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Original poster

Is it possible to ever meet a guy that doesn't watch porn?

375 replies

Quirkyme · 25/10/2021 14:21

Good afternoon,

I'm a happily single woman in my late twenties, open to a relationship whenever the time comes.
I'm not a porn watcher, and for reasons I'm sure many of us know, I find porn damaging and detrimental... and therefore would prefer to be with someone who doesn't watch porn.

Because a lot of, if not most, men watch porn, it's normalised as being something women, and society in general, should accept as normal because it's common, which I don't agree with.

My ex also had a porn addiction, and also couldn't perform during sex, which obviously did not provide a great environment or atmosphere for us when having sex. I also do feel that he was closeted due to certain things he said, and I do feel that he was watching a lot of cck heavy porn. He had sexual issues in general, and also had not cm since his first time having sex 10 years ago, which I attribute to him ferociously w*nking off and watching porn. He was not forthcoming about any of this either. He also wanted me to do things (obviously from what he watched in porn) that I communicated that I felt were degrading, and then he used to stop pleasuring me, or say that he would only do certain things - going down on me, if he could do the degrading thing which I had openly communicated that I'm not comfortable with. This is obviously not okay. He would also make comments about my vag (because it couldn't take a pounding for excessive amounts of time) and just about me in bed in general, when funnily enough he couldn't even have sex properly due to his own issues. So yeah.

I had my views about porn, before this relationship, but my experience with this guy has obviously not helped, and only strengthened my view of it, and I guess I am in some ways affected by this. This relationship ended about 8 months ago.
And now I just have concerns about men watching porn, the content of what their wanting, and all sorts of 'hidden' things they get off to in their bedrooms with no self-control, and I do not want that.

Of course, if I meet someone who watches porn, I cannot necessarily make them not watch it if they do, my ex before that also watched porn and whilst he did not have the same issues at all as my most recent ex, he had immature views about sex and also was selfish sexually.

Is it possible to meet a guy who does not watch porn, and has a healthy sexual appetite, and understands the negative and detrimental effects and damage that porn causes? Because it seems that women (who do not want to) have to just normalise this, and get on with this, and that's not something I want or agree with.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 25/10/2021 16:27

Yeah good luck with that OP !!

MissMaple82 · 25/10/2021 16:28

Literally laughing at all the wives saying their husbands don't watch it wahahahaha

Chocaholic9 · 25/10/2021 16:29

@loveyours

Your logic is off. Humans have a biological need for the nutrients in animal products. Bad things happen to our health when we don't get them. You have to be extremely knowledgeable about nutrition to supplement all the missing nutrients if you don't eat animal products. No one has a biological need for porn.

Chocaholic9 · 25/10/2021 16:30

I feel the same as you OP.

Now I'm resigned that my next partner might watch it. If he does, I'll let him know I don't like it and I never want to know about it.

Original poster
Quirkyme · 25/10/2021 16:31

@Unhomme

Good luck in your search OP, though I think it's not the point watching that's the problem, but the maturity of the boys you've been with.

I also feel you might benefit from opening your mind a little more. Sex is full of opportunities to explore yourself and your partner, but you do come across as wanting a vanilla missionary type...

What a joke.

Because, I don't want a guy that watches porn, I want a vanilla missionary type...

Haha, I'm not that myself, so far from it.

Ignorant.

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 25/10/2021 16:32

Exploitation and filmed rape???? Wtf, thats not what porn is. That's your interpretation of it and shows how clueless you actually. I find it weird as hell if a man really didn't watch it

Chocaholic9 · 25/10/2021 16:33

@ComtesseDeSpair

If it’s a dealbreaker for you then you need to be upfront about it on first dates / your online dating profile, just the same as you would if it was imperative your future partner was vegetarian or believed in God or didn’t drink alcohol. There will be men out there who don’t watch porn, though obviously it will make your dating pool much shallower.

I know DP watches porn occasionally and I know what he does watch is pretty tame amateur stuff. We have an at least once a day great sex life. If we didn’t, or his consumption of porn was more niche, I might feel differently.

Don't do this. I put it on my dating profile no porn users and the men I went on dates with said, why are you so against porn? and then explain that love it and use it.

People see this stuff on a dating profile and literally think it doesn't apply to them.

OLLIEEEB · 25/10/2021 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

BigFatLiar · 25/10/2021 16:33

DH thinks its boring.

Apparently when he first moved into his flat (pre me) his friends decided that renting a blue movie for after the pub at the weekend was a good idea. Around to his place to watch it, late night. It lasted a couple of weeks and they decided they'd rather watch sci-fi films.

My brother was one of his mates and always told me I shouldn't go with them as the films were unsuitable 'nudge nudge wink wink'. I used to hang out with them at other times so I called around late one Saturday night and caught them at it. Eating fish suppers and watching an old 50's black and white sci-fi, so much for my brothers 'unsuitable' comment. My now DH had me sit down to watch the film with them and shared his fish supper.

GaolBhoAlba · 25/10/2021 16:33

What a fascinating discussion. Ive never thought about this a great deal before, but I think i'd be (significantly) suspicious of a guy who said he didnt watch porn! I'd presume it was a lie, and an indication that lying came easily.

TubeOfSmarties · 25/10/2021 16:35

I think you're possibly better off finding a bloke who admits he watches it now and again, which may well be true, rather than a man who claims he never watches it, which is most likely a lie.

Unless he's a MN husband in which case he has never even heard of it 😇

Comedycook · 25/10/2021 16:37

Must be awful to be a single woman nowadays...I'm pleased I was on the dating scene twenty years ago rather than now.

Countrydiary · 25/10/2021 16:37

My DH doesn’t - and we’re very open and I don’t think he’d feel he needed to hide it from me. Having him working from home for the last 20 months means I don’t know when he’d fit it in to be quite honest so I’m sure he’s not lying!

I do think we’re quite open and honest about sex so when you get into a new relationship OP I would share some of the info about your ex to start an honest conversation about it and see if your values are aligned.

MoonbeamSprinkles · 25/10/2021 16:39

Literally laughing at all the wives saying their husbands don't watch it wahahahaha

It’s stupid comments like this that turn this into a bun fight.

Why do you find it so funny to think that there’s men in the world that aren’t interested in porn?
porn in its current incarnation is pretty new, and yet men have wanked perfectly happily for millennia.

It’s pretty depressing to be told that your husband MUST be a liar because all men have to have the same wanking habits.

Emma2021 · 25/10/2021 16:39

@IfNot

I know quite a few middle age men who don’t watch it anymore. One of them told me it just did nothing for him anymore as it was getting more like violence than sex. Not all men are dying to see choking and spit roasting. Dp used to a bit, maybe still does, but I’ve snooped and it was pretty tame and mostly just women, no men. Anything violent and I’d be off.
what you mention there is not "porn" in most peoples books its more like nasty stuff.

The porn I refer to and others is often men dream about their OH's being with a well hung man, IE one bigger than them a lot bigger in some cases and yes, women do get turned on by well hung men. However, the stuff my DH watches and I watch is normal, consential, non violent sex between two or three people. I and the others are not on the whole talking about stuff you are talking about IE hard core stuff.

Like you said, anyhting "violent" or trying to imitate that, its a no no and me and my DH and others I know have never even touched on that stuff as its nasty. But, a well hunf guy making love to his wife/GF or cucks sex is a great turn on for DH and me at times.

Btw, I would never admit to any GF's that I liked watching cucks but we have talked about well hung/fit guys as its nice as you get older IMO.

Btw, you can never judge a book by its cover so in all honesty you can never be 100$ certain that you OH/family/friends/work friends are not into porn or sites that introduce meets/etc. It's their private lives and that is good with me.

Thefuturestory · 25/10/2021 16:39

I think you are most likely to find a man who used to watch it but now sees it as something he doesn’t want to watch.

My DH doesn’t do porn but not because he’s saying it on my account. Apparently he doesn’t wank either ( I know I know- wish he would!)

TheCloudBotherer · 25/10/2021 16:42

@MissMaple82

Exploitation and filmed rape???? Wtf, thats not what porn is. That's your interpretation of it and shows how clueless you actually. I find it weird as hell if a man really didn't watch it
Why? Why is it so hard to comprehend that a man might not watch porn?
Emma2021 · 25/10/2021 16:42

@Comedycook

Must be awful to be a single woman nowadays...I'm pleased I was on the dating scene twenty years ago rather than now.
Sorry, why is that? IMO, it's easier being a "single woman these days" as a lot of the inequality has been pulled up and some of it addressed etc.

Just ask my mum and aunts etc

toconclude · 25/10/2021 16:43

@Watchingyou2sleezes

I probably wouldn't trust one that didn't
What an utterly ridiculous thing to say.
Emma2021 · 25/10/2021 16:44

@Thefuturestory

I think you are most likely to find a man who used to watch it but now sees it as something he doesn’t want to watch.

My DH doesn’t do porn but not because he’s saying it on my account. Apparently he doesn’t wank either ( I know I know- wish he would!)

( I know I know- wish he would!)

lol.

LittleGwyneth · 25/10/2021 16:45

I think you're conflating watching porn and watching porn obsessively. Statistically most adults watch it intermittently, and while the porn industry isn't perfect, neither is the meat industry, the fashion industry, or many of the others that we consume.

Worrying about someone who watches porn a handful of times a year when he's got a night in alone and is in the mood isn't desperately practical. Of course you deserve to be with someone who has a healthy relationship with sex, but intermittently enjoying a bit of porn doesn't rule that out.

Emma2021 · 25/10/2021 16:47

@GaolBhoAlba

What a fascinating discussion. Ive never thought about this a great deal before, but I think i'd be (significantly) suspicious of a guy who said he didnt watch porn! I'd presume it was a lie, and an indication that lying came easily.
Like everything in life and I mean everyhting, not everyone does it. But when it comes to porn of the type i have refered to, consenting non violent male and female, well hung guy a cuck etc, most guys but not all guys will and have watched it and will at even older ages ie over 70
toconclude · 25/10/2021 16:47

@MissMaple82

Exploitation and filmed rape???? Wtf, thats not what porn is. That's your interpretation of it and shows how clueless you actually. I find it weird as hell if a man really didn't watch it
That's exactly what it is. The clueless one here is you.
OuchWhatWasThat · 25/10/2021 16:48

@MissMaple82

Literally laughing at all the wives saying their husbands don't watch it wahahahaha
Can I ask why? Isin’t it great at least some women have found a man of quality? Do every women (who want to date men) have to settle for shit?
Emma2021 · 25/10/2021 16:49

@BigFatLiar

DH thinks its boring.

Apparently when he first moved into his flat (pre me) his friends decided that renting a blue movie for after the pub at the weekend was a good idea. Around to his place to watch it, late night. It lasted a couple of weeks and they decided they'd rather watch sci-fi films.

My brother was one of his mates and always told me I shouldn't go with them as the films were unsuitable 'nudge nudge wink wink'. I used to hang out with them at other times so I called around late one Saturday night and caught them at it. Eating fish suppers and watching an old 50's black and white sci-fi, so much for my brothers 'unsuitable' comment. My now DH had me sit down to watch the film with them and shared his fish supper.

Men often watch porn alone for obvious reasons or at work when they are bored etc. Other guys dream about threesomes et c and watch cuck porns etc but you will get the few inc women tht watch the nasty ones. and a few that have never or given up.
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