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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it weird to keep her with me until 5?

391 replies

Whatwillyakkabetoday · 27/10/2021 09:17

Dd, is 3 and an August birthday. Is it unusual to keep her at home with me until she turns 5 and send her the September after she turns 5?
I’m a nursery teacher so do lots of activities at home etc.
She wouldn’t have any pre school etc until 5
Has anyone done this?

OP posts:
lovelovelove2 · 27/10/2021 23:24

I did it. Now she is at school and loving it.
Lots of benefits to it. They do not need to miss any school, you can send you child in at 5 in September to reception you just have to find a school that accepts summerborns out of cohort. Lots of authorities have automatic acceptances to this.

Tailendofsummer · 28/10/2021 06:39

If there is a pre school attached to the primary school, as there often is where I live, by the time primary starts many friendships will already be made. One of my dc, who did not attend the attached nursery, really suffered from this, and although he made friends he didn't get off to the good start his siblings did.

NovacDino · 28/10/2021 07:31

[quote Whatwillyakkabetoday]@NovacDino What’s happening to them? -In U.K. schools at least?[/quote]
There is a general push towards very formalised learning, which is coming directly from government. This is now creeping into the provision for even the youngest children. A lot of people seem to think that a child 4-7 learns best sitting at a desk, listening to a teacher and completing lots of written tasks. This causes a lot of stress for the majority of children who are just not ready for it. Lots of children are turned off school before it even gets started these days. There are a growing number of schools moving towards a more play based approach to 4-7 but very much in the minority.

londonrach · 28/10/2021 07:51

I have July born DD and very glad I sent her. If you send at five they miss reception which is just playing. Friendship are made then. Your child your choice and she only three but I think you notice a different child at four who's ready to go. My dd had playdates three times a week and aygroups every day but nothing bets the every day of pre school.

RedMarauder · 28/10/2021 08:12

@DockOTheBay

This isn't that unusual. All the people saying "keeping her at home til 5 is a terrible idea", what about children who turn 5 in the first week of September? They are also at home until 4 years, 51 weeks. What's the difference for an August baby who is 5 years 2 weeks?

I would probably send her to a preschool, she could just do a few mornings a week. But my daughter missed almost all of her preschool year due to covid and started school at 4.5 no problem

The cut of dates in every country are arbitrary.

So some children will always end up having more schooling than others due to when they are born around those cut off dates.

However the biggest issue, as someone mentioned up thread, is in many English speaking countries children start formal schooling too early.

If for example children started the year they were aged 6 in England then while some children will still end up with starting school when they were nearer 5 and some others would be nearer 7, the disparity in outcomes may not be as bad for those who research show do poorly at school. However it would mean that the government would have to fund more pre-school/nursery/other childcare for the 2/3 year olds until they started formal schooling otherwise the outcomes would still likely be similar.

myheartskippedabeat · 28/10/2021 08:26

@Whatwillyakkabetoday

It's down to personal choice I guess but I paid for both mine to go to a childminder from 1 then a couple of nursery sessions at 2 then at 3 a mix of nursery and childminder and it did them both good.

I'm surprised as a nursery teacher you can't see the value in it or Is this because of Covid?

As I say - everyone's situation is different but If say I had someone with an autoimmune condition that would be an entirely different ballgame.

From my experience (and SIL is a teacher she says the same) - children who've been kept at home find starting school at reception more traumatic than those who've been to other settings too.

Dixiechickonhols · 28/10/2021 10:57

If you are in a situation where there are options you’d prefer eg Montessori but can’t afford is you working and her going an option. If you were at same one you may get a staff discount.

3scape · 28/10/2021 11:16

Absolutely no benefit to nursery unless you're the sort of parent who doesn't get their child involved in the sort of play nurseries do. Far more chances to give s child experiences of museums and fun parks if they're not spending long stretches of time at childcare rather than individual ly targeted learning.

Carty76 · 28/10/2021 17:28

My DD is now 7 and her birthday is 19th August so had only been 4 for a couple of weeks when she started school. I’ve often thought should I have deferred her starting until the following year but in the main - I’m glad I didn’t. She still seems so much younger - an awful lot can change in one year when you’re that age. Trust your judgement and you’ll make the right decision Smile.

BouleBaker · 28/10/2021 17:33

If she was that unhappy then of course don't send her. She sounds like she has a great time and does lots of socialising which is the main thing.

I home edded for a while. Lots of people home ed for all sorts of reasons and I've seen lots of kids go back into school at various ages and they are fine. As long as you are home edding for her benefit and making sure she socialises she will be fine.

db33 · 28/10/2021 17:35

Hi,
I haven't read through all the replies here but I've seen you've had quite a few negative responses.
If it puts your mind at rest, my children have never been to 'formal' education, playgroups etc.
They are 4 and 6 and we decided to home school when the oldest was only about 2.
My children mix with plenty of other children too and have a good, fun social life. We also do lots of learning at home and it's well balanced with seeing friends and family and going to groups such as forest school etc.
Our children are happy, confident, smart and play really well with other children. They can also hold a proper conversation with adults and both have a brilliant sense of humour.
When we were trying to decide if we were making the right choice, I did so much research.
One statement that always stuck with me was 'enforced integration is not socialisation'!
Children can be around hundreds of other children in school and be very lonely. In my experience, the more time they spend with family, the happier and more confident they become.

I would say follow your heart. Only you know your own child and we can never get the years back once we've handed over our very young children over to others to look after.
She has the rest of her life to spend away from you so make the most of this special time together.

trilottie · 28/10/2021 17:39

Sorry wtf! Of course she'll be fine! Bloody hell children do not need to go to nursery for 'socialisation'. Go for it, and you'll realise that children don't need to go to school at all, if you or they don't want to.

artyone · 28/10/2021 17:42

No reason not to keep her with you as long as she gets opportunities to socialise with peers. I kept my eldest home. We tried preschool for two months but she hated it. She hated separating from me. She’s nearly 8 now. It turns out she has ASD.

LovelyIssues · 28/10/2021 17:50

Each to their own. I find Preschool a great opportunity for their social development

VikingFan · 28/10/2021 17:50

Could she not do some pre school? Just a few hours per week for the social aspect. I wish I had held my august son back. He is a year 10 pupil and has struggled massively with maturity. He gets on much more with year 9's. However from my experience girls seem fine with being the youngest in the year.

Twofingers · 28/10/2021 17:54

Please keep her out of school for as long as you possibly can. You will both love your life together and you’ll never get that year back. You can do many wonderful things, she can meet and form relationships with a cross section of people that represent the real world not just be stuck in a room five days a week with people up to a year older than her.

You’re a nursery teacher. You know the reality. Look at when other, far more progressive countries, start formal education.
Just look at some of these posts. If you send her to school she may end up spending her precious days with the offspring of the epitome of narrow mindedness.

KingVoid · 28/10/2021 17:54

I know this has happened to my wife but I have convinced her to do it she’s now glad that she has made that choice as my boy now ten is so used to socialising he’s out every day with his friends and goes on walks with them I think you should let your child out into the world it will do her good

Clusterfckintolerant · 28/10/2021 17:57

We have experience of August-borns. No problems with schooling.

If you feel you would be able to cover Reception level phonics, writing and maths at home, with some other social activities and play dates, I'd say why not. It's not entirely balanced to say that children learn to socialise at school; they learn to rub along with 29 others and only have free play at playtime which is pretty short compared with a playdate with anyone they choose.

People level the same criticism at Home Ed. Home Ed primary aged children typically have broader social interaction in a wider range of activities/environments without the constraints of being limited to the same 29 people daily.

It all depends how you look at it.

mumpants · 28/10/2021 17:59

My daughter's a July baby and she has thrived at school. There will be lots of other children the same age and the staff will be well trained at nurturing these little ones. I think it would be a shame for her to miss out.

pollymere · 28/10/2021 18:02

My Mum did with me and I ended up skipping Y3. You'd probably go straight to Y1 these days. I intended to do this with mine but we got truly sick of each other's company so they ended up going to nursery a few mornings a week so we wouldn't kill each other.

Freak8 · 28/10/2021 18:04

My son was born on 31st August his dad wanted to keep him home till he was 5 but we sent him at 4 and his doing really well. His dad wanted to keep him home for a year as he was concerned about him being behind or bullied but I explained that could still happen when u send him at 5. As it is his on target with lots of friends.

Maximum71 · 28/10/2021 18:05

@JustLyra
In Holland the kids are allowed to kids to start from their 4th birthday onwards - so you have a continuous flow of newbies into the class It works really well as the 'older' kids help the younger ones. You can start them anytime up to their 5th birthday.

Jacqueline2708 · 28/10/2021 18:06

I did this, my son turned 3 and started nursery, after 3 awful weeks I took him out, it made the world of difference, he's now 26 and a happy confident person. I do wonder what harm I'd have done if I'd kept on sending him. I went with my instincts but did get lots of people telling me I was making a mistake and I found that very difficult.

Glassofshloer · 28/10/2021 18:07

I wouldn’t say she is socialising enough if I’m being honest. My Dd is 2 and would get very bored and restless if she only saw me for most of the week.

Ginandcrispsarebliss · 28/10/2021 18:12

My DS is a August baby and I was worried he would struggle starting school when he was just turned 4. He absolutely loves school and apart from one hiccup when he did full days, it has never been a problem and I wished I never worried so much. My DS went to speech therapy when he was at pre-school and even when he was happy and a sociable child, the teachers worried me he would struggle at primary. He did not struggle at all and thrived.
My DD is a September baby and the oldest in her year. She started school at 5 and we had separation anxiety and tears when she first started. She did settle after a while but it wasn't nice to see her so upset when dropping off at school. Every child is different.