Have I grown a second head without realising?

[Needspace21]

The last few days I have been hanging out alone as ex dp has the dcs over half term.
I've been on country walks, to cafes, to beaches etc., with my dogs. It's been lovely. One issue which has irked me slightly is how some people have really been staring at me. Is it because I'm a shameless 40 something out enjoying myself alone. Is that a crime? One woman in a cafe stared at me the whole time (to the point of ignoring her whole family sitting at the table with her). Another woman looked me up and down with distain when I went in her shop. Another woman scowled at me as I walked down the beach. Have people just got more starey? Do I look odd? What is going on?

[mamaandbabas]

Some people literally cannot go or do anything without hanging on to someone else or a gaggling group of friends. Well done you for having the confidence to go out and about on your own. The others are probably jealous they cannot cope with their own company.

[Kanaloa]

@mamaandbabas

Some people literally cannot go or do anything without hanging on to someone else or a gaggling group of friends. Well done you for having the confidence to go out and about on your own. The others are probably jealous they cannot cope with their own company.

So a shop owner - who makes her living off selling things to customers - is glaring at a customer because she’s jealous she has the confidence to go out alone?

I really don’t think validating this paranoia is a good idea.

[Jewel52]

Not sure the staring thing is entirely imagined. I’m a single parent to 3 kids and happily take them for pub meals. I’ve had people openly comment when I order a glass of wine “I must need it stuck with those 3 on your own”. They may think they’re humorous but I find it intrusive and just bloody rude. For all they know I could’ve just lost my partner. I think there are some narrow minded people around who find anything outside of the “normal” family unit a bit puzzling. But I won’t let it stop me doing stuff.

[GreyhoundG1rl]

@mamaandbabas

Some people literally cannot go or do anything without hanging on to someone else or a gaggling group of friends. Well done you for having the confidence to go out and about on your own. The others are probably jealous they cannot cope with their own company.

I knew if I hung around long enough I'd see the "They're just jealous" thing...
😂😂😂

[Kanaloa]

@Jewel52

Not sure the staring thing is entirely imagined. I’m a single parent to 3 kids and happily take them for pub meals. I’ve had people openly comment when I order a glass of wine “I must need it stuck with those 3 on your own”. They may think they’re humorous but I find it intrusive and just bloody rude. For all they know I could’ve just lost my partner. I think there are some narrow minded people around who find anything outside of the “normal” family unit a bit puzzling. But I won’t let it stop me doing stuff.

People say this to us all the time. It’s because we have four kids.

‘Ooh mummy you’ve got your hands full!’
‘Bet you’re glad to get a seat dad! You’ll need a drink with your lunch.’
‘Your shopping bill must spin the head!’

It’s nothing to do with being alone, it’s just one of those boring and insipid things people say to people with kids.

[Bertiebiscuit]

I'm on the fence a bit here - I do lots of things alone, go to the cinema, theatre, eat out, go to cafes and drink coffee or wine, and I don't usually read or stare at my phone, I have zero hang ups about being on my own-I do sometimes feel a bit stared at, and don't know why, and I'm certainly not being paranoid, or over sensitive. I think there are people still who find it odd that women can be utterly relaxed about doing all these things alone, with no discomfort. I just stare back rudely, until they get over themselves.

[Ddot]

Next time someone stares, just say hi do you need something. Works for me

[Daisymaybe60]

Some people are just odd. Twice recently someone has asked me where my dog is when I’ve been walking round the local paths. When I’ve said I don’t have a dog they’ve expressed surprise that people go out walking without them.

[TwoLeftSocksWithHoles]

@Ddot

Next time someone stares, just say hi do you need something. Works for me

I wouldn't do that. They may ask you to hold their bag while they go to the toilet - in the street.

[Clandestin]

@SirGawain

Everytime I looked up from my guardian newspaper in the cafe the woman was glaring at me.

Stealth boast alert! Why is the name of your newspaper relevant OP.

Well, depending on the political leanings of the locality, the Guardian could be viewed as virtually Trotskyite provocation. Though I hadn’t realised this until I moved to an extremely Tory village and the newsagent from whom I was ordering my Guardian delivery told me that this made us only the third Guardian-reading household in the (big) village, and would we like him to introduce us to the other two? And when, years later, I randomly met someone at a village event, she exclaimed ‘Oh, you’re the Guardian readers!’ — her son had the paper round.

[Maireas]

I think it's probably more that someone was reading a broadsheet newspaper rather than something online.

[notacooldad]

Some people are just odd. Twice recently someone has asked me where my dog is when I’ve been walking round the local paths. When I’ve said I don’t have a dog they’ve expressed surprise that people go out walking without them
Seeing people walk on local paths and trails by themselves is an extremely common occurrence where I live. No one would even notice them ( unless they were jealous of course!)
Seriously I cant believe people notice, comment or care that a woman is by herself and as I said earlier in 40 odd years of hiking , hill walking, drinking hot choclate in cafes and drinking pints in pubs by myself no one has uttered a negative word. People have started up conversations with me but that also happens when I'm with DH or with my friends. It happened yesterday in a pub in St Anne's. The couple made 5 minutes chit chat about getting caught un the rain and it was a nice pub etc and that was it. They carried on with their afternoon and I carried on with mine.

[Clandestin]

@Daisymaybe60

Some people are just odd. Twice recently someone has asked me where my dog is when I’ve been walking round the local paths. When I’ve said I don’t have a dog they’ve expressed surprise that people go out walking without them.

I also had that when I used to walk on field paths around our village — people I passed and exchanged hellos with would actually be visibly looking around for my dog (I’ve never had a dog), and I even had one or two ask why I was ‘always walking’ without one.

[KrispyKale]

I think if you live in an area where chit chat is normal it can get you over the whole uncomfortable initial eye contact thing.

[notacooldad]

I think if you live in an area where chit chat is normal it can get you over the whole uncomfortable initial eye contact thing
Where isnt it normal to exchange a few pleasantries?
I've had people chatting to me everywhere in the country, even in London.
Nothing intrusive. Just things like yesterday ' wow that rain came down quick! Did you get caught in it as well!' ' yeah, I'm soaked ! I was trying to dodge the black cloud but it got me!' Little chuckles from both sides and carry on doing your own thing.

[KrispyKale]

Okay.

[Ddot]

You probs look fabulous, that woman could have been plucking up the courage to ask where you got your hair done.

[DanceIndiaDance]

Are you newly single OP? I used to go out of the house alone when newly single and the DCs were with their dad. I used to feel like this too but I now see that I was just a bit alien to going out by myself and so became a bit paranoid that people were looking at me, it was because I watching them to see if they were watching me! I am now very used to the single outings and people don't stare anymore.

[TwoLeftSocksWithHoles]

If you carry a proper camera with you (not a phone), you will look like a photographer. It is perfectly acceptable to be meandering about looking for that 'ideal picture'.
You can also point your camera at people with dogs, and then look disappointed that neither is photogenic!

[myfeethurt]

I get a bit starey sometimes, my daughter always tell me off for it. I just get sucked into a person and wonder what their story is, I can imagine you were a bit interesting looking on your own, I would probably stare and wonder what your story was.

[Needspace21]

@myfeethurt I actually love that. Yes people's stories are so fascinating. I can imagine I looked a bit different. Middle.aged, 2 dogs, on my own etc.

[Maireas]

Why do you look different? Surely lots of middle aged women are out on their own, sometimes with dogs? It doesn't make you unusual. Where do you live, is it somewhere remote?

[havesomepatience]

I regularly ate out in restaurants and pubs alone when away overnight on business and I dont think anyone stared at me. I must admit the first few times I did feel very self conscious maybe that is what you are feeling.