Women are being neglected

[Witchywonder]

So I’m 39 weeks pregnant and sick of people dismissing the pain and horrific trauma women can experience while pregnant…or in relation to general health issues.

When else would anyone be expected to “get on with it” and walk on a cracked bone?

No one would actually expect someone having abdominal surgery to look after a new born/ other children, and continue general life…unless they’ve just had a section. I had key-hole surgery a few years ago on my stomach and I was put on bed rest for 8 weeks after, with morphine tablets.

AIBU to think in this day and age we should acknowledge how sh*t this is?

@CecilieRose I think the point the OP and other posters are making is that maternity care has worsened considerably. When I was born in the 1970's, my Mum had a week in hospital to recover and received quite abit of support and care, e.g. I was put in the nursery so she could sleep, She had a straightforward VBAC so she wasn't especially unwell, it was standard care for new Mums back then.

Not everyone needs a week in hospital, but that level of care simply isn't offered nowadays, nothing like, and some people really do need aftercare. You probably needed it after your surgery as well, but it simply isn't available now.

@Tumbleweed101

I had homebirths and so grateful this was possible for me as I had empowering experiences rather than some of the awful experiences I've read here. At home you have the midwifes full attention and you have your partner and anyone else you need to hand (my mum came to help for my first two).

I'm sure I read recently that homebirths aren't going ahead since covid. Is this true?

No I don’t think that’s true. I was asked last week if I wanted to be transferred to the home birth team by the midwife at my 8 week appointment.

Well it’s not the case in my area I mean. I don’t know if other areas have stopped it.

I’ve moaned about this before. I was so shocked the treatment I received after my c section. But I don’t know what the alternative is - some decades ago nurses would have looked after the baby while the mother recovered for a couple of weeks in hospital but that system seems to have completely gone.

Do you know what a catheter is?
Honestly I’d never been in hospital before and had no idea what was going on. I’d had an EMCS and was terrified to move in case it burst open. I had a vague idea that you’re not supposed to move too much after surgery, my dad had his kidneys done and I remember he had to rest for several days. I certainly wasn’t going to touch medical equipment that had been attached to me, I didn’t dare - I just sat still until they took it off.

I understand not all people have bad experiences, some are very lucky to feel great throughout pregnancy and have “easy” deliveries, and of course there are amazing midwives, nurses, doctors and other staff in hospitals. I think at times it is more lack of staff, lack of time, lack of funding that results in poor care.

I don’t know what the solution is - I’m not an MP, I don’t run hospitals or control budgets. But, no one should be left with young children to care for while they are physically unable to - post child birth or any otherwise. I’m extremely fortunate than my husband is self employed and has been able to manage his diary so he can essentially be off for 6 weeks around the due date, so I won’t be alone. I’m lucky, not everyone has support, there’s plenty stories of women going home to other young children with a new born, no support and a stitched up vaj is just wrong.

NB, the whole catheter thing, why would someone know if they could move them/ how to do so? Surely they should be told how to do this if they need one. No need to shame someone for not knowing something medical.

@Goawaymorningsickeness I had one more lot after being moved upto my room from recovery. So maybe 6 hours? Paracetamol fine after that for a couple of days.

I asked about the catheter thing as I'm a midwife on a very busy PN ward and the women have the catheters attached to a plastic hook thing which hangs over the rails on the side of the bed. Easy to unhook and carry with them.

A 2m long catheter??? An inch wide??? It wouldn't fit up the urethra so I don't get that at all.

Catheters are removed 6 hours post op and women are helped to mobilise. Taken to the loo etc.

Some of the stuff I'm reading here is bloody awful and I would be ashamed to be a midwife working on those wards

The actual catheter wasn't that long but the drainage tube it was attached to was I am well aware the catheter itself can't have been that long, mine was in for 48 hours because they were monitoring my urine output, I was also hooked up to various other monitors and IV bags so I couldnt have got up anyway.

I had abdominal surgery years ago. The district nurse who I had daily as I had developed a wound infection which needed dressed told me not to lift anything heavier than a pound coin.

the women have the catheters attached to a plastic hook thing which hangs over the rails on the side of the bed. Easy to unhook and carry with them.

Do the women know that? Is each individual woman specifically told they can do that? Or do staff just assume? Perhaps they do where you work - but it may not be the case with all staff or at all hospitals.

That's one of the things I found, it was just assumed by staff that we knew what we were/weren't allowed to do, where to find things etc. Yet noone told us, and there were no signs/info sheets or anything. So bollockings ensued (and as adults, even more so as vulnerable adults, why are we being given bollockings?!) when I dared take ds onto the main corridor as he had vomited copiously over his fourth set of bedding and we had no more clothes or sheets, and despite repeated buzzing for over an hour noone had come. (I get they were probably busy with far more important mum and baby issues elsewhere on the ward - that's fine.) If staff want us to do (or not do ) something, it needs to be explicitly told to us.

I suspect it's so standard for staff that they forget it is all pretty much a big unknown to many women on the ward, and get frustrated that things which are perfectly obvious to them are not obvious to patients. I also think that in the stress and every dayness of their job, some have forgotten completely how traumatic many births are, even if all goes well, and overestimate the level of physical ability of many women. Especially if many struggle to try to comply when it's really difficult for them and they really do need help but don't want to make a fuss, so then those who actually cannot do it seem like drama queens when in reality it was a huge ask for any of them.

I had a really traumatic emergency C-section with my twins. I had my sister with me to hold my hand and the staff in the theatre were lovely. Post-natal 'care' was appalling. But, I feel this was due to the staff on the word being stretched to their limits.

It’s ironic how those of us who had a good experience aren’t allowed to say “it isn’t all bad” yet those who had a bad experience are fine to make generalised sweeping statements and assume everyone hated it or wasn’t cared for well.

No it isn't ironic at all. One after the other after the other women come out and tell the real story of how it was for them, and are dismissed and dismissed and dismissed (even by HCPs) as being overdramatic and childbirth is natural. So presumably it will need a critical mass of every woman who has late pain meds, whose pain is dismissed etc etc to come forward and try to force some change.

Kind of like MeToo which is having similarly glacial responces.

I was made to feel a burden after my twins too.

I said I wanted to sleep - the nurse found me on my phone and was angry that I wasn't sleeping yet!