Another football parent calling my son gay boy

[Porkpiesarespicy]

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

• couch not coach!

I am utterly gobsmacked that this woman shouts this at your son and nobody has called her out on it.
What an horrendous person she is.
You've raised a strong character in your son who is so stoic in the face of this nastiness.
Did you find out if she does it when his Dad is there ?

The DS (and the other kids in earshot) are already under the bus week in week out being abused and humiliated repeatedly in public.

*Hey, this thread isn't about sexual exploitation, Harvey Weinstein casting coach or women at all. Those are all important issues but irrelevant here.

It's about homophobic verbal abuse*

they are both abuse and people too afraid to speak up over it in case they get hindered in the industry it is happening. I don't see how they aren't connected or irrelevant. Abuse is abuse and needs to be called out.

Eggsdancing
Yes all abuse needs to be called out but it's a derail of this thread and dilutes it, which is about homophobic abuse. You don't need to mansplain to everyone. This wasn't sexual abuse and those issues are stand alone important enough for their own thread.

Glad you're intent on reporting it, even if your ds isn't gay, there's likely to be at least one kid on the pitch who is and will be hearing all of that.

The fact that she socialises with the manager and his wife and they haven't said anything puts them and the club in quite a bad light too.

You don't need to mansplain to everyone

ok and so if you are standing against abuse why are you condoning it by using the 'mansplain' term? Isn't that abuse against males? Abuse is all the same, it becomes harder to call out when you say x,y and z abuse isn't as bad as a.b and c which is what you are doing here.

I agree Crankysaurus

It doesn't reflect well on the manager/coach of the team at all.

@Eggsdancing

You don't need to mansplain to everyone

ok and so if you are standing against abuse why are you condoning it by using the 'mansplain' term? Isn't that abuse against males? Abuse is all the same, it becomes harder to call out when you say x,y and z abuse isn't as bad as a.b and c which is what you are doing here.

Oh do pack it in Eggsdancing stop trying to derail this thread! Start your own thread about what are other important but different issues

@WhereIsMumHiding3

1. No OP shouldn't post a picture of her DSs permed hairstyle - fgs that's entirely irrelevant and intrusive to ask!

1. No OP shouldn't worry about her DS not being picked for future games as that would get coach in huge trouble and who would want to play for a team that homophobic abuse anyway?

It really won't. Look at BG not picking Beckie Downie for the Olympics. If an Olympic selection committee can get away with leaving out a whistleblower, a volunteer coach at a junior football club certainly will.

Why are you even asking? Jesus Christ. Defend your child!!!!

Tiredandworried
And there'd be plenty of evidence to show that's what's happening if it does.

It would be a sad day if fear to call out homophobic abuse stops people rightly reporting it. That's not an inclusive way forward and besides OP's DS hasn't objected at all to OP saying she'll report it

Our younger generations are told to report discrimination and to be tolerant at school as part of their PSE studies and school ethos. We shouldn't be undermining that by introducing fear to do so. We should be as brave as they are.

The worst that'd happen is OP's DS changes to a better more tolerant team and OP can keep going, seeking support from relevant overseeing FA about an injustice (that hasn't even occurred yet & may likely not, it's far more likely they'll deal well with it as there's a big push to stamp out homophobia in team sports)

(I know the match isn't school organised, but DCs don't exist in a vacuum, they're taught these values at school too)

Eggsdancing was disagreeing with the person who said OP should just leave it.
That's all.

Eggsdancing is making a perfectly valid point.

I would not have been able to hold myself back, the very first time it was said. And I'm genuinely generally a quiet, non-confrontational person. But it's wholly inappropriate to call someone that!

With any bully, there will be other parents rooting for you, even if they don't feel brave enough to speak up

On MN, we're all keyboard warriors. In real life, it's more difficult

I'd say best to deal with it through proper club channels, and document it all ie send emails so you have a record

And let the club deal with it

@Porkpiesarespicy

Just because he's not bothered by it doesn't mean I'm going to let it lie, I am going to report it to the clubs welfare and let them deal with it, I don't want to cause a scene at the side of the pitch and be just like her

Also your son may come across this again and you may not be around to help him. So your response will teach him the right way to go about it in future.

Ok thanks User

I was responding to what was becoming a derail to thread and she hasn't helped by misclaiming what I actually said.
Anyway that's enough of that derail, if eggs was simply calling out earlier other PPs - fairplay to them and I apologise.

It is not ok to make homophobic comments-of course it's not. The question is do YOU want ti throw your boy under the bus?
Its all very well to say report ti the FA blah blah, but when her DS is never selected for matches, i can guarantee they will not intervene. They will say it is the club coaches professional judgment.

I've fucking read it all now. Yeah, keep accepting homophobic abuse or you won't play fubble again. I thought this was the 21st century. I hope you don't tell your kids to shut up & put up with abuse.

@HaveringWavering

Can you post a picture of the type of hairstyle your son has? (not of your son!). I can only picture a Kevin Keegan curly mullet!

I won't be posting an image is smiler hair cuts if you wish to conjure up Kevin Kegan in your mind you do that.

@JBEM4 no it's not just my son apparently, I've not witnessed it against others but she is loud / abusive to others at times

Eggsdancing is making a perfectly valid point

thank you. I would argue too that people aren't calling this abuse out as homophobia is not challenged or seen as abusive by many but if the kid was black and his skin colour was being used as banter people would react. The fact there are bystanders who aren't speaking up supports this.
So in essence too many people, including the poster saying ''mansplaining'' looks at abuse with an ignorant eye in that they seem as abuse as only applying to certain groups but others not being as serious which is bollox.

So in essence too many people, including the poster saying ''mansplaining'' looks at abuse with an ignorant eye in that they seem as abuse as only applying to certain groups but others not being as serious which is bollox.

No I didn't . FGS stop misclaiming what I said. Don't include me in what other PPs said as I equally called out abuse on this thread. You undermine your own points by doing so, we're being patronising in your earlier response directed at me and quite rightly called out on it. It was unnecessary and you directed it to the wrong poster

As surprised as I am that a parent is shouting this out I’m equally surprised that you would even wonder if it was ok to let it go.