Another selfish, selfish man furious that no one was paying attention to him

[Notusuallyshocked]

This just makes me so angry...

www.suffolknews.co.uk/ipswich/news/man-who-shot-wife-and-left-her-to-die-as-he-ate-breakfast-is-9222020/

He shot his wife and left their children to find her body because she 'wasn't paying enough attention to him or his needs'.

As the judge said, 'she was carrying the entire burden of running that house whilst you took to bed.'

An 8 year minimum sentence doesn't seem long enough. Another example of undervaluing women's lives.

There was also a case last year where a mother killed her disabled child during lockdown she was suffering with psychotic depression, there was lots of sympathy for her on here.

The cases are not comparable. That mother suffered a psychotic episode brought on from severe sleep deprivation and stress from caring for her severely disabled son during lockdown when her normal support had been drastically reduced. It's hard to see how that can be compared with a manipulative hypochondriac who locks himself away from his family, leaves the entire domestic burden to his wife and then gets angry because he feels he isn't being paid the attention he is due. A man the judge described as still presenting a danger to the public.

@thedancingbear

I agree. Women are just as bad for murdering their spouses than men. Nothing to see here.

For absolute fucks sake.

Every case is a tragedy, we can't say men being killed isn't as serious because not as many are killed. Every one matters, every single person and we can't say individual men should get more serious punishment than individual women because of what other people have done.

@Notusuallyshocked

There was also a case last year where a mother killed her disabled child during lockdown she was suffering with psychotic depression, there was lots of sympathy for her on here.

The cases are not comparable. That mother suffered a psychotic episode brought on from severe sleep deprivation and stress from caring for her severely disabled son during lockdown when her normal support had been drastically reduced. It's hard to see how that can be compared with a manipulative hypochondriac who locks himself away from his family, leaves the entire domestic burden to his wife and then gets angry because he feels he isn't being paid the attention he is due. A man the judge described as still presenting a danger to the public.

You missed out the bit about his mental illness, the fact that he was psychotic. You don't get extra points for psychosis because of sleep deprivation.

I think people are interpreting the not getting attention as him wanting lots of fuss when I think he was saying no one was recognising he was ill and needed help. If he'd got the help "attention" then this probably wouldn't have happened.

@Ponoka7

I'm surprised at how few women are killed. It seems to be constant. Yesterday I was reading about Gracie Spinks, killed by a stalker, after another Police fuck up.

"I was reading this morning, however, how in 2017 a young woman was murdered by a stalker ex. She kept going to the police and they fined her for being a nuiscence."

Both Officers walked away with their pensions intact, even after one of them was sacked for having an affair with a vulnerable woman, getting her contact details from the system. That's got to change.

I don't believe that in 2000 and 2015 Perter HJ had diminished responsibility enough that he didn't know that he was lying on his gin license application. The judge and the Police have linked this to violence against women and not a MH situation. They will have details that we don't. His MH might have deteriorated since the killing which is why he has the sentence that he does.

I think the forensic psychiatrists, defence and prosecution, probably know more about his mental state than the judge.

Every case is a tragedy, we can't say men being killed isn't as serious because not as many are killed.

While every death is tragic, we have a problem with widespread and institutionalised misogyny in our society and it is that which lies behind the large numbers of women killed by their partners. So yes it is a more serious problem that the very small number of men killed by women because these are not isolated incidents, they are part of a trend. For every women who is killed by her partner, there are many, many more living in fear. Men aren't subject to the same fear for their lives in their own homes in the same way as women are.

Am always amazed by the number of MRAs there are on MN. I come here for an escape from them but they are always on every post where a woman is dead bcos of a man.

It makes me sick

Yes, it's all 'what about the menz'. But it's not women who are responsible for an epidemic of gendered violence towards men.

I am just so tired of male violence being downplayed and excuses constantly being made for them. It's All Lives Matter all over again.

@Notusuallyshocked

Every case is a tragedy, we can't say men being killed isn't as serious because not as many are killed.

While every death is tragic, we have a problem with widespread and institutionalised misogyny in our society and it is that which lies behind the large numbers of women killed by their partners. So yes it is a more serious problem that the very small number of men killed by women because these are not isolated incidents, they are part of a trend. For every women who is killed by her partner, there are many, many more living in fear. Men aren't subject to the same fear for their lives in their own homes in the same way as women are.

The widespread problem is more serious, the individual act isn't, a man shooting a woman or a woman shooting a man (other than in self defence) is exactly the same and should be treated the same with reference to the circumstances e.g. if the shooter is psychotic it is different to someone doing it in cold blood.

@Notusuallyshocked

Yes, it's all 'what about the menz'. But it's not women who are responsible for an epidemic of gendered violence towards men.

And yet you made excuses for a woman who killed a child, she was sleep deprived so that's OK, he's psychotic so he carries the burden for every other man in the world.

@MareofBeasttown

Am always amazed by the number of MRAs there are on MN. I come here for an escape from them but they are always on every post where a woman is dead bcos of a man.

Calling names because someone has a different view to you is incredibly childish.

Not one person on here has said it is OK for men to kill women although there is a post, which has been supported by some, making a joke of shooting men.

But it's hardly surprising that men's poor mental health slips through the net when there is clearly such disdain for men with such issues. It's always about the 100 women killed a year, not the 1000 men who kill themselves. Feminists use the excuse that they are 'focused on women', which wouldn't be an issue in itself, except they then go on to try and get police attention prioritised on women despite many times more men being killed by violence, both suicide and homicide.

The message is basically 'fuck men' which only makes things worse for women.

You have no idea if he will or he won't, you're just making assumptions like you are accusing other people of.

Doesn't matter. The point is that people are gleefully wishing the worst on a mentally ill man in a way it's been proven they wouldn't with a woman. It's like an episode of Black Mirror.

Strange times when caring equally for both sexes is seen as bigotry and not equality! It's getting ever more like the crazy cult thinking displayed by the TRA lobby which us why the vast majority of women won't identify as feminists despite believing in equality.

No point arguing with me. 93% of women disagree too. Even the most positive studies show three quarters of women aren't feminists.

The "fuck men" argument is bullshit. Our society is run by men for men. Take health services, for example. Women's health issues are routinely deprioritised and women's pain is not taken seriously. Also, many male suicides can be linked to our toxic masculine culture. Toxic masculinity is not women's problem to solve.

@kaykaywat

No point arguing with me. 93% of women disagree too. Even the most positive studies show three quarters of women aren't feminists.

Did you not think that you might want to include some citations when throwing around absolute bullshit statistics like this?

How did he get a gun licence if his mental health was that poor?

Also, it's not just about the 100 plus women killed a year. That's just the tip of the iceberg. It's about the thousands more living in abusive relationships, treading on egg-shells, worried about what their partners might do to them and their children. So yes, I'd rather we focused on the innocent victims rather than the perpetrators of domestic aggression (who are overwhelmingly male).

Yes, men and women are treated differently in the criminal justice system. So many men get away with "I just snapped!" despite a history of abusive behaviour, and now we have the particularly revolting defence of " it was rough sex! She enjoyed being beaten and her bones broken and strangled for several minutes until her body gave up- just a kinky woman, she loved that kind of stuff". And, mind bogglingly it seems to work .

@Notusuallyshocked

There was also a case last year where a mother killed her disabled child during lockdown she was suffering with psychotic depression, there was lots of sympathy for her on here.

The cases are not comparable. That mother suffered a psychotic episode brought on from severe sleep deprivation and stress from caring for her severely disabled son during lockdown when her normal support had been drastically reduced. It's hard to see how that can be compared with a manipulative hypochondriac who locks himself away from his family, leaves the entire domestic burden to his wife and then gets angry because he feels he isn't being paid the attention he is due. A man the judge described as still presenting a danger to the public.

Well if we are going to go down that road it's really not that ok to kill a severely disabled child because there is no support and lack of sleep I can say this because my child also has severe autism and learning disabilities,he's non verbal at 11etc lockdown was horrendous for most people with disabled children

I didn't say it was OK. I said the cases were not comparable.

This case is more about lack of mental health support rather than men killing women ,this has been going on for many years at least 20,this is where people need to show their support.

A few diversions on this thread that seem to be not really liked to case in OP. Got a few questions about some of them.

• Jeffrey Dahmer. What's he got to do with this? He was a serial rapist and murderer (and other appalling crimes) who targeted men and boys.

I read a while ago an interview with a man who had bunked with him in the army. He was brutalised and raped every night. I'll never forget it. Will find it if I can. Googling found this about rape in USA army. Shocking. Careful- very upsetting links. Google Dahmer and capshaw there are results long and short. Article rape USA military: www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/soldiers-sexual-abuse-and-serial-killer-us-military-s-secret-sexual-assaults-8679271.html

Question came to mind

Thinking about Dahmer and his actions in military and the huge problems around rape.

Those on the thread who are saying things like don't call it murder, not fair to keep rehabilitated in prison.
I know these things come from a desire to bring alternate views and also caring about men.
Do you do anything about things like military rape? Conditions in men's prisons? Talk on other forums, maybe donate or volunteer?

Other questions.

• The original charge was murder. Reduced to manslaughter as he agreed to plead guilty.

Is the idea that the CPS were incompetent?

Is it possible that the charge was changed because he had agreed to plead guilty to the lesser one? Meaning family spared from giving evidence (I think? Or less needed? Something I'm sure like that), no risk of not guilty verdict. That idea seems to be out of question and I'm not sure why.

• Why this sidetrack into women who murder? This thread is about that this case, yet another woman killed by a man she knew/ was in a relationship with etc. It's about MVAWG. There is a much higher prevalence and there are certain dynamics which are different. Women who murder, which happens because you know we are human and are capable of doing all sorts of stuff, is a different topic.

• And what is this really odd. Let out in 2 days if better. Sad to keep inside if better. And an assertion that posters want those in prison to suffer badly. Which is pretty random.

Would be happy to have another thread about prison conditions. Prob one for chat? If anyone wants to start a thread esp I think Kay has a lot of thoughts. Drop the link on here. Prison and YOI situation has been something I've been concerned with for years.

@ancientgran there is a post, which has been supported by some, making a joke of shooting men.
If you're referring to my post, it didn't make any specific reference to men.