Was I wrong to touch her child?

[WhatDoYouDo1234]

At a famous London attraction today with my 4 year old. She was playing on one of the interactive exhibits. There was a long queue behind us. Another little girl about 3 kept running up and putting her hands on what my daughter was doing. Think an interactive drawing, so each time she touched it the screen cleared and my daughter’s drawing was lost. There was no parent anywhere near. First time I said gently “No, it’s not your turn, it’s this girl’s turn, you have to wait.” Or something to that effect. By the fifth or sixth time my daughter was getting increasingly cross, no matter how much I told her to be patient and try again, or how I tried to ask the other little girl to stop, and the kids behind us were getting cross too. I’m trying to prevent my daughter from loosing her cool. So I actually removed the girl’s hands and gently lifted her back saying “It’s not your turn. You have to wait.” A mum then came storming up shouting at me “Not to effing touch my child again!” To which I said something like “Well maybe if you were watching her you could have sorted it.” So my question is not if I was unreasonable, I probably was, but what do you do in that situation? With hindsight I’m thinking I should have called out for someone to come and get their child? But it was all quite quick! What would you do?!

People can be very ott....I once stopped a toddler falling between the gap between a train and the platform as the parent wasn't watching them... didn't even touch them...just put my arm in front of them to stop them moving forward. I got a filthy look from the parent.. it seems interaction with a random child is so awful the parent would prefer their child to have a potentially fatal accident

"No way would I walk away. What is that teaching your child?"

That you pick your battles. Regular playmate doing this - yes it needs sorting out. Someone unimportant you never have to see again - maybe just leave it.

[quote WhatDoYouDo1234]@Clymene I'm choosing to laugh at this! [/quote]
Slightly tongue in cheek but seriously intervene the first time it happens. And say no firmly. Which may make the kid cry but you won't get people telling you that you've assaulted Tiffany-Jane.

Parents who leave their children to run around unsupervised and allow them to behave the way this child did are quite likely to be aggressive and obnoxious too. There’s no way you could have handled this short of walking away that wouldn’t have resulted in a mouthful from the child’s mother.

@Sleepyblueocean

"No way would I walk away. What is that teaching your child?"

That you pick your battles. Regular playmate doing this - yes it needs sorting out. Someone unimportant you never have to see again - maybe just leave it.

So my kids had waited in a queue then had their drawing deleted 5 or 6 times by a uncontrollable kid and that's not a battle you would choose?

I definitely agree with blocking and calling out for a child's parents! Ugh, I wish I'd done this!

I guess for me I'd never let my kids run and push in in the first place and if they did my first reaction would be apologise! I just see it as such bad manners and if the kid is too young to see that the onus is on me as the parent to prevent it or apologise for it.

Thanks all! I'm armed with some good tricks for next time this happens!

(And I know the difference between loose and lose )

@SweetMaryHell

Or you could’ve shouted down the queue to everyone waiting:

“Sorry folks, we’ll be a while as this unattended child keeps deleting my daughters drawing”.

Perfect👏

LizzieSiddal

I would have stood behind my child and used my arms/hands to shield her so the other child couldn’t get near to her. If she did then approach I would have put my hand out like this ✋ and said “No, it’s not your turn yet”.

I can understand why you got so frustrated though and think you were very patient!”

This ^

@AllThingsServeTheBeam you miss my point totally. I am saying I do not touch-someone else's child. It's just not right to do so. I don't leave my own children unattended.

Not your job to mediate this for your daughter. You should not have stepped in. Otherwise, how will your daughter learn to manage situations on her own. This is aside from the fact that you should not have touched the child, very easily this could turn into an assault scenario (which has a lower standard than most people think) if she struggled and fell etc. I think its ridiculous to run this risk all for the sake of protecting your child’s game. The mother was right (except for the language she used). Ideally she would watch her child but the fact that she didn’t doesn’t give you licence to touch the child.

@Comedycook

People can be very ott....I once stopped a toddler falling between the gap between a train and the platform as the parent wasn't watching them... didn't even touch them...just put my arm in front of them to stop them moving forward. I got a filthy look from the parent.. it seems interaction with a random child is so awful the parent would prefer their child to have a potentially fatal accident

I got similar once when I was pregnant and out with my DH and then toddler.

A mother in the queue at boots left their toddler running around the shop rather than queueing with them.

I was very attuned to toddler danger at the time (probably would be less so now) and saw the child run out of the shop while the mother was distracted chatting. There was no time to do anything but run (I was near the door, the mother was stuck way behind a long queue of people so it was quicker to chase than alert her).

I held the toddler by the hand in the middle of the main road where a car had screeched to a halt and returned them to the mother, who gave me a filthy look.

Alrighty then, next time I'll watch your toddler get squashed shall I (no, I won't).

@MrsSkylerWhite

LizzieSiddal

I would have stood behind my child and used my arms/hands to shield her so the other child couldn’t get near to her. If she did then approach I would have put my hand out like this ✋ and said “No, it’s not your turn yet”.

I can understand why you got so frustrated though and think you were very patient!”

This ^

Same.

I work in a school and am used to using my big voice so would probably have gone straight into booming "who is your Mummy, can you show me darling?" mode which I'm sure would have provoked the same shitty reaction from the mother because, let's face it, no one likes it when their crappy parenting is drawn to the attention of others, but I can live with that.

’Not your job to mediate this for your daughter. You should not have stepped in. Otherwise, how will your daughter learn to manage situations on her own’

She’s 4 years old!

Well actually "who are you here with, darling?" because I only know she was with her Mummy because of the detail in the post.

But I'm used to booming "what year are you in?" "who is your form tutor?" etc. Anything that would have identified said child.

If only you’d delivered that mn killer line did you mean to be so rude?
Eviscerating The mum

@WhatDoYouDo1234

Oh god guys *@ImUninsultable*! Big picture please! Can't you let one slide for a poor stressed out mum?! Or does that make you feel clever by belittling someone's mistake?

Ignore the spell checkers and grammar police, they’re just bored and insecure ☺️

Id have thought that actually telling her off firmly would have been an option ?

Not your job to mediate this for your daughter. You should not have stepped in. Otherwise, how will your daughter learn to manage situations on her own

Leaving a 4 year old, who is becoming frustrated, to “manage” a 3 year old, is a very silly idea.

Really odd that some people are saying move your daughter! What kind of message is that? If someone can’t be arsed to wait yoh have to leave the thing you’re enjoying? What if it had been a boy pushing in and not a girl - would you still think it was ok to move the OP’s daughter away?

I think what you did was fine? My first recourse in this situations is to ask the child where their adult is - hopefully so that they stop at the idea of mum/ dad/ whoever brings told, but alternatively so I can ask them to intervene. However what you did was fine, and I might have done that tooz

@Carboncheque

’Not your job to mediate this for your daughter. You should not have stepped in. Otherwise, how will your daughter learn to manage situations on her own’

She’s 4 years old!

Yes, all the more important to let her learn these skills. Parents should not interfere unless there is a safety issue; otherwise children never develop the ability to manage conflicts themselves. Quite frankly I think it is absurd for a grown women to act as an enforcer as against a three year old!

@LizzieSiddal

Not your job to mediate this for your daughter. You should not have stepped in. Otherwise, how will your daughter learn to manage situations on her own

Leaving a 4 year old, who is becoming frustrated, to “manage” a 3 year old, is a very silly idea.

How absurd. You underestimate how effectively children can manage themselves.

You sound like a Steiner adherent.

[quote ImUninsultable]@Queenslotus

Thank God you said it.

You have loose shoe laces. You dont loose an item.

It is lose. She kept losing her drawing.[/quote]
Pedants Corner is a separate section especially created so that all the spelling cunts obsessives can cluster together, it is that way -->

Thanks @Carboncheque, @LizzieSiddal and @SweetMaryHell!

I'm looking back after reading this thread, especially regarding assault and manhandling () and wishing I'd handled it differently. I should have done more blocking and definitely should have shouted out. But I'm not looking back thinking I should have left a four year old to "figure it out" or regretting a rushed misspelling

Doesn't take much for something innocent to turn into a major drama..if said child had tore of crying to mummy that a woman had "touched" her you could have found yourself dealing with a very embarrassing situation