To wonder who will look after us in old age?

[malificent7]

I am curently a care assitant temp until my permanent job in healthcare is sorted. It is very rewarding but hard, dirty work for little money.
They are understaffed and many are leaving due to bad pay. As we are an aging population aibu to think this is going to get worse? How can we get carers to stay,?

Disclaimer...there is no way i want dd to look after me...not fair on her...i'd rather go to a home.

I hope that many of the caring duties will be carried out by robots by the time I need assistance. I would much prefer a 'machine' to jet wash me, prepare my meals, load me in bed etc. than expecting some lowly paid person to put up with me, and I certainly wouldn't expect or want my DC to curtail their lives for me.

@Ledition

Depends how "bad" I am but I would want my DDs to look after me! I will look after my own mum if she requires it in the future. It's not selfish IMO it's what good families are supposed to do. However, full-time around the clock care with zero respite is different but if I just need a bit of help with showering/cooking well they can bloody well step up

You can be a good family without expecting someone to give up their life. If anything, that's what makes good family.

My kids will never have to look after me. I'm not that horrible that I would put that on them.

The ageing population terrifies me. If it's bad now what's it going to be like when I need care. I can't rely on my dc as they will be working all the hours under the sun in order to survive 😱

There’s no point in living if you don’t have a life. Assisted or unassisted dying it will be for me when I get to that stage.

I don’t expect my DS or DSS or, face it, their partners to look after me. I have seen enough dementia to know it is far from easy, it is not just moving in n a forgetful old parent, it’s dealing with accusations, aggression and physical and verbal abuse. “Good families” do not just expect their children to sacrifice their own healthy years for the sake of duty.

I totally agree. And to the poster who said her DDs can step up and look after her - what if they want to move to a different part of the country/world? What if they have families of their own with needs? A very simplistic view in my opinion.

plus most people can't afford to live where they grew up/near their parents so how does that work re caring?

I had never worried about getting older until recently when several family members have become unable to look after themselves due to dementia. Their younger selves would be mortified to see them how they are now.

I really hope assisted dying is an option when I get to that stage in life.

I think we have a responsibility, those of us that can, to plan for our old age.
It begins IMHO, with looking after ourselves and endeavouring to stay as well as possible, taking into account the hand that life has dealt us.
It needs to start being planned for well before we get there - probably in your 50's for most people.
I've often wondered if there's a case to be made for some - not all - frail older folk, to offer free board and lodging to a care worker, in exchange for a few hours of care.
The carer could work part time in order to gain an income but they would have no rent or mortgage or fuel bills to pay.
It would need to be set up properly, but, it could be the elderly equivalent of an au pair?

This really worries me as for many we the dc could be well into their 70s when the time comes

Let me know where you are @LocalHobo, and I'll come and push you through the car wash once per week!
Alexa will remind you to take your pills.

I'm a team leader in a dementia unit, new job after a year in hospice care. I also think assisted dying is a good idea.

But done with safeguards in place, one doctor to sign the form with you (like a dnacpr) and a Dr's sign off and witness it to state that whatever your illness is is terminal, progressive / has reached a point where it severely impacts upon your quality of life.
I'd have it written in my Advance Decisions that once I reach a certain point, I want to die.

That said, I already have it planned to state that should I get dementia and am deemed to no longer have mental capacity I wish to refuse all treatments for any illness I may develop, especially something like cancer or anything that would require surgery, probably even infection although I've witness people die fr infection and its horrific to watch so... Not sure on that one.

There is a debate about assisted dying in the next few weeks in the House of Lords, Scotland are a bit further on in the process of setting up Assisted Dying laws. Hopefully there will be a positive result. We need more hospices being funded by the NHS instead of having to rely on charity status.

@Wingedharpy

I think we have a responsibility, those of us that can, to plan for our old age. It begins IMHO, with looking after ourselves and endeavouring to stay as well as possible, taking into account the hand that life has dealt us. It needs to start being planned for well before we get there - probably in your 50's for most people. I've often wondered if there's a case to be made for some - not all - frail older folk, to offer free board and lodging to a care worker, in exchange for a few hours of care. The carer could work part time in order to gain an income but they would have no rent or mortgage or fuel bills to pay. It would need to be set up properly, but, it could be the elderly equivalent of an au pair?

I've thought this before too. Or for someone who maybe doesn't need personal care, but needs someone to be "around" and maybe do the cooking etc, maybe offer free accommodation to a student or a young person in exchange for a kind of "au pair" service.

I vaguely remember someone from my uni class doing this, and I remember thinking it was a good arrangement for both (when done carefully, obviously).

I’ll choose assisted dying over long term personal care for physical or cognitive decline.

Assisted dying is not an option to many people for religious and moral reasons. I certainly wouldn't do it for religious reasons. That CAN'T be the fall back plan, surely 😳 Making assisted dying the norm is, in my opinion, one step away from mass involuntary extermination - if it becomes the norm, people will feel forced or morally obliged to do it. The young and healthy who, in previous generations would have cared for the elderly and infirm, will over time begin to think "Why should we care for X? Everyone else is euthanising themselves - if X won't do it too, it's reallg not my problem." To me, assisted dying becoming the norm is really, really dark.

Some people in care homes want to die...otjers are happy enough. Consent is really tricky.

Love how people are saying their kids will look after them….I don’t think so, life is going to be very different for our children, the will be working to the bone, in a harder and very much longer rat race….just to afford a home. They won’t be able to take time off for care, they will be working.

@DoesHePlayTheFiddle

Assisted Dying will be the norm. In the meantime, I have my exit strategy planned, in advance of needing or wanting it. I can't afford Dignitas, but there are always ways.

This. I know it's a highly sensitive subject but I dread the slow slip into dementia, the care homes, the not knowing who anyone is or who I am anymore. Based on family history.

I'd much rather there was a choice and people could make informed decisions in advance.

@notanothertakeaway

All these rather flippant comments about assisted dying terrify me

Sadly, I think it will come in, due to lack of finances

And initially it will be for extreme / ckearcut cases

And then it will be watered down

And you may not feel so relaxed then

We should be supporting this elderly/ infirm, not killing them off

I agree.

I can imagine situations where pressure is put on elderly parents to do the decent thing so children can get their hands on houses and inheritance.

Or where an elderly person, coming to terms with a reduced quality of life is depressed, and instead of offering anti depressants or support, is helped to die.

I think this line of thought is just another facet of the lack of respect for work like caring. Pay carers decently and it wouldn’t be such a female dominated profession.

I do think that assisted dying will become more of a thing as time goes on. It was passed into legislation where I live, just recently, with barely a ripple of comment. People are more accepting of this now, thank heavens.

But for elderly people with dementia or just general disability, the Dignitas option is never going to be an issue since you have to be able to ask for that option / carry it out yourself, and for someone with dementia that won't ever be possible. And someone who is mentally capable but just needing some care, assisted dying isn't going to be the obvious choice - no need to kill everyone off because of some mild disability !

Most of us don't want our children to do the care - I certainly don't . But there will always be people who will do that kind of work, I'm not worrying about that. I've worked in aged care and there are lots of people who love that kind of work.

I hope I won't need "looking after" but it would be nice to be with my kids but independent with our own space. DM lives with us and that works well, but having slightly more room would work better for all of us.

Here's a radical idea! Why don't we pay carers what they're worth!!!?

The market has done it's job: people won't work in a sector that pays fuck all. That sector is profitable for most elderly who stay - even with higher wages - and the unprofitable ones can be subsidised. If it wasn't profitable, why are retirement villages popping up everywhere? They're creaming profits while paying their staff fuck all. Why carers don't walk out en masse, I don't know. It's almost like they like being exploited.

100% assisted dying. I'm 37 and hope to see it in my lifetime

They are already considering assisted suicide as an option. Hopefully they’ll let it through parliament in the next few decades and I won’t have to suffer the indignity of a very old age.