Page 3 | Women are being neglected

ChaToilLeam · 26/10/2021 05:28

YANBU, OP. It’s a physical ordeal for many, and then you’re just expected to get on with caring for a tiny, dependent baby, no matter what state you are in - even denied help and support. Just look at some of the attitudes on here, woman to woman - no wonder women get a raw deal in hospital.

I didn’t want kids, but even if I had, this would have majorly put me off.

Tilltheend99 · 26/10/2021 05:40

Your not wrong.

Plus being made to feel shit for having a section as if it was a choice and not a medical necessity/emergency by people saying ‘at least you didn’t have to go through labour’ like you have shirked some kind of responsibility to go through a particular amount of pain.

Excuse me if I think major abdominal surgery with its own risks is pain enough.

Tilltheend99 · 26/10/2021 05:57

[quote user1471457751]**@AnnListersBlister* @julieca* I wonder if the OP means she had surgery on her stomach organ as that's the only way I can think of to have that much bed rest - the stomach lining can be v weak and a rupture v dangerous. But then that is a completely different type of surgery to a c section so the OP shouldn't compare the 2.[/quote]
Maybe she had previous uterine surgery for another reason. I was in hospital for five days after surgery on my uterus and had to go back to surgery after three days and have a blood transfusion. The overall all recovery was very long difficult and painful. I was understandably terrified that my section would be similar. Luckily it was less painful (not painless just less painful) with a quicker recovery. Although I still needed loads of antibiotics to get everything to heal as it’s very difficult to get the body to heal well when you don’t even have time to cook a nutritious meal.

It’s true that after child birth is the only time a person would be expected to recover with no sleep/food and so on.

HugeAckmansWife · 26/10/2021 05:57

madamegazelle are you bring deliberately obtuse? She's saying that if your been awake and drugged up on morphine for 3 days straight, have a catheter in and have just had major abdominal surgery and / or significant blood loss the medical staff might be prepared to actually assist you and the baby to ensure both are safe and cared for. I am forever grateful to the postnatal nurse who took my DS to the nurses station the first night after my failed 3 day long induction followed by CS, swaddled him, fed him and let me sleep. I have no idea what the 'policy' was but she helped her patient. When I was in somewhat better shape after my 2nd cs I helped a first time mum on the ward who's been brought up at 3am, the father sent away and she was all over the place. Nurses weren't remotely interested.

Rollmopsrule · 26/10/2021 05:59

I agree Op. My second child's birth was very traumatic and I required emergency care. After a few days in hdu I went back the ward with zero help from staff. I remember dragging the drains round the bed with me to care for my baby. I asked the staff if my dh could take her home so I could get some rest. I'd given birth in a long labour, had emergency surgery, had many blood transfusions and been in hdu - I was simply exhausted. The ward manager said no as I needed to bond with baby. They were pretty heartless tbh and I think the staff's attitude towards me when I was feeling so low and vulnerable partly contributed to the post natal depression I had along with everything else!

Tilltheend99 · 26/10/2021 06:02

@VladmirsPoutine

I don't think yabu but people will point out that unlike other health conditions pregnancy was your choice.

Lucky someone chose to have you then ffs.

You realise there are some countries in the world where having children is not a choice.

Tilltheend99 · 26/10/2021 06:10

@Rollmopsrule sorry that happened to you. Dragging a drain about is horribly depressing. I would have absolutely hated to have done that while also looking after a newborn.

Bizarrely the most painful part of my whole hospital experience was having the drain removed. Still not sure if I was supposed to have some sort of pain relief for that. It was textured and could feel it dragging through my insides.

dottiedodah · 26/10/2021 06:27

I think you have a good point here. My mum tells of days (1960s) when a week or so in hosp bed rest was the norm.now people are in and out in a day sometimes. Dad's do now get paternity leave of course. I had a section with both my dc so was in bed ,but still expected to get up and move around. To avoid blood clots I think .can you afford a doula maybe. If not maybe mum or dh to help .

Rollmopsrule · 26/10/2021 06:27

Tilltheend99 That sounds pretty grim!
I couldn't wait to get out of hospital. I'm a hcp and I think my experience as a patient has made me better at my job.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 26/10/2021 06:32

Well...

I used to do a lot of running. Went running at night and put my foot in a pothole. Leg above the ankle blew up like a balloon. Long story short it took months of moaning that finally led to an MRI that revealed a fracture. I couldn't weight bear on it for months.

No you wouldn't get given morphine for keyhole surgery. It's a controlled drug so certainly are not going to let you have that after having a baby then needing to look after the baby. Why would you want it anyway it's highly addictive.

Hattie765 · 26/10/2021 06:45

@User7312019

I don’t know anyone who’s been told to just get on with it after either a normal or traumatic birth. But either way there is clearly a difference between cracking a bone and having a baby - you chose to have one of them.

WTAF did you really write this, give yourself a talking to 🤔🤔

Rollmopsrule · 26/10/2021 06:47

chocolateorangeinhaler Opiods are given after certain keyhole surgerys and of course women have controlled drugs after childbirth if required. Its routine anslgesia. I'm not sure what your point is?

Newusernamelalala · 26/10/2021 06:49

Genuine question - for those at hospital needing help getting to the loo etc after giving birth, where was baby’s father? Was he at home looking after older DCs? I ask because I actually think I was too easy on my DH and told him to go home/to work (can’t really remember) asi was ok but actually in hindsight I really needed him sitting next to me with a book just to help me the first couple of days

pelosi · 26/10/2021 06:51

Such horrible attitudes here even on MN.

Just because you have to choose to have a baby doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be proper care for pregnant/post-natal women.

And then people wonder why the birth rate is falling.

Bumblenums1234 · 26/10/2021 06:54

@Tilltheend99

Your not wrong.

Plus being made to feel shit for having a section as if it was a choice and not a medical necessity/emergency by people saying ‘at least you didn’t have to go through labour’ like you have shirked some kind of responsibility to go through a particular amount of pain.

Excuse me if I think major abdominal surgery with its own risks is pain enough.

Thus attitude is disgusting. I didn't have a c section and I was very relieved as I was quite frightened of the pain and recovery time required.

If you are lucky to have an uncomplicated labour, I am guessing the pain and worry fails into insignificance next to an emergency c section. People are fucking twats to say that to you. It's not true anyway.

SickAndTiredAgain · 26/10/2021 06:54

@Newusernamelalala

Genuine question - for those at hospital needing help getting to the loo etc after giving birth, where was baby’s father? Was he at home looking after older DCs? I ask because I actually think I was too easy on my DH and told him to go home/to work (can’t really remember) asi was ok but actually in hindsight I really needed him sitting next to me with a book just to help me the first couple of days

It was overnight, so he wasn’t allowed to stay. Which I totally get and am not criticising as a policy, but if they’re going to have that policy, they need to recognise that therefore women will need a bit more support overnight. When DH arrived in the morning he did help me to the loo, although he wasn’t allowed to get breakfast for me because despite men being in the ward as visitors, the breakfast room specifically was women only.

Bumblenums1234 · 26/10/2021 06:55

^^the statement isn't true, not you saying people say it. Sorry wasn't clear.

Bumblenums1234 · 26/10/2021 06:56

@Newusernamelalala

Genuine question - for those at hospital needing help getting to the loo etc after giving birth, where was baby’s father? Was he at home looking after older DCs? I ask because I actually think I was too easy on my DH and told him to go home/to work (can’t really remember) asi was ok but actually in hindsight I really needed him sitting next to me with a book just to help me the first couple of days

My dp was sent home an hour after my sons birth because of covid. He wasn't allowed back until he picked us up 3 days later.

turnabouttime · 26/10/2021 07:01

@User7312019 @VladmirsPoutine not really getting your point. You think that because the injuries are resulting from an elective situation then they don't count? How does your brain work? If you have had abdominal surgery or are 'ripped from back to front' what possible difference does it make whether the injuries are as a result of a chosen situation. Do you feel that sports injuries are not valid as people chose to go the sport? Torn hamstring? Bah, doesn't count. You chose to play rugby. What about people who have horrific car accidents. 'Nah, not feeling it. You chose to drive a car'. You are the problem.

Bunnycat101 · 26/10/2021 07:03

Post natal care is horrific for too many women. I had a difficult birth with my first but post natal nearly tipped me over the edge. My husband came to get me at 3am as I left a message that was really distressed. He then made sure I was out of there as soon as they could discharge me. Second time round I basically tried to leave as quickly as humanly possible. The hours I was there I had no contact with anyone, no monitoring just basically ignored until they did the discharge checks.

turnabouttime · 26/10/2021 07:04

@Atlas2021

I've had 3 and don't remember horrific trauma. I remember pain, yes. But it was pain I wanted to have my babies and I didn't feel like I needed to be bedridden afterwards. I think that's only in extreme cases. My 16 year old has had a baby this week and has literally amazed me with their resilience. We don't need to lie in bed with painkillers for days afterwards unless something has gone really wrong.

The OP is not referring to people who didn't suffer through childbirth. They are referring to those who were ripped back to front or had issues with surgery. Yay for you and your daughter. It's not all about you. Women who sailed through childbirth who then have no empathy for those that didn't are possibly the worst

Fetarabbit · 26/10/2021 07:14

@Witchywonder

So I’m 39 weeks pregnant and sick of people dismissing the pain and horrific trauma women can experience while pregnant…or in relation to general health issues.

When else would anyone be expected to “get on with it” and walk on a cracked bone?

No one would actually expect someone having abdominal surgery to look after a new born/ other children, and continue general life…unless they’ve just had a section. I had key-hole surgery a few years ago on my stomach and I was put on bed rest for 8 weeks after, with morphine tablets.

AIBU to think in this day and age we should acknowledge how sh*t this is?

Who are you annoyed at? If you don't have a support network to help after birth, you wouldn't have one to help after any other sort of surgery, and would have to still look after your child; it's unlikely your partner could take 2 weeks off work either to help. If you're annoyed with the state of postnatal care in this country then YANBU- it's shocking and will only get worse with the well documented, and terrifying exodus of qualified midwives. People's attitudes to women suck on the whole, so of course whilst it's not right, dismissive attitudes sadly aren't surprising.

GoldenOmber · 26/10/2021 07:23

@Rollmopsrule

chocolateorangeinhaler Opiods are given after certain keyhole surgerys and of course women have controlled drugs after childbirth if required. Its routine anslgesia. I'm not sure what your point is?

Yes, exactly. I’ve had morphine offered after more minor surgery than childbirth, even when I wasn’t asking and didn’t need it!

In comparison: after one birth, EMCS that ended up fairly messy for a few reasons, doctor very clear that they’d prescribed strong pain relief if I needed it. Up on the postnatal ward I was indeed in a lot of pain but actually getting pain relief stronger than paracetamol was hard as anything. Fuss fuss, oh well most women find paracetamol is enough, maybe give it a bit longer, are you sure? are you really SURE sure? well let’s give it a bit longer and see how you do. Oh, you again? Hmm well that’s really VERY strong medication they’ve written you up for. Maybe the pain is trapped gas, that can be very sore after sections, how about we give you some peppermint instead and see how you go?

That birth took ages to recover from. It wasn’t my first or even my first EMCS. But after going home when I was still in loads of pain and really struggling and saying “this is so much more painful than before, I’m really struggling, please help” the attitude was very much “ most women aren’t in this much pain by now, so it’s suspicious you are asking for help/drugs/some medical care, stop making a fuss.” Not “most women aren’t in this much pain by now so maybe something’s not right.”

olivehater · 26/10/2021 07:29

Allowing fathers in the wards has made it worse. They just expects the father to do everything now and cut staff Ben more. Did we really think it was for their benefit.

timeisnotaline · 26/10/2021 07:30

@MadameGazellee

So you're saying a mother shouldn't take care of the baby she has just given birth to?

Umm we are saying a woman who can’t walk or can’t walk without fainting shouldn’t have to get herself to the bathroom. A woman who can’t lift her baby should have help. At the bare minimum she shouldn’t be yells at for keeping the baby in bed with her since she can’t get the baby from the cot. My own example- a woman who can’t stand up without a splitting headache and vomiting shouldn’t be sent off home with her baby. Yes, sometimes women who have just had babies need help. What are you saying exactly? Leave them all to die?