Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another football parent calling my son gay boy

480 replies

Porkpiesarespicy · 23/10/2021 15:27

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

OP posts:
boreon · 23/10/2021 17:40

Go and stand next to her and the next match and as soon as she says it ask her who she is referring too. Make sure you have a reliable witnesses.
Then tell her it's unacceptable and she should be ashamed of herself and she is not going to call your son that ever again.
And report her to the coaching staff of the team, the club chairperson and league chairperson.

entropynow · 23/10/2021 17:41

@TirednWorried

How old is he?
Why is this remotely relevant? Unless it's another "older people are all bigots" tiresomeness.
User983590521 · 23/10/2021 17:41

Your son may not mind too much but her nasty remarks could be really distressing to someone else, including to other young people who are there, and she should be prevented from doing it.

It's good to know you will be taking action. Would the other mum you spoke with put in a complaint too?

DeliriaSkibbly · 23/10/2021 17:42

Honestly, substitute any other form of discrimanatory abuse and ask yourself if you'd even be having this discussion here ?

"Hi, this man keeps calling my son the (n-word) football player and I'm not sure if I am being princessy about wanting to tackle it - advice please ?"

Original poster
Porkpiesarespicy · 23/10/2021 17:42

@LuaDipa

If your son is anything like mine he really would not be upset or damaged about something like this, he would see her for the small minded bigot that she is. In fact I think he would probably be more mortified at me stepping up to ‘defend’ him when he is perfectly capable of standing up for himself. BUT I would still have to say something as this woman shouldn’t be voicing her obvious prejudices in public. Does she think she’s insulting him? Belittling him? Does she think gay people are a source of humour? This sort of silly name calling should not be happening in this day and age.
I think she thinks she is being funny and having banter in all honesty which is why I wondered if I was over reacting. But I'm glad to see that it's not only making my shit itch but others as well
OP posts:
greendiva · 23/10/2021 17:43

Culture of men/boys sports stays toxic if it's not called out. It's horrible to have to confront idiots, she needs telling to shut up, firmly, calmly and seriously

billy1966 · 23/10/2021 17:47

Oh OP,

This is truly shocking and unbelievable.

That email is excellent and needs to be sent.

I actually think this is a hate crime and you would not be wrong to involve the police.

My kids have played all sports over the years and I can honestly say I have never heard tge like of that and to say I and parents I know would be ballistic to witness that type of behaviour.

She is utter scum and the coach is no better to be allowing that to continue.

What if he was gay?

This is absolutely a hate crime repeated every week in front of witnesses.

I think after you email the club, ringing 101 to ask what they think would be a good idea.

Your son isn't taking it on board but another young man might be very upset.

Utterly disgraceful and completely unacceptable.
Flowers

Hottbutterscotch · 23/10/2021 17:48

She not well liked. Most people avoid conflict & so fence sit. They will just be happy it’s not them in the firing line. I can almost guarantee that once you speak up others will follow suit.

You aren’t a bad parent. She’s a shit person but these people unfortunately exist & you are going to have to bring out a new side of yourself. Just tell her not to address your son in any way shape or form. Say it with intent & say it in front of everyone. If she continues it is clear for everyone to see that she is insistent upon contention. She can’t claim it’s banter once she’s been told.
The problem is you haven’t even attempted to tell her.
I really can’t see what letter writing would achieve. Writing letters to address to the very people who are stood there witnessing it all?

Ellmau · 23/10/2021 17:49

It's completely unacceptable. If the manager doesn't back you up on request, report him to the FA.

www.thefa.com/football-rules-governance/inclusion-and-anti-discrimination/tackling-homophobia

KingofQueens · 23/10/2021 17:49

Shit me. Your child is being homophobically bullied by an adult and you need to ask if you should just leave it or not. Bloody hell. Why have you let this continue past one incident?

HikingforScenery · 23/10/2021 17:50

If your child is being bullied in your presence without intervention, where is he supposed to be protected? Protect him! That’s your job .

Poor kid Confused

DFOD · 23/10/2021 17:51

@Hottbutterscotch

She not well liked. Most people avoid conflict & so fence sit. They will just be happy it’s not them in the firing line. I can almost guarantee that once you speak up others will follow suit.

You aren’t a bad parent. She’s a shit person but these people unfortunately exist & you are going to have to bring out a new side of yourself. Just tell her not to address your son in any way shape or form. Say it with intent & say it in front of everyone. If she continues it is clear for everyone to see that she is insistent upon contention. She can’t claim it’s banter once she’s been told.
The problem is you haven’t even attempted to tell her.
I really can’t see what letter writing would achieve. Writing letters to address to the very people who are stood there witnessing it all?

Not it is not writing to the people stood there witnessing it - it is to the safeguarding / welfare lead who also needs to reprimand the inept manager.
AnnieSnap · 23/10/2021 17:55

@Porkpiesarespicy

My son is 15 and it started because he has a perm, it's not a dad but another mum. I ask because I can be a little OTT when it come to protecting my sons and I wanted others opinions in case I was being "princessy" if you see what I mean.
It’s appalling. This woman needs to be made to think about how this isn’t just offensive to your son, but it’s also homophobic. So said repeatedly to a gay young man, could potentially result in Police action. She is not only stupid, but a bigot!
Veryverycalmnow · 23/10/2021 17:55

Oh my goodness. This is so horrible- I can't believe it has happened more than once. Who is this hateful homophobic coming out with 1970s phrases? Get it reported to the coach, or better, record her saying it and tell the police as it is a hate crime!

windmill26 · 23/10/2021 17:59

@EmeraldShamrock

I'd probably be arrested for assault with a football boot.
Same! UnbelievableAngry I would make the point of standing quite close to him and every time he says something so stupid I would shout "stupid Loser speaking!" Lets see how much he likes that...WANKER!
windmill26 · 23/10/2021 18:02

Sorry,just realised this nonsense is coming from a woman...the stupid loser still applicable....silly Bitch!

HikingforScenery · 23/10/2021 18:06

Unless she’s been living under a rock, nobody in 2021 should think calling someone gay in a derogatory manner is “banter”. It’s plain disgusting

user1000000000009 · 23/10/2021 18:13

Tell them to shut the fuck up next time they say it.

MrsDThomas · 23/10/2021 18:15

Too fucking right you knock this on the head. Ive been a football mum for 16 years and I’ve never heard anything like thus said before. You speak to the manager and you take it up with the local grassroots association. As in the league.

Id be livid and mouthing iff on Facebook which wouldn’t help (but im like that).

Flackattack · 23/10/2021 18:18

CALL IT OUT! directly.

Disgusting and unacceptable on EVERY level.

It’s being used in a derogatory way - and no matter what your son says it will bother him - being called a name / meant in a nasty way - in front of his team and mum.

There is nothing nice about what that parent is doing and they should be ashamed and schooled in publicly acceptable language.

iklboo · 23/10/2021 18:23

I would make the point of standing quite close to him and every time he says something so stupid I would shout "stupid Loser speaking!"
Lets see how much he likes that...WANKER!

Even worse @windmill26 - it's another mum.

TheCuntessOfMiddlesex · 23/10/2021 18:24

I'd have to go up to him and say 'excuse me 'GAY BOY'where are the loos'? Once he's pointed them out to you I'd say 'sorry 'GAY BOY' I didn't quite get that, are they over there 'GAY BOY'? Etc etc... then once he asks why you're calling him that ask him why he feels the need to call your son it.

mellicauli · 23/10/2021 18:25

You could just report it to Kick It Out

archive.kickitout.org/get-involved/report-it/online-reporting-form/

TheCuntessOfMiddlesex · 23/10/2021 18:25

Oh hang on this is a woman..... blimey

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 23/10/2021 18:28

Well l applaud your restraint. If that was me forget making a scene l would have the bitch by the hair and be rolling around wrestling in the mud

I'm not a confrontational or aggressive person believe it or not, but this would make me flip my lid.