Was I wrong to touch her child?

[WhatDoYouDo1234]

At a famous London attraction today with my 4 year old. She was playing on one of the interactive exhibits. There was a long queue behind us. Another little girl about 3 kept running up and putting her hands on what my daughter was doing. Think an interactive drawing, so each time she touched it the screen cleared and my daughter’s drawing was lost. There was no parent anywhere near. First time I said gently “No, it’s not your turn, it’s this girl’s turn, you have to wait.” Or something to that effect. By the fifth or sixth time my daughter was getting increasingly cross, no matter how much I told her to be patient and try again, or how I tried to ask the other little girl to stop, and the kids behind us were getting cross too. I’m trying to prevent my daughter from loosing her cool. So I actually removed the girl’s hands and gently lifted her back saying “It’s not your turn. You have to wait.” A mum then came storming up shouting at me “Not to effing touch my child again!” To which I said something like “Well maybe if you were watching her you could have sorted it.” So my question is not if I was unreasonable, I probably was, but what do you do in that situation? With hindsight I’m thinking I should have called out for someone to come and get their child? But it was all quite quick! What would you do?!

@IntermittentParps

If you think lazy is raising your own children and then raising other people's?

I am a Foster parent, therefore I am willing to change preconceived ideas that I have learnt in exchange for learning new ideas and ways of addressing problems.

I would not have put my hands on unless the child was in danger.
We are talking about 3 and 4 year old with unknown backgrounds.
The child could have had any number of problems.
There was not so much of an age difference to talk and engage both children.
Since when is a child's picture and time more precious that she cannot share it - there presumably were a great deal more children there as everyone was queuing. There are any number of ways of dealing with it as mentioned by other people.
Calling for the parent, calling for security, blocking with your body.
Teaching both children to share.
Expecting a younger child to understand the concept of waiting a turn and getting frustrated when the child didn't understand a concept to old for them is not one of them.

[quote lazystar]@IntermittentParps

If you think lazy is raising your own children and then raising other people's?

I am a Foster parent, therefore I am willing to change preconceived ideas that I have learnt in exchange for learning new ideas and ways of addressing problems.

I would not have put my hands on unless the child was in danger.
We are talking about 3 and 4 year old with unknown backgrounds.
The child could have had any number of problems.
There was not so much of an age difference to talk and engage both children.
Since when is a child's picture and time more precious that she cannot share it - there presumably were a great deal more children there as everyone was queuing. There are any number of ways of dealing with it as mentioned by other people.
Calling for the parent, calling for security, blocking with your body.
Teaching both children to share.
Expecting a younger child to understand the concept of waiting a turn and getting frustrated when the child didn't understand a concept to old for them is not one of them.[/quote]
I think the poster called you lazy because of your username, not because they think you are actually lazy!

Thanks its just they appear to be advocating courses in 'non parenting' allowing the child to raise itself-really!!!-result -feral kids! It's not a society I want to be in. I think if they want to experiment they should take themselves & their kids off to an island & live that way & see how that works and all I can say is God help them

[quote lazystar]@Noni123

I'm a Foster parent.
Hence having been on a lot of parenting courses.

May I remind you the child is only 3 years old.[/quote]
Remind me all you like what is in question here is not the child but the distinct lack of parenting

[quote lazystar]@IntermittentParps

If you think lazy is raising your own children and then raising other people's?

I am a Foster parent, therefore I am willing to change preconceived ideas that I have learnt in exchange for learning new ideas and ways of addressing problems.

I would not have put my hands on unless the child was in danger.
We are talking about 3 and 4 year old with unknown backgrounds.
The child could have had any number of problems.
There was not so much of an age difference to talk and engage both children.
Since when is a child's picture and time more precious that she cannot share it - there presumably were a great deal more children there as everyone was queuing. There are any number of ways of dealing with it as mentioned by other people.
Calling for the parent, calling for security, blocking with your body.
Teaching both children to share.
Expecting a younger child to understand the concept of waiting a turn and getting frustrated when the child didn't understand a concept to old for them is not one of them.[/quote]
Hats off to you I should think fostering is really challenging & a vocation that not many could do
Although you really do seem to be missing the point here-it is NOT the ops responsibility to work out whether this child understands the concept of queing its the parent & where the hell was she when all this was going on. My reference to lazy parenting again was not aimed at you but once again this lazy style parenting which you seem to be supporting. I fail to see how op could do anything because even if she did all you say & tried to show sharing with this child still goes back to a lousy parent-to be clear I say this not because the child was a nuisance or that the parent dropped their guard-God knows I expect we have all been guilty of that at sometime-its because of the parents response that shows them to be what they clearly are

Well done on being a foster career Lazy (referring to your username, not parenting btw!). Before you became one, did you parent your own children in the same way as you parent your foster children? Surely the parenting of foster kids from troubled backgrounds is a lot different to that of standard parents bringing up their kids. If the 3 year old had problems and was in danger of being traumatised by the touch of another human being then surely the mother would not have been so lax in her supervision. In all likelihood the child was just your average toddler and has been completely unaffected.

Thanks lazystar, it’s been shocking being an apparent lone voice, ‘pearl clutching’ over a 3 year old interrupting an activity, but the other child gets what it deserves, hands and body physically moved by frustrated adult stranger.
We don’t know anything about the other mother, except she was actually there, angry and upset about OP’s action. We don’t know if she was dealing with another child, distracted by something or didn’t read the situation to intervene. If she is a horrible, neglectful parent or “feral” as assumed, it is even more upsetting for the “brat, bully” 3 year old.

The OP who says she “understands” young children let the situation escalate and her frustration build before getting physical, yet her actions are seemingly being endorsed.

I’m glad you acknowledged we have no idea the background of the child, including abuse or the context of her reaction.
I’ve been called a troll, dramatic, an idiot, terrible parent, understand nothing about children. It seems common sense not to put your hands on unknown kids except in exceptional circumstances such as to stop them walking into traffic and there were/are many simpler, prompt and compassionate solutions. Apparently not.

Anyone loudly saying "don't fucking touch my child" in a kids activity centre is clearly not well or is pretty scummy. That's obvious to anyone with any sense.

Lazy has been saying the op shouldn't have touched the kid. Soooooo many others have said this too! Even the op said that she regrets it and would act differently in future. You're the only one defending the behaviour of a woman who became aggressive and sweary in front of small children. If you're so concerned about kids then you wouldn't be defending her. That must have been very frightening for the kids seeing it. Much more so than what the op did.

I haven't been involved in your bunfight, so as a bystander, just reading and not involved, you have come across as very overly dramatic and overly invested in this thread. You've also lied at points to suit your own slightly mad narrative. You've been the lone voice because you have been so strange on here tbh.

If the 3 year old had problems and was in danger of being traumatised by the touch of another human being then surely the mother would not have been so lax in her supervision

You'd hope so, but people will go to great lengths to excuse lazy parenting and to excuse a child disrupting others with no input from the adult they are with.

[quote lazystar]@Noni123

I'm a Foster parent.
Hence having been on a lot of parenting courses.

May I remind you the child is only 3 years old.[/quote]
Exactly, why wasn't the adult with them keeping an eye on them as they are only 3?

I think we are all in agreement that the pare ts should have been better supervising tbe tot. Thats not the issue. The issue is whether it is a ceptable to lift and move someone else's child for such a trivial reason

I think the poster called you lazy because of your username, not because they think you are actually lazy!
Yes, thank you Antonia! I thought putting it in bold made that pretty clear, not to mention the fact that if you read it as lazystar did it makes no grammatical sense... But hey ho.

May I remind you the child is only 3 years old. This pompous little reminder is quite funny when you consider the parent was MIA all the time her child was mucking about with the OP's child's drawing. Why on earth was she not being supervised?

@TirednWorried

I think we are all in agreement that the pare ts should have been better supervising tbe tot. Thats not the issue. The issue is whether it is a ceptable to lift and move someone else's child for such a trivial reason

I'm not sure it's 'trivial' to a young child to be able to enjoy and finish their drawing. In fact I think children tend to find things like that pretty important. It is interesting, the (minority) view on here that somehow the OP's child's feelings and experience don't matter and it's all about the child of the lax parent.

I think what you did was fine

In past situations I have stood between my DC and the problem child and said something firm to them and asked them where their mum.or dad is and then told them to go and find them and stay with them and stop what behaviour they are doing.

I think the childs actions would be considered too trivial to exercise physical restraint in a school

@TirednWorried

I think the childs actions would be considered too trivial to exercise physical restraint in a school

In a school I should think there would be enough attention paid by teachers/TAs that the other child would not have to be moved.

Antonia I was agreeing with Lazy if u re read.
I’m not defending the woman.
Love how ur adding insults of slightly mad and I have lied - where?!
Yes I’m invested in frustrated adults not physically handling kids. Many have defended this course of action and the OP said she would still physically handle the child, just not lift her.

I kind of agree with Blueink tbh, my youngest is on the spectrum and approaching 3 years old he finds it hard to follow/listen/queue etc I could very easily imagine him doing something like this where he if he saw something he liked he would just try and go for it almost not even acknowledge if someone else was there playing with it/using it first (park swings are a nightmare!). I'm always around him watching him like a hawk to try and prevent these types of situations but at the same time want him to explore and make sense of the world the best he can.....

I can also quite easily relate to the poster too as before I had my youngest (2 elder children) that's how I would feel (ie if I have paid for an activity for my child then I want my child to enjoy that experience and it's not 'my' issue if a parent can't control their child etc etc)......it's quite easy to blame bad parenting (not saying it doesn't exist) but we don't necessarily know what is going on with that family/child other than they weren't allowing ops child to complete the drawing....It's not always black and white and even if it was you would be displaying/role modelling the types of behaviour you would want your child to aspire to (compassion/tolerance etc).

I don't think Op handled it too badly but like some of the other posters say possibly could've come in between the child or better still try a distraction approach with the 3 year old whilst your dc finished off her drawing (I'll prob get responses saying 'not her job to' lol).

This reminds me of that thread where a poster kept saying that if you boarded a plane and found a strange child in your window seat, you should let them keep it, cos a child's joy innit.

Reminds me a bit of this. It might well be the nice thing to do for the 3 year old, but all you're teaching her useless mother is to continue as she is because someone else will always be around to parent for her.

WhatDoYouDo1234

This one is for you OP 😂

No, of course you shouldn’t have picked up someone else’s kid! The parent was a total dick though. I’d have just blocked her. She’s three. Stand right in front of her every time and if she tried pushing you - then raise your voice so you can be heard clearly and tell her no again and ask where her parents are, that should shame them out of hiding.