Am I being selfish?

[Honeycomb129]

I gave birth on Wednesday and since been home my mum and partner have just argued so I made my mum leave. I haven’t been able to stop crying I feel everything is going wrong since my baby was born.
Here’s for the Aibu my partner has 3 other children with his ex, he asked her if we could have the weekend off having them considering I had just had a baby and was so emotional and I also think baby is a bit jaundice. She has kicked off saying no we’re selfish horrible people and we have to have them, we have them every single weekend without fail we never miss one and have them every single school holiday but she’s making our life a misery everything is on her terms and we have to do as she says or she will stop him having the children. we said we would compromise and still have them for a few hours so they could meet there new sibling but even that wasn’t enough and she’s told us we have to have them all weekend. I’m really struggling with feeling so emotional and in pain my birth didn’t go to plan so I’m feeling a little low over that too. Am I being selfish for not wanting them all weekend or is she?

@LIZS how have they not met them
When I’ve already said they’re already here

You shouldn't be sucking it up you need to be telling your partner to man the fuck up and help look after all these children he stupidly decided to have and obviously can't cope with.

This is on your partner.

He’s useless.

It’s a bit pointless to say why’d you have another baby when he already has 6 to support, so 7 in total but honestly. You knew what he was like,

You're not being selfish. Just massively naïve. You've had yet another child with a man who appears totally incapable and you are blaming all your problems on his ex.

So he doesn’t cook, he doesn’t clean, he argues with your mum to the point that you have to ask her to leave despite her being the far greater help to you, it’s his house and he does everything his ex wants him to do (at the cost of you, let’s be honest, seeing as you clearly do everything) and has no court agreement for contact?!
He sounds dire, if I’m honest.

People are forgetting you gave birth THREE days ago to a baby that came early and had a birth plan that went out of the window and you are in pain!

Add into the mix SIX others children and a husband that does not pull his weight.

My heart goes out to you. Skipping a weekend is not asking for much. Fucks sake!

So many kids stuck in this shitshow.

The last thing I ever want to do is push his children away I have always made sure I have made them feel nothing but wanted and special when they’re here. I do my best, even when my partner is working I have them. My partner could do more I agree but it’s like talking to a wall and honestly his ex is that demanding if they go home and tell her they’ve eaten something unhealthy it will be a war zone

Sorry had missed the step dc had arrived. Perhaps your dm sees what a lazy ar$e your dp is. Is there often friction between them? Why is he so bothered about losing contact if he does nothing for his older dc. Can he not even get pizza in himself?

So you have three children under 2?

How did that happen???

Op your partners other three children were already around and half his responsibility when you got together.

Why should they not be coming as normal for them but your dc are there and all resident in the household?

Don't take it the wrong way op but where the dc are concerned you need to remember all the children are your family and his and you knew you'd be having seven of them at weekends.

Secondly you have a dp problem.
How has he fathered that many dc and has them but doesn't actually feed them??

What was he like with his older kids when you met?

If you went on to have three dc very close together with a man child that couldn't look after his other dc whatever made you think he would do it once he had more?

Unless your in a abusive situation where you had no choice you made the choice to have three more children with him

Op nobody is saying you don't do your best.

But you need to stop having babies with a man who is quite Frankly a CHILD. What sort of grown adult doesn't know how to cook and clean? You need to get through to him pronto and stop blaming the ex.
It is not the ex's fault that your partner went on to have more kids he can't look after.

How on earth does he manage money wise? Has his maintenance to his ex reduced since you had your children with him?

Wow this is a mess. Poor you OP sending a big hug.

DH needs to make a picnic and take them all to the park. Supper tonight is frozen pizza or pasta and sauce. Nutrition is not the priority this weekend.

This business of you having them every weekend is crazy too. But that is not today’s battle.

we had the children for over a week for when she had her child

Then she can pipe down because you've asked the equal courtesy for 48 hours!

Congratulations on your new arrival. Sounds like it's been a hectic few days and not getting any better...if your husband can read he can cook - make a vegetable soup,his older kids could surely help if he can't manage to cut up a few carrots,leeks,celery? Or use the slow cooker or pasta? All these things could be made in bulk...or says its a celebration for the baby coming and order in a take away ! Surely they are allowed treats on special occasions?

@Honeycomb129

The last thing I ever want to do is push his children away I have always made sure I have made them feel nothing but wanted and special when they’re here. I do my best, even when my partner is working I have them. My partner could do more I agree but it’s like talking to a wall and honestly his ex is that demanding if they go home and tell her they’ve eaten something unhealthy it will be a war zone

So given your partner is useless the obvious solution was to bring 3 children under 3 into the situation. Christ.

What a dreadful woman the ex is. Your DH should have said they weren't coming full stop. He's let you down badly.

And maybe every weekend is too much. They should have some weekends with their mum.

I hope this Prince among men has considered the snip. He has enough children.

Honestly he’s pathetic.

The ex is fine. She has an arrangement that he agreed to and he didn’t take it to court to get set arrangements. If he can afford 7 children he can afford the court fees.

I think if it is a weekend you normally have the dc you should still have them. Having a baby doesn't make you less a parent to older siblings. It would give a real impression of displacing them now you have a dc together.

But, honestly, your dp sounds like a dick if he doesn't care for his own dc. You anbu to be unhappy about that.

Honestly if he isn't helping I'd ask him to leave and ask your dm back.

OP, you are clearly exhausted. I do think your request to skip this weekend was entirely reasonable. Your DP can surely manage picnic lunches and pasta with an organic jar sauce for dinner, or a cooked chicken with baked potatoes etc? Stay in your bedroom, don’t cook, that’s his problem.

Stop having children with this loser and then blaming his ex because he is too lazy to look after them. YANBU but not is his ex, your partner should be looking after his children.

Fucking hell you have a 2 yo, an 18 month old and a newborn with this man that doesn’t even help you around the house?
Op, I’m sorry for getting personal but don’t let him impregnate you again in a couple of months time.
Why was the situation between your partner and mum hostile? Who started the hostility?

I think it's selfish of her. I was in a situation where my ex had a baby and that weekend they didn't have our DC over. I understood. If you have them every weekend she is being unreasonable. I would call her myself or message and just break it down - you are struggling. She should get it if you had the kids for a week when she had her kid. Maybe you should remind her of that.

And if she loves her weekends so much, would she really stop her DC coming to you if you refuse one weekend?

Do what's best for you, you are not being unreasonable!