Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to touch her child?

446 replies

WhatDoYouDo1234 · 25/10/2021 19:08

At a famous London attraction today with my 4 year old. She was playing on one of the interactive exhibits. There was a long queue behind us. Another little girl about 3 kept running up and putting her hands on what my daughter was doing. Think an interactive drawing, so each time she touched it the screen cleared and my daughter’s drawing was lost. There was no parent anywhere near. First time I said gently “No, it’s not your turn, it’s this girl’s turn, you have to wait.” Or something to that effect. By the fifth or sixth time my daughter was getting increasingly cross, no matter how much I told her to be patient and try again, or how I tried to ask the other little girl to stop, and the kids behind us were getting cross too. I’m trying to prevent my daughter from loosing her cool. So I actually removed the girl’s hands and gently lifted her back saying “It’s not your turn. You have to wait.” A mum then came storming up shouting at me “Not to effing touch my child again!” To which I said something like “Well maybe if you were watching her you could have sorted it.” So my question is not if I was unreasonable, I probably was, but what do you do in that situation? With hindsight I’m thinking I should have called out for someone to come and get their child? But it was all quite quick! What would you do?!

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 25/10/2021 20:27

God,how depressing is it that some people would spoil their own child's fun rather than be proactive with someone else's toddler? Sad I think I'd have stood in her way and told her "no, go away" very clearly but I dont think you did anything wrong. If you dont want to se other people touch your kid then dont let them run riot.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/10/2021 20:27

Of course it’s absolutely your job to mediate for her ages 4.

She’ll be a much more confident and self sufficient adult for knowing that you did have her back when she was little than if she’s always left to sink or swim. Sounds strange but true!

Clymene · 25/10/2021 20:27

@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds

Not your job to mediate this for your daughter. You should not have stepped in. Otherwise, how will your daughter learn to manage situations on her own. This is aside from the fact that you should not have touched the child, very easily this could turn into an assault scenario (which has a lower standard than most people think) if she struggled and fell etc. I think its ridiculous to run this risk all for the sake of protecting your child’s game. The mother was right (except for the language she used). Ideally she would watch her child but the fact that she didn’t doesn’t give you licence to touch the child.
GrinGrinGrinGrin
Porcupineintherough · 25/10/2021 20:28

@CantBeAssed no she wouldn't, they were in a busy room in front of about a dozen witnesses.

RootinandTootin · 25/10/2021 20:29

I probably wouldn’t have touched the child just got in the way and then dog eyed the parents. What was the persons response to your remark? I would have been embarrassed if I was her and as PP would have apologised to you and made a big deal out of sharing. I feel like this is why kids grow up entitled.

LizzieSiddal · 25/10/2021 20:29

How absurd. You underestimate how effectively children can manage themselves.

I can assure you, I do not.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 25/10/2021 20:30

@CantBeAssed

Doesn't take much for something innocent to turn into a major drama..if said child had tore of crying to mummy that a woman had "touched" her you could have found yourself dealing with a very embarrassing situationHmm
Don't be silly. There were obviously plenty of witnesses
Original poster
WhatDoYouDo1234 · 25/10/2021 20:32

@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds I'm sorry but at three or four it's a parents job to model behaviour so that when a child is older they can manage conflict. I'm
here to show how my kid to take turns and queue and be patient bla bla. So I will "interfere" if my child isn't doing that and I expect other parents to do the same. I don't know of many kids that age that would have effectively handled that situation without thumping or pushing the other kid. I agree I shouldn't have lifted the kid (it was very gentle and not a great deal or the floor or distance) but I couldn't have just stood there and let it go on.

OP posts:
paisley256 · 25/10/2021 20:32

Next time in a loud voice call out "whose unattended child is this?, can you supervise her"😁.

Yes this.

TableDesk · 25/10/2021 20:32

Feck that, i would have loudly asked for someone to parent the child before i did. I hate this kinda of 'spirited child' stuff

itsgettingwierd · 25/10/2021 20:33

This reminds me of a situation at a park when ds was smaller (he's now 17!).

Standing at slide and other parents around. Child keeps climbing up wrong way. Parents stopping children coming down and asking child at top to wait. Ask child to come off and go right way.

Happens about 10 times. No sign of parent.

Then child starts to climb as another child comes down. Nearest person grabs child and removes them out the way before she gets a facefull of incoming foot.

Suddenly parent appears yelling about how she's been watching from a distance as we all interfere with her child just trying to play and accusing the person who removed her child of being a peadophile. (He was male).

As she's going totally OTT batshit every parent is watching the woman (man who removed child is just looking at her and saying nothing). Next we hear a blood piercing scream.

Yes you've guessed it. As she's yelling at the person who just saved her dd from injury her dd suffered an injury (was knocked clean off the side of the slide having been booted in the face first) as she ran up as another child was already coming down.

The worst bit was rather than deal with her poor sobbing dd she then began yelling about why everyone just stood and watched it happen Confused no one actually did as they were watching her but even so no one would have dared touch her dd again.

After about another 2/3 minutes of screaming she picked her dd roughly off the floor and stormed off with her.

Original poster
WhatDoYouDo1234 · 25/10/2021 20:33

Sorry - more rushed typos! Have a field day Grammar Police Grin

OP posts:
Suddenlyfamily5 · 25/10/2021 20:34

Sounds like you were more than patient!

DyingForACuppa · 25/10/2021 20:34

I would have intervened before 5-6 times to be honest. I would have tried the 'blocking with my body/arms' thing first but if the kid was getting round me I'd gently move them away. It's not fair to my child or any of the other children waiting to let the badly parented child in.

And if the child has a shit parent, as this one clearly was, then why would I give a fuck what that parent thinks?

Amused by all the hand wringers who think the mum could have somehow got you into 'trouble' for gently moving a child in a public place with dozen of witnesses. The bar for criminal prosecution is a touch higher!

AnyOldPrion · 25/10/2021 20:36

No, you weren’t wrong. People are far too precious now about toddlers being removed when they are behaving in ways that are negative for others and are not being controlled by their parents.

Also I’m rolling my eyes at the parent(s) who were wholly ignoring what their child was doing, and the impact on others, until the instant you laid a hand on her, at which point they were suddenly able to drop everything and intervene.

Some parenting these days is awful. No wonder we have so many entitled young people who have no idea how to function in society.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 25/10/2021 20:37

@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds

Not your job to mediate this for your daughter. You should not have stepped in. Otherwise, how will your daughter learn to manage situations on her own. This is aside from the fact that you should not have touched the child, very easily this could turn into an assault scenario (which has a lower standard than most people think) if she struggled and fell etc. I think its ridiculous to run this risk all for the sake of protecting your child’s game. The mother was right (except for the language she used). Ideally she would watch her child but the fact that she didn’t doesn’t give you licence to touch the child.
The mother was right (except for the language she used). Ideally she would watch her child but the fact that she didn’t doesn’t give you licence to touch the child

I'm hoping you can spot the contradiction between your two sentences. She was in the right but wasn't in the right as she wasn't watching her child? Yeah ok.

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2021 20:38

I wouldn't have let it happen 5 or 6 times.

If loudly calling for the child's parents didn't work, I would definitely have pulled their hand away.

But this is Mumsnet where smiling at a baby on the bus is akin to assault 😂

Totallydefeated · 25/10/2021 20:38

It's all well and good "hating other parents not parenting" but that doesn't give you the right to do it for them. Ignore amd walk away!

It DOES give you the right to do their parenting for them if the behaviour of their child is impacting yours.

This child obviously needed boundaries but the parent wasn’t doing her job and providing them. Why should OP’s child be the one to not get her turn because the mouthy mother wasn’t watching her child properly? And what’s the big deal with OP gently moving her out of the way when she had failed to listen to verbal requests? OP doesn’t have radioactive hands. No need for a big drama over it.

OP, I wouldn’t have moved my child along and got her to forgo her go because of the bad behaviour of another child either. That teaches pretty spineless behaviour. It’s an especially poor message to give a young girl - that she has to give up her turn if someone else wants one and decides they don’t want to wait. Fuck that.

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2021 20:39

The mother was right (except for the language she used). Ideally she would watch her child but the fact that she didn’t doesn’t give you licence to touch the child

What makes you think the OP needed a licence? 🙄

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 25/10/2021 20:40

I'd hate to be at a soft play or anywhere like it with some of the kids on this thread.

Totallydefeated · 25/10/2021 20:42

@paisley256

Next time in a loud voice call out "whose unattended child is this?, can you supervise her"😁.

Yes this.

Perfect.
Nanny0gg · 25/10/2021 20:43

@Sleepyblueocean

I would move my child on to do something else. I wouldn't touch another child for behaviour issues unless my child is at risk and even then I would try to move my own child.
How would that be fair?
Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds · 25/10/2021 20:46

I do not understand why you would not give her a chance to deal with the child herself. No four year old I know pushes, and every four year old I know is able to articulate themselves and stand up for themselves because they have learnt to do so. At what age would you let her sort it out? This is a perfect example of what is wrong with socialisation these days - children who have parents fight their battles never learn and cannot cope when mum is not there. Next time I would step back and see what happens, you might be surprised. It is worth running the risk of having her game disrupted for her to learn this critical life skill. The parental role is primarily to protect, but equally importantly it is to teach, both through modelling and allowing a child to apply what they have learned. It would have been an awful experience for her to see you have a verbally aggressive exchange with this other mother and that is what she would have taken from it.

Alwayswantedasmegf · 25/10/2021 20:46

@DyingForACuppa

I would have intervened before 5-6 times to be honest. I would have tried the 'blocking with my body/arms' thing first but if the kid was getting round me I'd gently move them away. It's not fair to my child or any of the other children waiting to let the badly parented child in.

And if the child has a shit parent, as this one clearly was, then why would I give a fuck what that parent thinks?

Amused by all the hand wringers who think the mum could have somehow got you into 'trouble' for gently moving a child in a public place with dozen of witnesses. The bar for criminal prosecution is a touch higher!

Honestly I know you mean well. BUT realistically it seems like a lot of hassle and drame here. We have gone from moving a child's hand to gently moving someone else's child out of the way..... FFS. I personally wouldn't want the public show down.

Pick your battles.

Welshiefluff · 25/10/2021 20:47

I do not think you did anything terribly wrong. Like you say if the mother was doing her job she would have intervened long ago.

Rather than touching what I would have done is gone behind my own child and formed a blocking barrier the other child could not get around. Then if they bounced off my fat arse into the floor then diddums.