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Original poster

Is it possible to ever meet a guy that doesn't watch porn?

375 replies

Quirkyme · 25/10/2021 14:21

Good afternoon,

I'm a happily single woman in my late twenties, open to a relationship whenever the time comes.
I'm not a porn watcher, and for reasons I'm sure many of us know, I find porn damaging and detrimental... and therefore would prefer to be with someone who doesn't watch porn.

Because a lot of, if not most, men watch porn, it's normalised as being something women, and society in general, should accept as normal because it's common, which I don't agree with.

My ex also had a porn addiction, and also couldn't perform during sex, which obviously did not provide a great environment or atmosphere for us when having sex. I also do feel that he was closeted due to certain things he said, and I do feel that he was watching a lot of cck heavy porn. He had sexual issues in general, and also had not cm since his first time having sex 10 years ago, which I attribute to him ferociously w*nking off and watching porn. He was not forthcoming about any of this either. He also wanted me to do things (obviously from what he watched in porn) that I communicated that I felt were degrading, and then he used to stop pleasuring me, or say that he would only do certain things - going down on me, if he could do the degrading thing which I had openly communicated that I'm not comfortable with. This is obviously not okay. He would also make comments about my vag (because it couldn't take a pounding for excessive amounts of time) and just about me in bed in general, when funnily enough he couldn't even have sex properly due to his own issues. So yeah.

I had my views about porn, before this relationship, but my experience with this guy has obviously not helped, and only strengthened my view of it, and I guess I am in some ways affected by this. This relationship ended about 8 months ago.
And now I just have concerns about men watching porn, the content of what their wanting, and all sorts of 'hidden' things they get off to in their bedrooms with no self-control, and I do not want that.

Of course, if I meet someone who watches porn, I cannot necessarily make them not watch it if they do, my ex before that also watched porn and whilst he did not have the same issues at all as my most recent ex, he had immature views about sex and also was selfish sexually.

Is it possible to meet a guy who does not watch porn, and has a healthy sexual appetite, and understands the negative and detrimental effects and damage that porn causes? Because it seems that women (who do not want to) have to just normalise this, and get on with this, and that's not something I want or agree with.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Wotsitsits · 25/10/2021 17:27

Not all men do, but a disproportionate number of men found on OLD do and have nasty attitudes towards women as well. NAMOOLD I hasten to add before offending those who found their DP via OLD!

GaolBhoAlba · 25/10/2021 17:34

*No, on here nobody's husband does. How you'd know what your husband does in the bathroom, I have no idea.

Nobody knows what they're other half does in private, on their own devices unless they're snooping. So no point being smug about it, far as I'm concerned*

Most replies are my DH doesnt! Which I find incredible, given its completely contrary (I had a quick google, and the consensus is 70% men say they're regular watchers, and 95% say theyre occassional watchers). I'm not a fan of porn, however i've never told my DH i'd have a problem with him watching it (because I wouldnt). I just asked him if he watched porn, and he laughed and said not recently pmsl

HeartsAndClubs · 25/10/2021 17:35

I think it's silly to keep declaring that you know - when you really can't. well, presumably your husband can’t possibly know that you’re not shagging his best friend can he? I mean how dare he have the audacity to know that you’re not screwing around. It amounts to the same thing.

Added to which, people don’t have to go snooping to know that their husbands don’t watch porn, there are couples who communicate with each other you know, and who might share their views on a particular topic without being lying underhanded arseholes.

Presumably you discuss politics with your husband, but you can’t possibly be sure he’s not voting for the BNP behind your back…

sweetieqie · 25/10/2021 17:40

@HeartsAndClubs

I think it's silly to keep declaring that you know - when you really can't. well, presumably your husband can’t possibly know that you’re not shagging his best friend can he? I mean how dare he have the audacity to know that you’re not screwing around. It amounts to the same thing.

Added to which, people don’t have to go snooping to know that their husbands don’t watch porn, there are couples who communicate with each other you know, and who might share their views on a particular topic without being lying underhanded arseholes.

Presumably you discuss politics with your husband, but you can’t possibly be sure he’s not voting for the BNP behind your back…

Truly, I don't think porn is the same as real life sex regarding trust. It takes two seconds to masturbate and climax to porn, close the tab, your none the wiser- no harm done. Not unlike picking your nose, in the sense that most people won't admit to it or do it in the presence of others- but they do it alone and think nothing of it

Shagging is a bigger deal to most people, most decent people wouldn't cross that line. Also there's a greater chance of being found out I guess

Emma2021 · 25/10/2021 17:49

@Kitfish

My husband has no interest in porn. Never has had. I know it's true as we have had an anti-porn filter fitted to our router so nothing can get through anyway. Men who don't watch porn are out there.
Trust me, the anti porn filter can be easily by-passed, just ask my aunt as she found on of her older children/adult watching some.
WonderfulYou · 25/10/2021 17:51

I would be very shocked to find a man who doesn’t watch porn but then i thought all females do too so if you don’t watch it then there must be men that don’t.

Porn doesn’t have to be videos. Lots of people like still photos or read ‘romance’ novels so it depends where you draw the line.

For me personally I have no issues with a man watching porn if it was healthy. But someone was watched it excessively would definitely put me off.

Emma2021 · 25/10/2021 17:54

@GaolBhoAlba

*No, on here nobody's husband does. How you'd know what your husband does in the bathroom, I have no idea.

Nobody knows what they're other half does in private, on their own devices unless they're snooping. So no point being smug about it, far as I'm concerned*

Most replies are my DH doesnt! Which I find incredible, given its completely contrary (I had a quick google, and the consensus is 70% men say they're regular watchers, and 95% say theyre occassional watchers). I'm not a fan of porn, however i've never told my DH i'd have a problem with him watching it (because I wouldnt). I just asked him if he watched porn, and he laughed and said not recently pmsl

A most realistic post of them all on this thread

What we must never forget is there are things people will openly do and/or admit to and then there other things that people can be a bit shy about.

TBH, not for once did I think I'd be turned on and still don't openly declare it to DH but watching a threesome really turns me on but I try to hide it but I think our love making gives it away having watched that. Thinking about it and doing it are two different things to me as I would be very shy/embarrassed if we had another guy in the room and the risk of being found out and worst of all, DH seeing me differently if I asked for it first. This thread has got me thinking, lol.

Practicebeingpatient · 25/10/2021 17:58

My DH doesn't. We watched some together when we first met. We both found it degrading and unexciting and haven't watched it again.

AnxiousPixie · 25/10/2021 17:58

People like and dislike different things so men who don't watch porn are out there. My DH just had no opportunity to (only has work phone and laptop no personal device) so would have to use my phone to watch it.

He's not so bothered that he's gone and got his own work phone/laptop to access it.

That said we do sometimes watch together on mine. It is possible to find a week adjusted man who does watch it but if it's red line for you then.....

Like others have said though it's going to be difficult to know if someone is trying the truth 100% given it's so easy for people to do alone.

Hope you find what you are looking for OP.

TuftyMarmoset · 25/10/2021 18:05

@WonderfulYou

I would be very shocked to find a man who doesn’t watch porn but then i thought all females do too so if you don’t watch it then there must be men that don’t.

Porn doesn’t have to be videos. Lots of people like still photos or read ‘romance’ novels so it depends where you draw the line.

For me personally I have no issues with a man watching porn if it was healthy. But someone was watched it excessively would definitely put me off.

I don’t consider myself a prude but I would be genuinely surprised to find out any of my female friends watched porn, I didn’t think it was really a thing women did generally. Then again I didn’t think sex toys were a common thing either and now they have MN reviews and are for sale in sainsburys so clearly I am out of touch.
Elleextra · 25/10/2021 18:53

Haven't read the whole thread 'cause frankly I tried and it's tedious - but to those who have quoted me and disputed what I said, you're wrong.

I know that my OH does not watch porn.

You can 'roll your eyes' and disbelieve all you please but I got one of the good ones.

Sorry if that hurts those of you saddled with porn addled misogynists.

LastSummerHere · 25/10/2021 19:15

@Elleextra

Haven't read the whole thread 'cause frankly I tried and it's tedious - but to those who have quoted me and disputed what I said, you're wrong.

I know that my OH does not watch porn.

You can 'roll your eyes' and disbelieve all you please but I got one of the good ones.

Sorry if that hurts those of you saddled with porn addled misogynists.

I have lived with my husband for almost twenty years (much of that time in a tiny two up two down) and not once has he ever lied to me or let me down in any way....yet somehow I am to believe he has a porn habit that he keeps secret by sneaking his phone into the toilet and using hidden search engines?Confused It's maddening how so many women want to believe that all men watch this shit. My husband is a good man with sound morals...why on earth would that suddenly desert him when it comes to pornography?

Elleextra · 25/10/2021 19:18

@LastSummerHere
Yup!

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 25/10/2021 19:19

@Elleextra

Haven't read the whole thread 'cause frankly I tried and it's tedious - but to those who have quoted me and disputed what I said, you're wrong.

I know that my OH does not watch porn.

You can 'roll your eyes' and disbelieve all you please but I got one of the good ones.

Sorry if that hurts those of you saddled with porn addled misogynists.

How do you know anyone on here is "saddled with a porn addled misogynist?"

Can you never be a "good one" if you watch porn from time to time?

Is your OH a good one simply for not watching porn?

Nodancingshoes · 25/10/2021 19:32

I'm pretty sure my DH doesn't actually. I'm not naive enough to think he never has, of course he has, but I really don't think he does now at home regularly or occasionally. For what its worth, I wouldn't really care if he did unless it was weird stuff ;)

GoIntoTheLight · 25/10/2021 19:34

@Practicebeingpatient

My DH doesn't. We watched some together when we first met. We both found it degrading and unexciting and haven't watched it again.
Same here. Feeling sorry for the posters who insist all men watch it because their partner does.
Elleextra · 25/10/2021 19:39

@ChateauxNeufDePoop

Not all are saddled with porn addled misogynists but the ones who need to insist all men watch porn might be

If he watches porn from time to time he can never be a good one for me - other people decide their own boundaries.

No, my OH is a good one in many, many ways.. especially in bed

holibobs12 · 25/10/2021 20:05

I have lived with my husband for almost twenty years (much of that time in a tiny two up two down) and not once has he ever lied to me or let me down in any way....yet somehow I am to believe he has a porn habit that he keeps secret by sneaking his phone into the toilet and using hidden search engines? It's maddening how so many women want to believe that all men watch this shit. My husband is a good man with sound morals...why on earth would that suddenly desert him when it comes to pornography?

Good for you that you married Jesus Christ himself. Never lied in twenty years is really something. People are upset that you have a lovely husband, more so the assertion that you're morally superior.

I'd love to hear how you're any better than non-vegans eating animal products, or those who buy clothes from sweatshops. Or is porn the area where you draw the line?

You cannot know. You can trust, sure. But just the "my h would never. So much better than the rest of thou misogynists 💅🏽" mentality is a bit much.

I also don't believe half the women who hate porn even hate it for the right reasons. The same types who'd have a go no matter what medium of pornography was used by their h.

VestaTilley · 25/10/2021 20:08

My DH assures me he never does, and I believe him.

How much time he spends watching footage of steam trains is another matter...

DH and I both view pornography as violent, degrading, misogynistic and damaging. We’ll be very firm with DS about the damage it causes too.

I’m a radical feminist, and many of our male friends are pro-feminists like me, gender critical to boot, and I’d bet my house they don’t look at pornography either.

Good men do exist, there’s sadly just not enough of them.

GaolBhoAlba · 25/10/2021 20:24

Emma2021...This thread has got me thinking, lol

I hope not in a censured way! I see there's been a few catty/overly defensive comments, which is a shame, but they're few (most have the savvy to realise that watching pornography isn't indicative of something pathological!).

BertramLacey · 25/10/2021 20:24

From what dh has told me, all of the men he knows do. He's on a lads group on WhatsApp and one of them constantly sends porn clips and memes to the group.

That sounds like my teenage stepdaughter telling her dad that all the other teenagers are allowed to stay up until midnight. It does seem though that many women on here believe this, that all men watch porn and that the ones who say they don't are lying. I mean you can't win with that, can you? If you just disbelief anyone who says anything contrary to what you believe.

I've never even asked my OH. He's never suggested we watch it together and I think he would be horrified if I suggested it. I certainly wouldn't want to watch it.

Which I find incredible, given its completely contrary (I had a quick google, and the consensus is 70% men say they're regular watchers, and 95% say theyre occassional watchers).

Well to put that another way, 1 in 20 men don't watch porn at all and another 5 in 20 only watch it occasionally. That's assuming that the data is reliable. Any questioning about sexual habits is notoriously unreliable however.

TerraNovaTwo · 25/10/2021 20:28

I've wondered the same thing, although I've decided to not date/ stay single for the time being.

The thing that's off-putting for me about having sex with a man who watches porn to the extent that they're addicted, is that they don't have the stamina to satisfy and aren't interested in any real intimacy.

Oblomov21 · 25/10/2021 20:40

I think it's hard now. More and more men do. In fact both sexes young people seem to more. It's become more the norm.

I am older and don't watch porn. It does nothing for me. I find it fake, unrealistic, staged, and not loving.

I've watched a few things, when younger, but it just doesn't do much for me.

Makes me laugh when people insist all people do.

TheWinterSmoulder · 25/10/2021 20:45

I think they are out there OP but may tend to be older than 20s? DH is pretty typical of his peers (he tells me). He watches sometimes by himself, less than he did in his 20s or his single days, and it can never replace the real thing for him!

We watch it together occasionally, sometimes it will work for me and he thinks the randomness of what that is hilarious/sexy. He also likes to read erotic stories to me. Now that IS a turn on…..

If nothing else this thread shows how different we all are, and how complex. OP has had such shit experience with porn addicts, OP I wish you happier times and hope you find what you are looking for💐

mayblossominapril · 25/10/2021 20:51

I think finding a man who doesn’t watch any is very difficult. There are a lot of occasional and very occasional watchers
I know dh used to watch it years ago before we were together and I know he will watch the clips on group chats but just watch them not actually wank. We’ve had a few discussions about it, he would rather have sex or no sex, porn isn’t attractive to him. He’s not tech savvy so wouldn’t be able to hide his browsing history if I wanted to check. And he doesn’t spend long in the bathroom.
He does have a couple of hobbies —obsessions— that he constantly browses the Internet about.