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Original poster

Pretty privilege - do you have it?

427 replies

BlueSparklesss · 25/10/2021 19:36

Certain studies show that being conventionally attractive is linked to more favourable outcomes from a jury, which made me a bit Shock

But I suppose in another way, it's not really that surprising.

I definitely don't have pretty privilege myself (am a bog standard, perfectly normal looking woman - don't hate myself or anything) and don't really think about my looks often.

However, as a teenager I was mortified by how 'ugly' I was, and the world definitely felt more brutal because I was not attractive. It does make me sad that I was so brainwashed by patriarchal norms at such a young age, that it really affected self esteem. And that's with good female role models who always praised the things I was good at.

What are your thoughts? I think it would be interesting to hear if anyone has experienced both sides - of feeling 'pretty' and also feeling dismissed as 'not pretty' at a different time in their life?

Sometimes on MN you read about women who are traffic-stoppingly good looking, people falling over themselves to help etc etc. I find this fascinating! What must that be like?

OP posts:
dayswithaY · 25/10/2021 20:29

Most women hate me on sight. Not sure if I'd call that privilege.

ConkerBonkers · 25/10/2021 20:29

I didn't feel it as a teenager but having lost a ton of weight in my late 30's do notice a big difference in how much nicer people, men and women, usually ones I don't know, are to me. Pretty privilege is definitely a thing, even though it shouldn't be, and in many ways it makes no sense at all.

AnyOldPrion · 25/10/2021 20:29

I had no idea at the time, but since putting on weight I’ve realised that I did have pretty privilege prior to the weight gain.

Similar to my experience. I was never attractive enough to create envy or attract super-attractive men, but there were always young men interested, until they weren’t.

Despite my weight gain, I was still attractive enough to do consistently well in job interviews. Getting older and becoming more invisible is sometimes good, sometimes not so much.

thelegohooverer · 25/10/2021 20:30

It may be privilege but I’m not convinced it’s a blessing. In my twenties I discovered the difference between wearing my contacts and my hair loose versus screwing my hair in a bun and wearing glasses. And after that I kept the bun and glasses.

If I could have a superpower it would be invisibility.

I’m looking at my nieces navigating life now - one is a stunner, one not so much and I’m still not convinced that it’s an advantage to be beautiful.

YourThoughtsOn · 25/10/2021 20:31

One of my friends still gets the pretty privilege, even now we are in our 50s. The thing that irks me is that she’s actually not that pretty. But she has long blond hair and I think that’s what does it

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/10/2021 20:32

I used to have it when younger. Definitely helped get on in life with various things.

However I also had some #metoo moments, so it’s not all good.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 25/10/2021 20:32

I'm below average attractiveness and never had pretty privilege (saw others get it though). However, now I am aging I think I get 'safe middle-aged lady' privilege. I am not always 100% mobile and people do go out of their way for me in a way I don't see for all other people (lifting things, opening doors, letting me go first in a q and one memorable time paying for £100 worth of shopping when I forgot my card! (I did may him back as per the plan but what a trusting guy!)). This is a different sort of privilege but I am getting some insight, I think, into what the world may have been like for my attractive friends (minus the lairing of course).

Lucyinthesky07 · 25/10/2021 20:33

This was in 1984 when I was 9. We had a female teacher who was constantly talking about how "important" it was to be pretty.
She would say "Rachel is a pretty child - the prettiest in the class".
Another girl would ask "Am I pretty?"
The teacher's answer would be a straight to the point, "No. You aren't".
The crazy thing was, she had the class sitting in order of what she thought was prettiest with "Rachel" at the front and the ones she considered plain right at the back. She readily admitted this to us all.
Funnily enough she didn't put the boys into categories.
As I said it was 1984. Pre historic times.

Original poster
BlueSparklesss · 25/10/2021 20:35

However I also had some #metoo moments, so it’s not all good.

But as a non-beautiful woman, I've had a range of #metoo moments also.

OP posts:
stealingbeauty · 25/10/2021 20:36

I used to have pretty privilege when I was young and very good looking (not any more!) but there is a dark side to it. I found I attracted as much nastiness as I did privileges. Women could be extremely horrible and jealous, and I found I attracted a lot of worrying behaviour from men. It’s easier to be on the attractive side of average, in my opinion.

It’s easier to be invisible like I am these days, but occasionally I miss being young and striking.

Cherryana · 25/10/2021 20:36

Yes and my husband. We still look good But what is shocking to me is how amazing looking we looked 15 years ago.

And I sort of knew it but it wasn’t the most important thing and so wasn’t at the forefront of my head. I wish I could go back 15 years ago but I don’t really know what I would do differently!!

Soupseason · 25/10/2021 20:36

I became very attractive in my late teens / early 20's. Now I'm late 40's I'm what you'd call a MILF. I dress well, good hair & I'm very flirty & friendly. I find I can mostly get what I want from a situation especially with men my age. I like to think it's a combination of things. I'm friendly & confident and I think that goes a long way

ballsdeep · 25/10/2021 20:36

I think beauty is subjective. Now at my rioe old age of 40, I see women who are natural with wrinkles and crows feet and slightly wonky teeth as beautiful. I see teens and early 20s who have endless amounts of Botox and fillers and teeth whitening and straightened as unattractive. When I see the towie generation before they looked so much better .

Inmypjsagain · 25/10/2021 20:37

Definitely a thing, life is easier when you’re considered conventionally attractive.

As a previous poster says being treated differently does give you confidence but it’s a fine line between that an arrogance I think.

My husband jokes I haven’t paid for a drink in years! I modelled in my late teens to mid 20s and I think all my friends made in that industry would agree they benefited from pretty privilege, too (even if some weren’t “pretty” but striking and of course tall and slim) I see it at work, my male boss used to always make me go to networking events for the team as he said I’d generate the most work, he’d openly tell the team that’s why I was going to the nice events… it’s all a bit sad really!

whispamint · 25/10/2021 20:37

It exists but sometimes I think it comes from confidence after all beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm conventionally attractive (used to do a spot of modelling but was told I was far too generic to go far 😆), I'm also pretty confident & sometimes I think it's that.

workshy44 · 25/10/2021 20:37

Definitely had this and it was great , don’t really remember any downsides. The choice of men, no unrequited love, people always being interested in you. I don’t miss it as everything is of it’s time but I never experienced harassment- maybe because I never dressed overtly sexy

whispamint · 25/10/2021 20:38

Plus 98% of women hate me

I've never experienced this or never noticed. Some of my closest friends are from my modelling days.

Original poster
BlueSparklesss · 25/10/2021 20:39

I do, for the most part, find other people pleasant and friendly and helpful - but that is because of confidence in navigating those kinds of situations and I enjoy talking to people. I'm aware that is a big plus, and an advantage in its own right.

OP posts:
ParmigianoReggiano · 25/10/2021 20:39

I have average looks, and I think this has served me well in life. I think people find me approachable and non-threatening.

I mean, it's hard to be sure, as I've never been incredibly attractive so maybe I'd find things easier if I was. But as far as I can tell, being fairly attractive but not stunning has worked out well for me.

Houseofvelour · 25/10/2021 20:39

My sister was the beautiful one in our house and definitely got special treatment for it.
She used to get her weekly train pass at the train station and the guy always gave it to her for free 🙄 things like this always happened for her.

I don't consider myself very attractive but when I was younger, I was prettier and thinner. I often got free drinks when out but now that I'm in my 30's and fat, I don't get any special treatment 😂

kokokokokokokokoko · 25/10/2021 20:39

I think it can work both ways. Being pretty can mean people treat you like an airhead or less intelligent or a child, as well as all the presumed benefits.

whispamint · 25/10/2021 20:40

I'm mid 30s & put on weight & people are still very nice too me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Inmypjsagain · 25/10/2021 20:41

@whispamint

Plus 98% of women hate me

I've never experienced this or never noticed. Some of my closest friends are from my modelling days.

I’m with you on this one! As far as I know women don’t hate me either 🤷🏼‍♀️
Original poster
BlueSparklesss · 25/10/2021 20:41

I wish I could see some photos of all your beautiful people when you were in your heyday Grin

Realise this can't happen though!

OP posts:
whispamint · 25/10/2021 20:42

I would actually say looking "nice" & being confident has meant I always found making friends pretty easy.

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