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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another football parent calling my son gay boy

480 replies

Porkpiesarespicy · 23/10/2021 15:27

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

OP posts:
WhatAShilohPitt · 23/10/2021 19:26

“I’m not cool with the homophobia. Can you stop calling him that? Thanks.”

wewereliars · 23/10/2021 19:26

OMG I would have lost it with her entirely and utterly;

An adult publicly humiliating your son
Homophobic taunts.
Parent hearing it and allowing it to happen.

Tel her if you hear it again you're going to the police, nasty bullying cow.

Tell the coach / official you want it dealt with immediately or you will be making a formal complaint.

WhatAShilohPitt · 23/10/2021 19:27

Absolutely call this behaviour out. It’s appalling. I can’t believe this has happened more than once and nobody has said anything.

JBEM4 · 23/10/2021 19:50

@Porkpiesarespicy

My son is 15 and it started because he has a perm, it's not a dad but another mum. I ask because I can be a little OTT when it come to protecting my sons and I wanted others opinions in case I was being "princessy" if you see what I mean.
Personally I'd just slap her every time she said it.

Seriously though speak up!! Don't be quiet about it either!

I'm guessing your sons are on the same team? Chances are your son is a better player and she hates it so is being a bullying bitch. We had the same with my DS when he played rugby with several "adults". Doubt they stopped talking behind our backs but were sickly sweet to our faces after I confronted them.

logsonlogsoff · 23/10/2021 19:51

You can report anonymously to the welfare officer if you feel the need, by email or through the FA contact but anything you report to the welfare officer will be in confidence.
As a parent of a footballing kid if I heard this being said to another child I WOULD report it to the club via welfare email. Even if the parent thought it was okay,( bangs, innit? Toughen them up, they need to handle this blah blah blah) or was too worried to do something.

Ohmygodyesthatsit · 23/10/2021 19:51

Op I think sone are really underestimating how violent and scary some people are. I am pretty bolshy and have always stood up for myself and my kids.
However sometimes we know they will literally batter us how on earth would that help the situation?
Obviously I dont know what shes like and the likelihood of aforementioned battering happening but if there is any chance do not confront her directly it wont help obviously.
Do not be shamed by people on here claiming they would do this and that very easy to say from safety behind keyboard.
Either go official (this holds its own dangers being a grass) or do the I know its a joke but enough now route.
All of this totally depends how violent she and her friends are.

Barwell76 · 23/10/2021 19:53

In my experience grass roots football is very hot on clamping down on this sort of abuse. As others have said email the safeguarding lead. In my kids teams the coaches and the parents stand on different sides of the pitch so the coach may not have heard the comments.

Hankunamatata · 23/10/2021 20:02

oow its my sore spot. One of my sons started using a gay as an insult due to some homophobic parent at the school teaching their child. After his 3rd lecture and 3rd grounding he got the message never to use the word 'gay' as an insult. I do get its nearly impossible to tackle her with her groupies around her. Id make a formal complaint

MamaCrocodile · 23/10/2021 20:03

She's probably worried her precious son catches the gay. Nasty stupid bully. On a different note, what inspired your son to get a perm?

Hankunamatata · 23/10/2021 20:08

I'm annoyed on your behalf, its crap like this that makes kids afraid to be openly gay or have mental health issues

SoniaFouler · 23/10/2021 20:11

Why are so many commenting on the perm as though it’s unusual? Round here it seems to be the default haircut for teenage boys at the moment.

BuckEmOrf · 23/10/2021 20:34

@Nomorepies

I can't believe you've not said something, definitely do. That's awful!!
Some people, if stupid enough to use these homophobic terms to begin with, won't take much notice if it comes directly from and individual. I have learnt the hard way. I would go straight to the club.

I recently pulled up a family member's use of homophobic term and he later made a passive aggressive comment about confrontational women - I believe aimed at me. He would have taken more notice if it had come from a welfare officer or employer.

TheDuchessOfDork · 23/10/2021 20:37

Wow; I haven't heard that used as an insult since my own school days (and I left school 21 years ago) .

That's disgusting thing to say and I wouldn't stand for it. It's a slur. Horrible.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 23/10/2021 20:37

You could just go the public shaming route.
Video her acting a fool, post it to the internet and let nature take its course.

alphabetti · 23/10/2021 20:44

Every club should have a welfare officer I’d put something in writing and send over to them. Completely unacceptable in so many levels

Hottbutterscotch · 23/10/2021 20:45

@Ohmygodyesthatsit

Op I think sone are really underestimating how violent and scary some people are. I am pretty bolshy and have always stood up for myself and my kids. However sometimes we know they will literally batter us how on earth would that help the situation? Obviously I dont know what shes like and the likelihood of aforementioned battering happening but if there is any chance do not confront her directly it wont help obviously. Do not be shamed by people on here claiming they would do this and that very easy to say from safety behind keyboard. Either go official (this holds its own dangers being a grass) or do the I know its a joke but enough now route. All of this totally depends how violent she and her friends are.
I’d take a bartering before I let my son take that. Either that or id remove him from the situation. One thing that clearly isn’t an option to most people is allowing a grown woman to bully a child. Self preservation shouldn’t be the priority here. OP knows it’s wrong and will likely feel psyched up by the replies rather than demoralised.
Hottbutterscotch · 23/10/2021 20:45

Battering rather

logsonlogsoff · 23/10/2021 20:48

Please don’t go getting aggressive with the parent - which is easy to do when somethings been bottled up. Honestly, we have enough problems with the dads ( it is always dads, not being sexist) kicking off a games about this that and the other. Or the coaches having a pop.
It’s not good role modelling for kids to see the adults shouting, swearing or pushy/shoving etc
Our team took part in a tournament where 2 coaches came to blows, MID match, on the PITCH because one thought an opposite player had sworn at one one of his players a d marched in to deal with it. Cue other coach flying in to drag they guy off.
The kids were 10/11.
It was an under 12 tournament. Madness but too common in grassroots footie which is why the local FA and welfare will
Come down like a ton of bricks on this woman and her homophobia against a child.

cricketmum84 · 23/10/2021 20:51

For fucks sake I can't believe you are even asking this!!

You call them out.

Every single fucking time.

Entirely unacceptable and not something I would ever tolerate. Christ even if it wasn't my kid I would be calling it out.

Grow a fucking backbone and stick up for your son!!!!

Youdoyoutoday · 23/10/2021 20:57

Slap her face into next week?

Counter shout out "fat old slag with her commentary, and here she goes again, in for the funny tackle, thinking she's funny, but oooooo, she's missed by a long shot, she's failed and will she ever live it down, no probably not, people will probably think she's done, is she done? Yes, that's it, she's done" proper John Motson style!!

craftyMccraftison · 23/10/2021 21:02

I'd drag her her across the pitch and put HER in the net!

Ohmygodyesthatsit · 23/10/2021 21:20

@Hottbutterscotch its not about self preservation its about what will help and tbh I dont think seeing your Mum getting a battering will nice for ops son, and not entirely sure how you think it will help the situation. Surely it would just embolden the vile wonen.
That was my point.

TirednWorried · 23/10/2021 21:25

Make sure your son is onboard if you decide to report this.if he is a confident alpha male type and regards it as friendly banter, i t might not bother him in the slightest , whereas yourwhistleblowing might see him ostracised. He is 15 and old enough to decide if/how he wants you to proceed,

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