.

C8H10N4O2 · 27/10/2021 09:52

Is she in the situation where local state provision for Summer babies is to go straight into yr 1 with no reception and no nursery or do they have proper nursery education half days for a year before full time?

We do start formal education very early in the UK, however at 3-4 a good nursery school is something most will enjoy. My Summer borns benefited from that model. However the neighbouring borough only had the option of full time school in September immediately after your 4th birthday as a rising 5 which was much too young for a child with an end of August 4th birthday.

So for me it depends on the local options as well as the child herself.

What are you

Mistlewoeandwhine · 27/10/2021 09:52

I think it’s a great idea. Statistically, August babies do a lot less well academically and this need to push children away from parents from the earliest age is mentally unhealthy. If you take her to local play groups and do play dates she’ll be fine.

EspressoDoubleShot · 27/10/2021 09:52

You’re setting dd up for one hell of a wrench away from you when school start
I do think your purposefully limiting her socialisation and structured time with other kids
Why?

FatBettyintheCoop · 27/10/2021 09:53

I think it’s fine but it really depends on the child and whether you think she’s ready for more formal schooling at 4yrs old or not.

However, you’ll find that lots of parents and teachers on Mumsnet who are U.K. based, struggle to see things from a different perspective and wrongly think that children will be disadvantaged by starting later.

DS was in school in UK at 4.5yrs and didn’t really enjoy it. We moved to Ireland when he was 5 and he started from scratch in Junior Infants at 5.5yrs and settled in quickly. He’s the second oldest in his class and now 12yrs, he’s had a grand time in Primary.

BigFatLiar · 27/10/2021 09:53

Are you a stay at home parent just now?

Don't see the problem. I'm not as young as most here and when I was little nursery/playgroups were the exception. Most children stayed at home till primary 1, in my class at primary I don't think there was any child who'd been to nursery.