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Original poster

Is it possible to ever meet a guy that doesn't watch porn?

375 replies

Quirkyme · 25/10/2021 14:21

Good afternoon,

I'm a happily single woman in my late twenties, open to a relationship whenever the time comes.
I'm not a porn watcher, and for reasons I'm sure many of us know, I find porn damaging and detrimental... and therefore would prefer to be with someone who doesn't watch porn.

Because a lot of, if not most, men watch porn, it's normalised as being something women, and society in general, should accept as normal because it's common, which I don't agree with.

My ex also had a porn addiction, and also couldn't perform during sex, which obviously did not provide a great environment or atmosphere for us when having sex. I also do feel that he was closeted due to certain things he said, and I do feel that he was watching a lot of cck heavy porn. He had sexual issues in general, and also had not cm since his first time having sex 10 years ago, which I attribute to him ferociously w*nking off and watching porn. He was not forthcoming about any of this either. He also wanted me to do things (obviously from what he watched in porn) that I communicated that I felt were degrading, and then he used to stop pleasuring me, or say that he would only do certain things - going down on me, if he could do the degrading thing which I had openly communicated that I'm not comfortable with. This is obviously not okay. He would also make comments about my vag (because it couldn't take a pounding for excessive amounts of time) and just about me in bed in general, when funnily enough he couldn't even have sex properly due to his own issues. So yeah.

I had my views about porn, before this relationship, but my experience with this guy has obviously not helped, and only strengthened my view of it, and I guess I am in some ways affected by this. This relationship ended about 8 months ago.
And now I just have concerns about men watching porn, the content of what their wanting, and all sorts of 'hidden' things they get off to in their bedrooms with no self-control, and I do not want that.

Of course, if I meet someone who watches porn, I cannot necessarily make them not watch it if they do, my ex before that also watched porn and whilst he did not have the same issues at all as my most recent ex, he had immature views about sex and also was selfish sexually.

Is it possible to meet a guy who does not watch porn, and has a healthy sexual appetite, and understands the negative and detrimental effects and damage that porn causes? Because it seems that women (who do not want to) have to just normalise this, and get on with this, and that's not something I want or agree with.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
hangrylady · 26/10/2021 16:56

I don't think I've ever met a man who's never watched porn, but then I've not asked every man I've ever met! Certainly exes and my DH used to, whether DH still does I'm not sure but if he does it's not regular.

Josette77 · 26/10/2021 17:08

Do those whose husbands claim to not watch porn have an issue with their dh masturbating and thinking of other women?

Sex is different from porn. You can prefer sex and still masturbate to porn.

Those whose husbands prefer "real sex" how often are you having sex?
I have a high sex drive and can have sex everyday and still masturbate.

Josette77 · 26/10/2021 17:11

When one of my best friends died there was tons of porn on his computer another friend deleted. His wife always insisted he never even looked at other women. I was his roomate before they lived together and he had a lot of porn.

MoonbeamSprinkles · 26/10/2021 17:12

Do those whose husbands claim to not watch porn have an issue with their dh masturbating and thinking of other women?

I have absolutely no issue with this whatsoever.
Everyone is allowed their own fantasies.

Porn use and masturbation are not the same thing.

There’s this myth that if you’re not into porn you’re somehow a prude but it’s just not true.

LoveFall · 26/10/2021 17:12

My husband doesn't watch porn, and yes I am sure. It's just not his thing.

TheVampiresWife · 26/10/2021 17:22

@MoonbeamSprinkles

Do those whose husbands claim to not watch porn have an issue with their dh masturbating and thinking of other women?

I have absolutely no issue with this whatsoever.
Everyone is allowed their own fantasies.

Porn use and masturbation are not the same thing.

There’s this myth that if you’re not into porn you’re somehow a prude but it’s just not true.

All of this!
Tailendofsummer · 26/10/2021 17:22

My DH doesn't, is quite vocal about it and has never been asked by me not to. I think being of a pre-Internet generation means we weren't exposed to as much growing up. I do worry for my sons, and for their future relationships.

TheVampiresWife · 26/10/2021 17:31

@thepeopleversuswork it'd be pretty difficult for DH to click on a sus link in a meme seeing as (for the 4th? 5th? time of saying it) he doesn't use the internet. I've never seen actual porn on C4. And what he did as a teenager is none of my business, but his dislike of porn was in place when I met him at 19.

I'm sorry if you're 'at some level offended', although I'm completely baffled as to why.

TheVampiresWife · 26/10/2021 17:34

As for statistics - statistically, a tiny minority of men are vegan yet on this thread alone there are two of us with vegan DHs. Would you tell us we're lying about that, and say that because the vast majority of men eat meat me and @MoonbeamSprinkles' DHs are eating bacon sandwiches on the sly?

For DH his dislike of porn comes from the same sort of ethical standpoint as his dislike of the meat/dairy etc industries. Some men are like that, just as some men love porn and eat steak every night. Who'da thunkit, eh.

OuchWhatWasThat · 26/10/2021 17:46

For thise who think women couldn’t possible ever find a man who doesn’t watch porn:
Isin’t that just really sad that women have to tolarate porn so that they can be in a relationship?
Considering how anti women porn is.

If there were anything in this world that was equivalently anti men that porn is, they would never tolerate that, never.
And women wouldn’t ask that from men.

Why can’t women also stand up for themselves and other women?

OuchWhatWasThat · 26/10/2021 17:47

We’ll never get rid off misogyny if women just gies along with it.

OuchWhatWasThat · 26/10/2021 17:47

*goes

sweetieqie · 26/10/2021 17:52

@MoonbeamSprinkles

Do those whose husbands claim to not watch porn have an issue with their dh masturbating and thinking of other women?

I have absolutely no issue with this whatsoever.
Everyone is allowed their own fantasies.

Porn use and masturbation are not the same thing.

There’s this myth that if you’re not into porn you’re somehow a prude but it’s just not true.

Yes, but I'm not convinced all the Neville on this thread are just using their imagination when internet porn is right there.

When I was a teenager, i used to use my imagination as I was in a very religious (superstitious type) household. Once I started watching there wasn't really any going back.

I can't imagine a free, grown man choosing imagination or reading books when such gratifying media is out there.

Anyway, I don't claim to know other people's habits but I don't think it's common. Some seriously religious people are willing to go to hell- just for that two minutes of pleasure, don't underestimate what people do even they're horny!

sweetieqie · 26/10/2021 17:55

[quote TheVampiresWife]@thepeopleversuswork it'd be pretty difficult for DH to click on a sus link in a meme seeing as (for the 4th? 5th? time of saying it) he doesn't use the internet. I've never seen actual porn on C4. And what he did as a teenager is none of my business, but his dislike of porn was in place when I met him at 19.

I'm sorry if you're 'at some level offended', although I'm completely baffled as to why.[/quote]

Maybe you do have a high level of certainty, but most people do use the internet, so your DH is a bit an anomaly in that respect.

Callixte · 26/10/2021 18:04

Yes, absolutely possible and please do make the requirement clear up front. Porn's been normalised by arsehole men and the women who tolerate it/them, so you may need to specify. But it's worth it to weed out the misogynists.

BertramLacey · 26/10/2021 18:05

And the frequency and the vehemence with which women insist that their OH doesn't do it just doesn't tally up with the figures.

You've got a very skewed sample here though. The OP was specifically asking if she could find a man who doesn't watch porn so the likelihood is that those who think/ know/ whatever that their OH doesn't watch it would be drawn here to say 'sure, you can find them'. If they're then repeatedly told that they are deluded and their husbands are liars, chances are they will reply rather than just walk off or say 'oh sure, stranger on the internet, why you do know my husband better than I do. In fact, you know of all human nature, particularly men and I am indeed a deluded fool. Forsooth I shall realise that my dearly beloved frequently yanks one off to Debbie Big Tits. Who am I to know better than you, oh wise one'.

5zeds · 26/10/2021 18:10

Some seriously religious people are willing to go to hell- just for that two minutes of pleasure, don't underestimate what people do even they're horny unless that two minutes of it pleasure involves some serious evil then I think it’s unlikely you’ll burn in hell for having a wank.Grin.

TheVampiresWife · 26/10/2021 18:13

@Callixte

Yes, absolutely possible and please do make the requirement clear up front. Porn's been normalised by arsehole men and the women who tolerate it/them, so you may need to specify. But it's worth it to weed out the misogynists.
This
StoneofDestiny · 26/10/2021 18:15

Why is it so hard to comprehend that a man might not watch porn?

Exactly - some skewed perceptions here.

Journeyofthedragons · 26/10/2021 18:49

Yes, but I'm not convinced all the Neville on this thread are just using their imagination when internet porn is right there.

I'd find it more concerning that DH was fantasising about a female friend/neighbour/co-worker to be honest.

Tailendofsummer · 26/10/2021 18:54

I can't imagine a free, grown man choosing imagination or reading books when such gratifying media is out there.
You can't imagine a man with a social conscience?

Dibbydoos · 26/10/2021 19:01

No prob with anyone watching pork but if a man thinks he can cum on my face, have a three sum or sex swap, have anal sex or fist funk me, he's done for! So much not nice sex in porn, but I admit soft porn I'm OK with esp if there's a decent back story...

Animood · 26/10/2021 19:06

I think the reality is that at some point all men will have consumed at least one pornographic image on one occasion.

Be that in a mag 30 years ago, on a smart phone, or something a mate sent them.

It WILL have happened- impossible to escape.

You may find someone who doesn't consume porn at this moment in time.

Realistically this is going to be a very low percentage of men, and will narrow your dating scope a lot. Of course we all chose our standards, and if this is a hard line, go for it.

On a more practical note, when would you bring this up? On a dating profile, first date, further down the line?

Also how would you know they're not lying?

RacketeerRalph · 26/10/2021 19:06

@Dibbydoos

No prob with anyone watching pork but if a man thinks he can cum on my face, have a three sum or sex swap, have anal sex or fist funk me, he's done for! So much not nice sex in porn, but I admit soft porn I'm OK with esp if there's a decent back story...
Oh yeah, dem pigs 🤣
RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 26/10/2021 19:20

@TurnUpTurnip

I don’t think everyone watches porn but I do think the vast majority of men do like I said I’ve never met one that doesn’t, just seems funny that on MN everyone’s DH doesn’t 😏
You must surely have read the thread

Its full of posters saying that their husbands watch porn, quite a few watch porn themselves