Pretty privilege - do you have it?

[BlueSparklesss]

Certain studies show that being conventionally attractive is linked to more favourable outcomes from a jury, which made me a bit

But I suppose in another way, it's not really that surprising.

I definitely don't have pretty privilege myself (am a bog standard, perfectly normal looking woman - don't hate myself or anything) and don't really think about my looks often.

However, as a teenager I was mortified by how 'ugly' I was, and the world definitely felt more brutal because I was not attractive. It does make me sad that I was so brainwashed by patriarchal norms at such a young age, that it really affected self esteem. And that's with good female role models who always praised the things I was good at.

What are your thoughts? I think it would be interesting to hear if anyone has experienced both sides - of feeling 'pretty' and also feeling dismissed as 'not pretty' at a different time in their life?

Sometimes on MN you read about women who are traffic-stoppingly good looking, people falling over themselves to help etc etc. I find this fascinating! What must that be like?

I was told I was a lot growing up, and in a way I think its skewed my attitude towards things. Its almost like its imprinted from an early age and you believe it...but then high school was brutal because people would say nasty things and in my mind, being attractive then mattered more. This meant I felt male attention for my looks meant more than it actually did and I ended up in some bad situations with blokes with not as great intentions, or appreciating me for what I have to offer as a person.

I think I'm now distinctly average (may have always been but well meaning people when I was younger wanted to be nice/biased)

Its taught me to put more emphasis on commenting on my daughter's effort, kindness, accomplishments than her looks (despite her being beautiful, obv )

I was attractive when I was younger but to be honest I wouldn’t say it came with any ‘privilege’. Came with a lot of harassment!! I was constantly approached by men trying to get my attention, talking to me when I had headphones in, making eye contact and being idiots. They’d even do stuff like trying to make me jump by shouting in my face as I walked past, pushing me, asking me out constantly and getting annoyed when I said no. This happened at work as well as just out and about.

Had male colleagues invite me out for a drink in a group or for a birthday and when I got there was just the two of us! Happened a few times.

I worked in creative industries and would often be draughting technical plans and men would come and draw on my work while I was away from my desk, hearts and rubbish like that, it was constant.

Had a few older married men at work who ‘fell in love’, was awful, made me feel so awkward, was so unprofessional. I borrowed my nan’s engagement ring and ended up wearing it for about 7 years, male colleagues and randoms in the street would ask what type of ring it was but it mostly got them to leave me alone.

The boys loved me and the girls hated me....at least their gfs did...

I would say it has its benefits and negatives like anything. Usually, the men are nicer, but the women not so much. I have girl friends and of course they are nice to me at least :)

I have PCOS but as a teenager I went on a strict diet and exercise regime one summer. People's attitudes shifted overnight. People started seeing me as cute and quirky rather than annoying. Girls were more friendly, and I got attention from boys. Free drinks when we went out, skipping queues, stuff like that. Teachers started to like me and praise my work.

Before I was basically invisible - I felt snubbed, ignored, no one had time for me. The difference really was night and day - nothing like what I had expected, much more dramatic.

All the boys at school & uni I liked never liked me (until DH). All my boyfriends were friends first.

I was pretty, and I speak ‘posh’ (whatever that means!) so I did have pretty privilege.

I’m now a shattered and grossly overweight mother of two young kids, and am fairly invisible as a person. although extremely visible when out with my feral children, but that’s nothing to do with my looks.

I had cripplingly low self confidence though, so my pretty was wasted on me tbh, and my accent didn’t help matters I guess. If I had the confidence then that I have now I’d have been laughing!

I’m with the people who have pointed out that’s it’s not necessarily beauty but grooming/glamour that changes how you’re treated.

I’d say I scrub up well and dress well (boring probably but flattering and I think that serves me. Otherwise, I’m attractive but definitely not beautiful.

I was an 'ugly" child and at high school I hung around with 3 other girls who were more better looking than I was. The girls themselves were lovely but some bullies took pleasure in pointing out that I was the ugly one. I was always the last to get picked when it came to sports etc and it really shattered my confidence.

As i got older, lost weight and started looking after myself more i noticed a huge difference in the way i was treated by both men and women. I also think that the confidence i gained as I got older really helped in how others saw and treated me.

I’m with you on this one! As far as I know women don’t hate me either

As an unattractive woman, I've had some very pretty friends in the past. I don't choose my friends on the basis of their looks.

It does help with job interviews etc but pretty privilege also involves being hounded by men from the age of 10 or 11 onwards. Never being able to relax on holiday, Cattiness from other females.

Not all good.

I don't think it's pretty so much as knowing how to act in the right situation.

One of mine is an expert in getting her own way. Her sister is sometimes totally affronted at how she'll go and ask for something that "no one has ever been allowed" and just get it.
They're both pretty, but not outstandingly so. Just one knows who to ask, how to ask, when to push and when to back down.

I was the same, and I remember dsis being frustrated in the same way, and being confused why. As far as I was concerned, I asked nicely and got it, couldn't understand why she didn't.
I now see why.

Name changed for this as you can't call yourself pretty on here without someone taking offence at it.

I have it. Teachers were lenient, people hold doors open for me, I'm described as 'quirky' rather than weird or nerdy, people go out of their way to be helpful in shops, men give me their seats on the bus and train, if I don't have the right change it gets waved off.

I didn't notice when I was younger but I'm late twenties now and definitely notice it.

@NotSureYesorno

Plus 98% of women hate me

With that attitude, no wonder. FYI, plain women don't hate pretty girls. Only snotty pretty girls.

I was quite pretty when younger and started having highlights, my hair was my crowning glory I think. A girl I used to know years ago had traffic stopping beautiful long hair but cut it all off because she said everyone wanted to know her because of her hair! She was right really.

I remember one night in my whole life where I was at a party and a stunning woman wanted to spend time with me. I thought at first it was because she would look good next to me, me being v ordinary. As the evening continued it became clear that - other people being drawn to me like moths around a flame, being treated as someone extremely interesting (which I am but whatever) and special - for one night only, and fuck knows how I was something approaching beautiful. It was wonderful.

I was beautiful. Until I hit my mid 40s . I always knew it wouldn’t last so I studied and did as much as I could to increase my knowledge of the world.

I do finding it depressing when women over 40 describe themselves as invisible, I'm assuming they mainly mean that they don't get the male attention they did when younger?

In my experience, that's the only thing that's died down for me - although the older fellows still eye me up ( not that I'm interested ). I'm certainly not invisible in other areas of my life, like making friends or getting ahead in the workplace. Male attention is the last thing I want at this point anyway!

no - the opposite - I was the "clever one" my DSis was the "pretty one".

Both in our late 60's now, both happily divorced - though she's still a party girl with (younger) boyfriends, I'm still reading books, politically engaged, can't be arsed with dating. She's never seen without makeup - I've not worn any for over 40yrs. I think my life is easier tbh 🤣

Well I'm not really pretty, but I've got an engaging smile and I know that if I smile people respond favourably. I'm old and fat now so it has less of an effect, but if I'm grumpy I definitely don't get any positive reactions.

I used to! I was young, slim, blind and quite pretty, till my mid 20s. I didn't realise it at the time.

I'm now oldish, massively fat, plain and invisible.

I don't miss the constant harassment from men, that's for sure.

I study psychology and there is a thing called the 'halo effect'
If you take the tik toker Bella Poarch for instance her face is symmetrical and that makes someone more aesthetically and pleasing and therefore people assume that person is warm, kind, nice, friendly. Even though their personality may not be that way.
So you stereotype someone pretty or handsome to be social and warm and when they do not meet that stereotype in your head you think their stuck up or mean. So as a PP said they felt pressure to live up to some expectation. Hope that makes sense

I was told I was a stunner several times when I was in my 20s, and yes I could turn heads, pestered by men, favoured a fair bit.

I’ll be honest, once I had my children, got plumper and over the hill I wasn’t turning heads any more or being pestered, and it was a relief , feeling I could go about my day normally.

Yanbu, but I think that there is a happy medium. Pretty enough that people respond favourably to you, but not so pretty that people are intimidated, or jealous.
I washed my hair today, didn't think much of it, but in the shop a man let me go in front of him. Cars stopped at the zebra crossing, when it normally takes ages, people smiled at me a few times, I just felt like everyone was nice and friendly, but didn't think too much of it. At one point I walked past a man who was talking on his mobile, he said "fucking hell you're beautiful", I thought he was talking to the person on the phone so carried on walking, but he stopped me and said "sorry love, I don't mean anything by it, just wanted to say that you are very attractive". I never get comments like that, suddenly all the friendly, and good luck stuff, made sense. I guess I was looking nice today, and people were definitely nicer! If I looked like that all the time, life would definitely be easier!

Upside you get job offers and treated more leniently. Downside leered at and interactions with men are just awkward. It wears off for everyone though. On balance life is easier without it. I hated the awkwardness with men who would then build up to ask me out. Just cringe.

I am what you would consider quite pretty however I have a bit of a resting bitch face so I think I scared people off a bit. I've let myself go a bit since having DC's but used to turn heads in pubs/nightclubs when I was younger....so lots of free drinks for me and friends. I was popular and well liked in school (20+ years ago) purely due to my looks.