To find DH’s view offensive?

[Peanutbutterkid08]

I was discussing with my teenage son about how misogyny was systemic in society and how white straight men have always held privilege. Ds doesn’t really agree with this, he thinks girls and women have an ‘easier time.’
I said just because NAMALT (🙄) doesn’t mean it’s enough for men to just sit back and say not my problem. In the same way I don’t believe it is enough to just not be racist - if you don’t speak up even if not racist yourself you are part of the problem.
DH said - in a sort of patronising and angry voice ‘didn’t realise you were such a feminist sweetheart.’
Then he went onto say to ds ‘they’ll miss us when we’re gone, we hold together society.’ DH is in a high level job and is actively encouraged to recruit women into senior positions which I know he doesn’t agree with. It’s because only 3% of the the senior positions in his company are held by women.
It was the way he said it. So scathing. Now he’s stormed off upstairs.

n all likelihood your son will grow up to be a straight white man, hopefully earning plenty of money, so I wouldn’t make out that your opinion of them is so low
There is so much more to being a (decent) man than being straight, white and a high earner.

Society would fall apart if men weren’t around? Not in the OP’s noise! I’d love to be a fly on the wall if she were to go off for a couple of weeks, they sound like they wouldn’t be able to feed themselves or wash their own clothes! I can’t understand why a father has never changed his child’s nappy or cooked a meal!

Men are trash. The only men I respect are the ones who respond to ‘men are trash’ with ‘yes, we are, the patriarchy is real and damaging and I’m doing my best not to be like that’. There is literally no other acceptable response to me. Luckily the men whose company I choose to keep are of this view. Whether they’re just saying that to seem like nice guys, who knows. But I certainly wouldn’t stand for your DH’s obvious and vicious misogyny.

It sounds unfortunately like you’ve been enabling him for a long time, though.

@Peanutbutterkid08

He said I don’t seem to have a very high opinion of men. Can’t really argue with that I suppose. I don’t. And as I’ve grown older my opinion lowers. Not on an individual basis but in terms of how they behave on a larger scale and even the ones that are ok don’t actively stand up with women and say this isn’t acceptable. He’s angry so he’s stormed off.

Ha ha. I'm like that too. Only in my case, my DH agrees with me. He hasn't got a very high opinion of men collectively either.

OP - your DP's reaction is interesting. He's either feeling guilty or threatened. This phrase comes to mind:
"When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression"
If he was truly comfortable in his views, he'd react much more calmly. I'm guessing that your son, like so many teenage boys, like mine, knows it all. You have still got time to educate him.
It starts with teaching him how to use the washing machine (think of his poor future partner if you don't do that)

Girlmom21 "Jesus Christ no wonder they both have sexist views then. Did you not, at any point, think that this might happen?"

Heavy Sarcasm Alert

And there we have it.

It's all your fault, you stupid stupid woman.

For God dam fuck sake.

(A side note to the shitty man knuckle dragging and general shit stirrers on these threads. We all see you and notice your names you know. Most of us can spot when you start your sock puppet act too by the way)

So you met shagged married and produced offspring with this man but somehow never realised he held these views?
Yeah he’s a prick, your son will likely grow up to be a prick. Not much you can do about it now. You picked him.

@Peanutbutterkid08

I gave these stats to ds and he said ‘it’s not our fault you don’t apply. It’s not our fault you swan off to have babies.’

Jesus christ, if my son said this to me I'd probably throw him out. How DARE he. As if men aren't somehow involved in the whole baby-making thing, though god knows they're rarely volunteering to do the childcare. OP, I don't know how you don't simply pack your bags and leave. Or change the locks when they're both out and leave their suitcases on the porch.

“Jesus Christ no wonder they both have sexist views then. Did you not, at any point, think that this might happen?”

Yeah of course you came to the conclusion that the woman is to be blamed for all of this, what a load of shite

@Peanutbutterkid08

My son is quite scathing about feminism - he doesn’t think women experience any disadvantage compared to men.

Can't imagine where he gets it from.

So sorry you are having to deal with this tedious shit OP.
Very hurtful to hear it coming out of the mouth of your beloved child, I imagine.

As to DH - meh. You'll do what you need & want to do about him when you are ready. I'd have lost all respect & any affection immediately following any of his pronouncements.

Feminism is arguing for equality. Your DH doesn’t believe your son should grow up thinking women are equal? Wow.
I’d be furious personally, what a d@ck

@Cam77

If women aren’t disadvantaged in any way why are 97% of senior positions in his company held by men? Basically the same reason why 2/3 of teachers educating our kids are women. There are many more qualified applicants of that sex than the other sex.

No, that's doesn't answer the question. It just describes the status quo!

Keep going...

Why are there many more female qualified teachers?

It’s not our fault you swan off to have babies.’

I too would have exploded at that point. Lots and lots to unravle @Peanutbutterkid08.

Maybe start by stopping all the wifework, including sex and being 'motherly'

@Bluemoononkentucky

Girlmom21 "Jesus Christ no wonder they both have sexist views then. Did you not, at any point, think that this might happen?"

Heavy Sarcasm Alert

And there we have it.

It's all your fault, you stupid stupid woman.

For God dam fuck sake.

(A side note to the shitty man knuckle dragging and general shit stirrers on these threads. We all see you and notice your names you know. Most of us can spot when you start your sock puppet act too by the way)

Yeah exactly have noticed this too

He’s angry so he’s stormed off.

Of course he is.
He was challenged - by a FEMALE! - & knows he is in the wrong.

Hell hath no fury like a chauvinist outfaced by a woman.

@Peanutbutterkid08

I gave these stats to ds and he said ‘it’s not our fault you don’t apply. It’s not our fault you swan off to have babies.’

Oh grim

I'd just go fully on strike I think, what else can you do or say in the face of such comments?

Exactly as @smoko says, going into a two sided conversation where your stance is that you don't like men is unlikely to be productive with your DS and DH, it's combative and you got the same back.

As for teaching being 2/3 women, that's largely down to teaching being one of the few jobs that's compatible with having kids (once they're at school themselves). In the same vein, more men end up as head teachers because they don't have to take time off to have children, nor have the burden of being the default parent while their kids are young.

@Phobiaphobic You made that far too easy. I was hoping for more of an argument, debate. Not a cut to the chase and state it so simply a child can understand it

@liz750

“Jesus Christ no wonder they both have sexist views then. Did you not, at any point, think that this might happen?”

Yeah of course you came to the conclusion that the woman is to be blamed for all of this, what a load of shite

She's 50% responsible for the upbringing of her son. He's 14 years old and has never seen his father prepare a meal or use a washing machine. We've established his dads a pig and isn't going to teach him any better. That doesn't absolve her of all responsibility.

Pity they didn't watch the news tonight were a father in Afghanistan has sold his newborn daughter, without consulting his wife. He said he didn't know how she will feel when the breastfed baby is gone. He'll still get her pregnant next year though. He was sitting surrounded by his sons. They know nothing about the man who is buying her.

A start is learning how women were legally stopped from working and ownership of property etc. Then how our quality of life was improved and social care systems created, by women.

@HoardingSamphireSaurus

It’s not our fault you swan off to have babies.’

I too would have exploded at that point. Lots and lots to unravle @Peanutbutterkid08.

Maybe start by stopping all the wifework, including sex and being 'motherly'

Me too! They are their babies too! Swan off, giving birth and raising their babies 🤬 This annoys the crap out of me I don’t even have children.

Him storming off is a bit amateur, but you shouldn't be teaching your son about how mysogyny is so systemic society is (it isn't) - it's very wrong to project your bias on him at a very impressionable age.

@Blinkingbatshit

Whilst I’m totally with you on everything else I’m afraid I’m still not a fan of positive discrimination….I think it’s a dangerous path to start treading and we should be aiming for a society where merit alone should suffice.

I totally agree with this.

"In society we (men) hold everything together"

Yet in your family's world you do the cooking, cleaning, housework, childrearing and gerenal house management.

Have they always had such little regard for you or is it something you're only just coming to terms with?