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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being selfish?

268 replies

Honeycomb129 · 23/10/2021 11:17

I gave birth on Wednesday and since been home my mum and partner have just argued so I made my mum leave. I haven’t been able to stop crying I feel everything is going wrong since my baby was born.
Here’s for the Aibu my partner has 3 other children with his ex, he asked her if we could have the weekend off having them considering I had just had a baby and was so emotional and I also think baby is a bit jaundice. She has kicked off saying no we’re selfish horrible people and we have to have them, we have them every single weekend without fail we never miss one and have them every single school holiday but she’s making our life a misery everything is on her terms and we have to do as she says or she will stop him having the children. we said we would compromise and still have them for a few hours so they could meet there new sibling but even that wasn’t enough and she’s told us we have to have them all weekend. I’m really struggling with feeling so emotional and in pain my birth didn’t go to plan so I’m feeling a little low over that too. Am I being selfish for not wanting them all weekend or is she?

OP posts:
Offmyfence · 28/10/2021 06:16

What a bloody mess!

Your DP is beyond useless, he "can't" cook? But he expects his children to be fed from scratch all the time? Don't say it's his ex, he's accepting it!

How is he going to cope when you return to work? Presumably as a paramedic it will entail weekend work (not sure how as a police officer he's off every weekend to facilitate contact with his children?). Who will cook for the children then?

I hope you're new norm is back home from hospital and well.

Original poster
Honeycomb129 · 28/10/2021 11:40

Baby is out of hospital we had a 2 night stay he needed phototherapy for his jaundice it’s not 100% gone but he’s alot better just very sleepy. Things have improved alot my partner has apologised for taking me for granted and realise how much I actually do. He’s actually done all of the house work and cooking and allowed me to lay on the sofa with the baby since we’ve been home. He spoke with his ex about the arrangement, she doesn’t want the children at the weekends at all she doesn’t want to spend more time than she has to with them, so they’re going to court. She says she needs a break and we need to have them so she can rest, but hopefully going to court with solve most of this. My children aren’t suffering they have everything they need and more they’re all loved by me and their dad they know how loved and wanted all of them are by us.

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 28/10/2021 11:49

I can't fathom how their mother doesn't want them on a weekend, poor kids. I assume court is for EOW and possible midweek? but I'm glad to hear that DH has stepped up....

Original poster
Honeycomb129 · 28/10/2021 12:19

I honestly don’t know why she doesn’t want them, she’s always been the same. She would rather me have them than lose her time we have them over the weekend so she can go out and rest, We have them in school holidays for the same reasons, she isn’t ill so no reasons why she needs the rest she claims to need but we would rather they was happy with us then being pushed out to her friends or her family members which is what she does if we dont

OP posts:
VeganCheesePlease · 28/10/2021 12:25

Sounds like hard work, OP. Maybe it would be an idea to ring your mum and ask her to come back? You're in pain, vulnerable, emotional and your partner might need to suck it up for a few days. Your mum can support and look after you while everything else is going on.

Original poster
Honeycomb129 · 28/10/2021 12:30

@VeganCheesePlease my mum can’t come back unfortunately she’s working and can’t take anymore time off she’s over 4 hours away and we’ve agreed because she can’t get here without travelling on a coach it’s best not to come to keep baby safe

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeycomb129 · 28/10/2021 12:35

Oh and the weekends were both working all children go to my partners brothers house for those asking how it works with us always having them

OP posts:
iamtheoneandonlyyy · 28/10/2021 12:35

If I were you I'd take myself and new baby upstairs to the bedroom and lock the door.
However messy all this is you're very vulnerable right now and you need some time to bond and take care of your best child.
The days after giving birth are so hard
Good luck Thanks

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 28/10/2021 12:35

New child not best!!Blush

NewPapaGuinea · 28/10/2021 12:43

Going forward, every weekend you’ll have 7 children and the ex has every weekend child-free. Is that right?

Nutsabouttopic · 28/10/2021 12:47

I just want to say congratulations on your new baby, especially one that was not expected to be here. Enjoy the precious newborn moments with your family. All these demands and nonsense will be behind you in a few years but all the children will know you did your best for them and that they are loved 💐💐

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/10/2021 13:19

Are you married, OP? (I know you said "partner", but people use it for both)
Because if not, you're taking a hell of a risk bringing three children to live in a house he owns and then having another with a guy who clearly doesn't like stepping up

I'm truly sorry about the baby you lost, but before having any more you might want to do some future planning and ensure things are a bit more stable

Kiduknot · 28/10/2021 13:23

@NewPapaGuinea

Going forward, every weekend you’ll have 7 children and the ex has every weekend child-free. Is that right?
Yes and she doesn’t work, and they both work full time!
Bananarama21 · 28/10/2021 13:24

Your dp sounds very irresponsible when it comes to procreation. Can't be alot of cash left over on a policeman's salary and you on mat leave to provide adequately for 7 children. Where do they all sleep?

Chelyanne · 28/10/2021 13:28

Honestly I'm torn on this one.

Having 5 children of our own then a rough birth with the 6th... not having the big 5 around when I was struggling was not an option. The fact they are not yours doesn't give you a pass to not have them at your home really, they are his kids and he should take care of them and allow you time to recover without any pressure to help out.

Therealjudgejudy · 28/10/2021 13:35

Glad to hear your baby is ok op. Honestly, I was going to post something different and rip your dp a new one but thats not helpful.

Make sure he follows through with court, get him to step up and protect yourself and your children financially Flowers

SanFranBear · 28/10/2021 13:50

Your update is encouraging, I hope he follows through - especially with court to sort access and doing more at home.

I'm glad your new lo is on the mend - how scary for you all but hopefully you also got a chance to rest.

I hope things start to improve for you all Flowers

Offmyfence · 28/10/2021 18:23

Good update! You mustn't let it drop! He can cook obviously! Seven children every weekend is ridiculous and them going to his brothers when you're both working isn't sustainable.

Go to court!

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