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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive 40 minutes to return a Jam Jar?

554 replies

itsme189 · 21/10/2021 11:00

A family member (partners side) made us all Jam for Christmas last year, lovely gift and was very nice.

They now want all the Jars back to do it again they are like Kilner Jars (just not branded I don't think) I do still have it in the random Tupperware cupboard.

I would have to drive 40 minutes to return the Jar DH thinks I should as it is thiers. I just said it was a gift and I am happy to not receive any Jam this year to avoid this. We wont see them between now and Christmas. He thinks I'm being unreasonable?

DH can't drive and there is no public transport to where they live!

OP posts:
ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 21/10/2021 11:22

Leave for your DH so sort and don’t concern yourself with it again.

Stellaris22 · 21/10/2021 11:23

If they are doing home made presents then I would say the jar was lovely and is being reused at home. Ask them to reuse a supermarket jar as you are interested in the jam not the fancy packaging.

Constellationstation · 21/10/2021 11:24

@itsme189

They also never said I would need to return the Jar and I never asked because to me that's mental. Also they are well off (like own a huge boat well off) and me and DH live month to month!
This type are the worst for being cheapskates, it’s how they hold onto their money!
furbabymama87 · 21/10/2021 11:24

I think you just have to say no, explain the reasons why and don't engage any further on the matter. I have a relative who is quite eccentric and always asking me to go here, there and everywhere to collect stuff and thinks I've got loads of free time. If I'm kind and do stuff, it just encourages him and I get more requests. So I've learned to be firm even if it makes me feel like an awful person.

inferiorCatSlave · 21/10/2021 11:25

@Wnikat

Amazon them a new one
That was my thought - and say you'd be fine this year without a present.
girlmom21 · 21/10/2021 11:25

[quote itsme189]@KT727 so then I have to buy bubble wrap find a box and pay for postage of a jar that somebody gave to me? We literally do not have spare money for faffing around with a Jar. So much needs doing in our house, our dog has been to the vets twice this month, the car just had new tires etc every pound counts atm.[/quote]
Tell them you can't afford the petrol.

Are there any relatives who live nearby who also need to return a jar?

Motnight · 21/10/2021 11:25

This is bonkers. Completely bonkers.

Yet I need to know what happens next.

Sadiequeenofscots · 21/10/2021 11:25

Invite them round for a cup of tea and give them the jar as they leave

Original poster
itsme189 · 21/10/2021 11:25

I just dont want him wasting our money on posting Jars, I can't believe so many people would buy a new one or post it etc. It's not the branded type they are literally £1.50 in wilko. I dont expect them to buy a new one as we just wont have any Jam.

OP posts:
sashagabadon · 21/10/2021 11:27

What type of jam was it?

HereWeGoAgains · 21/10/2021 11:28

My DM regularly makes jam, in normal jars and just gives me a jar when she sees me. No conditions attached.

It’s just jam for goodness sake. This is why I hate home made stuff as ‘gifts’.

CecilyP · 21/10/2021 11:28

Ask them to reuse a supermarket jar as you are interested in the jam not the fancy packaging.

I'm not sure that OP's all that interested in the jam either if the truth be told.

Lougle · 21/10/2021 11:28

'I'm so sorry but money is tight and I can't afford the petrol to return it to you and I don't have anything suitable to post it. Don't worry about the jam this year - I can get jam from a shop if I need it.'

brokenbiscuitsx · 21/10/2021 11:28

OP Just tell them you don’t have the jar any more and it’s ok they don’t have to bother making you jam Grin

inferiorCatSlave · 21/10/2021 11:28

Maybe their chirtsmas gift this year should be a load of jam jars from amazon.

But no - I wouldn't drive it back and I'd push it back to your DH to sort if it's his family because I bet pertrol money and time hasn't even been considred with the request.

Bakedbeanhead · 21/10/2021 11:29

Just say you smashed it, as per suggested before, just be careful in case they come to yours and see the jar in the cupboard Wink

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2021 11:30

I’d probably Amazon them a new one too!

NerrSnerr · 21/10/2021 11:31

Why are you even worrying about this? It's your partner's family let him deal with it.

Seniorandjunior · 21/10/2021 11:31

Breaking it and not driving 40 mins is far more eco-friendly.

Nuts. Tell them to go whistle.

Original poster
itsme189 · 21/10/2021 11:32

I have messaged them and said "Hi, insert small talk here things are a bit tight at the moment so we aren't able to return the Jar but we have it here if you are passing to collect. Please don't worry about making us anything this year if you need the Jar and can't get it"

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 21/10/2021 11:32

I'd go and get it out of the cupboard and break it.....

godmum56 · 21/10/2021 11:32

send them a wilko ad with the cheap jars in

CounsellorTroi · 21/10/2021 11:32

An they collect it and have a nice cup of tea and a chat with you at the same time?

FluffyBooBoo · 21/10/2021 11:33

Will you be seeing them at Christmas?

If so say that you'll return it then and they can useit for next year's batch.

MarineBlue33 · 21/10/2021 11:34

Thats a good message you sent OP.
Let's hope that's it

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