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Original poster

Is it possible to ever meet a guy that doesn't watch porn?

375 replies

Quirkyme · 25/10/2021 14:21

Good afternoon,

I'm a happily single woman in my late twenties, open to a relationship whenever the time comes.
I'm not a porn watcher, and for reasons I'm sure many of us know, I find porn damaging and detrimental... and therefore would prefer to be with someone who doesn't watch porn.

Because a lot of, if not most, men watch porn, it's normalised as being something women, and society in general, should accept as normal because it's common, which I don't agree with.

My ex also had a porn addiction, and also couldn't perform during sex, which obviously did not provide a great environment or atmosphere for us when having sex. I also do feel that he was closeted due to certain things he said, and I do feel that he was watching a lot of cck heavy porn. He had sexual issues in general, and also had not cm since his first time having sex 10 years ago, which I attribute to him ferociously w*nking off and watching porn. He was not forthcoming about any of this either. He also wanted me to do things (obviously from what he watched in porn) that I communicated that I felt were degrading, and then he used to stop pleasuring me, or say that he would only do certain things - going down on me, if he could do the degrading thing which I had openly communicated that I'm not comfortable with. This is obviously not okay. He would also make comments about my vag (because it couldn't take a pounding for excessive amounts of time) and just about me in bed in general, when funnily enough he couldn't even have sex properly due to his own issues. So yeah.

I had my views about porn, before this relationship, but my experience with this guy has obviously not helped, and only strengthened my view of it, and I guess I am in some ways affected by this. This relationship ended about 8 months ago.
And now I just have concerns about men watching porn, the content of what their wanting, and all sorts of 'hidden' things they get off to in their bedrooms with no self-control, and I do not want that.

Of course, if I meet someone who watches porn, I cannot necessarily make them not watch it if they do, my ex before that also watched porn and whilst he did not have the same issues at all as my most recent ex, he had immature views about sex and also was selfish sexually.

Is it possible to meet a guy who does not watch porn, and has a healthy sexual appetite, and understands the negative and detrimental effects and damage that porn causes? Because it seems that women (who do not want to) have to just normalise this, and get on with this, and that's not something I want or agree with.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Journeyofthedragons · 25/10/2021 15:08

Handy pie chart

Is it possible to ever meet a guy that doesn't watch porn?
CasperGutman · 25/10/2021 15:08

It is possible to meet a guy who does not watch porn, and has a healthy sexual appetite, and understands the negative and detrimental effects and damage that porn causes.

It is also possible to meet a guy who does watch porn (but may deny it), and has a healthy sexual appetite, and understands the negative and detrimental effects and damage that porn causes.

Men are complicated creatures....

Your ex sounds like someone you were right to get rid of, anyway.

lmpeachment · 25/10/2021 15:09

This reply has been deleted

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TheCloudBotherer · 25/10/2021 15:10

They exist but, unfortunately, will be a minority. There are few people who could say with ABSOLUTE 100% certainty that their partner doesn't watch it. But this applies to lots of other activities- often, you just have to trust people. Similarly, there are people on here who'll insist that every single man and teenage boy is hunched over hardcore pornography as soon as your back is turned, and seem to find it difficult to conceive of the idea that some men, for a variety of possible reasons, don't do it.

I've got no real advice, I'm afraid, but good luck to you.

SirGawain · 25/10/2021 15:10

@jennywhitehorses

Why don't you go to a church or a mosque and then you can meet lots of people just like you.
That's an incredibly offensive thing to say. Like many people you assume that people with a faith are all sexualy repressed bigots. Whilst religious people who are prudish about sex do exist most of us are ordinary people with much the same predilections as the population in general.
nonevernotever · 25/10/2021 15:12

My DH definitely doesn't watch porn . He says that he's always found it boring/dull and would much rather be having real sex, and that as he's got older and become more aware of the exploitative/degrading aspects of it his position has moved from "not my cup of tea" to "actively harmful". He's also a confirmed atheist to the pp who links it to church going. No correlation here. Just a decent man who cares about other people.

TuftyMarmoset · 25/10/2021 15:13

That has always been my view as well @nonevernotever, why would I want to watch other people having sex when I could just have sex myself!

Kindertonguehappierlife · 25/10/2021 15:15

I think most men do- particularly men in their 20s

daretodenim · 25/10/2021 15:16

Mine doesn't and I'm dead against porn - like utterly against it - but I almost wished he did. He's asexual and a romantic and basically finds all sex disgusting. Wasn't a surprise when this came out because of how he'd treated me during sex. We're divorcing.

Every boyfriend I had before him (most of them attended mosque or church once a week 😉 and prayed more often) watched porn. My DH seemed so respectful in comparison but it was not him being respectful of me it was that he didn't want to have sex (but hadn't admitted that to himself yet and was actively saying he wanted it).

Basically though there are two types of men: those who watch porn and those who don't admit it. And "ethical porn" still counts as porn, I think some men watch that and count themselves out of "watching porn" because as it's "ethical", it's ok. There is no porn that anybody can be sure is ethical unless they've started in it themselves, willingly.

Unhomme · 25/10/2021 15:17

Good luck in your search OP, though I think it's not the point watching that's the problem, but the maturity of the boys you've been with.

I also feel you might benefit from opening your mind a little more. Sex is full of opportunities to explore yourself and your partner, but you do come across as wanting a vanilla missionary type...

Hemingwayscats · 25/10/2021 15:17

I thought my DH stopped watching it when we moved in together because I just couldn’t figure out when he’d be able to ever do it. I eventually found out he was watching it in the shower in the morning… I’ve dated one man who said he never watched it but the others all did. I think it’s a really normalised thing for men to do. I don’t watch it, have no interest in it at all.

Butteredtoast55 · 25/10/2021 15:17

It really irritates me when people mock someone who states that their loved one doesn't do something that many do. It's like a recent thread regarding young people taking drugs. Is it so difficult to understand that some posters communicate maturely with their partners, parents and children and know them better than random people on MN do?
Anyway, my DH isn't particularly interested in porn and nor are my DC who have definitely viewed it in the past but now see it is degrading (usually to women) and dangerous.

JCFJW · 25/10/2021 15:18

I met one but he was a Jehovah’s Witness (though in the process was leaving). He’s now fully left and we are married.

Best sex I’ve every had, really loving and passionate and is amazing. All the other porn watching blokes have been too rough and in to depraved stuff like grabbing my throat.

PamsSpam · 25/10/2021 15:21

I used to think porn was fine until I learned more about it and now I think its concerning BUT I support any man or woman’s choice to take part, providing they’re willing and consenting to ALL aspects of what they’re filming. However DH does watch porn and that’s fine. But if he didn’t admit to it I wouldn’t have any idea. I don’t know when he watches, what he watches. He won’t discuss with me as it’s personal he says, but I saw his internet history once (on a shared computer) and it was all fairly standard. I haven’t met a man who doesn’t watch porn.

NelsonMandelaHouse · 25/10/2021 15:21

Sigh.

So many men Don't Watch Porn according to MN users.

They do though. Rare is the western man who does not. Doesn't mean they need to be cranking the old gear stick to pornhub or heavy R on a daily basis, but even watching ten minutes of free content for a wank once in a blue moon counts as watching porn.

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2021 15:23

The thing is, if a man is told by his wife that watching porn is a deal breaker, he's never going to admit it even if he does watch it, is he?

It's so so simple to watch on your phone and delete history - childishly simple in fact.

Libertaire · 25/10/2021 15:24

Xvideos is the world’s 9th most popular website.
Pornhub is 10th.
Both outrank Amazon. (Source: Visualcapitalist.com)

In the 21st century there are two types of men : Those who admit they watch porn and those who lie about it.

OuchWhatWasThat · 25/10/2021 15:24

It is gonna be difficult to find one, but I’m sure there are few out there.

Asking this question is gonna bring a lot of triggered people as you can see.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

Mumoblue · 25/10/2021 15:25

My ex didn’t, but he had other problems. 🙄

I also don’t wish to date anybody who watches porn, but I’m starting to think I don’t want to date anyone at all. I’d just be upfront about it with anyone you might date as soon as possible - if it puts them off then good.

Dillydollydingdong · 25/10/2021 15:27

Mine doesn't, but you can't have him. He's mine.

RacketeerRalph · 25/10/2021 15:28

There are definitely men who don't, but I'd say the majority do but to vastly differing degrees. I'd be wary of a man says he never does at an early meeting - I suspect most men know that lots of women aren't happy and lie about usage. Not all men obviously but I suspect more men watch than would admit in the first few months of a relationship.

DH watches porn, I don't, I don't care that he does but I don't want to. And I'd care if it was illegal/ violent or affecting our sex life.

OuchWhatWasThat · 25/10/2021 15:30

SirGawain

jennywhitehorses
Why don't you go to a church or a mosque and then you can meet lots of people just like you.
That's an incredibly offensive thing to say. Like many people you assume that people with a faith are all sexualy repressed bigots. Whilst religious people who are prudish about sex do exist most of us are ordinary people with much the same predilections as the population in general.

*

What a horrible and offencive thing to say about people who don’t like or want sex.

PamsSpam · 25/10/2021 15:36

@Dillydollydingdong

Mine doesn't, but you can't have him. He's mine.
What an odd comment. Why do women who think they’re husbands don’t watch porn have ‘won’ in some way? Very odd.
OneTC · 25/10/2021 15:37

I'm sure they exist but not in the numbers Mumsnet would have you believe

Gohaveanap · 25/10/2021 15:42

The lack of critical thinking and the low opinion of men as a class on here is quite disturbing. I find it fascinating that people can’t get their head around the idea that some men do not have any interest in porn. Pick another subject and try the same line. Sounds insane, doesn’t it? I feel bad for women who think that men are unable to use their brains and make a moral stance against something. Why on Earth would you want to be with immoral liars who see you as little other than meat?

Anyway, OP, yes they exist. It’s the same as with anything else — you need to have open conversations and judge them based on the bigger pattern of their behaviour and attitude to determine if they are truthful. Trust is important in a relationship. Will some men lie about it? Yes. People lie about all sorts of things. This isn’t porn-specific. There are some decent, honest men out there who don’t watch porn and don’t lie about usage. But I do feel that they are in the minority.

Now I’m older, I would not date any porn user. And to be honest, it’s usually pretty easy to tell. Just start a conversation about sex generally - what they like, what they don’t like. Don’t mention porn to start. Most of their tastes are (ironically) pretty much the same and straight from porn. Their inability to be creative, unselfish, and emotionally available is generally pretty striking. As is their general attitude towards women.

Good luck.