Have I grown a second head without realising?

[Needspace21]

The last few days I have been hanging out alone as ex dp has the dcs over half term.
I've been on country walks, to cafes, to beaches etc., with my dogs. It's been lovely. One issue which has irked me slightly is how some people have really been staring at me. Is it because I'm a shameless 40 something out enjoying myself alone. Is that a crime? One woman in a cafe stared at me the whole time (to the point of ignoring her whole family sitting at the table with her). Another woman looked me up and down with distain when I went in her shop. Another woman scowled at me as I walked down the beach. Have people just got more starey? Do I look odd? What is going on?

[Practicebeingpatient]

I'm a minimum of 20 years older then you. I don't have a dog. I'm married but DH and I have very different opinions on how to spend our time.

I spend many hours of my life in bars/restaurants/hotels waiting for my booked gig/play/concert/opera Sometimes I wait for my mates who are joining me. More often I just wait for the starting time of whatever I'm going to see on my own. I've never fooled myself that onlookers can read my mind or assess what my living arrangements are.

Get over yourself. Go where you want to go. See what you want to see.

[Needspace21]

I call this "the weirdness". Happens every now and then. I hate it.

[museumum]

Lone women go into shops all day long. In fact I’d say love women are the majority of shoppers. Why on Earth do you think the shopkeeper was disdainful of your alone-ness?

[kwiksavenofrillsusername]

Maybe you’re hot and people just can’t stop staring and fantasising about you.

[Needspace21]

Maybe it's jealousy. I've spent nearly two years trapped with three people who seem to constantly want to know what I'm doing, chat to me or ask me what's for eating. If I saw a woman my age out and about on her own, I would be thinking; I wish that were me. smile

I did wonder if it was that for the lady in the outdoor cafe. She seemed to be with her family plus parents or inlaws. She had her legs and whole body pointing away from them like if she tried hard enough she would escape from them all. Perhaps she was jealous of my peace and quiet!

[MamsellMarie]

I don't know wha tyou were wearing but you need to conduct an experiment and visit the same places but in v different clothing. So if you were casual before, now youre in a smart winter coat and nice boots. See if it happens again.

I have a rule that I NEVER look at the faces of other drivers. It's really useful - no frowns, no angry faces, no EFF YOO mouthed by some dick head. Maybe it would work for on foot.

[AnitaMani]

I do think you're over thinking it....but...there is still a weird thing around people doing stuff by themselves and other people making their minds up about you. It's nothing to do with you.

I camped for the first time by myself in the summer, I loved it, but fewer people said hello or attempted to make conversation compared to when I go with my husband or friends. It really stood out.

[Stealhsquirrelnutkin]

Are you a dead ringer for some semi-famous person who has been dragged on social media for some perceived social transgression?

Or a soap actress who plays the part of someone really horrid on TV? It's very disconcerting how many people can't tell the difference between acting and real life.

[Needspace21]

Get over yourself

Well that's a bit harsh!

[TwoLeftSocksWithHoles]

Are you Zaphod Beeblebrox by any chance?

Without realising it?

[Staffy1]

Reminds me of an old friend who always, without fail, said some man or other was staring at her on a night out. Probably wondering why she kept looking at them.

[dottypencilcase]

@Itsmemaggie

Any other sporners disappointed this isn’t about a very big spot?

😂😂😂😂

[Ohpulltheotherone]

I have literally never noticed anyone staring at me when I’m on my own, it’s either because I’m extremely uninteresting or that I’m totally self absorbed (it’s definitely the latter )

It’s not unusual for a woman to be on her own? Where do you live OP? This seems completely bizarre because I do loads of shit on my own, walks, shopping, coffee, DIY shops, make up shopping, libraries, cake runs, gym, fitness classes, spa etc etc etc - I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t do or haven’t done on my Todd.

Perhaps you’re very attractive? Take it as a compliment, give a little smile and crack on with your day.

[SukiPook]

@Carolinechanning

I was waiting outside of a shop for someone once just staring off into space and a woman asked me 'what the fuck I was staring at stupid bitch'. I just smiled and said oh sorry for making you uncomfortable I just love your coat. I hadn't even noticed her but it seemed like a quick way to diffuse the situation. She just mumbled 'alright, sorry' and walked off.

Great response, quick thinking there!

[RosiePosieDozy]

I think you're probably feeling self-conscious being out on your own. Yes, maybe that lady was looking at you a lot. Who knows why. Maybe she thought you were pretty, maybe she was interested in you, maybe she was jealous of the peace and quiet. It doesn't really matter.

[LimitIsUp]

You are surely imagining this?

I often walk my dogs solo - dh and I take it in turns to do the honours. I walk them out in the countryside because I live in the countryside. I've not encountered this and I am almost definitely more likely to encounter a disdainful stare than you (I am very practical so look like a dishevelled bag lady when walking the dogs as I don't want mud and crap on my 'decent' clothes)

[OhPatti]

I know where you're coming from. People can be very rude and blatant about staring. I don't think some people were ever taught as children not to stare, to be blunt.

[BlueBooby]

I can imagine in the cafe she may have just been people watching (and you were the only person or easiest in view), daydreaming or just wondering about you, like I wonder if anyone is coming to meet her or is she there alone or any number of thoughts, not necessarily bad ones.

In shops etc I have no idea. Maybe the shop woman just has a face like that? It's not at all unusual to go shopping alone...or for a walk, or to a cafe (or anything else you've mentioned afaik). I do pretty much everything alone while my DD is at school or her dad's, I've never felt out of the ordinary for it.

[Kanaloa]

I seriously doubt anyone cares.

I have a day off work to myself every week while the kids are in school and use it to do something for me - sometimes mooch about the shops, sometimes take myself for lunch in a cafe, go swimming, I even go to the cinema by myself now!

I have certainly never seen a staff member in a shop look at someone with ‘disdain’ because they’re on their own. I would say it’s extremely unlikely that happened and more likely she heard the door open and just looked at you.

[CharityDingle]

[quote Needspace21]@CocaColaTruck1 possibly but didn't realise how starey people can be. Everytime I looked up from my guardian newspaper in the cafe the woman was glaring at me. I didnt know where to look![/quote]
I would have stared right back! I was sitting in a coffee shop one day, waiting for a friend. It is on the main floor of the shopping centre, so people are passing right by all the time.

One woman practically took me with her, she gawped so much, she was just short of leaning in over the partition, and slurping my coffee,

[BringOnTheOtherWorlders]

I get this A LOT but enough of the starring lookey-loo people have spoken to me to tell me why they are looking at me, so I know why I get a lot of attention.

It's my hair. I have amazing hair (which I spend a small fortune on to make it look like this). Men and women, young and old - "You have the most amazing hair."

So, maybe it is some feature of yours and maybe it's a compliment.

[LaurenKelsey]

Stare and glare right back at them. They’ll look away.

[MarleneDietrichsSmile]

I need to know what you were wearing

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

Maybe you had a big spider on your head. Personally I never go into "boutique" shops on my own anymore.
I was in one of them looking at some ok dresses when the owner hollered across the shop - we do have those in plus sizes too. Just everyones eyes swivelled in my direction.
I left and never went back.

[Joystir59]

I go out and about all the time on my own. I never get stared at. Perhaps you do have two heads!