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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it weird to keep her with me until 5?

391 replies

Whatwillyakkabetoday · 27/10/2021 09:17

Dd, is 3 and an August birthday. Is it unusual to keep her at home with me until she turns 5 and send her the September after she turns 5?
I’m a nursery teacher so do lots of activities at home etc.
She wouldn’t have any pre school etc until 5
Has anyone done this?

OP posts:
Wwjd89 · 28/10/2021 18:13

Hello I'm a school teacher and a mother of a summer born boy. I deferred him to start school a year later. He started in Reception this year, no regrets.
My DS was definitely not school ready at 4 (I understand some summer Borns are) but has fitted it in and coped with it all at 5. Just had his first parent's meeting and he is doing as a reception child should no better or worse.

However, he did go to nursery three days a week as I work. But the other 2 he was with me. It was lovely having that time.

Feel free to pm if you want any advice on how to defer etc

Vynalbob · 28/10/2021 18:18

Remember that you are the expert.
I had no preschoolling (years ago obvs) but my father taught me the '3r's as they say....
When I went I had to start 3 weeks later I was moved up a year.... which would be fine except at some point you have to repeat a year as the UK is very rigid.

Good Luck

MarvellousMonsters · 28/10/2021 18:21

If she only spends time with you, including the activities she does with other people, it's not going to do her any favours when she then starts actual school and is suddenly away from you. Unless she has some experience of being dropped off and picked up by you, like at preschool, then you dropping her off at reception is going to be a massive shock to her.

Cynderella · 28/10/2021 18:22

My August born son started school when rising fives was in place, so he did two terms of part time before starting full-time after Easter - no option to do anything else. It was fine - better for him, just a pain doing all those lunchtime drop offs or pick ups.

Fast forward to this year, and granddaughter did same - this time because there was no reception place for her at chosen school. After a lot of shenanigans, it worked out that she was in nursery for mornings until the Easter. one term in Reception full time and then Year 1 this term. All fine. She's actually in the class with Year 2s because she is in the top lot for literacy and numeracy. That might be because it's a year group that went through lockdown - as an only child, she's had a lot of adult attention.

So, socially and academically, I don't think it makes much difference. Do what's best for both of you.

rrhuth · 28/10/2021 18:25

We did it and it was great.

My only advice is if you are going to do something that is statistically uncommon, do not ask the general public if you should do it as they will all say no!

But clearly you can do as you like and bear in mind all the people saying not to do it have no first-hand experience of doing it! There is no statistical evidence to suggest it would be a problem. Home ed kids do fine at home.

rrhuth · 28/10/2021 18:27

Unless she has some experience of being dropped off and picked up by you, like at preschool, then you dropping her off at reception is going to be a massive shock to her. This sort of comment for example - zero research to back it up, just a fear. IME when late starters join they are equivalent to their peers.

Flingingmelon · 28/10/2021 18:30

We delayed DS school start for a year and it was hands down the best thing we could have done for him.

I'm not going to go into the details but the Facebook group

Flexible School Admissions for Summer Borns

Is fantastic. All the info you need is there.

Flingingmelon · 28/10/2021 18:33

Also, if you delay a year that's what you are doing, there's no reason to miss reception or any other year.

Flingingmelon · 28/10/2021 18:35

One big downside though. Once you do start school all the birthday cards will have the wrong number on them (I'm being facetious but there's some real scaremongering on this thread and it's complete nonsense.)

Iloveallofthem · 28/10/2021 18:35

Do what you want.

What feels right.

There will always be those people who would put their child in Nursery pretty much since their birth and others , like
You, who choose to delay school.

Absolutely do what is best for you.

Personally, I'd say go for it. 💕

Iloveallofthem · 28/10/2021 18:36

Oh... and I'm a Nursery teacher too!

Smile
Iloveallofthem · 28/10/2021 18:36

@TreeVee

I kept mine home with me. She is July born so we were unsure about waiting an extra year but honestly, it was the best thing we ever did. Rather than struggling she is thriving and rather than trying to catch up she is excelling. She needed that extra time to play and they start so early here in the U.K if they can have an extra year of play then they should.

Love this . What a fab Mum 💕

bakingdemon · 28/10/2021 18:37

I was born right at the end of August so always the youngest in my year. I was fine. Send her to school at 4.

Sneezecakesmama · 28/10/2021 18:39

I would do the same as you OP if I had the opportunity. I'm laughing at the idea she will be damaged and traumatised if she starts school at 5. Provided she has plenty of interaction with other children and lots of activities with you, she will miss out on nothing.

I suspect though, you will get fed up before she does.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 28/10/2021 18:43

Sounds like a lot of isolation and minimal contact with other children.
I had that as a child, through my parents' choices, and I hated it then and look back on it with great sadness, and see issues that I still have today that go back to that. Hence, I would disagree with your proposal.

PenguinBarnotBird · 28/10/2021 18:51

100% this. You’re in a lucky position OP to have a choice where a lot of people don’t.

If I was choosing now (DC are older) I would keep mine at home with me until they start school, there are many benefits to keeping them in a home environment with one primary caregiver. Sounds like your DD will benefit from all the learning and interaction she’s getting in your nurturing environment.

Do what you know in your gut is right for her. A bit more time with you building up her confidence and a fresh start next year at another school sounds perfect.

PenguinBarnotBird · 28/10/2021 18:52

@rrhuth

Unless she has some experience of being dropped off and picked up by you, like at preschool, then you dropping her off at reception is going to be a massive shock to her. This sort of comment for example - zero research to back it up, just a fear. IME when late starters join they are equivalent to their peers.
100% this I meant!
Hanywany · 28/10/2021 18:55

@Whatwillyakkabetoday Hi I would do what you feel is best you know your daughter better than anybody else so take no notice of all the negative comments on here! I have 4 dc and my first didnt go to school til just after they were 5 and they really did hate it they were bullied and their confidence was crippled so I ended up taking him out of school and my other 3 never went to nursery or school and I have 4 of the most bright, cheerful, clever, happy and super content children I could ever have hoped for!
So you listen to your instincts on this one and it will be the right thingSmile

Iamsodonewith2020 · 28/10/2021 19:02

My son is august born. Instead of deferring a year he went part time for the whole of reception. School were a PITA about it but I knew my rights and stuck to what I knew was my right and what was best for my child. He started year 1 with a reading age of 9 and He is in year 8 now and top sets in everything and very sociable and enjoys lots of sports. Do what is right for your family.

Pastnowfuture · 28/10/2021 19:08

In your opening post you ask if it's unusual and it certainly is but that doesn't mean it's detrimental. Each child is different. What works for one doesn't work for another. You know your daughter best. My son is May born and I'm considering delaying by a year. There are lots of Facebook groups full of people who have done it and as of yet I've never seen a post from anyone who has regretted it.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 28/10/2021 19:09

You should post on home ed forums for support and connect with your local home ed community. It's not unusual in those circles and often loads of social stuff going on for that age group.

sotiredofthislonelylife · 28/10/2021 19:10

Personally, I don’t see why it is anyone else’s business. Years ago, we had none of this nursery/pre-school or whatever, and we all did just fine with exams, social skills etc. And heavens, we even managed to go to university and get jobs!!!
If your child is happy at home with you, then that’s absolutely perfect.

Weareallvirgins · 28/10/2021 19:19

I dont think anyyone should have a choice. She will end up one of those weird kids clingy and unsocialised. Pre schools fun for kids. It's not about you.

ifonly4 · 28/10/2021 19:19

DD was born end August, so youngest in year. I'd say you have to be sure you can provide enough stimulation. My DD wasn't challenged enough in her first year, so I had to have an activity arranged after school every day after school! She didn't struggle with the work and is one of the most independent 19 year olds I know now.

However, you know your DC better than anyone else and if you feel it's the right thing, then I hope it works out.

rrhuth · 28/10/2021 19:22

@Weareallvirgins

I dont think anyyone should have a choice. She will end up one of those weird kids clingy and unsocialised. Pre schools fun for kids. It's not about you.
Absolute bollocks!

Not sure anyone who uses the phrase 'one of those weird kids' can really comment on adequate socialisation Grin