Is it possible to ever meet a guy that doesn't watch porn?

[Quirkyme]

Good afternoon,

I'm a happily single woman in my late twenties, open to a relationship whenever the time comes.
I'm not a porn watcher, and for reasons I'm sure many of us know, I find porn damaging and detrimental... and therefore would prefer to be with someone who doesn't watch porn.

Because a lot of, if not most, men watch porn, it's normalised as being something women, and society in general, should accept as normal because it's common, which I don't agree with.

My ex also had a porn addiction, and also couldn't perform during sex, which obviously did not provide a great environment or atmosphere for us when having sex. I also do feel that he was closeted due to certain things he said, and I do feel that he was watching a lot of cck heavy porn. He had sexual issues in general, and also had not cm since his first time having sex 10 years ago, which I attribute to him ferociously w*nking off and watching porn. He was not forthcoming about any of this either. He also wanted me to do things (obviously from what he watched in porn) that I communicated that I felt were degrading, and then he used to stop pleasuring me, or say that he would only do certain things - going down on me, if he could do the degrading thing which I had openly communicated that I'm not comfortable with. This is obviously not okay. He would also make comments about my vag (because it couldn't take a pounding for excessive amounts of time) and just about me in bed in general, when funnily enough he couldn't even have sex properly due to his own issues. So yeah.

I had my views about porn, before this relationship, but my experience with this guy has obviously not helped, and only strengthened my view of it, and I guess I am in some ways affected by this. This relationship ended about 8 months ago.
And now I just have concerns about men watching porn, the content of what their wanting, and all sorts of 'hidden' things they get off to in their bedrooms with no self-control, and I do not want that.

Of course, if I meet someone who watches porn, I cannot necessarily make them not watch it if they do, my ex before that also watched porn and whilst he did not have the same issues at all as my most recent ex, he had immature views about sex and also was selfish sexually.

Is it possible to meet a guy who does not watch porn, and has a healthy sexual appetite, and understands the negative and detrimental effects and damage that porn causes? Because it seems that women (who do not want to) have to just normalise this, and get on with this, and that's not something I want or agree with.

Thanks for reading.

*As far as I am concerned it is modern day slavery for many, and you are literally enjoying their misfortune.

People who use sex workers are just as bad as those who profited from slaves back in the day.*

This is a bit hyperbolic imo. I find some mainstream sites a bit sleazy, at best, they steal content. Bigger sites are now starting to only allow verified accounts after all the controversy

Also, there's been more publicity over the porn industry and OF seems like a more attractive option.

OF isn't perfect, but there are many, many people, men women and couples who are able to put videos online without revealing their identity. Without having to meet anyone In person (even videographers etc.)

So actually I think it's better than before, but there you go. Exploitation happens, but it's a bit shortsighted to say it's all sex slavery.

Only fans is basically a mlm scheme.

The performers make money by enticing other people to join by boasting (lying) about how much money they make, then they make a percentage of their takings too.

It’s forever living but with sex.

No one is going to speak out and say the reality which is that most people on there make absolutely no money, and the ones that do are the ones making tailored personal content.

Once you start doing it it’s very easy for your boundaries to be crossed, to be enticed by making harder and harder material that you wouldn’t have been comfortable with before.

I also think only fans really poisons the well, how are young men supposed to develop healthy ideas of what a sexual relationship is when they can literally just pay a woman to do whatever they want.

One of my best friends is on only fans and she says most of her customers are people she actually knows in real life: it’s so bizarre.

She also makes very little money out of it despite being in the ‘top 8% of earners’.

My exH told me he didn't watch porn either.
He was very very good at hiding it.

He had a secret account at a gaming forum and he'd post the filthiest things online and so did the other guys on that site.

Dh claims he doesn’t not that I’d be fussed. We have watched the odd bit together back at the very start of our relationship and it didn’t seem to do anything for him.

If he does I’d guess he must be watching it at work because our bathrooms don’t have locks so basically nobody every even shuts the doors and he tends to chat to me while I shower and then gets in after while we continue chatting.

I mean if he does get off to porn at work fair play getting paid to wank

I don't watch porn. Does dh? In the 30 years we have been together I have seen no evidence of it, I have also seen no evidence of him pleasuring himself either. So he is either very discrete or he doesn't. I have no need to know either way.

[quote fedupofthesamest]@LastSummerHere not every person who films a porn video has been trafficked or was underage. I watch porn sometimes and follow some porn stars on social media who seem very proud of the work they do/have done.

Your entitled to your opinion and so am I. Your delivery is shocking tbh. [/quote]

You think my delivery is shocking because I'm not sugarcoating the truth...people who watch the filmed abuse of women and girls don't seem to like that. They want to watch this shit without their conscience being bothered.

Why is mutually satisfying passionate sex that doesn't involve anyone crying or feeling degraded after now considered boring and "vanilla"? Also why is it fine to shame "vanilla" people but kink shaming is verboten, if you can dish it out then you should be able to take it.

I'll stick to genuine desire and multiple orgasms thanks, you can keep your painal and your face fucking and rubbing yourself on balloon animals while your partner bounces on a space hopper dressed as a traffic warden.

OP I'm sorry sex is shit for young people now, I'm 34 and have just about managed to avoid the new, awful trends by having the same partner since I was 18. Maybe look for someone a bit older than you, in their thirties, who's been in long term relationships and had less time to get addicted to porn and selfish in bed.

@hamsterchump.

I like loving, caring sex.

I don’t feel any need to be hit or have my hair pulled or be spat on. If that makes me vanilla then stick me in a cone and put a flake on me.

[quote fedupofthesamest]@LastSummerHere not every person who films a porn video has been trafficked or was underage. I watch porn sometimes and follow some porn stars on social media who seem very proud of the work they do/have done.

Your entitled to your opinion and so am I. Your delivery is shocking tbh. [/quote]
Never the twain shall meet! The sex industry is lucrative; eliminating it completely would be futile and, I think, destructive in terms of (improving) regulation/protection of sex workers; sex trafficking is worse in countries where pornography is illegal. The hysterical replies in these discussions are never considered demands for better regulation anyway, theyre anti pornography full stop. In every form.

Its been an interesting chat to follow. I had no idea it was such a deal breaker for so many women, its been an eye opener in that respect! Hopefully the OP will find the right one

@fdgdfgdfgdfg

Yes, we all watch porn. Some of us just lie about it

I’ve never watched porn.

Its been an interesting chat to follow. I had no idea it was such a deal breaker for so many women, its been an eye opener in that respect!

Hello from the other side.
And I have to day that the lengths porn defenders will go is something else.
Also how little people, specially women, care about other women.
Just to masturbate to pixels. (Obviously I mean fellow human beings).
To me it’s just basic human decency, minimum requirement, to not support this horrific industry.

I'd have said mine didn't until he mentioned it several years in. I couldn't think when but it was just every now and again in the bathroom, five minutes at a time. It is private, doesn't take a lot of time and doesn't affect our sexual relationship.

I'd be very wary of any guy who professed to be offended or upset by it. I know lots of women think all porn is horrendous abuse and that a good man couldn't possibly enjoy it but I just don't think that's the case.

If 99% of husbands don't watch it, how are all these porn platforms so successful?!

If 99% of husbands don't watch it, how are all these porn platforms so successful?

No one has said this…there aren’t even 99% of people sayimg it on this thread

A porn addict is one thing but I'm sure most single guys or girls watch it. Your ex tried to blackmail you to do stuff you werent comfortable with. He was abusive but that wasn't because of porn. Thats who he was. Glad you got away from the prick but it wasnt the porns fault he was a prick he just was.

I had a relationship with a man who didn't watch porn, the only one AFAIK.

He said he'd seen it, but it did very little for him. He said, for masturbatuon, he preferred to think about recent or memorable sexual encounters with partners.

(Unless he had changed he is a technophobe who does use computers or use his phone fir anything other than calls and texts).

This sounds good from the pov of having a partner who doesn't watch porn, but he was actually very jealous, possessive, controlling, and sexually coercive/huffy (would wank loudly in bathroom etc if you weren't up for sex, winged about lack of sex including on one occasion doing so in a public setting). He also had a higher sex drive than most men ive dated and was a very very fast climaxes, and distinctly lacking in skill and effort sexually.

Maybe it's possible to find a non poen watcher who's not also got all these untenable traits though.

There is actually an anti porn use, anti (excessive) masturbation movement among some men, though it seems to be alongside incel/red pill/mgtow stuff; I'm not 200% sure.

Its not for any moral/ethics reasons that theyre against porn use; that I know.

The only time I’ve ever watched porn was in the 90s when someone put one of their Dad’s collection on at a party and all these German blokes were hanging out in a sauna in the video and it didn’t really appeal tbh

I don’t know if DH does but he acts normal in the sack-nothing violent or degrading. I’ve heard about all this vanilla stuff from blokes at work but to me that’s just ordinary sex. It’s a bit depressing if you can’t enjoy it without doing crazy things

@aimzxd

A porn addict is one thing but I'm sure most single guys or girls watch it. Your ex tried to blackmail you to do stuff you werent comfortable with. He was abusive but that wasn't because of porn. Thats who he was. Glad you got away from the prick but it wasnt the porns fault he was a prick he just was.

This is true.

All my other partners have watched pirn (lightly to moderately) but the good ones did not behave that way.

It is possible to find a man who watches some porn who is not abusive & doesn't behave like that.

It's gone awfully quiet...

It's been an interesting read having started the thread.

Thanks for the supportive comments.

@Feelingoktoday

We really do need to sort it out whatever we all think of porn. It is destroying our youngsters. On radio 4 last week a researcher had spoken to teen boys individually about porn. These were 12 year olds upwards who watched it on their phones or their mates in the school playground or the park. One boy said that when he had sex with a girl he expected them to cry as all girls cry in porn. This was from the pain. Not enjoyment.

Are we all ok with that whilst we discuss whether our DH, nigels etc watch porn?

I agree. After reading this thread I asked DH if he watches porn and he said occasionally. I believe him that he's not watching all the time but then when he was growing up, porn consisted of a dirty mag down the park, not online access to extreme stuff like there is today. My DS is only 9 but I worry about this stuff a lot.

I think there is a massive difference between teens watching porn and adults viewing porn. Same content but adults hopefully have experience of real life sex so can filter out the crap and abusive stuff. Teens can’t and won’t. How does a 17 year old boy know what sex is like if he has only watched porn. It’s online now which has made a considerable difference from 20 years ago when it was DVDs and magazines that no teen wanted to buy. Again, when adults say they are happy with their Hs watching porn with a woman having her arse slapped are they also aware that their 12 years may be watching it too. That’s why we need legislation and controls in place. It isn’t ok to just say I’m ok with H watching it. It goes deeper than that.

Have you tried the morgue?

Yes it's possible.

My partner doesn’t. It’s something we talked about a lot early on.

It’s an absolute red line for me - I don’t want to be with someone who gets off on an “industry” that is based on the abuse, coercion and exploitation of women.

Interestingly, I’ve been dealing with my DS getting sucked in to watching it - I’m lucky that we’re managing it with lots of open conversations.

Was that where you dragged this thread up from?

The zombies are out tonight.