Another football parent calling my son gay boy

[Porkpiesarespicy]

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

@Porkpiesarespicy

My son is 15 and it started because he has a perm, it's not a dad but another mum. I ask because I can be a little OTT when it come to protecting my sons and I wanted others opinions in case I was being "princessy" if you see what I mean.

You’re not being princessy at all. It needs addressing immediately. I would tell the person if they so much as whisper it again, you’ll report them to the Police. It’s a hate crime.

It reminds me of the time my father in law called my 8 year old son a ‘poof’. You can imagine how my husband and I responded to that one.

Definitely not okay to call a child - or Anyone - “ Gayboy.
It’s bullying, and it’s cowardly.
How would that parent feel if you called
“Oh look ! There’s Limpdick the bully!”

You get the gist.
I’d confront him first, and if it continues - even once- I’d report it.

Oh so it’s another mother?
That is shameful
What a complete bit..h
Confront her - She sounds pig ignorant.

"...she was a bully at school and 20 years down the line she's not changed"

So she's bullied you and/or someone you know in the past, then? Seems reasonable therefore that you'd be reticent about a public confrontation.

I'm sure it's not the case that "everyone thinks she's great" - "everyone" likely knows she's a bully but they either choose to put up with it or don't have the gumption to tackle her. Either way it sounds like a pretty toxic environment, so you either need to prepared to stand up and sort it out or get your son out of there.

You have to stand up to her. This is completely unacceptable.

I can sympathize with you on how hard and scary it is to call someone out like that. When my oldest was playing a sport his coach's wife was a lot like that. She was also part of the leadership of the league too. When my son was 11 her son (who was also part of the team) was bullying my son and he stood up for himself. The mother went crazy towering over my child screaming at him, threatening him. I had enough and I pulled him off the team. I wrote a letter to the head of the league explaining about this woman going after my 11 year old. Literally nothing happened. Sadly just because you go to the people in charge they dont always do anything. A year later my son was in a different league, a wonderful league where he was very very happy. We were contacted by the old league because suddenly they were having lots of issues with this woman and wanted us to provide them with info to help get rid of her. They also offered my son to return to the league. I said absolutely no to my son returning to them, and maybe it was wrong, but did not help them either. No one helped us when I tried to warn them how crazy this woman was. Would have saved them a lot of trouble if they had just listened to me a year earlier. This was a long time ago though, I hope you get the help your son deserves.

At my nephews club younger kids the dads were told to stop swearing at their own sons or theyd be penalised (the club) i mean so i dont know how this is allowed to go on

I’d put a complaint in writing to the coach and chairman of the club. I’d give them a week to reply then go to the league, county FA and FA.

@Porkpiesarespicy
Re this brazen bully-
Bullies tend to back down when confronted.
Had it been my son she was insulting I’d have flown at her the minute those words were utttered.

Nasty piece of work.
She probably remembers bullying-you?- at school and thinks she can continue.

The other parents may be scared of her snide tongue.
What a despicable woman.
Bullying shows what a little shit she really is.

I’m fuming on your behalf!

@Porkpiesarespicy
It reminds me of an incredibly powerful tv play called “Good and bad at games “
If you can track it down, well worth a watch.
Bullying is the theme throught.
Very well done, and so realistic.

totally out of order of her, call her out.
I'm really interested in his perm though

Every time she shouts 'gay boy' I'd look at her and shout 'homophobe' or 'racist' at the same volume. But that's just me

Wtf! I am not a violent person but this has me absolutely itching to punch that bully on the nose! How dare they

OP, I hope you get on ok in addressing this.
I think you know, really, that what she was saying was never acceptable and never funny.
The fact the no one else has challenged her for her vile comments speaks volumes.
Let us know what happens!

FFS woman, defend your son from a horrible adult bully. If his Mum won't defend him, who will.

Unless his name is Gaylord (a name I don’t see being too popular at the moment), that is totally unacceptable!

Next time she says it just be like - "sorry what did you say?" And ask her to repeat it, if she does ask her to repeat it again, like sorry - what? things become less funny when they have to be repeated. Every time she does it do the same thing.

Reading your posts it's so disappointing that no one else has pulled her up on this.

I'm a football mother and anything uttered by other parents reflects on the club. I definitely would have spoken up irrespective of their "links" if I'd heard someone speak like that about anyone, let alone a young player on their own team.

Hope the club support you in this.

The bitch. She needs telling! Don't let your son be bullied. Tell her to shut her bloody trap or else.

It’s homophobia, pure and simple. And disgraceful. But what’s even worse NO-ONE else has said anything?
I’m a football coach for a kids team and I tell you now that any parent speaking to a child like that would be given a warning and then banned from matches if it continued. Absolute disgrace.
I don’t know what it is about football that makes parents think that they can behave the way they do sometimes, at matches, with kids, with the other players, with refs.
You think about this in ANY other co text - what would you or anyone else do if an adult called a child ‘gay boy’ outside of this context? At the school gates? At someone’s house? Out socialising?
Speak to the coach immediately, and if you have no joy there then contact your local FA.

Fucking hell. Not one person in the team or the parent supporters has told her how inappropriate and disgusting that sort of language is? I've not heard people use the word gay as an insult for 20 odd years now.

It's not a joke, it's homophobic. And if you don't stand up to it, you're part of the problem.

Calling a child - which he is, a child- names is deffo covered in the clubs safeguarding policy - so if all you do is report it to the safeguard lead for the club then start there.

I'd speak to the people who run the club, not to her directly. They need to speak to her, reiterate their anti-bullying policy and enforce it.

Good advice given to report to the club's welfare officer

The suggested email is ideal