Have I grown a second head without realising?

[Needspace21]

The last few days I have been hanging out alone as ex dp has the dcs over half term.
I've been on country walks, to cafes, to beaches etc., with my dogs. It's been lovely. One issue which has irked me slightly is how some people have really been staring at me. Is it because I'm a shameless 40 something out enjoying myself alone. Is that a crime? One woman in a cafe stared at me the whole time (to the point of ignoring her whole family sitting at the table with her). Another woman looked me up and down with distain when I went in her shop. Another woman scowled at me as I walked down the beach. Have people just got more starey? Do I look odd? What is going on?

[Blondiney]

Don't worry OP, another couple of years and you'll be completely invisible.

[Briony123]

I've often gone out by myself to restaurants, cinema, exhibitions. No one's ever glared at me... But I'm just getting on with life by myself in the time I have available rather than checking up on the strangers around me.

[scoobydoo1971]

I am 50 and not looking my best at the moment. Personal circumstances have prevented magic makeup moments, and transformations from bedraggled, injured single mother to mid-life goddess. On a train this weekend and a girl sat next to me. She was staring at me, and then looking away...I am too old for this nonsense, so asked her if she was ok. Turns out she was interested in the book I was reading (mutual shared hobby interest) but too shy to ask me. We had a nice chat, parted company and off she went to order the book. Not everyone stares in envy, horror or despair.

[WorraLiberty]

@FranceTeam

I always think people are staring at me too!

I suspect the other women were maybe jealous?

Of what?

It's far more likely the OP feels 'odd' or 'different' being out alone and that's what's making her more aware of others.

One woman staring at her in the cafe

Another woman looking her up and down with apparent disdain as she entered her shop.

Another woman apparently scowling at her as she went down to the beach.

Seriously? 😂😂

[LimitIsUp]

@scoobydoo1971

I am 50 and not looking my best at the moment. Personal circumstances have prevented magic makeup moments, and transformations from bedraggled, injured single mother to mid-life goddess. On a train this weekend and a girl sat next to me. She was staring at me, and then looking away...I am too old for this nonsense, so asked her if she was ok. Turns out she was interested in the book I was reading (mutual shared hobby interest) but too shy to ask me. We had a nice chat, parted company and off she went to order the book. Not everyone stares in envy, horror or despair.

I love this

[PurbeckStone]

IME there are very noticeable cultural differences between different countries when it comes to staring at people. Not the done thing in the UK or US, but very normal in i.e. China, Germany or France. Maybe you came across several people from starey cultures on that particular day?

[Charlize43]

I think you're overthinking it.

I have a friend who's in her 40s and doesn't have a partner or children and she has a massive complex that people think she's a spinster, has been left on the shelf, is a crazy cat lady, etc. All of these are her phrases because she doesn't stop going on about it.

Frankly, I don't think people really give a sh it as to what her status it.

[LittleDandelionClock]

This is the second thread today on AIBU where a woman assumes everyone is staring at her. Why would they be? A 40 y.o woman out alone is not that weird.

[Arbitan]

Someone stared at you with disdain because you went into a shop alone? Don’t people go into shops alone all the time? I was in a shop earlier - alone - and there were three other people - also alone. Are you sure you’re not reading too much into this?

[WorraLiberty]

@Arbitan

Someone stared at you with disdain because you went into a shop alone? Don’t people go into shops alone all the time? I was in a shop earlier - alone - and there were three other people - also alone. Are you sure you’re not reading too much into this?

Not just 'a' shop but 'her' shop 😁

[StressedOutMumBex]

perhaps you should have got dressed before you went out ?🤣

[LittleDandelionClock]

@emsie12345

I've had this my whole life, since about age 11 and Ive never figured it out. Im nearly 40, a mam to 2 dc and husband, happens when I'm with my family, friends or alone. Everyone I'm with notices it too, so I would hesitate to tell you its all in your head. Its certainly not with me. It seems to me that its nearly always been women who are either about my age or a bit older, my peers. My mam used to say it was envy.

Yes dear.

[LittleDandelionClock]

Agree with @WorraLiberty the very idea that women are gawping intensely, and scowling at other women because they are jealous that they are 'soooo stunning' is unfathomably hilarious.

I suppose women at work are jealous of you 'stunning' women too, and when their husband talks to you, they throw daggers at you with their eyes.

I mean WTF?!


I suppose I am jealous too hmmm? Seriously, you don't half see some shit on here sometimes

[Butchyrestingface]

Pre-pandemic, I ate out and went to the cinema alone all the time. Fully intend to resume those activities in due course. I never had a sense of being stared out, not that I would GAF if they did.

I think maybes you have a touch of post-lockdown sensitivity and need to acclimatise again.

[GoingForAWalk]

If you were dressed really well or unusually or particularly badly then I'd probably stare at you for longer than necessary

[emsie12345]

Hi mam ☺

[GoingForAWalk]

I'd more likely stare if you had amazing hair or clothes

[HappyDays40]

I don't think people are really that interested. Ive never met anyone that has actually consistently been stared at. Maybe you are over thinking passing glances.

[Peace43]

I do lots of stuff alone and I don’t think people stare at me. Sometimes they chat to me which can be irritating if I’m not in the mood. You must have a second head!

[TabithaTiger]

@Needspace21

The last few days I have been hanging out alone as ex dp has the dcs over half term.
I've been on country walks, to cafes, to beaches etc., with my dogs. It's been lovely. One issue which has irked me slightly is how some people have really been staring at me. Is it because I'm a shameless 40 something out enjoying myself alone. Is that a crime? One woman in a cafe stared at me the whole time (to the point of ignoring her whole family sitting at the table with her). Another woman looked me up and down with distain when I went in her shop. Another woman scowled at me as I walked down the beach. Have people just got more starey? Do I look odd? What is going on?

The woman with her family was probably wishing she was you! Sitting on your own, enjoying a coffee and reading the paper is the stuff of dreams to some women with small children!

[MarleneDietrichsSmile]

Yes, what dogs?

I may stare at people who have same dogs as me (lurcher/deerhound/greyhound type dogs) as I love talking about pointy hounds and how they are the best

[Soundslike]

Middle aged women must always be industrious. In public, one must be exercising, ferrying children or lugging shopping. A woman must not leisure and actually enjoy her life. She should be at home hoovering the dog.

[NearLifeExperience]

@Soundslike

Middle aged women must always be industrious. In public, one must be exercising, ferrying children or lugging shopping. A woman must not leisure and actually enjoy her life. She should be at home hoovering the dog.

That's bollocks though, literally no one thinks that.

Most people out and about are getting on with their day and barely notice the other people they see, whatever age/sex/attractiveness they are; far less do they judge them or presume to know their lives. I went out shopping (alone) yesterday; I could not now describe one other person who was there.

[montysma1]

Did you definitely have trousers on?

[Soundslike]

NearLife, why so angry?