Is it possible to ever meet a guy that doesn't watch porn?

[Quirkyme]

Good afternoon,

I'm a happily single woman in my late twenties, open to a relationship whenever the time comes.
I'm not a porn watcher, and for reasons I'm sure many of us know, I find porn damaging and detrimental... and therefore would prefer to be with someone who doesn't watch porn.

Because a lot of, if not most, men watch porn, it's normalised as being something women, and society in general, should accept as normal because it's common, which I don't agree with.

My ex also had a porn addiction, and also couldn't perform during sex, which obviously did not provide a great environment or atmosphere for us when having sex. I also do feel that he was closeted due to certain things he said, and I do feel that he was watching a lot of cck heavy porn. He had sexual issues in general, and also had not cm since his first time having sex 10 years ago, which I attribute to him ferociously w*nking off and watching porn. He was not forthcoming about any of this either. He also wanted me to do things (obviously from what he watched in porn) that I communicated that I felt were degrading, and then he used to stop pleasuring me, or say that he would only do certain things - going down on me, if he could do the degrading thing which I had openly communicated that I'm not comfortable with. This is obviously not okay. He would also make comments about my vag (because it couldn't take a pounding for excessive amounts of time) and just about me in bed in general, when funnily enough he couldn't even have sex properly due to his own issues. So yeah.

I had my views about porn, before this relationship, but my experience with this guy has obviously not helped, and only strengthened my view of it, and I guess I am in some ways affected by this. This relationship ended about 8 months ago.
And now I just have concerns about men watching porn, the content of what their wanting, and all sorts of 'hidden' things they get off to in their bedrooms with no self-control, and I do not want that.

Of course, if I meet someone who watches porn, I cannot necessarily make them not watch it if they do, my ex before that also watched porn and whilst he did not have the same issues at all as my most recent ex, he had immature views about sex and also was selfish sexually.

Is it possible to meet a guy who does not watch porn, and has a healthy sexual appetite, and understands the negative and detrimental effects and damage that porn causes? Because it seems that women (who do not want to) have to just normalise this, and get on with this, and that's not something I want or agree with.

Thanks for reading.

That's an incredibly offensive thing to say. Like many people you assume that people with a faith are all sexualy repressed bigots. Whilst religious people who are prudish about sex do exist most of us are ordinary people with much the same predilections as the population in general

I find your response more offensive than the one you are referring to. Are you suggesting the OP is a sexually repressed bigot, or that anyone who doesn’t watch porn is one?

most guys but not all guys will and have watched it and will at even older ages ie over 70

I don’t think anyone here will be surprised to learn that older men have a sexual appetite
It’s not naivety that makes women think they know men who don’t watch porn, it’s the fact that they’ve spoken to them and know them.

and while the porn industry isn't perfect, neither is the meat industry, the fashion industry, or many of the others that we consume.

But my husband also doesn’t eat meat, dairy or use animal products and tries his very best to avoid fast fashion.

Would you think he was lying about that?

I suspect us older people had it easier as porn then (unless you're into unpleasant stuff) was often tamer than some of the music videos today.

Similarly with horror films, he won't watch them now, to realistic and nasty. Doesn't see the entertainment in people getting realistically maimed and hurt for entertainment even if it is a film.

My husband doesn't watch porn. I've tried several times to get him to watch it with me. He's just not interested.

However, I've been watching it regularly since I was about 15. I do understand some of the points that you make in your post but for me, it has made our sex life even more amazing. For example, I didn't know how to give a good blow job until I watched it (mind you, I never tried it on anyone, other than my now husband)
For me, it has been a learning experience and helps me perform better in the bedroom department.

I think some porn isn't right. Like, the rough, gangbang etc. That is degrading.

The answer to your question is, yes some men don't watch porn but also some men do, just not to the degree your ex did.

My DH claims that he doesn't. Tbf I see no reason for him to lie because I've made it clear that it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if he did. We are very mismatched sexually, he's quite repressed and I think he has some issues around sex. I've spent over a decade trying to get him to open up and talk about those issues but I'm starting to realise that it will never work. I've always found our sex life very unfulfilling and I've never been happy with it 🤷‍♀️

Btw, I'd like to add my DH watches possible2/3 times a week often for a few minutes unless we watch together.

Cucks is his best like and wants me to watch those and I do if the guys are well hung, but even watching togthers its often no more than 5/6 mins as it does the trick, you know what I mean.

Everything in moderation and within the law and consenting happier types of porn is ok IMO.

My DP doesn't

Literally laughing at all the wives saying their husbands don't watch it wahahahaha it’s comments like this one that make me think the women who literally put down women for saying their husbands don’t watch porn are actually unhappy that the ones they are with do, and they wish they didn’t.

But they can’t say that because they’ve been conditioned into thinking they’re wrong for thinking it, and so they put down the women who dare to believe their husbands don’t watch it.

And what’s with the posts calling the OP a prude, saying she ought to get out more etc. So what if she’s not into the kind of sex you are and doesn’t want a man who’s more interested in wanking to the sight of a woman being exploited than actually being with her?

I know 100% that my partner doesn’t watch porn. People can sneer or laugh or be as insulting as they like, it says more about them that they clearly know they’ve come to expect such low standards of their men.

It smacks of jealousy that women need to put down women whose husbands aren’t the porn-watching arseholes their dh’s are.

My oh doesn't watch it, we do Google things, send pics , try new things an get new toys etc but porn has never been one.... never interested us! X

Incidentally, one of my DP’s closest friends is a church-going evangelist who had a serious porn addiction. So it’s not what the person believes in which makes them porn watchers or not, it’s the person they are.

Some weird opinions here, particularly that not liking porn means you're a prude, religious bigot, only interested in the missionary position etc.

Given the porn soaked culture we live in, I think it is pretty rare to find a man who's never seen any porn at all, never been aroused by images, never wanked to it, ever in their lives. That I would imagine is rare.

There are however quite a number of men who much prefer an active and lively sex life with a real person to using porn.

And there are some men who can have a heavy porn habit and still be good in bed. I don't think it has no effect but they do exist, I met one a while back.

I avoid watching porn now for political reasons but I do use written porn. And I have to admit I have learned a couple of things from alleged amateur porn that I'm glad to know about and that have promoted my pleasure.

Everything single one of my ex sexual partners have watched porn. One of my ex BF's was addicted to it and preferred to wank over porn than have sex with me. I'd go through the whole process of wearing the sexy lingerie, setting the scene etc etc, and he'd make excuses.. I'm tired, I just want to watch football etc etc. I'd then catch him wanking. I asked him why he preferred to wank over porn than have sex with me, and he said it's because they had big tits and I didn't. I was quite young at the time and I stupidly and naively had breast implants. Guess what? "He still preferred porn. It was the porn that caused the end of the relationship. Good riddance. Another ex swore blind he wasn't interested in porn (for the record, I don't mind porn, as long as its in a healthy way and doesn't replace sex!), he told me in a very very convincing way that he was morally against it and he had zero interest. I was with him for 8 years and in that time I had no reason to believe that he was using porn. Then, our relationship ended (nothing together do with porn) and he left an old laptop at my house. A few weeks after we broke up, curiosity got the better of me and I looked at his search history etc. Hey presto, he'd been registered with Adult work for the whole of our relationship and during that time he'd been not only watching porn and cam girls, but also used numerous escorts. Again, good riddance.

@HeartsAndClubs

Literally laughing at all the wives saying their husbands don't watch it wahahahaha it’s comments like this one that make me think the women who literally put down women for saying their husbands don’t watch porn are actually unhappy that the ones they are with do, and they wish they didn’t.

But they can’t say that because they’ve been conditioned into thinking they’re wrong for thinking it, and so they put down the women who dare to believe their husbands don’t watch it.

And what’s with the posts calling the OP a prude, saying she ought to get out more etc. So what if she’s not into the kind of sex you are and doesn’t want a man who’s more interested in wanking to the sight of a woman being exploited than actually being with her?

I know 100% that my partner doesn’t watch porn. People can sneer or laugh or be as insulting as they like, it says more about them that they clearly know they’ve come to expect such low standards of their men.

It smacks of jealousy that women need to put down women whose husbands aren’t the porn-watching arseholes their dh’s are.

This ^

Yes!

Thinking about it, having thought about it, I do believe there are some men who don't watch porn. My issue is the OH's who say they KNOW their own OH's don't watch it. It's like saying you KNOW your OH doesn't think of xyz. You can't KNOW because you are not omniscient.
I think it's silly to keep declaring that you know - when you really can't.

You’ve obviously had a horrific experience with your ex. He sounds at very extreme end of porn addiction. It’s understandable you are wary. There’s a vast difference between your ex and someone occasionally watching something not hardcore. Some of the stuff on Netflix eg on sex life or sex education is more explicit. I’d try and meet someone in real life through a hobby or friends and take it slow.

Oh yeah and the twats who watch porn on trains are total arseholes. Just saying. Much too common.

DH does not watch porn, although I believe in MN land EVERY man watches porn and if their other halves don't or disapprove, they are appaling prudes with their heads in the sand.

*appalling

• My issue is the OH's who say they KNOW their own OH's don't watch it. It's like saying you KNOW your OH doesn't think of xyz. You can't KNOW because you are not omniscient. I think it's silly to keep declaring that you know - when you really can't.*

But you could say that about anything.

I would say that I know that my husband always gets his hair cut at Tony and Guy but I haven’t actually walked with him to every appointment and sat in with him as they cut his hair. But he says he does so as far as I know he does.

I think the women who are saying they know their husbands don’t are saying that they trust their husbands don’t.
And they wouldn’t need to be so vehement about it if there wasn’t people claiming that all men were liars and any woman who believed them were stupid.

@Firesidefox

DH does not watch porn, although I believe in MN land EVERY man watches porn and if their other halves don't or disapprove, they are appaling prudes with their heads in the sand.

No, on here nobody's husband does. How you'd know what your husband does in the bathroom, I have no idea.

Nobody knows what they're other half does in private, on their own devices unless they're snooping. So no point being smug about it, far as I'm concerned

Pamspam it was a lighthearted comment, that's all.

@PermanentTemporary

Some weird opinions here, particularly that not liking porn means you're a prude, religious bigot, only interested in the missionary position etc.

Given the porn soaked culture we live in, I think it is pretty rare to find a man who's never seen any porn at all, never been aroused by images, never wanked to it, ever in their lives. That I would imagine is rare.

There are however quite a number of men who much prefer an active and lively sex life with a real person to using porn.

And there are some men who can have a heavy porn habit and still be good in bed. I don't think it has no effect but they do exist, I met one a while back.

I avoid watching porn now for political reasons but I do use written porn. And I have to admit I have learned a couple of things from alleged amateur porn that I'm glad to know about and that have promoted my pleasure.

This. Having never SEEN porn and choosing not to WATCH porn are two different things.

I don't have a problem with porn. Some of my exes have watched it and some have not.

DH does not watch porn. That doesn't mean he's never watched it or never seen it. There are plenty of things he doesn't do that other men might choose to do -- I don't think choosing not to watch porn is that unusual.

I sincerely doubt my husband watches porn. I guess he could be scurrying off to the toilet to do so but why would he?. I don’t watch porn. To be honest I usually fast forward through the sex scenes in normal movies. I’m just not into making young men and women strip and fondle each other for entertainment. Not entertaining and not ok to my mind.

My husband has no interest in porn. Never has had. I know it's true as we have had an anti-porn filter fitted to our router so nothing can get through anyway. Men who don't watch porn are out there.